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I have been in a horrible argument with my mother and step father for last 5 years. They do not like the man I married and have 2 children to. We tried to talk things out 2 weeks before we got married, but my mother did not want to sit down for even 5 mins before exploding and walking out. She never came to my wedding or saw my son until he was about 4 months old. He was diagnoised with Cerebral Palsy and she has never supported me at all through this. We tried to make amends again and it didn't last. My step father turned around and said that if he never saw my husband again it wouldn't bother him. My parents are being so judgemental and hyprocritical that they stopped talking to us about 2 years ago now and I only found out the reason about 3 weeks ago and it is the stupidest thing.They are missing out on their grand kids and it doesn't seem to bother them. They cannot accept the fact that I have even had children and I choose to stay at home with them. My mother calls it a cop out. Yet this is exactly what she did with my sisters and I when we were young. I'm not sure if i even want to talk to them anymore. My husband has the greatest family. I love his mother as though she was my own. I have been acceted by his family and have not had to try and win their approval like I do my own family. I have 2 children with special needs and I just had my first daughter about 16 weeks ago. My husband is supportive of me and he treats me well, I just don't know what else he could do to show that he is a good person and does treat me well ↓
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| Name: Lynne n | Date: May 15th, 2006 11:00 AM |
I think that it is time you moved on.
Look at it this way be there for them if they need you but dont sit at home waiting for the phone to ring!
You have your own fanily now! ↑ |
| Name: Lynne n | Date: May 15th, 2006 11:00 AM |
| Name: Debra | Date: May 15th, 2006 11:06 AM |
| My mom died saturday. She was such an incredible person. It all came as a shock because she kept telling us its okay and don't worry about her. Now she's gone. Life is to short. At least tell your mom you love her. Even if she doesn't reply- tell her. You never know when you could lose her. ↑ |
| Name: kimberlin | Date: May 15th, 2006 11:09 AM |
| I have those thoughts about her, but my feelings of anger, frustration and hurt just run to deep at the moment. I don't understand how u can disown your own flesh and blood. I could not imagine my kids doing something to me to make me forget about them. ↑ |
| Name: layne | Date: May 15th, 2006 1:01 PM |
| Love should be unconditional. What you can learn from this experience is to never do the same to your children. I have a son That has adhd and my family isnt very excepting of him. It is clear they want my daughter around and not my son. It use to hert meeven piss me off. But now I just think of it as being there loss. ↑ |
| Name: Maxie | Date: May 15th, 2006 1:56 PM |
These ladies are correct Kimberlin...all of them. Two things you need to do dear. One ... call you mother...be short and to the point but the tone must be gentle. Tell her ... you love her...you always will regardless her feelings of your choice of husband. Tell her that though this is ture and will never change....you need now to live for them. Bye mom ... and yes I love you. Thats it Kimberlin.
Two...yes move forward in your life. Live and do for your family and YOURSELF. Your plate is full. You can not continue to worry about the shortcomings of anyone else...including your mom. Life is ever so short....you need to reconcile within yourself that ... thats mom...and nasty as it all is, she is still your mother...but you have to carry on in life.
The bondage of anger and frustration will do little less than encompass you, to a point where it near causes one to be unable to focus on anything without that ever present distressed heart and mind... regarding mother. To make a short call and truly mean what you say will set you free my dear. Able to be concerned with those nearest you, who need you ...all of you.
Dont get into an arguement with her...remember short and to the point and suggest anything that will end the conversation...but add you just wanted to call and let her know that....(but gotta go...ya know what I mean?) Parents of adult married children need to realize there comes a time when the childs choices even if they differ from their personal point of view...are adults. The have earned the right to choose for themselves and need allow them the room to continue to grow and learn. Tend to the needs of their own lives and that of their children and husbands...and themselves.
Take care Kimberlin. ↑ |
| Name: Terri | Date: May 16th, 2006 3:49 AM |
You know what Kimberlin, I know how you feel. My mum moved to the other side of the country when my son was 2, and my daughter who is now 7 has probably seen her 5 times in her life. I know it hurts, but if they are bringing you down all the time with there negativity, even though its hard I would just move on. They know where you are if they ever want to establish contact. It shouldnt always have to be you.
I know its hard having a special needs child, I too have a child with health complications and have no support as Im an only child as is my husband and his parents are hopeless as well.
I really wish you well and remember there are support groups out there and thats where I have found some of my closet friends because they understand what you are going through. ↑ |
| Name: kimberlin | Date: May 16th, 2006 9:09 AM |
| Thanx so much for your suggestions. I'm glad that I found this site. I just really want what is best for myself and my family and being altogether is the best thing I can do. I am not yet ready to forgive and forget what my mother has done but I can move on knowing that I'm being the best possible mother I can. ↑ |
| Name: Amy | Date: May 16th, 2006 4:26 PM |
| Debra, sorry about your mom. I can't imagen the pain you must be going through. If you need some one, I am here for you. ↑ |
| Name: Holly | Date: May 16th, 2006 7:00 PM |
| It already sounds like you have tried enough.If your own family still refuses to accept your situation,then you should just consider your husbands family as your only family and be happy. ↑ |
| Name: Holly | Date: May 16th, 2006 7:00 PM |
| It already sounds like you have tried enough.If your own family still refuses to accept your situation,then you should just consider your husbands family as your only family and be happy.And let your own family be miserable by themselves. ↑ |
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