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Name: terri
[ Original Post ]
I have a best friend and our girls go dancing together.Anyway another mum from dancing asked my b friend to go shopping with her, and my b friend asked me to go as well but i couldnt as had other plans, so she asked another mum also from dancing to go as she didnt want to go by herself as she didnt know her well enough to go with just her.Anyway that was all fine but now the three of them catch up for coffee once a month and never invite me! Ive dropped hints but still no invite! Am I acting like a child or would you feel abit put out to? Please let me know as im starting to dread taking my daughter dancing and i dont no what to do
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Name: Rian | Date: Jan 13th, 2006 4:04 AM
I would totally feel left out as well! Maybe you should have them all over for coffee at your house? I don't know. Seems like sometimes we have to make our presence known. The phone does work both ways though. Invite them out for some sort of get together. If she is your best friend, talk to her and let her know how you feel. If she truly is a friend, she will understand. Best wishes. 

Name: Kara | Date: Jan 13th, 2006 2:21 PM
Yes your acting like a two year old. Grow up. 

Name: Paula | Date: Jan 16th, 2006 12:38 PM
terri,
I like Rian's suggestion. A lot. The four of you have something in common, you all like your friend's company, and you all have daughters in dancing. Have a gathering with the mom's and include the daughters if you like. It will widen your world. Maybe rent a funny chicflick.
My girlfriend had a great party. It was called a 'chocolate' party. There was all these baked chocolate goods, wine to go with it, and we watched "Terms of Endearment". It was a blast!

Keep in mind that in every relationship, no matter how close, a certain amount of separation is necessary.
I would not be concerned unless you find that the time you and your best friend is starting to become less and less.

No one can supply another's person's every need. We are all so unique that there is bound to be some differences between you and your best friend, something that she want of needs that you are unable to supply, or that she simply does not want you to supply for her.

Respect her. That is what she needs from you.

I would recommend talking to her and saying something along the lines of:
"(bestfriends name), you're my best friend, and I feel it is important to say that I do recognize you have a life outside of our relationship. But I do feel a little bit left out when I am not invited when you go to coffee with (insert names here)."

Then Terri, and this is the important part, make it easy for her to respond! She may find the statement uncomfortable, and may hem and haw a bit. If she seems to be struggling with a response, you can cut her short of her hemming and hawing with a "whew! I was hoping that would be your reaction. I just was afraid that there was a particular reason." Then I would make light of it and say something about being afraid your deodorant wasn't as effective as it used to be, or something along those lines.

I guess my point is that you do need to accept your friend as having a life outside of your relationship. I know it is logical, and you probably can accept it logically, but sometimes it is difficult to accept in our hearts. It is natural to be insecure in these kind of situations, but we need to get over our insecurities, and do not let the other person see us as insecure. Insecurity shows a lack of trust in either your friendship, your friend, or yourself in being able to keep a friend.

Show your friend you are confident about your friendship, and BE confident!

Remember that when we pull at something, the natural tendency is to tug away. This is the last thing you want with your friend.

Make your feelings known, then drop it.
Drop it, let it go, and continue with your friendship with her. 

Name: terri | Date: Jan 20th, 2006 9:21 AM
thanks rian and paula for your advice, and yes paula you are right we do need different friends for different needs,its nice to hear peoples point of views, much appreciated.Isn't it funny that people you don't even know can make you feel good and look at things from a different prespective! 

Name: Lorena | Date: Jan 20th, 2006 5:57 PM
Well I think that you should just stop dropping hints and tell them straight I mean if they are really your friends they will understand and apologise and maybe even invite you. One thing is for sure i dont really think that you should back out cos of that try and make some other freinds maybe. 

Name: Brooke | Date: Jan 27th, 2006 1:10 AM
Ihave so many friend problems. Everyone calls me names, everyone tries to hurt me, and know one talks to me. I mean how would you feel if you have to eat lunch alone? I used to have alot of friends. But, knoe I get better grades then them and they get mad! What should I do?
Brooke:) I'll be waiting for your response 


Name: Irene | Date: Jan 27th, 2006 12:46 PM
Hey Terri, ive had that same thing happen to me couple times before, not with close friends but with Mothers from school, i confronted one of the Mums that im closest with & she just said that only reason why they dont invite me is cause the one time that they did i said i couldnt cause i was busy(which i was) and so they autimatically thought i didnt like their company, hey were all over 30yrl old mums here yet they still act like high school girls, its pretty sad, but what i did, i turned up one time when they didnt even invite me & they were over the moon, they were so happy, so have the courage & just show them that your much more grown up & sophisticated than them, all the best :-) 

Name: Tammie | Date: Feb 1st, 2006 2:34 AM
Friends can be tricky and sometimes I wonder if they are worth the drama. One of my good friends holds a lot of what I call Pity Parties and I am the only attendee. She complains and worries about everything. She is so anal that last Aug., I was helping her pick out her Christmas outfit. Sometimes she drives me crazy enough that I avoid her and I usually don't feel right about it. I have tried to talk to her about "chillin" but she can't help herself. Any thoughts about it????!!!??? 

Name: terri | Date: Feb 1st, 2006 5:46 AM
Hi Tammi, I hope everything works out with your friend, have you directly told her straight oput that she needs to be a bit more relaxed? Ive noticed with some certain friends the more you pull away the more clingy they get so be careful!
As you ve already read my post i listened to everyones advice and just talked to my friends and sometimes they have no idea what there doing wrong or how you are feeling.
On a last note though friendships are to be enjoyed and are suppose to be fun not hardwork and stressful all the time!
Hope it helps terri 

Name: Tammie | Date: Feb 1st, 2006 7:14 PM
Hi Terri,
Good point about how friends can become more clingy when one pulls away a little. I think what has bothered the most is that I allowed my friend to get under my skin. I try very hard to keep a positive attitude and try to show her the brighter side of things but she seems to be more of a gloomy person and ALWAYS has a "FlipSide". Anyways, Thanks!!!! 

Name: Jordan | Date: Feb 4th, 2006 9:26 PM
Just invite them all tho coffee a couple of times. They will get your drift and you all will do more together. 

Name: jade | Date: Feb 21st, 2006 4:06 PM
i want have a friend promblem 

Name: katy | Date: Mar 12th, 2006 12:47 AM
What is your name. 

Name: Lisa | Date: Mar 25th, 2006 7:01 PM
A true friend would not treat you that way.I would come out and tell your friend exactly how you feel and if she doesnt seem to care then I would cut all ties and make new friends.Id even find another dance school for your daughter or just take her out all together from dance and sign her up for something else.If your friend doesnt care about your feelings then shes not a friend at all.What she should do is invite you to join them and introduce you to her new friends and all of you be friends.Maybe shes the jealous type and thinks her friends will like you more than her!!!!!In my experience 3 girls could never get along,there was always 1 left out.Its a jealousy thing! 

Name: sally | Date: Apr 14th, 2006 4:16 AM
I agree 100% with Lisa, everything she said was spot on, especially about the 3 people situation. You really need 4! 

Name: jessica | Date: Apr 28th, 2006 10:09 AM
i have a friends whodoes not like my friends andi want to be friends with them all what do i do 

Name: lovee | Date: Apr 29th, 2006 6:37 PM
hi 

Name: terri | Date: May 1st, 2006 6:16 AM
How funny to see this post still going after 6 months! and to Jessica, I would be friends with all of them, you can never have too many friends! 

Name: TO TERRI | Date: May 3rd, 2006 4:09 PM
Yeah,6 months! They should drop all OLD posts!!!!!!! 

Name: TO JESSICA | Date: May 3rd, 2006 4:14 PM
Take time out here and there for your friend who doesn't want to be with the( whole crowd).Spend some one on one time with her every so often that way you get to keep her as your friend and she is happy that you are doing that for her,everyone wins! 

Name: jacinta | Date: May 20th, 2006 6:11 AM
my best friend has started hanging out with another friend more than me. what should i do? 

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