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Name: haleyathena
[ Original Post ]
Hi All!

My DD (turning 2 in two weeks) started day care this last Monday (four days ago) at the Early Head Start center by our house. The program is wonderful and the center is amazing. THere are only 8 toddlers total in her class...not 2-3 classes of 8 but just 8 of them total....her teachers are awesome and i couldn't ask for anything more in a daycare setting; HOWEVER....i knew my daughter would have separation anxiety, but I was hoping it wouldn't be as bad as it is. Every morning, i have spent about an 1 hour there with her playing and what not, but then as soon as I mention that I have to go bye bye she loses it. She won't eat much and she has one of her teachers constantly holding her hand or holding her. She also has to carry around her blankie and stuffed tiger for security, which she doesn't need to do normally (only at nap and bedtime). The teachers say she is getting better and that yesterday she was talking and going off on her own now and then and doing activities like painting and puzzles. I guess its just so hard for me to know how hard it is for her to have me leave her there for 6-7 hours a day. I have no choice at the moment, but I'm started to think that maybe I should just struggle and not work or drop some classes (i'm a full-time student...part-time worker). My DD is also waking up throughout the night just absolutely angry and saying "no mommy...no mommy!!" but then wanting me to hold her at the same time. She usually sleeps straight through the night without any problem. Can you tell me how long your child's separation anxiety lasted?? And for those whose child(ren)'s anxiety didn't cease, when did you decide it was best to take them out?
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Name: donlouq | Date: Sep 14th, 2006 8:31 PM
Oh Poor You...You must be really anxious for her. It's early days yet though and you are doing all the right things, Just keep calm with her all the time - even if you feel like loosing it! She is used to consistency and this is a blip in her routine. She needs to learn that this new part of her life is positive, its okay!
As long as the staff at the day care are saying she is making progress than carry on with what you have been doing. As your wee one gets involved in more activities at the centre - you could reduce the time you spend with her at settling time.
When you are taking her in the morning - try to tand back a bit, let her go off and see things and involve herself in the activities, if you keep your distance, although are still 'there' she will gain confidence too. Perhaps y cold be reading information displays as she is being welcomed by the staff. This will let he feel more independant.

Good luck, hope that made sense!!

PS - am idumb, whats DD?? 

Name: wilsavanamom | Date: Sep 14th, 2006 10:00 PM
DD=dear daughter 

Name: jamberrt | Date: Sep 18th, 2006 7:43 PM
My son switched daycares in July (2 years 4 months) and cried every Wednesday (he's there W-F) but by Friday was fine. He didn't cry for my hubby...interesting eh? He's better now, has his days and does the "no mommy" thing too. If she's okay at daycare then maybe she's having nightmares about you not showing. I tell my son when I drop him that when I come to get you tonight we're going to gramas, the park, auntie's...and when I pick him up I make sure we do it. It's something to look forward to and he knows we have a plan. 

Name: littlemom | Date: Oct 2nd, 2006 3:22 AM
THIS IS VERY SAD. THE EMOTIONAL TRAMA THIS CHILD ENDURES BECAUSE HER MOMMY LEAVES HER WITH STRANGERS! WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO YOUR CHILD? A CHILD NEEDS IT'S MOTHER AND THIS CHILD IS LITERALLY CRYING OUT TO YOU BUT YOU REFUSE TO LISTEN, AND FOR WHAT? MONEY? ISN'T THIS CHILDS HAPPINESS AND WELL-BEING WORTH THE STRUGGLE AND EVEN MORE? I HOPE YOU WILL SEE THE DAMAGE YOU ARE DOING AND CHANGE THE PLAN. YOU NEED TO BE AT HOME WITH YOUR CHILD. MAYBE YOU ARE A SINGLE PARENT, WELL THERE ARE MANY THINGS YOU CAN DO AT HOME TO EARN MONEY IF YOU SEEK THEM OUT. THIS CHILD MUST COME FIRST. POOR LITTLE SOUL. I HOPE YOU THINK VERY SOBERLY ABOUT YOUR GOALS IN LIFE AND IF THEY ARE IN LINE WITH A LOVING MOTHERS HEART OR THE LIES OF THIS WICKED FEMINIST WORLD. COME HOME~ 

Name: jamberrt | Date: Oct 3rd, 2006 4:00 AM
Wow Littlemom, you're everywhere I go tonight. Your point would come across more clearly if you turned off your caps lock and showed a little love. You catch more flies with honey honey. 

Name: jamcarant | Date: Oct 4th, 2006 3:38 AM
littlemom, you are raising your children to be "mommy's kids" and you should stop insulting people. you are "straight out" with your insults, so i am going to be straight with you. you need to STOP preaching and keep your ideas about how people "should" be to yourself. i, for one, find your ideas and comments very insulting. i'm sorry, i am usually a nice calm person, but you are in many of the forums preaching the same thing and insulting people. i think you need to get some respect for people or keep your ideas to yourself. 


Name: Sarah M | Date: Oct 4th, 2006 7:01 AM
I have something to say to littlemom. If your a SAHM why are you coming on the WM;s post and insulting them. To me you are just coming on here to start a heated arguement. Now I may be wrong but if your so against it then stay away from the post and no one will get their feelings hurt nor will anyone see you as a person who has a one way mind and cant see why some women HAVE to work. And yes some HAVE TO becuase their children need food, clothes, toys, ect and maybe there is places you can get help from but myself would rather my child stay with someone I feel comfortable with while I work for a few hours than my child starving or not having things that he. or she would like. I would hate myself if I didnt get a job and struggled just because I thought putting my child into childcare would be me giving into thi feminist world you are talking about. Not saying you are im just saying thats how I would feel if i knew i could do better for my kids but didnt cause i didnt want to give in or whatnot. Hope all is well with everyone have a great day. 

Name: ve | Date: Oct 5th, 2006 9:50 AM
my baby is 6 months old and also just started by a day mother but he is driving every on mad all he does is cry all day long i dont know what to do any more he also doesnt want to eat or sleep 

Name: ve | Date: Oct 13th, 2006 9:41 AM
littlemom im glad you live in a world that you can just stay at home with the kids but some of us need to work to get food and a roof over our heads for our kids if you willing to give us the money or the means that realy work so we can stay at home then great ill be first in line 

Name: Susan | Date: Dec 12th, 2007 12:34 AM
I am having the same issue. My son is 2 1/2 and I put him in a very nice daycare 2 days a week. He doesn't need to be there, his grandmother has watched him since he was born, but I thought it would be good from him to be exposed to other children. He is so very upset when I drop him off, he is still crying when we pick him up. He has had dreams crying out that he didn't want to go to school and every morning the first thing he tells me is that he doesn't want to go to school. I know there is an adjustment peroid, but how do I know if he is just to young. Given that I have the choice, I just don't know what is the right thing to do. 

Name: cjsims | Date: Dec 14th, 2007 5:18 AM
Maybe there is something going on at his daycare that the teachers are not telling you about cause they don't want to upset you. There could be another kid there that is mean to him, or maybe the teacher is mean to him. I used to work in daycare, so I know exactly how they run. Teachers will hide things from parents. Happens all the time. Especially the younger kids. I don't want to upset you, but having experience in daycare settings as an employee, I know what goes on when parents aren't there, and lots of it isn't pretty...Good Luck. 

Name: KidsBesideMe | Date: Dec 18th, 2007 5:17 AM
I sooo remember dealing with this and it ripping my heart out. Fortunately I had the choice of being able to stay home and not work.
Now I do not have that choice and need to help support our family. However I am able to do that from home. My children are not little anymore but they still like to have me around when they need me. It would still hurt me to leave them for any length of time to go to work.

Have you ever considered a work from home opportunity. I know there are many out there that are very scary. However, after much research I was able to find a legit opportunity.

I am now earning from home with a great company and I am also a member of a great non-profit support team for moms who are wanting to work from home too.

If you would like to have more info please visit my website...

www.KidsBesideMe.com

This truly has been a blessing for our family! 

Name: Stacy222 | Date: Feb 15th, 2008 7:38 PM
Littlemom, you obviosly have never taken care of a child on your own, if real life were that simple there would be no websites!! Nice effort though, when you hit the real world please send another message till then enjoy your make beleive life!!!! 

Name: Jen | Date: Feb 15th, 2008 8:31 PM
I have a 19 month old daughter that has been going to work with me 3 days a week since day one and her grandmother watches her at my home 2 days a week. However, last week I started her in an in home day care and it was horrible the first day I only left her for 4 hours and she cried the whole time, she wouldnt eat or drink. The second day, after an hour the sitter called me to come and get her because she was so upset that she vomited all over. The 3rd day she cried for 4 hours and then I had to go get her. I just don't know what to do she won't eat or drink while she is there and now she is not sleeping at night she wakes up crying. I am wonder how long I should keep putting her through this. Any advise? 

Name: cjsims | Date: Feb 16th, 2008 5:00 AM
I have some advice for littlemom. I myself am a SAHM, thank God my hubby and I could afford to allow it to be that way, but you have no business TELLING parents what to do with their children. Yes, I know I've told people how I feel about daycare centers because I've been an employee, and know what goes on there when parents aren't there, but good Lord, and keep your trap shut. If I for one second I had to put my baby in daycare, it would kill me. Just because they go to work for a living doesn't make them a bad person. I hope you aren't teaching your children to be as judgemental as you are. 

Name: cjsims | Date: Feb 16th, 2008 5:01 AM
CAUSE YOU DON'T KNOW THEIR CIRCUMSTANCES. 

Name: hi | Date: Mar 23rd, 2008 9:16 PM
hi
how would you treat i child in a childcare's setting strats vomiting? 

Name: Melissa Thompson | Date: Mar 25th, 2008 12:24 AM
Please send me more information about stay home mom thanks 

Name: Bria | Date: Aug 22nd, 2008 1:50 AM
I have a 6 year old son who also had bad separation anxiety. He is having a recurrance now- he just started 1st grade. My son was about 18 months when I put him in daycare. I also had no choice. He was terrified when I left him. Each morning, I handed him to a teacher who he liked and I trusted, gave him a kiss and hug, assured him I would be back and l love him, and left. This went on for several months. Finally, it got better and he had no problems. Now it's starting all over again!! I am also looking for a little guidance!! 

Name: Rebecca k | Date: Oct 1st, 2008 5:49 PM
I know what you are feeling, I myself just put my son in a daycare for the first time ( he is 22 months) and he is having severe seperation anxiety. I know the daycare very well, my 6 year daughter went there when I was working before. I stayed home for almost two years with my son and so he does not do well with anyone except me and my husband. Even with outside family he gets anxiety. I keep calling the daycare and they say that he cries all day and stands in the corner by the door hoping we are going to pick him up. He wont eat and just cries the WHOLE day. I have tried taking him there before on several trips to walk around the place and get used to it. I took the day off work Monday to spend time with him there. The teachers and assistants try to hold his hand or have him sit in there lap to play with a toy and he wants no part of anyone coming near him. I am in a panic now because I cant stand to know that my son is in such distress all day long that I just want to leave work and get him.

I let him know I will be back, we talk about it in the morning and I tell him he is getting ready to go to daycare and mommy has to go to work etc.... what more can I do????

The daycare said they dont want to push anything on him to let him come and interact on his own.

Please help give me some advice, I cant give any to anyone else because I am in the same situation. 

Name: pschand | Date: Mar 3rd, 2009 5:06 PM
I have a 3 year old who has just started going to daycare. She has been there for the last 3 months and she still hasn't adjusted to going. She only goes 3 days a week in the mornings for like 4 hours. It starts with the fussiness and the questions of how long and do I promise to come get her. Then she moves on to how she just really doesn't want to go to school. She's even said she's sick and can't go! Cute I know, but after 3 months it's becoming frustrating. I have asked her why and if there is anyone there she doesn't like or if someone makes her feel bad. She says no and she likes them all. When I pick her up she raves about the wonderful time she had. It's the whole morning separation thing. My husband and I were lucky enough to have shifts that were opposite of one another in order to raise our own children with out daycare. But things have changed and we have to have her there for these times. How can I help her to be ok with going.? I assure her every morning that all is ok and I will be there to get her right after she eats lunch. What else can I do? 

Name: Crystal | Date: Jun 17th, 2009 2:35 PM
I am experiences the exact problem right know. My son, Kaleb just turned 1 about 3 weeks ago and I put him in daycare shortly after. He screams every morning when I leave. It is really stressing me out. I feel like the worst parent on earth. The daycare that he attends has a reputation of being a really good day care, but my child seems to hate it. I have to drop him off at 6:30 every morning and my mom picks him up for me at 7:30. Each day when she picks him, she says that he looks sad. I dont knw what to do. 

Name: crystal | Date: Jun 17th, 2009 2:38 PM
And for you Littlemom, you have to be the stupidest mom I have heard from YET! 

Name: leesuh | Date: Aug 18th, 2009 11:23 PM
in response to Littlemom, parents ALWAYS worked in some way or another. families had to grow and prepare their own food back in the day. it took days and nights of hard labor to survive. where do you think the kids were during all this labor? they were laying in a basket in a field while their mothers and fathers tended the crops and parents just had multiple kids b/c half the kids wouldn't survive anyway from illness or injury. Working parents spend more time with their children than ever. And it's not quantity that matters, it's QUALITY. If you are on your computer all day insulting other parents, then you certainly aren't tending to your children's needs either!!! Are your kids propped in front of the television as you post insults to others? 

Name: First time mom | Date: Dec 11th, 2009 10:07 AM
Hello to every one. I am new to babycrowd.com. I need some assistance.My fiancee and I are both working and we have an 8 months baby girl who have being cared for by my mother, but thats only until end of this year. So this means i have to find a nanny for her. My problem is that at home we do not have a maids' quarter which could accomodate the nanny. I always think a stay in nanny is much more convenient. I have had my experience with sharing our house with a nanny. So my only option is to take baby to day care which is just 5 mins from home. Will it be too early for her? My other problem is that she has stranger/ separation anxiety, so she doesnt want anyone but daddy, mummy and granny. What can we do? 

Name: Mumandcarer | Date: May 2nd, 2010 11:52 PM
haleyathena : You need to believe the teachers at your daughter's childcare centre,when they are telling you it's getting better. It sure sounds like it too..when she is painting and doing puzzles!! I have been in the childcare industry for a long time now and I have seen it all...Some children settle in the first day,some after a few weeks and a few after many months. Some don't eat much throughout the day or not at all...and some make themselves vomit.

The worst thing you could do is to take her out...and then what?..keep her at home until school? She needs to start to interact with other children and become socially active.
Also,I have seen the difference when parents stay and play for a long time in the morning..They might think it helps their child's separation anxiety,but believe me..it makes it worse. A quick departure,with a kiss and see you later works a lot better.

I know these inputs are a few years old,but I felt like sharing my advice and it might help somebody anyway. 

Name: jon | Date: Jan 14th, 2011 11:46 PM
my daughter has been going to day care and the past two time she has gone into a corner and cried and screamed and then calles for mommy please help with trying to figure out what is going on 

Name: provider | Date: Apr 29th, 2011 3:39 PM
As a daycare provider for the last 2 years I have learned alot about all sorts of different children. The main problem starts with the parenting. You have to prepare your children for daycare. I have a four year old that comes to my dayhome a couple of times per week. She has been coming to me for over a year. She has major seperation anxiety to this day. The parents do not reprimand her for this behavior . They don't even mention it to her. This makes her think that this behavior is acceptable at daycare. They should talk to her and tell her that there will be consequences for this bahavior. For example take a toy away at home for a few days. I have other parents that practice this at home and it works. Kids need to around other kids and learn social behavior . Staying with Grandma isn't teaching your kids what good behavior is. Grandma's let them get away with everything. 

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