Hi,
I have a bit of a problem. I have been divorced from my son's dad for 3 years now. I remarried a year ago to a man I met roughly a year after we seperated. My husband had MS; my son has an autistic spectrum disorder; I have a 53 mile each way commute. Due to finances I am the sole earner in the family. I do receive child support from my ex and in all respects thought we had the world's best divorced parent's situation. My ex visits one weekday and one weekend day a week with alternate weekends having overnights with our son. So, here's my problem. Due to my commute, long hours, and my husband's illness, the place is frequentl y a mess - ok very messy. I clean when I get home and on the weekend day that my ex visits with my son (Sunday) - I guess I should do it Saturday but that is usually the day reserved for errands, doctor's appointments, and quite frankly family time with my husband and son. Also, the weekday that my ex visits is our garbage day. So, on those days, he might very well see garbage bags in the bathroom as I've gone room to room bagging waste bin trash to be put out that night
Today my husband informed me that he's seen my ex taking pictures of "our messy house" with his camera phone. Yes, my house has been known to be a regal mess. My husband does little to help out (due to his MS, he tires frequently) and cleaning is a constant battle with my son. So, I'm it. Now I'm very worried. Yes, my apartment is cluttered and messy. Yes, I'm training my son's new kitten so their's an automatic (it scoops into a separate compartment based upon a motion sensor) litter box in the kitchen. Yes, my son leaves dishes, clothes, etc. around. Yes, I can't get either of them (hubby or son) to empty a waste bin to save their soul. But, I'm doing the best that I can. When my ex complained about the "filth" I pointed out that I work full time, commute, etc. and that perhaps when he and his wife have kids at home they'll understand. I was talked down to and told that he and his wife both work full time and they still get things done. Any ideas? Is what he did legal? Am I just lazy? I am open to any and all input. Thanks in advance ↓
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| Name: Lizzi | Date: Sep 11th, 2006 2:06 PM |
| Well first off if I were you,I'd never have let my ex into my home I share with my new husband. What's inside is NONE of his business anymore! You have done nothing wrong here,you do the best you can given your situation and you still need help with the upkeep on the house work. What I would recommend is that you hire someone to come in once or twice a week and clean for you. If you think you can't afford a cleaning service, then ask around your family,maybe there is someone who has the extra time that is looking to make some extra cash too that wouldn't mind helping out. It's worth looking into anyway.But from this point on I would no longer let your ex inside,it isn't his house anymore and he has no right being inside. He could have different ideas of taking pictures,maybe he wanted to show his current wife how bad your house looked so they could "get a laugh",or it could be more serious like maybe he wants to use the pictures to turn you in to Children and Family Services so he can gain custody of your son. If I were you,I'd get the house cleaned up fast just in case that's what he's got in mind. Also make sure there's plenty of food on hand because they look for that too. And most importantly,make sure your son has good clean clothes,(though I'm sure he does) I'm just giving you helpful tips. But get your house in order fast and hire someone if need be because if your ex calls CFS,they will be there without warning wanting inside. ↑ |
| Name: jillw | Date: Sep 13th, 2006 7:33 PM |
| I am not judging you or the home you keep, and I fully understand what it is like to be the only one who cleans. I hate when the house is messy, but that is usually the way it is. I have a few rules that you can try. 1) all common areas (living room kitchen, bathroom) must be neat. Notice I didn't say spotless that will never happen. 2) everyone cleans their bedroom on either sat or sunday. 3) I do the toilet and tub on sat or sunday. I live with 3 boys so it is a must. I also throw away anything that is not needed. I keep a very limited number of dishes in the cubbord (less get dirty that way). My house is by far not pefect, there may be some dishes in the sink sometimes, toothpaste in the bathroom sink, poened mail on the table etc. This is all stuff that happens when you are a working mom the key is to not let food, dirt, and grime in general build up. Make it a rule that every one scrapes off and rinses their dishes after they eat. it no big deal to have some dishes in the sink, but it is a whole different thing to have food stuck to them stinking. What I am saying is that it is ok to let some things go here and there, but you can not allow real dirt to build up or your ex may have a very good case aganist you. Good luck. ↑ |
| Name: Jannine | Date: Sep 16th, 2006 2:53 PM |
| We live in a rural area - he's complaining about cobwebs on our log cabin ceiling (I vacuum them every other Sunday) and general clutter.There is a lot of clutter: papers on the desk; papers on the kitchen table; toys and books everywhere. The fact is that hubby and son just dont pick up. Add to this that my husband's hobby of sorts is fixing old electronics and there are a few old tvs, radios, microwaves etc that sit sometimes for weeks in the front hall or dining room (he generally doesn't charge for these repairs ). Otherwise the house is clean. The simple fact is that my ex comes on Thursday and Sunday and I quite honestly do all the cleaning on Sunday afternoons when my Son is visiting with his Dad. ↑ |
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