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ALL the Mom's in my neighborhood stay at home. I swear they avoid talking to me about work on purpose. One neighbor who has a degree stated that she would never want to miss out on these tender years by working. Another told me that I would never be able to volunteer at school due to my job not knowing my schedule. I had another Mom degrade me and ask how my volunteer work was going instead of my "paying career." I work at night, so I consider myself both a stay at home mom and a full time working mom. My husband comes home and I miss out on a total of 2 1/2 hrs w/my 5 mo old and 4 yr old. I often wish I could just stay home when my husband gets home, but I also think working helps our relationship so that we aren't stuck in that "role crap" that so many stay at home moms have to deal with. I stayed home for 8 months w/my first and my husband was saying, "When are you going to go back to work?" ↓
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| Name: atomic snowflake | Date: Sep 29th, 2006 3:17 PM |
I don't think that there's anything wrong with working. One of the mums that I know doesn't work and she's become very self-centered and boring - just talks about herself all the time.
I think that having a job gives you a wider perspective on life and is healthy. ↑ |
| Name: Angela1 | Date: Sep 29th, 2006 6:35 PM |
| I also work at night. I usually post in the SAHM forum but I geuss I am a working mom also. After all I do work. That sucks that you are getting judged in your neighborhood. People can be so closed minded. There is so many ways to raise children. And I tell you what... My kids a a lot better behaved now that I am working. I think it is good to get away for a little while. Everyone needs a break and making money while you do is even better. I assume youa re working at night to avoid daycare costs? Well I am. Daycare costs way to much. ↑ |
| Name: littlemom | Date: Oct 2nd, 2006 2:50 AM |
| I'll tell you what's selfish.... Having to get away from the hubby and children and all the "role crap". You are a feminist at heart and this is a very destructive religion. It is anti-family and anti-child and anti-patriarchy. This is the doctrin of demons that tells women to leave home to be fullfilled and satisfied and "to get away".... get away from what? The people God put you in charge of by creating you female? And do you realize that your God give occupation is home and family being created a woman? Have you looked to see what your Creator says about all of this? I pray you will. This is the exact mind set and lies that are destroying this country and the rest of the world. It is a harlot spirit. A rebelious anti-Christ spirit to rip wives and mothers out of the home for....$$$$$$$$$$$$. The almighty dollar. Is it worth it? I can promise you it is not. Look for your self and see what the Scripture says, repent and stay home with those children and your hubby in the role you are created to fill. That is the really hard work, most women just can't bear up under the hard stuff, they can't seem to stay at home! What a shame! How selfish! ↑ |
| Name: Layne | Date: Oct 2nd, 2006 1:18 PM |
| I think what will rip the family out of the home is forclosure. ↑ |
| Name: Layne | Date: Oct 2nd, 2006 1:23 PM |
Another thing....I started working a month ago after being a sahm for 10 years. Now that Im working my husband has started a diet and is finding me way more interesting. My children value the time we do have and we make the most of it. I have less time on this computer due to priorities. I was becoming a total depressed person feelong like I had no life. Im so glad to be working it has really changed our whole family for the better. Not all situations are the same. Nor people.
You working moms are terrific so why dont the sahm mom woth the Holly then Now attitude get real. ↑ |
| Name: Lizzi | Date: Oct 2nd, 2006 6:46 PM |
| If you are happy doing what you do then ignore what other moms are saying. In fact brag to them about how good you have it because you get the best of both worlds! Even if you aren't extremely happy with the way things are,they don't have to know it! ↑ |
| Name: Lizzi | Date: Oct 2nd, 2006 6:52 PM |
| Very impressive Layne. I tell ya,I wouldn't mind working again someday myself but I think I have to get some of this weight off first. I doubt I could stand long hours as of right now,my feet and back would give out! I bet returning to work after 10 yrs. at home was a little scarry? I haven't worked in a lot longer time than that. If I would have kept working I doubt I would have ever gotten to be this size. Oh well,I'm learning! ↑ |
| Name: Layne | Date: Oct 2nd, 2006 10:02 PM |
Lizzy I was scared and worried about eveything...Family, housework and being able to keep up. Liking the job and people there. It is working out. But believe me it isnt perfect and some days Im exhausted. But we are learning altogether. family Im meaning.
Today I was thnking of the me thing atomic snowflake was talking about and its true in a way. when you stay home you do kinda get in that me-ville mode. At least I did. I dont ever want to speak for everyone because I dont like that we are all differant and people with feelings. If we work or stay home we all have our personal reasons. I feel very blessed to been able to stay home those years and its made me apreciate working now. ↑ |
| Name: jamberrt | Date: Oct 3rd, 2006 3:58 AM |
MommySWKER,
BIG HUG! We all make choices based on our individual situations. When my second one came along I went back to work 3 days so I have 4 days home and 3 days away. It's just as hard on me but I'm just doing the best I can.
My mom worked one day a week and there were things I missed out one that had nothing to do with her working.
Love your kids. Hug 'em lots and just be confident that you're doing your best.
Littlemom...could you PLEASE just see that everyone here is just wanting to be the best they can be. Keep your degradation to yourself. I'm sure that's not what God wants you to do! ↑ |
| Name: Lizzi | Date: Oct 3rd, 2006 2:47 PM |
| Layne,I feel very greatful to have been able to stay home with my son all these years too. Sometimes I feel like less of a person because I don't work though. Honestly,I'm scared to death of getting a job. I'm afraid I won't catch on,I'm afraid I won't be liked,I'm afraid of getting jumped by my boss. I let my fears stop me from even applying for a job. I have anxiety really bad. I'm on medication again for it but I still can't make myself go and get a job because I'm just too afraid and I don't know how to get past that.I don't know how i went to school as a kid,I guess because I was made to go. In 3rd grade I was afraid of my teacher and I cried every morning but went anyway. I wish I could make myself now. I was always afraid of my dad and still am to this day. I think that's why I fear people of authority and maybe that's why I'm afraid to go to work. My dad always made me feel stupid and told me I would never amount to anything,and in a way he's right. I even get nervous in the grocery store when someone gets behind me in line. For some stupid reason,I feel like I am holding them up! I don't know why I have this screwed up way of thinking but I do andI just can't seem to change it. ↑ |
| Name: Layne | Date: Oct 3rd, 2006 3:52 PM |
| You know what Lizzy we all have those fears to one point or another. we all worry about what others are thinking,saying and doing better then us. Its normal to be afraid. I was so scared for so long then one day I woke up and said today is the day. I went down to dollar general and applied. I was thinking the whole time someone better will come in here and get this job. WHY? Why did I think i wouldnt be just as good as someone else coming in there. Im not ugly, stupid, Then come to find out they were so pleased to have me come. I was hired before my back ground check came back. Now Im one of the hardest workers. I want to please and make that store the best it can be. I have pride. After hiding in this house for 4 years being afraid this small town would rejct me. Im now in the thick of it. Its like the flood gate has been opened I even have our Family in a new church and have the girl Scots wanting me as a leader. I think you have alot to offer you are very good here on the forum and you are one i really enjoy hearing from. Dont be afrai to go out and do whaever it is you wanna do. people are people and we all have issues.always remember that. ↑ |
| Name: Lizzi | Date: Oct 3rd, 2006 4:44 PM |
| Thank-you Layne,I'm sometimes embarassed to bring up my personal fears but I know I can't get any help unless I let someone know. I'm glad that you responded to me. It's just so hard when fear holds me back. I understand that most people feel this way when applying for or starting a new job but the difference between me and them is they along with all their fears go for it anyway and hope for the best,where I am frozen with fear and can't proceed with the movement. Even when I think I want to go in and apply so badly,I don't go through with it because I just can't overcome the fear. I do think if I could ever get past this and actually begin working for someone,I would give my job my all and probably work as many hours as I could get. And then after awhile I'd be thinking "What in the world was I so afraid of????!!!" And then who knows,I would maybe even find myself in search of a second job and become a workaholic! I know I'd feel much better about myself if I worked,but I don't know what it's going to take to get me there! I've been running around the same bush for so long that I'm in a deep rut and need a 100 ft. ladder to climb out! It's like I'm afraid to see what's out there.Have you ever known anyone that was this insecure with themselves? I hate admitting it but it's true. ↑ |
| Name: Layne | Date: Oct 3rd, 2006 10:04 PM |
Yes I do...Me! Im not kidding but you know what it started with this forum and all of you. I found support. Thats not a easy thing in this world. I stayed home for 10 years and I didnt know how to start or even what I wanted to do. If I could. Heck I think rain got me through alot.
But we go through life thinking I cant let my town or comunity see my fears because they will judge me. But here on the forum this is safe where we can express our fears and something Im learning more and more is everyone feels this way in some form or another. But I didnt realize this till we all started talking and expressing those fears. Now I am seeing that who gives a crap we all have them even when some hide it well. maybe we hide as I did. or maybe we are people pleasers, over achievers. Life is so hard and we all suffer in our own fears. One thing I dont do and thats gossip. If someone else starts it I get busy. I dont want to worry about something Ive said that might cause someone else grief or get twisted around. If they have something to say about me say it to my face and lets solve it. (I tell them right off the bat too) and if they still wanna say something its there problem then. I was really worried about those things before I started working. I made up my mind.
You can do this when your ready. ↑ |
| Name: Lizzi | Date: Oct 4th, 2006 4:52 PM |
| Yes you are right Layne,it will happen when I'm truly ready for it to happen and only I will know inside myself when that time has arrived.I just look around me and it seems as though everyone else is just so damn sure of themselves and their place in life and I feel like I missed a boat somewhere along the way,I don't know. ↑ |
| Name: MommySWKER | Date: Oct 5th, 2006 12:55 AM |
Littlemom, you really need to listen to your own anger and find a way through God to help you since he is your answer. First of all, you are judging me and claiming to be a woman of God. Second, you obviosly did not read what I wrote or were tunnel thinking by the title.
Did you miss the part that my husband was encouraging me to go back to work? I miss 2 1/2hrs w/my children and that's it. I feel like what I do is a sacrifice. I'm exhausted when I go into work and I'm talking to some of my friends on my way in who are going to treat themselves to a bath, favorite book, etc. Don't tell me I have an anti-Christ spirit when I founded the Christian based homeless shelter in my county and take care of every single mentally ill client. My children will see me as a good example and not a "selfish" mom who is destroying this country and the rest of the world for the mighty dollar as you put it. Yes, I don't like the "role crap" and that may be feminist. I didn't go to college for 6 yrs to earn my "Mrs. Degree" and I don't believe I must stay home just because I'm female like you said. If you think staying home at night would be "bearing up to the hard stuff" then I would love for you to walk in my shoes for just one single hour on my job.
Tell me, just what do you plan to do with yourself once your children are all in school if they aren't already? You have a lot of negative enrgey that coud be used for something much more productive. Whatever you do decide to do, please don't work w/others. That is, if you can step out of the 1950's.
I am proud to work. I have my own money. I don't have to ask my husband for any help and the presents I get for him are really from my working dollar. I have my own pension, 403 B and money market so that in case anything happens to my husband (like what happened to my own Dad) I will be OK. Can you say that?
You are a perfect example of what I was talking about which was being shamed by the stay at home moms. ↑ |
| Name: MommySWKER | Date: Oct 5th, 2006 1:08 AM |
| Lizzy, you sound very sweet and I bet you would be a great employee. I work w/people who have severe anxiety and it sounds like you have it. It only gets worse if you let more time go by. It's all in the anticipation. Honestly, there will never be a light that goes off and tells you that today is the day. Anxiety just builds, each day it gets worse and you become so fixated that it takes over your every thought and you freeze. When it gets to that level it can become a panic attack. It's best to just take the first step. If you are taking meds, talk to the Dr. and tell them your concerns and what you want to do. They may adjust your meds and it might just help you. The longer you let your anxiety go, it can turn into depression if it hasn't already. Maybe go to the library and get a self help book for going back to work. Good luck to you! ↑ |
| Name: koz | Date: Oct 5th, 2006 2:01 AM |
| Layne...I like the foreclosure thing..that was cute...earning a living for your family is not being selfish...it's survival in some cases littlemom. not everyone has the option to stay at home...some people don't want to..some people may be better rmothers working..thats not selfish.... ↑ |
| Name: Layne | Date: Oct 5th, 2006 2:46 AM |
| Wow mommyswker That is so true...Good for you. You help the homeless what a selfless person you are. Im impressed. ↑ |
| Name: Layne | Date: Oct 5th, 2006 2:47 AM |
| Thanks Koz...havent heard from you in a while. ↑ |
| Name: littlemom | Date: Oct 5th, 2006 3:03 AM |
| I'm not angry at all, you are just defending your possition and feel threatened because it is wrong in the eyes of the Lord. Have you looked to see what God says to you about your role as a woman? Please do, and keep reading His word daily. I used to get angry when people confronted me with my sin too. But it wasn't that they were wrong it was my guilty conscience. Just ponder a bit and educate yourself beyond the worlds curriculum and search for God's truth which is the only security any one has. Money won't buy you into God's favor and your position will be meaningless on the Great day of Judgement when Christ returns. If you read this and get any angry vibes then it is useless, don't even respond, ignore me. But if you take it to heart and look into the Scriptures please write and tell me what you find. I pray God will open the eyes of women and bring their hearts home and to Himself. But their must be repentance first, first you must see your sin. Not just in this area, but in general. Come to Christ and then come home~ ↑ |
| Name: Sarah M | Date: Oct 5th, 2006 8:12 AM |
| I think you are to stuck in your religion to see the real work littlemom. And I dont think our creator(whomever that may be) is gonna judge anyone one of us for making a decsion that is best for our family. If the day comes and im am judged then you know what I will hold my head high knowing I did what I needed to do to keep my family happy and set for the furture. I want them to have nice things and things they want and there is nothing wrong with that no matter what anyone says. My children are going to grow up knowing they can be whatever they want and that women DONT have to sit in the home and cook and clean if they dont feel comfortable with that. I myself have been a WM and STAM and now i am a STAM but I will always support the women who have to or choose to work to keep their family at bliss. This is my last comment to you because i know it will not get through to you and you will not see that its OK to work because you have been brought up that way or just choosen to be the way you are. Which is your choice. Hope all is well with everyone and dont mind what other women say to you about going to work. If thats what makes your family a good home then go for it. ↑ |
| Name: wilsavanamom | Date: Oct 5th, 2006 3:18 PM |
Littlemom - you have your religion and views and that is wonderful. But you need to keep in mind that yours is not the only one (religion or view). If someone approaches you and wants your advice/opinion then by all means - give it. But you are assuming here that everyone should share your religion and views and that is ridiculous! This is a big world with lots of religions and even different interpretations within the same religion.
I also think you are being a hypocrite by judging working women. You need to do what you think is right in the eyes of your God and let everyone else do what they think is right.
Women working is not just a part of the "femanist" movement. A lot of it has to do with modern society and technology. It used to be that women had to bake bread everyday, tend gardens, hand wash laundry, can goods for the winter etc. Modern technology and society (ie dishwashers, washing machines and grocery stores) has freed us from these daily tasks allowing us to look to other kinds of work.
I am sorry, but my mom stayed home with us and my husbands mother worked. Neither one of us turned out "better" than the other. What we did both have, however, was loving, caring mothers who did what they did every day for their kids (and husbands). I think that is what counts. ↑ |
| Name: Lizzi | Date: Oct 5th, 2006 4:08 PM |
| MommySWKER,you work with people who have anxiety? Are you a therapist/counselor? You know,I'm not in counseling at the moment but i was for a long time. The counselor I was seeing most recently for 3 years straight just quit to move to another state to go back to do more schooling. Not seeing her has really been hard for me because I felt close to her,she knew everything about me. I need to go back but hate the idea of having to see someone new. Awhile back i read a book by I think her name was Angela Bassett? It was all about her own experience with anxiety and how she now travels and speaks to groups with anxiety problems. She also sells a c.d. program but I can't afford to buy it,it's a few hundred dollars. I think counseling places should invest in them and use them to help people like me,but they probably wouldn't want to spend the money. Although it would be a good tool for helping those like me with anxiety. ↑ |
| Name: koz | Date: Oct 5th, 2006 8:55 PM |
| littlemom, your speaking another language....but come on, working is NOT a sin. As I said people have to do what they need to to support their family. So I don't judge anybody on that decision and sometimes it's not a decision it's a necissity to work ↑ |
| Name: MommySWKER | Date: Oct 6th, 2006 2:10 AM |
| littlemom, don't worry about how one reacts to you. I beleive that's why you make the statements that you do. I can see that you live in a simple world and hide behind your religion, so there is no talking to you rationally about anything. You are in no place to call me a sinner for working with the homeless of all things. What would you say if I told you that God talked to me and told me this was my purpose? Maybe that would shut you up. I feel sorry for you because I see that you are very repressed and are really unhappy. God would not want you shaming people and judging others as often as you do on these forums. You need to self-examin and ask why do I do this? I don't know how many children you have, but don't teach them to hate and judge. Also, they need to know that they can do whatever they want in life and be more than a SAHM if they choose to. I will pray for you and your children. I'm afraid you need more than prayers though. You will need a miracle!!!! ↑ |
| Name: MommySWKER | Date: Oct 6th, 2006 2:23 AM |
| lizzi, you had asked my background. I am a mental health clinical social worker. If you ever need to talk to me about any of the issues you addressed, please feel free to do so. It's too bad that the person you liked had to move. I do counsel people who suffer w/anxiety, depression, ,major depression, schizophrenia, bi-polar, psychotic and dellusional disorders, etc. Anxiety and depression are no joke and can be just as serious as any other mental illness. I will admit that I have anxiety, but it's controlled and not by meds. I started to get it after my Dad passed suddenly and I had to go back to work when my first born was 8 months. I can relate, but I nipped it in the bud because I'm trained to be intuned to all the symptoms. You have to comfront it, otherwise it will take over your life. ↑ |
| Name: Layne | Date: Oct 6th, 2006 3:35 AM |
| I believe that was happening to me. The anxiety I mean. I was getting to a point were I didnt want to leave the house and when i did I felt all eyes where on me. That people where constantly judging me. It I think had alot to do with having a adhd son and the burden that goes along with it. Always feeling like you have to defend yourself and your child. pretty soon i was hiding from life. Then I had a stroke 2 years ago and it changed my thinking I just desided all the worrying was killing me. Life is short and I didnt want to waste it. i dont sweat the small stuff anymore. I dont worry about things I have no control over and I stay out of the petty things in life. Like Gossip i dont do it and I dont listen to it. That causes so much stress. I on the most part try and have a optimistic additude in life. These things have helped me over come my fears. I think staying home has this effect on alot of sahms if they stay home for alot of years. You just have to step out of the box and move forward. ↑ |
| Name: Lizzi | Date: Oct 6th, 2006 3:45 PM |
| MommySWKER,if you like,you can read more about me in Divorced Family under( Daughter being "stolen" by angry ex),I've written alot about myself there as I was talking to pj754,but you're welcome to read it too,in fact i'd like you to and give me some feedback if you would. When you get there you will need to go almost all the way down to the first date of 10/06/2006 with my name where I have written. I wrote alot before that too but not pertaining to this subject so skip down to 10/06/2006 near the bottom,thanks! ↑ |
| Name: jplaw0821 | Date: Oct 9th, 2006 4:46 AM |
| Wow, never thought this topic would cause a religious goer to bash someone. I totally do NOT agree with that! How about not judging and a little supporting, tha twould be a little more biblical, so to speak. Anyway, some people need a little space from everyday family life and there is nothing wrong with that. You can't be locked down in your house 24/7, you need time to get away for yourself too. That isn't selfish, that is human and everyone should do it. I work full-time and would love to stay home, but not sure how to since I am single (please refrain from religiously bashing me for being a single mom, I am well aware of my actions, and an adult and don't take my time to judge you except to say it isn't right to judge people you don't know, thank you). But I also know I too, would need a little time outside of my home and so would my children. Best of luck to you and whatever you decide. :0) ↑ |
| Name: Layne | Date: Oct 9th, 2006 1:09 PM |
| Im kinda suprized someone that is so old world even has the internet. ↑ |
| Name: paulus | Date: Oct 10th, 2006 3:40 PM |
| I thought the womens liberation movement was all about giving us the right to make choices for our lives. I really hate the divide that seems to exist between stay-at-home and working moms. One side of the divide always thinks it makes the other side look bad and vice versa. It really is quite stupid. It seems like the liberation movement divided us all in the end. ↑ |
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