My thoughts from when I found out to today 10/25/16... Since my pregnancy last year I have been monitoring my cycles closely and read tireless blogs and boards about implantation bleeding just reading it all. So needless to say the day I implanted I knew I was pregnant. I waited till the day of the expected visit from AF took the test and it was BFP and AF never came.
It was so hard keeping it a secret from my other half because he wanted me to bring home an ultrasound how do you explain to a guy that an ultrasound is impossible until 7-8 weeks. We are going to WDW this December so I was trying to see if I could hold out until December, coming up with all these cute baby announcement ideas. Which character I would use to pop the surprise.
At about 5 weeks I started to spot or have reddish discharge. I called my Dr. and moved my 8 week appointment to that same week. I tried to not tell my boyfriend but he saw the worry on my face and I basically told him but he had already kind of guessed. My Dr. ordered HCG counts and several other tests. On a positive note she did do an ultrasound and noted that there was space for where the pregnancy was starting. I got my results back today from the lab and it looks like my HCG count is rising normally. Although I have to wait till this Friday 10/28/16 for another ultrasound and my Dr's. interpretation of my results.
I still seem to have all my pregnancy symptoms. So I am still pretty positive that I am going to have a successful pregnancy but. Only time will tell I will post again after my Dr's appointment on Friday. Thank you for reading....
2016-10-25 (6 weeks)
Let's start from the beginning... I battled with the idea of starting with my miscarriage last year but I decided that maybe to better understand my feelings about my current pregnancy it might be easier if you knew where some of my concerns came from....
Last year I was having irregular periods and being a person who hasn't missed a day since I was 12, it really freaked me out. My boyfriend and I never discussed having kids and it was the hardest conversation of my life. I hope you won't think less of me but there were discussions about whether or not we would keep the pregnancy. I had promised myself at a very young age that I would never ever terminate a pregnancy but I will admit I had a moment of self doubt and I hated myself for it. Ultimately after the shock wore off and we had our first ultrasound and I saw cardiac movement. My boyfriend and I were overwhelmed 7 weeks pregnant and we were scared to tell our parents but we did and they were thrilled. We agreed not to tell any friends or extended family until 12 weeks came to ensure we had a successful pregnancy.
Later that week the worst thing happened I started bleeding. I called my Dr. went in did all the tests and ultrasound the cardiac movement had stopped. I willed and prayed and read every single blog and message board seeing if there was a chance. I waited 2 weeks and still no return of cardiac movement. I was crushed, to make matters worse I had an incomplete miscarriage. For those of you who might not be familiar with it, it happens when the pregnancy is no longer viable but you have not passed all the fetal tissue. I tried using the prescribed medicine it didn't work. I had to go in for a D&C. I ended up waiting almost a month and a half before I could finally say my pregnancy was over. During that time I had 5 friends announce their pregnancies.
I was so miserable and jealous of all of them. I tried so hard to smile and be happy but I couldn't I avoided all their baby showers because all I did was cry. I thought that this is my punishment for considering terminating the pregnancy. I also felt it was so unfair not only that I wasn't pregnant but the fact that I couldn't even miscarry properly. It sounds dumb I know. But that's how I felt I hated myself. I blamed myself. I didn't want to get out of bed. Looking back I feel so bad for my other half, he must've felt so helpless he couldn't cry or tell me how much he hurt because he was being strong for me.
Finally the day came when I guess my hormones started to get back to normal. But I went back to my life. I welcomed a beautiful niece, from my brother and my friends all have very beautiful and smiley children. Seeing those children made me realize as much as it hurt to lose the baby I never wanted to miss out on the experience of being a mom, and so here I am. please read on to find out more about my current pregnancy.
