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Pregnancy Journal

2014-09-05  (36 weeks)
Aches, Pains, and Worries
The summer came and went so quickly.  We had our vacation to see our Wisconsin family at Lake Tomahawk, the Conlans stayed with us for five days, and Grandma and Grandpa Paul took your big sister for 2 1/2 weeks to stay with them in South Carolina.  And just like that summer was over and I'm 36 weeks along.

I still don't feel prepared of course but I know I never will.  I am most worried about being strong enough to deliver naturally again, if no complications arise.  This pregnancy has beat me up this time around.  I feel so tired and my body doesn't feel as strong.  I feel the extra pounds most in my back and my legs but I hear this is normal for the second pregnancy.  I just wonder if being more in shape would have helped.  In any case, I will try my best for no drugs and bring you into this world naturally. 

My other worries actually pertain more to  your big sister.  There is a lot going on in the house with Lolo and Lola moving in with us and with your impending arrival.  I hope we can handle this transition as a family with grace. 

I'm sure your arrival will set us all at ease and bring us much happiness.  Apart from all the aches, pains, and worries we are so excited to meet you!
2014-07-09  (27 weeks)
I finally have a moment to write a little about all that has been happening. My second trimester flew by so fast and I can hardly believe I'm 28 weeks. I/We have been busy preparing for our little Clara. We've been trying to make room in the house for Lolo and Lola as well as the girls' room. My plans are set and all that is left is to execute. It's been tough. Between visits with friends and family I've been able to do a bit of gardening, study and pass my first ARE, earn my LEED Green Associate credential, take a pottery class, and finish some long overdue household tasks like hanging shelving and pictures. Phew. I suppose that is the reason why I feel so unbelievably tired and huge for 28 weeks. I want my little girl already but I know she still has a way to go. I feel I have less patience this time around. I have to remember that these next three months can still be used productively until all focus turns to growing our little family. Clara has been active so much that I am concerned with her energy levels in the womb as and indication of her personality. Ha! I am hoping that Simona was the same way and I just don't remember it all. Either way we will be happy but I feel I should prepare... ;)  
2014-03-23  (12 weeks)
Last Thursday I had my 12 week appointment.  I was so nervous going in.  I had already told my loved ones but warned them that I didn't want to celebrate until after my second appointment. 

I had a bit of a chat with Kristin, Harborpark's midwife.  My OB Dr. Byrd seems to be awfully busy these days and I've been seeing Kristin almost always.  I really like her so I feel assured I'm in good hands.  She really cares to understand all my symptoms and urges me to communicate anything and everything.  It's a welcome difference between Dr. Byrd, who is wonderful but is a bit more clinical.  In any case, every time I plan for the future I stop myself because I'm afraid to "jinx" things.  Before the ultrasound, I asked her if she thought I would be OK to fly at 34/35 weeks to go to Wisconsin.  After the conversation, I immediately regretted asking and wondered if I should have waited to ask until after the ultrasound.  Just in case.

It's amazing how much my miscarriage in October has affected me.  At the time I felt as if I handled it.  The pregnancy was not viable and it was time to move on.  But now that I'm pregnant again, I'm just afraid all the time.  I almost wish I could have appointments more frequently to bring my mind at ease.

As soon as she put the sensor on my belly.  I saw the baby.  Instantly, I was overwhelmed with joy; this feeling, I think I should remember often when I am feeling worried.  My smudge was no longer a smudge on the screen but fully recognizable baby with arms and legs flailing about.  I would have thought that the sight would be less of a miracle the second time around but it felt the same none the less.  It was wriggling around so much and even did a flip so that for the rest of the time we were trying to get a good image we could only see its back or the top of its head.   It was an incredible moment and I wished so much that Jesse and Simona were there to join in my happiness.  I felt relieved.  I felt I could finally allow myself to feel excited.

Simona was so excited she could tell all her friends the next day.  Jesse and I had a small glass of champagne to celebrate.  Joy!
2014-03-03  (9 weeks)
I have so many fears this time around.  I am six years older and I've let myself become out of shape even though Jesse continuously scolds me about exercising.  I am hoping I can remain active during this pregnancy and start a new workout regimen post baby. 

I also worry about the age difference between Simona and the baby.  Mind you, my sister and brother are 6-7 years older than me and we still manage to get along and have bonded later in life.  I just feel guilty that we were unable to have a baby earlier and provide Simona a playmate and sibling that could be more like a friend rather than a truly younger sibling.  At the least she will have a sibling and won't be alone.

I can already tell she will make a wonderful big sister.  She reminds me of myself in that way.  Not that I was ever a big sister but I always had a knack for children and babies.  Even as a child I remember doting on babies and toddlers.  She is the same and will undoubtedly dote on her baby brother or sister. 

I am anxious for my next appointment and see the progress of my little smudge.  I sincerely hope all is well.  I don't believe I'll feel quite settled in this pregnancy until we find out the sex of the baby and all his/her organs have developed normally.

I should really attempt to take my mind of things by studying for the AREs.   


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