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2015-08-12  (baby has arrived)
School in 2016
You're 4 years and 2 months old this week! WOW! Recently we went to an International School in our area to assess your development for school next year!!! School NEXT YEAR!! You have grown so fast and I have no control on slowing that down... pretty scary. Today dad & I will sign the contract to have you enrolled into Grade R (Reception) You're a year younger than the average kid and we've proud and nervous all at the same time. I sent your dad a message earlier saying that I'm panicking about the cost involved... there are deposits and registration fees etc etc that need to be paid. We're covered for it all although it will be a struggle to go on a major holiday anytime soon. Today is also the day I decided to start writing in this journal again. People often talk writing down the experiences and milestones that you go through. It's tough to keep at it as time and life just pass you by. I will set a reminder in my phone or on my pc to write a journal every month. I must!  
2015-08-12  (baby has arrived)
Turning 4... WHAT!!!!
It’s one week till the day you turn 4… wow, and time is flying by. There isn’t a week that goes by that we don’t get compliments about how pretty you are or how well you behaved or how easily you went to bed at night. We are so lucky to have you as you are… never change.  
2015-08-12  (baby has arrived)
a letter to me
It’s time to write a letter to you, Belinda… I’m a strong and loving wife, daughter, granddaughter, niece and mother. Although I haven’t turned out to be the patient mother I always dreamed about I did the best I could. Looking back now on some of the letters I’ve written I sometimes cannot understand what all the commotion was about… I can’t seem to recognise those harsh feelings I felt towards my beautiful baby girl. Only now that I’m past this stage can I say to myself… it’s not that bad! What was the fuss about?! At the time though, sleep deprivation and stressful situations threw me over the edge and I could not cope - - - it’s weird now when I remind myself how deep in this black hole I went. I made a move to speak to someone, a counsellor that didn’t know me or my family, a place where I could just put it all out there… even the ugly bits!! I am so grateful for a loving husband that stood at my side in my time of need. I realise now that what happened to me happens to many, plenty, thousands of woman and I took relief in the fact that I wasn’t alone (not that it made it any easier) My precious Emily… you have showed only love towards me day in and day out and I know that you will always love me no matter how many mistakes I make. I wish I could go back to the times where I “lost it” and apologize freely and know that you forgive me – you were so terribly tiny and I didn’t know how to soothe you or my mind for that matter. I admit that in the first 16 months I was not in love with motherhood… mothers all around me that had their babies after me would share their stories and all my stories were negative… I hated that feeling! I hated that I couldn’t dote on your every smile and sleeping sound… your every giggle and attempt at a new thing... your first this or your first that! I promised myself time and time again that I would record things about your different milestones and I have failed in that department – hopefully the pictures and videos make up for this. You are now celebrating your 2nd birthday this weekend and I have fallen in love with you over the last six months. You are my everything and I cannot see my life without you neither do I want to! You are beautiful, funny, bright, loving, caring, helpful and I cannot wait to watch you grow each and every day. The subject of having another baby has entered my mind on countless occasions especially when close friends or family are going on 2, 3 or 4 children and as much as I don’t want my baby girl to be a lonely child … I’m at a stage where I’m just comfortable with the mistakes I’ve made over those first 16 months and I’m not ready to have another child. I won’t know what the right decision is and when I’ll make it but I pray that whatever I decide I will be able to come to terms with it.  
2012-02-29  (baby has arrived)
Being a mom is TOUGH!!

It has been quite a journey… but as most mom’s might say “Gee where has the time gone?” I don’t really feel it fly by all that fast.

Emily will be 9 months on Friday and she is the sweetest, friendliest, happiest child… we  her to bits n pieces. She is extremely strong for her young age and very busy! I know, I know all babies are busy but geees-louise!!!! This child does not stop!! Everything she does is in double time – as soon as you pick her up she wants to turn in the opposite direction. She’s crawling so fast I wonder if she sometimes gets carpet burn, lol.


It’s been a good week or so that she’s been standing and taking her first few steps… again some say this is early but boy does she want to get moving! The confidence she has about being on the move is amazing. I also find that she doesn’t cry for any little bump… bruises all over her legs and even bum from all the up down around and around!!! 

It’s always a heart-warming moment every morning when she wakes up and you’re the first person she sees -> Ah that smile will get her out of ANYTHING!!! Such a precious PRECIOUS girl we have made J Emily loves the daycare that she’s in although mom is finding it tough in the traffic every morning we know it’s the best place for her right now.

Had a brief ‘heart2heart’ with hubby the other night (granted he was ready for bed and switched off the light after I said I wanted to chat….  that gets me angry) Anyway, I shared the fact that as much as I’m the mother and most things come more naturally to mom’s it’s still very unfair that every night when baby niggles or cries out I’m the one that always gets up through the night. Lately I’ll admit I’m still struggling to be the model parent that will do anything for my child – no sleep needed… NO, sleep is very much needed actually!!! While hubby just turns over or starts snoring while I’m feeding bubs… it really gets to me. I often think I need to speak to someone professionally about these issues. Other mom’s around me (close friends that have had babies after I had mine) their offspring are ANGELS… textbook babies… sleeping for hours on end and breast feeding so nicely it makes me want to vomit with envy!!

Emily has tummy issues – she’s suffered from winds from birth. I’m still not sure if it’s the formula we’re giving her or if it’s now the solids that we’ve introduced. Oh forgot to mention… she has 4 teeth already and the last two nights have been sleepless as I presume more are about to cut through.


I love you my angel - - - mom just needs help sometimes


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