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My partner and I have a four-year old son, who we adopted from Asia at eight months. He just started daycare recently, and has been coming home crying a lot. He says that the kids have been asking him why he has two daddies and not a daddy and a mommy. My partner and I have tried to explain that families come in all shapes and sizes, but he still is unsure. Can anyone recommend a book or two that will help us reassure our child? ↓
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| Name: JCC | Date: Jun 22nd, 2005 9:26 PM |
| Hasn't everyone been teased about something in their life? Either it's two dads, no dad, old dad, etc. If there were no family situation it would be fatty, pinhead etc. Kids are cruel, and it is very hard to watch your son being bullied. You are obviously very caring parents and the most important thing in your child's life is your love and support. Try not to take it to heart too much. I can't recommend a book unfortunately but wanted to offer a message of support. ↑ |
| Name: E MOM | Date: Aug 9th, 2005 6:32 AM |
| I am not aware of a book but just wanted to say that there are other families out there and he is not alone. My neice is 6yrs old (and just got a baby sister) She has a mommy and a momma. She thinks it is neat because she has two when others just have one! ↑ |
| Name: heather | Date: Aug 19th, 2005 4:52 PM |
| first of all...congratulations!!! thats good. i think asian babies are adorable! im about to have one myself...well, my bfs asian. lol. im soo excited. but as far as the situation goes, if you raise him right and things are the same with him as they are with every kid, i dont think there should be problem. i mean, jcc also right, i have no dad and 2 dads would be ok with me. and e mom is also right saying that people are out there with 2 mommys. same thing. i mean, people love who they love and they cant help that and if any one seen anything wrong with that im pretty sure yall wouldnt have been able to adopt. if your child is a happy child, then leave it at that. i mean, ive seen kids get teased for all reasons and its not just because yall are two guys. kids get teased because they live in a littler house, because the other kids parents have more money, because they have a funny haircut...this is no different. do your best to reassure him, no one can make him listen but you. i hope everything works out for the best..good luck. ↑ |
| Name: bigdaddy | Date: Sep 19th, 2005 10:42 PM |
Well, there's Candiee again--probably the same person nosing around as "Shariee", who has more time to judge others that she does for her own kids (straight people have SUCH a fixation on sex between same gender people!). Anyway, let's have some fun and figure out what your kid could say in school:
"Double your pleasure, double your fun, two daddies are MUCH better than one"
"I told god I wanted two daddies so that both my parents would take me to baseball games"
"Well, for one thing, no one in our house ever nags about leaving the toilet seat down"
"Why do I have two daddies? Because a growing boy can never be exposed to too many muscle cars and power tools"
"Two daddies kick twice the ass"
"God wanted to make sure I would be butch, so he gave me two healthy male role models"
etc... Anyone else wanna play?
BTW, my child will only have one daddy and his mommy will live in another state with her husband and their kids. So f'n what? He/ She will be living in a proven happy, loving home with two other babies, two uncles, and an auntie. ↑ |
| Name: James | Date: Sep 27th, 2005 3:25 AM |
I grew up the only black kid in class and experienced teasing similar to your son. All my parents did was to love me, tell me I was loved, and like you two did, explain that families do come in all sizes, shapes, and colors, and more. Just love your son. That's the greatest gift you can give him.
Oh, yes, a snappy come back. Read, "I Came to Love You Late." IT's the story of Mary and Martha of Bethany. Joyce Landorf wrote it. Martha adopts an orphan that faced the same taunting by kids. She provides a snappy comeback. God Bless ↑ |
| Name: Kimberly | Date: Feb 1st, 2006 11:48 PM |
| I think your son is lucky to have 2 Dads. I think that you should try to see if you and your partner can find a support system there where you live, that is what my partner and I are doing. We have a 7 and 3 year old and we wanted to join a support group for our kids so that they know that it is perfectly normal to have 2 Dads or 2 Moms. My son thinks that it is pretty cool to see other kids like him and he has a blast watching how all the Moms and Dads interact with each other. Well Good Luck to you and your family just some advice from 2 Moms. ↑ |
| Name: to??? | Date: Feb 13th, 2006 5:17 AM |
| I guess you haven't been in touch with the news of all these famous gay people that are adopting. If it was so wrong to raise kids because you are 2 moms or 2 dads, they would not let these people adopt children. But they are allowed to adopt, because they know that they are just as loving as a so called normal couple, in fact I think they are a lot better than a so called normal couple because they are comfortable with who they are and know what they want in life and will only want the best for their children. Look at these so called normal couples that are parents, look what their kids are face to see drugs,abuse, violence, they are no better. People are not perfect but we can make the most of who we are. It's people like you out there and agree that makes this world a hateful place to live in and that teach children that if they are not this certain way they are an outcast. By the way if you can't stand Gay people so much then why are you here looking and responding to these post?Get a life! ↑ |
| Name: Kimberly | Date: Feb 14th, 2006 6:11 PM |
| Just because we are Gay doesn't mean that we have to keep it inside our home, because homophobiacs think we are not normal. Gay people are accepted all over now, even in the schools Teachers know that our children are just like other so called normal children and by us being Gay and raising them up with 2 Moms or 2 Dads doesn't mean they are being faced with a lot more challenges, or being traumatized because of this. In fact the kids are the ones that are more adapting than the adults are because they can understand that some people are different from other people. My 3 year old daughter's school, the kids thought she was lucky because she had 2 Moms, because they saw how much we loved her and participated in all her school functions. Like I said Gay couples are more in tuned with their children than normal couples are. There are Gay people are all over the place in office settings, the schools, military, lawyers, doctor's every job there is there is a gay person. But we know how to conduct ourselves and respect other people around us. Are you sure you are not in the closet and just don't know how to face your feelings? ↑ |
| Name: reply | Date: Feb 14th, 2006 9:28 PM |
| Same sex is not normal and wrong in majority of public view so why make a kid suffer...... I think that is all ??? means. ↑ |
| Name: bigdaddy | Date: Feb 18th, 2006 9:44 PM |
| Not only does the peer reviewed research show it, but I personally know enough people raised by gay singles and couples to indicate that their kids grow up to be at LEAST as healthy (and happy) as the kids of straight couples. Just because something repulses you (for whatever reason) doesn't mean it's wrong for other people, especially when it is perfectly legal. After all, the very thought of my own parents having sex grossed me out for years (and still does, a bit). But does that make it wrong? How do you feel about masturbation? How do you feel about May/December marriages? How do you feel about legal prostitution in Nevada? One really simple thing you can do to make life better for the kids of lesbian and gays would be to stop imposing your personal hang-ups on them. You are hurting MY daughter. Stop it! ↑ |
| Name: to Candiee | Date: Feb 25th, 2006 8:41 AM |
| Ok well im sure there son is in a loving home and just because they are a gay couple does not mean that its a bad situation. I grew up in a lesbian home and had pressure from peers but I would not choose different parents no matter what. That child has a home and is not being passed around from home to home waiting for STRAIGHT parents. I commend these men because they are more of a man than many of the fathers I know. They are now caring for a child that someone else could not care for. ↑ |
| Name: Sarah | Date: Feb 25th, 2006 8:44 AM |
| This is to HAdad maybe you can talk to the daycare and the other parents and go in there with your partner and explain this to the class and it may help them understand and make you son more comfortable at school. I dont know if this would work but it might let the other children know more than what your son can tell them. ↑ |
| Name: Delivered | Date: Mar 15th, 2006 7:17 PM |
| Poeple who bash a homosexual lifestyle cannot throw any stone. If you lie, steal, covet..or break any of the other ten commandments..you are no different in the sight of God. Believers in the word of God, should not try to beat a person down with it..that is not the character of Christ. We are commissioned to love people no matter what. Love conquers all! To everyone no matter you choices...seek the Lord and He will save you through Christ. I was single mother for 7 years of my sons life, and had a same sex partner during that time. People are quick to judge and you don't know what may have happened in a person's life. Yes it is a choice,,,,everything we do is. Let God's word bring conviction, not hateful people being judgemental as thou their is a total representation of Christ. I changed not because of people, but what God did in my life. Stay encouraged to all...true christians don't badger. ↑ |
| Name: Sandy | Date: Mar 17th, 2006 11:31 PM |
| The program Ally is referring to was 60 Minutes--I think you can get a summary of the show from the 60 minutes website (use Google, I don't know the site offhand). HAdad, maybe you could call a PFLAG hotline for some ideas--or go to one of their meetings if you don't already go. ↑ |
| Name: All for it | Date: Mar 25th, 2006 4:01 PM |
| You know i am all for being happy doing what makes you happy. I was married and after we wed and had a child, then he wants to use me as his beard and lead his own separate male relationship. Figure out what you want, deal with it, and THEN have children or adopt. Don't bring children into a relationship that is built on false foundations! I commend HAdad for providing a loving home! KUDOS! ↑ |
| Name: Jill | Date: May 21st, 2006 10:17 PM |
| Your little boy is lucky to have two parents that love him so much. I think if you love him and educate him he will be just fine. We have an AA daughter through adoption and people can be a bit rude. Whether they are AA people commenting on the fact that her hair is not properly being taken care of (it's fine I just prefer to leave it natural over braiding which she doesn't like) or Cauc. people who are curious to know why we chose an AA child over a Cauc. child. I believe love knows no limits and is color blind, our daughter will hopefully feel this way when she is older and able to make important decisions on her own. Keep loving your son, some day he'll be aware of the really important things in life and unconditional love will be the most important lesson he will have to bring with him throughout his life. ↑ |
| Name: Jill | Date: May 22nd, 2006 6:22 PM |
| Actually if you are referring to love as unconditional and selfless then no, pedophiles do not love their children as they are not even capable of loving themselves. Furthermore homosexuality and pedophilia are not synonomous and that comment is rediculous. I would much rather a child be raised by two daddies or two mommies then by a staff in an orphanage. I don't see you adopting children in need and providing them a better way of life. Until your home is filled with children in need, keep your comments to yourself. ↑ |
| Name: to ??? below | Date: Jun 1st, 2006 12:34 AM |
my best friend has two fathers. and there is nothing in the world wrong w her. she is one of the most caring people i know and has amazing taste in clothes because one of her fathers is more feminine and enjoys fashion and such. if you have such an opposition to same sex couples or same sex couples adopting children, then i feel sorry for you. you apparently wernt raised in an open minded household. i am only 18, so im not grown and married. there is NOTHING wrong with having two mothers or two fathers. i am not homosexual but i understand people who are. you cant control that. sorry if this seems rambling, it just irks me that people are so closed minded.
HAdad, just make sure your son knows that you love him and that there are SO many different types of families. as long as he is raised in a loving and supportive home, im sure he wont have any problems :) ↑ |
| Name: EthansMom0213 | Date: Jun 26th, 2006 6:07 PM |
As much as we would like to protect our children from the outside world we simply can not. Kids are cruel for several reasons. 1) Because they learn it at home and 2) Same goes for adult, they simple do not understand. I am 29 years old. Although I was raised by my mom but I always had my dad in my life who is homosexual. I think this has allowed me to be more open about alot of things and has made me a much stronger person. I would just recommend that if your son asks question to just do the best of your capabilites to answer them. If your uncomfortable he will be uncomfortable with the situation as well. Keep reassuring him that some kids have a mommy and daddy, some kids have just a mom or dad but he has been blessed to have two daddies who love him very much. As he gets older and understand more you can go into more details since his question will most like become more indepth.
In 1990, there where two books that were published Heather has two mommies by Leslea Newman and Daddy's Roommate by Michael Willhoite. Found this on the internet apparently they are suppose to be really good books when it comes to helping younger kids understand.
Again as much as we would like to change the world right now it's simply just not possible. When the time comes I will eventually have to explain to my son and the baby that I am currantly carring why he has two grandpa's that live together. My dad likes to think that my children won't ask but I am pretty sure that my son is already quit aware that his house that he shares with his partner only has one room with a bed. And I am excited to do this because this will mean that there will at least two more people in this world that will be open when it comes to different lifestyles. ↑ |
| Name: books | Date: Jun 26th, 2006 8:25 PM |
http://www.planetout.com/entertai
nment/books/lists/forkids.html
I
found several books on this site. ↑ |
| Name: bladerunnerx16 | Date: Jul 11th, 2006 7:19 PM |
BECAUSE TWO DAD'S KICK TWICE THE ASS!!!!!!!!!!!
Sitting in the corner for a day is every bit worth defending himself, Make sure he knows that. ↑ |
| Name: sally24 | Date: Aug 4th, 2006 2:06 PM |
| Do you have other same sex couples who have children that you know ? I work with young children in the education and family services feild and although books are great , the best thing for your little boy is to see other families just like yours , look for resources in your community , or heck if you have the time start your own play group , this will be very benifical for him other than that you sound like to loving and devoted parents , I only got one mom and a half assed dad so I think any child is lucky to have two parents. Just keep being loving and honest with him he will come to terms with this on his own time , doesn't hurt to also let the school know what exactly is going on ethier don't point out names just let them know of the situation. ↑ |
| Name: megan | Date: Aug 18th, 2006 5:14 PM |
| hi my name is megan and im lookong 4 a girl who dress like a boy ↑ |
| Name: dyy | Date: Oct 11th, 2006 12:45 AM |
| its okay my aunt has a girlfriend (or wife) iwas nervous about them first but as i got older it diddnt bother me theres nothing wrong with that ↑ |
| Name: matt | Date: Oct 16th, 2006 12:26 AM |
My partner and I want to adopt in the future. We are in Chicago, 25 and 35, very successful, and live healthy lives.
I am trying to find out others experience with adoption.
I am just beginning research, but read that adopting internationally for gay parents can be difficult because other countries are not as open as ours.
What did you do, why did you chose an international adoption?
Please help, I need some guidance... ↑ |
| Name: jairo varela | Date: Jan 22nd, 2008 12:43 AM |
| The Bible will reassure "your" kid that gay is not right. ↑ |
| Name: daddyof3 | Date: Feb 2nd, 2008 9:12 AM |
Go to http://colage.org/ (Children of Lesbians & Gays Everywhere), find your nearest chapter, and start attending activities. If there is no chapter nearby (the nearest one to us was 2,300 miles away) then contact COLAGE and start one (If you build it, they will come--we now meet monthly with up to five other families for play dates and activities). There are also parent groups http://www.familyequality.org/ http://www.thecentersd.org/familymatters.php http://www.ourfamily.org/ http://www.rainbowfamilies.org/ and on and on. Check the 'links' at each of these sites for more. The COLAGE links are here: http://www.colage.org/resource
s/organizations.htm
Finally
,
there are national events to attend. Our family is going on a R-Cruise (http://www.rfamilyvacations.com/) this year. There are always lots of kids, and the friends your son will make in other q-families will go a long ways to reassure him that he is not only normal, but lucky as hell. ↑ |
| Name: caucajun32 | Date: Feb 4th, 2008 5:21 AM |
Well, this certainly is just the beginning of a childhood and future adolencence that this child will have to deal with cruelty from others. As much as you both may love and care for this child, he is going to have to deal with what ever feelings he will have, whether or not they are inflicted by other's stimuli or self thought .He will be ridiculed, and teased as he gets older.
You and your partner may want to teach him a PC world of acceptance and that everyone who will tease him is wrong and mean. That in and of itself is will not change what your child will or will not feel. You can teach him that he shouldn't feel a certain way because of the life style that his daddies live, but no one can say that whatever he ends up feeling and dealing with is incorrect. This kid probably has a high chance of ending up in psychotherapy because of the life thats headed his way.
Regardless of the world that you and your partner would like to live in, we all live in a cruel, mean world and it's headed straight for your adoppted son. ↑ |
| Name: jj, | Date: Feb 4th, 2008 1:44 PM |
| Name: matazgays | Date: Oct 14th, 2008 10:40 PM |
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