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Hey, I have been on here a few times. Not a lot though. I am in a relationship with a man who is 16 years older than me and has three kids. We get along wonderfully but don't agree on situations with the kids. He gets mad at me if I repremand them in any way. What do I do? It is my house, and I do everything for the kids when it comes to cleaning and cooking and shopping and stuff. I try and give him all the time with the kids since he rarely sees them. We have them three nights a week. His kids ages are 6, 4, and 20 months. They DO NOT understand nor comprehend the word "NO"!! What do I do? I helped raise my cousins and when they were 13 months old, they were picking up their own toys, and totally understood the word no. How do I deal with this, without fighting with my S2B hubby? Any advice is much appreciated, thank you. ↓
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| Name: Lizzi | Date: Dec 29th, 2006 9:22 PM |
| Sounds like he wants to spoil them because he doesn't see them much. But what he needs to understand is that the also need good discipline too and it starts when they are young. If you can't make him see this now then you're in for a bumpy road ahead I'm afraid. ↑ |
| Name: Lizzi | Date: Dec 29th, 2006 9:26 PM |
| Actually 3 days a week is quite often in my opinion. It's enough for you and him to agree upon some rules for the kids beings you are all going to be sharing the same house so much. You really need to make him understand your point of view because you should have just as much say in how to raise them when they are there with you because it is your house too and if he wants a life with you then he should include you as being a parent that his kids should be respectful of. ↑ |
| Name: Lory | Date: Dec 30th, 2006 1:27 AM |
| Hi BrookeW, my hubby and I had these issues at first. Lizzi's right. Really, really try to sit down and have a discussion with your S2B hubby about your concerns if you can. Talk to him about including you in the parenting. Let him know that you are trying to make a home and a future together. Parenting needs to be done jointly. And...it truly works when both of you are together on the parenting. Good Luck to you! ↑ |
| Name: tweetybird4 | Date: Dec 30th, 2006 3:18 PM |
| BrookeW---Perhaps you can sit soon to be hubby down and ask him what your place is in the family? Explain to him that you are not trying to take control of his children but you want to be a compliment to him by helping to raise good children. Explain that you don't want to feel like the nanny, housekeeper, cook, etc...but you want consideration and respect that you deserve. Especially, if he is gone to work and your home with the children, you need to have some kind of parental authority towards them. Your only trying to help teach them good behavior. Explain this to him and let him know how your feel and see how he feels about your place with them. Tell him your not trying to be demanding but you want respect for the both of you. See what he says, perhaps you've already had this talk with him. See if he's looking for similiar guidance and discipline that you are. I do hope things will work out and get better. Explain to him about your help in raising your counsins. It doesn't mean that you are planning to raise his children the same way but your only trying to teach responsible behavior. That's all that your asking for. I wish you well and keep us posted. I hope this helps. ↑ |
| Name: BrookeW | Date: Dec 30th, 2006 3:31 PM |
| Thank you everyone. And Lizzi, I agree with you all they way about him trying to spoil them. He feels bad for them because they are in a broken family, and because they are so young. I feel bad also but it doesn't mean that we can let them run around wild just because they are going through a rough time in life. The mother of the children also lets them run wild constantly, she always has. I am not saying she is a bad mother at all, I just don't agree with her parenting skills at times. I know kids are not perfect, but shouldn't they 6 and 4 year old atleast be cleaning up their toys when they are done playing? I hope I am not expecting too much of them by asking that. Do you ladies have kids? How old were they when they were picking up there own toys and cleaning up after they are done playing with a certain toy? I am not asking them to wash the dishes or clean the laundry lol, but I just want them to comprehend the word no, and clean up their own toys!! It is very frustrating, because I know it would so much easier if I just did it for them. Am I wrong? Thank you for all the in-put ladies!! ↑ |
| Name: Lory | Date: Dec 30th, 2006 3:46 PM |
| Hello BrookeW, I honestly don't think your are wrong on your feelings about them picking up. And...yes they should definately be or already know the word NO! I have and 11 yr. old daughter. I'll probably sound like a big hypocrite here. But... she is what I call a miracle baby. (i wasn't supposed to have been able to conceive) So...I spoiled her to no end! I always did "everything" for her. The only time I ever told her NO was if she was in danger! Now...I'm having a heck of a time with her. Don't get me wrong...she's a great kid. She does get much discipline. Just lazy, won't clean her room etc. We didn't have my step-children here enough to be in that postion. But...when they were here. They had to follow "our" rules. They didn't like it much. I suppose that is why they didn't like being here! It's kinda difficult all the way around. The blended family thing. Hang in there! ↑ |
| Name: tweetybird4 | Date: Dec 30th, 2006 3:48 PM |
| I have three children but when they were little, I tried to enforce them to pick up their toys when they were done playing with them. If they didn't I would put them in a garbage bag and make them think I was throwing them out because they were unwilling to take care of them. Well, that got them off their butts and they learned how to pick them up when I said I was getting out the garbage bag. I never really threw any of their toys out, I put them in a rubber maid container and stored them in the basement for about 6 months and then pulled them out. I would go through their things and filter out the small toys that they just throw around here and there. Honestly, they never really missed most of them because they had so many but to them it was like getting all new toys again. No, your not being unreasonable or harsh. Your teaching them to learn how to pick up after themselves which a quality alot of adults don't have today. ↑ |
| Name: BrookeW | Date: Jan 1st, 2007 11:36 PM |
| Thanks to everyone. I really just have to sit down with him and figure out some of the same dicipline (sp) rules for the kids. It is just very hard because he just wants them to be happy and not feel like he is a bad daddy, which is totally understandable. But him and his S2B ex have been seperated for over a year now, so I think the guilt should be gone soon. Does anyone know about when he will stop feeling guilty towards the kids for leaving? We he ever stop? LOL.. I hope so.. But we'll see.. Thanks again! ↑ |
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