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This is my first post here but I could use some advise. Background in a nut shell. My husbands and his ex were divorced in 1992 after she requested he leave, their daughter was 4 at the time. I met and married my husband in 1997. From 1992 to 1997 the ex-wife had 5 arrest warrants issued for his failure to pay child support. During this period my husband who is alcoholic was abusing alcohol. After we met and married he began a road (which has included relaspes) to soberiety. His recovery has included paying support, including back to the point that by the time his daughter graduated (2006)he was current on all debt. I am sharing this because during all the years I have been with my husband, his ex-wife would regularly leave messages that their daughter needs weren't being met because she wasn't receiving enough money. These calls were always during the day (ie working hours) and went on & on. My husband would sometimes call her back and tell her that she should contact the state because he did pay (we have proof she received money) but to not contact him.....they never ever had a civil conversation...occassionally she would yell "I hate you".....what??? Other messages would be bashing me and blaming me for whatever. Keep in mind the ex is remarried (she hurried into a marriage as soon as word reached her that I was pregnant, seriously). So anyhow after the stepdaughter graduated and he was paid all child support. We went about 2 months before yet another call from the ex...."Could you spare $1000 to help ___ go to Italy"......what???? I freaked out!!! How dare this woman STILL call my home. Nevermind that we have 4 children we are still raising and "Italy" is outrageous!!! My husband doesn't see what my problem was because he never gave the money. Now it has been a complete year since we heard from the ex-wife. And this past weekend she has sent us an invite to their daughter's going off to college party.......this will be with the ex-wifes sister, parents , the daughters friends etc.....at his ex-sister in laws house....I would also like to share that the ex-mom-in-law served my husband with papers!!!!! My husband has never had a good relationship with his daughter, she is very angry at him for not supporting her during those years when she was 4-8 (or so) she acts exactely like her mom, you can not have any conversation without her mentioning how broke she is, ever...yet Louis Vitton (sp), Coach, Dooney, etc are not lacking in her accessories department. He never forced her to come visit....and there for she visit maybe 2 times a year. When the stepdaughter graduated we did receive a similiar invite and the stepdaughter called and asked me if we were going. I told I didn't think so, that her father & I were not comfortable around her moms side of the family. I extended an invite to have dinner/gifts with us.....she said she would....she never did. I do understand that this is his daughter.....that he wants to do whatever she ask....he has told me he is willing to be "uncomfortable for an hour" because she invited him.............to me I know that there will be weddings, births and such......but I have no desire to go to the ex's for this going away affair....my husband says he understands my feelings...........I just don't get why pretend that we are friends....we are not....she (the ex) has been nothing short of a witch to me, my husband and our children.............and I have always bet my tongue out of respect to his daughter......so anyhow the party is in two weeks ↓
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| Name: Lory | Date: Aug 8th, 2008 12:33 AM |
You know what I do in situations like this...go with how I feel or I want to do! 14 yrs of dealing with a witch X....I will not ever put myself or our daughter in her, her kids, her families line of fire again. Dh can go if he wants...but...he understands when I say..don't expect me and our daughter to attend for the abuse. Sign a card and send dh on his way.
Your sd will dislike you no matter what in the end...especially if she's been programmed to do so. Have I attended graduations, births, etc. in the past. UH, huh....thats why my & dd's rears won't be attending anymore. The X's family is as sick and crazy as she is!! I need to be straight with the situation & myself these days.....just food for thought for you. Good Luck in whatever you decide. ↑ |
| Name: kitzers | Date: Aug 25th, 2008 6:53 PM |
| Well update....at some point my stepdaughter called & wanted to know if her Dad & I would be attending party....yes, we will. Then we received a couple of more calls..."If you can't make the party, no big deal". DH says this is because although we were invited, no one really wants us there...would rather complain that we didn't go. (He was absoulety correct). We went stayed for about an hour, brought gifts & $$$ and our two boys. Although I was not very comfortable I actually believe that they were much more uncomfortable. And glad it is over with!! ↑ |
| Name: nice20008 | Date: Aug 26th, 2008 3:32 AM |
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