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i'm going through a very bad divorce right now. It has been going on for a year now. I want it over so bad, but the husband thinks for some reason after thousands of dollars I'll be coming back. What I need advice on is how to handle the husband telling lies to our 4 boys when he has them on his visitations. boy, he is a peach. he states that I am a whore in front of my kids. He is always talks bad about me how i am cheating and committing adultry. it been over ayear since I file on him!!! I'm sorry but I have needs and have been with no one until just this month. I found a wonerful guy that likes me and my kids. He has kids of his own also so he is loving that there are more. He is a kid at heart which my kids need, my husband has not been in their lives much at all. All this guy wants is their friendship and to have as much fun as he can with them. If I have been seperated legally from my husband and trying really hard to get the divorce over with, am I still committing adultry if I do sleep with this guy? My husband is a manipulative and controlling person and I think he is trying everything to turn my kids against me. Any advice will be appreciated. thanks ↓
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| Name: kb3lzh13 | Date: Jan 8th, 2007 3:09 PM |
| tell your kids flat out y dad did that to me and my bro i knew my mom wasnt and he be saying these things so youll go back i may not be married but my mom told me that u need to talk to your kids and handle ur ex husband your self and tell him or go to the judge and say i dont want my boys seeing there dad if he is going to constintaly tell them lies bout me you need to be strong get back at him to but at the same time be the better person ↑ |
| Name: Lizzi | Date: Jan 8th, 2007 7:50 PM |
| If you are legally separated then i would say no it's not adultry. Why's it taking so long for the divorce to go through? ↑ |
| Name: baby69 | Date: Jan 8th, 2007 8:02 PM |
| lizzi, Your guess is as good as mine. He does not want to let go, for some reason but then on the other hand he hates me. He is dragging this thing on to no end. I thinking this could take 2 years or more. ↑ |
| Name: baby69 | Date: Jan 8th, 2007 8:04 PM |
| kb3lzh13, I have talked with the kids, the ex wont quit and wont talk to me. ↑ |
| Name: help4u | Date: Jan 9th, 2007 3:59 AM |
| Hey girl ,don't worry I'm sure your kids really love you and if this guy is as good to you and them, as you say, then they will see right through the sh*&# their dad is saying to them and respect you for telling them the truth down the road as they get older and see things for what they are..... good luck we are here for you. ↑ |
| Name: baby69 | Date: Jan 9th, 2007 4:33 AM |
| I hope it gets better help4u thanks!!! ↑ |
| Name: tweetybird4 | Date: Jan 9th, 2007 5:10 AM |
| My divorce took me 2 years because my ex was unagreeable to anything. However, if you are legally separated and you mentioned you filed for divorce, well, your personal business is your business....no one elses including your soon to be ex. But, if you do have relationship with your new man in your life, be descrete about things in front of the kids which I'm sure you will. I met a decent man right after I filed for divorce. Oh, my ex drove by my house, took pictures of his truck parked in the driveway and would constantly have his lawyer bring the issue up about me co-habitating with another man. Big deal!! His accusations didn't do squat for him in court over it. They only difference was that I signed off from received any maintenance money from him. I didn't care if I could get it or not, I wanted away from him. But, when it came down to custody of the children, I was required by the judge to share in joint custody. Unless, I wanted to go into a long drag out custody battle things would have been different. I wasn't trying to keep the children from him, I was trying to keep myself from him. But, he still haunts me everytime he has his visitation. You won't be able to make him stop his rude comments unless your willing to file a deformation of character suit against him. Doing that is very hard to prove. Just keep reminding the children that what your ex says about you is untrue and not very nice to say. Hold your head up high, he's the one, who has issues over the split and is trying very hard to make your life miserable. Don't let him!! Focus on the positive things you have.....your children. Don't let yourself get upset when you hear derrogatory comments. Keep your cool with no nasty responses in return and your children will eventually see, who is the better person. It's going to be along road ahead but keep your wits about you. Consult your attorney about any steps you take so that you are prepared. My ex had several witness testify in court on his behalf stating that I was a drunk and unresponsible mother. Okay, everyone has had an occasion where the alcohol has hit them like a tone of bricks, right? Well, my ex was trying to say that I would drink all the time, every single day. Sure, I did find myself hitting a bottle of something only because I couldn't stand to be around him and wanted to feel completely numb. But, I didn't allow it to affect my abilities as a good mother. I would usually wait until the kids were in bed or when we would go out for the evening, together. So, naturally, he twisted everything around. Just hang in there and not let him get the best of you. You are entitled to move on with your life. No one can fault you for that. Your ex is angry and jealous. Let him wallow in his own misery. ↑ |
| Name: baby69 | Date: Jan 9th, 2007 5:34 AM |
| tweetybird4, I felt that I was the only one with a idiot. he tried to state that I abused my kids. The only thing I did to my kids is spoil them. I ahve a problem with that now that I am a single parent, they are acting out because they are not used to me actually disciplining them hard. Why can't he get it through his head that I do not want to be around him anymore. He hates me yet wont divorce me, to me thats f$**ed up!!! ↑ |
| Name: tweetybird4 | Date: Jan 9th, 2007 9:44 PM |
Yes, it sucks. Unfortunately, he can't prevent the divorce from going through forever. You just have to be patient.
Now, you have to step up to the plate and "BE THE BOSS!" It will take the kids a while to get used to you in providing all of the discipline. Stand firm and follow through with what you say. Explain to them that you are not going to reward bad behavior. So, if they can't learn to respect you when you ask them to do something, then you don't have to do things for them. Working together is what makes a happy family. Hopefully, your boys will listen to you and respect you despite what their father does. It's going to be a struggle but repetition ususally helps. I do hope things get better for you. Terribly sorry this has happened. ↑ |
| Name: baby69 | Date: Jan 9th, 2007 11:05 PM |
| I am learning how to actually discipline them. They are coming around some what. I know it takes time, but it would be so much better if their dad would just shut up around them and let them think for themselves and not listen to him. ↑ |
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