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Hi, my name is Brooke, i am new to this site. i am 20 years old and in a relationship with a 36 year old man with three children from a previous marriage,(in the process of being divorced, thank God). they have been seperated for some time now. i was just wondering if some of you awesome ladies out there could give me a heads up on what i get to look forward to. it has been a struggle so far, but i'm trying to deal with it. I put myself in this position so now i have to learn how to deal with it. Of course his ex wife hates me, but i think she is trying to get the kids to hate me also. i am in no way trying to take her place as a mother, nor will i ever try. i will never put her down to the children either. if any of you have any advice, please feel free to speak up. I am all ears. thank you for your time. ↓
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| Name: Lizzi | Date: Nov 8th, 2006 5:01 PM |
| Hi BrookeW,are you sure you want to be involved in something so difficult this young? You could regret it down the road. That's alot of baggage to take on so young,are you sure you're up to it?Why not live life more simply and find someone who is more your own age and doesn't have all the baggage?The stress could take it's toll on you if you stick around. You should give it some serious thought. What does your family think? ↑ |
| Name: billy22 | Date: Nov 8th, 2006 5:24 PM |
| I think it's great that you are really trying and I hope you continue to work toward developing a healthy relationaship with them. I am a divorced mother of two, remarried and my ex has visitation with our kids. He is married to a younger woman(23 years) and she also has no kids of her own. It has been a struggle for all of us, but the bottom line is that it is best if everyone can get along and sometimes that means getting some outside help like counciling. If she is trying to get the kids to hate you that is her problem becaus ein the end the kids will grow up to know who was trying and who wasn't. It's hard when they are young, but all you can do is just pay attention to them and love them. Tyr to be nice to the mother even if you and her don't get along....I wish it were more that way for me:) Good Luck! It's a long road but hang in there, it's rewarding in the end:) ↑ |
| Name: BrookeW | Date: Nov 8th, 2006 6:20 PM |
| i give you a lot of credit than. my boyfriends ex is going crazy, which if i was in her shoes, i would probably be doing the same. my boyfriend and i sounds so cliche'.. him supposedly leaving his wife for the beatuiful young lady. but thats so not true! we were really good friends and i was just his shoulder to lean, on and than of course, you know it, one thing led to another. but now he has found total happiness which is a wonderful thing. and i am more than happy. i love him more than life itself. we make each other smile over the silly-est things. its a wonderful feeling being in love. but now back to HER! she has gone nuts?!?! i'm clueless on whats going to come next. she, unlike you, is not so understanding at all. she thinks i manipulated her and her kids and blah blah blah. she's certainly wacked if you know what i mean. i was just wanting to vent earlier and i found this site. so whats your story?? ↑ |
| Name: BrookeW | Date: Nov 8th, 2006 6:27 PM |
| Hi Lizzi. trust me, your not the first to say that. but believe me, its not that easy to just walk away from something you love more than anything. i am in this situation and now i have to deal with it. i am doing an okay job so far, but that was the easy part. i am living life to its fullest right now, but instead of with other people my age, its with the person i love the most. and its funny you asked what my family thinks... my mom and dad are amazing people, they have and will accept me for whatever it is i decide to become or do. at first it was some big news, but now they see how happy both him and i are and that just makes it so much easier for them to accept. its come to the point now, that my mom adores him, and my dad and him "hang out" atleast once a week. this isnt the cinderella story i had envisioned when i was younger, but he is my prince charming, just with three beautiful children. ↑ |
| Name: Lizzi | Date: Nov 8th, 2006 8:22 PM |
| Well it sounds like you've got your mind made up whole heartedly on this guy! There are definitely going to be bumps in the road so hang on tight! My best advice to you would be that as long as you treat his kids good then eventually they will love you no matter what crap their mother may try to put in their heads. By the way,how old are the kids? I hope your guy always makes you happy and you him because as long as you have that then that's all you really need! I'm glad your parents approve of him,that always helps too! Good luck in your future life together and enjot your readymade family! Are the two of you planning to marry when his divorce is final? ↑ |
| Name: fancy | Date: Nov 8th, 2006 8:48 PM |
| listen to lizzi shes correct ex's can be a handful so be prepared for anything and just love his kids like they were your own and the kids will find out whats real or not believe me my ex and his mother tired to brain wash my two boys at first they almost did but now they know mostly what their dad is like so be careful and best of luck I wish you all the luck in the world ↑ |
| Name: tweetybird4 | Date: Nov 8th, 2006 9:05 PM |
| Hi BrookeW---You need to get yourself some long wadder boots. Usually, the ex's throw a pile so big, it's hard to get out of. Although, one thing I can tell ya, is keep your wits about yourself. Don't let the ex see whatever she does get under your skin. They feed on that. Always try to remain positive with a happy little smile. Then, when you close the door and she's long gone, you can scream. Yet, that doesn't always work either. Just think things through before you make any rash decisions. Plus, if she's trying to get the kids to hate you, they'll see through it. Don't give in or be easy going just to make them happy either. Be firm and stand your ground. I'm not saying you have to be harsh and pass out orders but be fair. They'll be looking for that. You can be apart of their lives just as much as the ex and boyfriend is. Sometimes, you can be a venting place for them to go when mom and dad aren't cutting it for them. Hang in there, it's a long tow but if you and your boyfriend really connect with each other, this will work out for you all. ↑ |
| Name: BrookeW | Date: Nov 8th, 2006 9:48 PM |
Lizzi~
thank you so much! its so nice to hear such postive feedback, i wasn't sure what i was getting myself into on this site. the kids age's are 6-g 4-b 19 months-b. they are amazing kids. both my boyfriend and his ex have done a wonderful job raising them. yes we are planning on marrying when everything is final, but first we want to spend some time being us, and only us( kids are welcome, but she is NOT). If he wasn't worth it I would have left a long long time ago. lol but he is 100%. i love waking up to him every morning and falling alseep in his arms every night. he is an amazing guy and i'm so lucky to have him.
i have a question for you! why does everyone say that in the long run the kids will find out whos been making up all the lies and stuff? i would never lie to the kids or saying anything negative about their mother (i do always go over-board with what an exceptional mother they have though, i don't think they need to know how i really feel about her, they are way to young for that) but why does 99% of people say that the kids will always find out the truth lol.. ↑ |
| Name: BrookeW | Date: Nov 8th, 2006 9:49 PM |
| fancy~ thank you for the reply, i hope all is now well with you and your boys. it must of been a rough ride, huh? ↑ |
| Name: BrookeW | Date: Nov 8th, 2006 9:52 PM |
| tweetybird4~ I am almost prepared lol..I know I have a really rough road ahead of me. But I am strong enough and if My boyfriend and I can do this- thank we can do anything!! well, thats how I feel atleast lol. but thank you for your reply.. have you been in a similar situation? ↑ |
| Name: Lizzi | Date: Nov 8th, 2006 11:29 PM |
| Brookew,it just means that the kids do have a mind of their own and no matter what lies someone may try to put in their heads about you,they will eventually only believe what they feel for you themselves. So if you are good to them then they will feel that and know that and it won't matter what anyone else tries to say about you to get them not to like you. Once they feel their own love in their little hearts for you then no one will be able to take that away from them.you are lucky in that they are at a young enough age that you should be able to win them over pretty easily I would think. ↑ |
| Name: BrookeW | Date: Nov 8th, 2006 11:52 PM |
| lizzi~ good point. i try to be like the cool "step-mom" but than again the fair "step mom" if you know what i mean. like anything they can't do at there hous they can't do at mine either.. gotta go.. chat soon thanks again ↑ |
| Name: fancy | Date: Nov 9th, 2006 2:43 AM |
| sorry brooke for taking so long but yes thanks everything is alot better but still ex tries to start things but nothing that me and my husband (remarried of course) cant handle but its hard I know but things will get better it only has to right???? ↑ |
| Name: BrookeW | Date: Nov 9th, 2006 2:09 PM |
| Fancy~ well I am glad that everything is better now, how long did it take before it started getting better? i can NOT wait for it to start getting better. It hasn't even been a year yet, almost, so I am sure I have a lot to look forward to. I am just happy to hear I am not the only one in this situation! :) ↑ |
| Name: Serina S | Date: Nov 10th, 2006 3:21 AM |
Hi Brooke W YOu might be better off going to the Divoce family board. Not that theyse ladies are not get .They sure are but not may have had to deal wioth divorce ( thankGOd)
I am a step mother of 2 kids took a long time to deal with the ex .
Just make sure you tell the kids what roll you are taking . That you deserve respect and in turn they will get respect ... make sure they know you are there friend. I do hate to say this but you have a long hard road. I am going to bump some thing for you in the divorce boad. ↑ |
| Name: Serina S | Date: Nov 10th, 2006 3:22 AM |
| aww man Brook so sorry Iwas in the wrong broad not you! daa Will bump for you ↑ |
| Name: BrookeW | Date: Nov 10th, 2006 3:14 PM |
| Serina S~ I am sorry, i don't understand what you are saying. can you please explain a little better. thank you. ↑ |
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