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Here's my dilemma. My husband's ex will not stand up to his ex. She is a very manipulating person. I never had any issues with her before we got married but a week later all hell broke loose. They have two children me and my husband have any together at this time, but I have one. If she can't have her way she likes to threaten him by saying I guess I will just tell my attorney, this. She does not deal with me, because I had to let her know one day that when she tell us that she is going to be available for us to drop off the children then she needs to keep her word out of respect jsut as we do. During that conversation she stated, " well you didn't say anything before you two got married". That's true, it was not my place, but now the children are in OUR HOME and what she does to him effects our home. When she not home for us to drop them off, when she sends them with dirty clothes, when she threaten my husband with attorneys when he pays her child support get the children when he know he has to work it affects my household. Recently she told my husband that there daughter (supposedly) told her that we may be having a baby. So she asked him are we, he told her NO. Ladies tell me is that any of her business. I would not asked my child's father about him and his wifes business the only thing that we should be talking about is our child. I don't hate I actually feel sorry for her, that she has so much energy to continue with the annoying & stupid things she does. It's not like she is alone, she has a man the same man she was with when me and my husband started dating. I can't seem to make him understand that as soon as he stands up to her with everything, that will be the day he is free from her continous DRAMA. Has anyone been through this and if they had sucess please share. ↓
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| Name: girly29 | Date: Aug 11th, 2006 12:46 AM |
| Hello Remona....Your husband not falling into her questioning period would definatly end future questioning, I could understand if the ex was asking questions pertaining to the children, and only about the children. Maybe seeing now that you's are married you could do the drop off's? Depending on how old the kids are, because the older the kids are the less that needs to be said, they could say it for themselves. That would end it! I think your husband should of told the ex wife that its none of her business if you's decide to have a child or not. I think if she's going to be difficult then maybe it would be best to take it back to court ....It sounds like she still has feelings for your husband...My theroy is why else would she be questioning your husband for? If she truly was over the fact then she would care less with what goes on in her ex husbands life. Ya I agree with you, he should stand up to her. The minute she starts the game...Just completely cut her off and divert it back to the kids and their well being. She'll get the hint. Take Care I hope this helps..... ↑ |
| Name: Remona | Date: Aug 11th, 2006 12:32 PM |
| Thank you girly29. The children are both under 13y.o. We pick them up. I even started picking them up so he did not have to go and we drop them off together. I tried to explain to him that out of respect for us and me he should not answer anything concerning us only the children, but he thinks by me saying this I have something against her. That I don't. I didn't marry her I married him so why should I be concerned with her. I just told him to speak with one man and one woman (perferably his sister or cousin) who's opinion he respects and someone that will be honest with him. I told him to ask them what their response would be to her question and I'm sure it would be the same. I hope he does see where he can change this situation. I told him today if she wanted to know his business she should have stayed married to him, but now he is my husband and he happy so she needs to move on. Thank you again. ↑ |
| Name: pj754 | Date: Aug 11th, 2006 12:50 PM |
| I hear you loud and clear. I agree with giry29. The reason the ex seems so concerned with your husband's life is because she is jealous of you two being together. While she is making threats to contact her attorney, let her. It's her money she is willing to spend in making the phone calls. I'm sure her attorney will tell her that he won't argue over petty issues. From my experience with attorneys and judges, they don't get involved the petty issues. There has to be major issues that concern the best interest of the children. If she's not going to be home when your husband is to have the children returned back to her, that would be considered neglect. Therefore, if this issues does go back into court, she could possibly lose custody of the children. Keep a calendar journal of all the times she isn't present like she is suppose to be. As long as your husband is following the court order of their divorce papers regarding visitation and child support, she really doesn't have a leg to stand on. Since, you are married to her ex, you are considered as the step parent to the children. She really doesn't have too much to say about that either. As long as you are a responsible parent to the children which I'm sure you are, she can't prevent you to help with drop off and pick ups. As long as the children are properly cared for with a responsible adult, there is nothing she can do. This would be no different than hiring a responsible babysitter to care for the children while you and your husband go out for the evening. She is not allowed to call the shots inside your home. My ex tried bringing the issue that my boyfriend/fiance is not a responsible person to care for our children while I was at work. Yet, in court, he had no specific allegations to prove that he was irresponsible. The kids loved being with him and they had fun together while in his care. My ex was just bent because he felt someone else in my life was trying to replace him. He knew perfectly well I needed help in caring for our children while I worked and the courts agreed. You both do not have to listen to her rant and rave about petty issues. Your personal lives is absolutely none of her business and it's ok to tell her so. So, unless she has a major issue to discuss regarding the welfare of the children, cut her conversation off. You are not obligated to listen. Just try not to let her get the best of you. Sometimes, you have to let whatever she says roll off your shoulders. Keep a positive spirit and focus on how happy you all are. I hope this helps. ↑ |
| Name: Remona | Date: Aug 11th, 2006 1:37 PM |
| I do let a lot roll off my shoulders, a lot. When I told her that she needs to be home when we drop them off she got upset as I stated before. At that time I had asked my husband is she could start dealing with me because everytime she spoke with him she was says nasty, ugly things trying to him. I felt if she could not respect him she did not need to speak with him I don't talk down to him so why should I stand by and allow her to do it. He said that was fine. But the following week she calls early saying something was wrong with the youngest child and she didn't have the medical card. He tried suggesting faxing a copy when he made it to work, but she caught an attitude. So when he went to drop a copy off, she tells him my (ATTORNEY) told me that your wife doesn't have anything to do with the divorse decree so I can get a restaining order on her. WHY! I'm the same woman that takes good care of your children, they've never said any negetive things about me (believe that I know cause I would have heard that by now) so why what could she have told the attorney that would make them tell her that. Nothing... If she wants to lie in court as she has before then that's her. Me and my step daughter where very close before me and my husband got married, but a few months after we got married the mother did something very puzzling (regarding the daughter) that left me and my husband wondering what in the world could she be thinking because her lies will come back to hurt her. Well after that my stepdaught started acting really strange, even to the point of coming into her home and not speaking, having and attitude, etc. I quickly addressed with her, letting her know that she not appropriate. My husband acted as though it was not happening. I set and talk to her about doing the right things, but I was a parent before I became her stepmother and I can tell that she had heard something that she should not have heard. I ensured her that she can talk to me if something is bothering her, but she just cried. about a month ago she put a photo on my refrigerater of her, her mom and the yougest child. If I had never been HOT before that made me mad. I told my husband he needed to talk to her and explain to her. My child's dad was married and I respected his wife, because she was the person caring for my child when he was there. I dealt with her mostly by choice, so she would never have to feel what I am feeling or deal with what I deal with. I know in time this will be a thing of the past, but today it is here. I would not wish this on anyone not even the ex-wife. Because she would not be able to deal with her own mess. Thank you ladies. ↑ |
| Name: Lizzi | Date: Aug 12th, 2006 2:16 AM |
| My brothers ex is a real piece of work. She has 4 kids with 3 different men for starters. I used to be friends with her and saw first hand how nasty she treated her childrens fathers and their families. In once instance when the grandmother of one of the kids came to pick the child up and was about 10 minutes early,(the witch) actually made the grandmother wait outside until it was precisely the right time!!! I couldn't believe how ridiculous she was being over 10 lousy minutes!! On another instance she tried to pull the same thing with the babies dad only I refused to let her do it. I told her that was stupid and I myself let the dad in to get his baby.Oh,and when my family want's to see the child whose related to our family,we have to jump through hoops every time. We are purposely kept waiting in the driveway for however long (the witch) wants to make us wait and that's after we went through days of (the witch)saying "I don't know" in her whinny irritating voice. And then sometimes when we are lucky enough to get her for a visit,the (witch) calls and says she wants her home much earlier than the original agreement. Oh,and there's also been times when she has insisted on a foodplate for herself from one of our family get togethers before she would agree to let us take the child!!!! It's sad but we don't ask for the child as much anymore because of all the crap we have to endure first in order to see her. Some people just can't grow up I guess. ↑ |
| Name: pj754 | Date: Aug 16th, 2006 2:02 AM |
| To Remona ---Yikes, you have been dealing with troubles. I don't truly believe her ATTORNEY said she could get a restraining order against you. She would have to present some serious accounts in order for a judge to approve. Plus, you are a step-mom, who lives in the home to help care for all the children. I really don't think there is much she can do about. As long as the children are cared for properly (which I'm sure they are) she can't do anything. She is blowing a lot of hot air. Even if she was to pull you all into court, her accusations would have to be pretty serious for the judge to do anything. She would have to prove physical, mental or emotional abuse towards the children. The proofs would have to be issued and proved through family services on any such findings. Sounds like the mother is emotionally abusing her own child. It just seems like everyone in this world today has a least one parent that is so uncooperative. Just keep emphasizing to the daughter how much you and your husband love her. Try to relate the things that her mother is doing to her on a level she understands. Put the example to her as one of her friends is pulling the same kind of stunt. I'm sure she wouldn't allow one of her good friends treating her like the way she is treating you. Perhaps you have already tried this? Also, maybe some counseling would be of some help. While you let things roll off your shoulder, you should still stand your ground. There is nothing wrong with it. I'm sure your not being buligerant or rude in anyway. She just can't accept to fact the true facts. I wish you well with this nut woman, the only difference I have is mine pain in the butt is male. ↑ |
| Name: pj754 | Date: Aug 16th, 2006 2:11 AM |
| To Lizzi--Good greif, your brother should have all rights to see his daughter. She shouldn't be allowed to take control of visitation like she does. Good for you for standing your ground. I agree with you in regard to people needing to grow up. The children are usually the ones affected. I sounds like all you can hope for is the child will one day find her way to her father. It's sad because she's probably told so many different lies by her mom about her dad. She will long to have a relationship with him one day and maybe she will have enough courage and strength to tell her mom to fly a kite. I certainly hope that day will come for you all alot sooner. As far as making her a foodplate, wow!!! The ex certainly does have a set of brass Kahoonies! She ought to be able to wear boxer briefs to keep them in place? Sorry, I hope I didn't offend you, it just irritates me to hear how narrow minded some people can be. ↑ |
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