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I have been married for 7 weeks, I am 4 weeks pregnant and Im very unhappy. I was so excited about the baby and marriage in the beginning but now I dont feel in love with my husband and am mentally preparing to deal with explaining this to my 4 year old who worships my husband and calls him daddy happily. They have a bond already but I dont think even that can keep us together. I would love to talk to someone about this. I really need some advice. My email is [email protected] ↓
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| Name: girly29 | Date: Aug 12th, 2006 2:52 PM |
| ILBTM......I'm sorry you feel this way, but my question is What drastically changed within 7 weeks? Either you got married knowing you weren't completely in love or something happened. It's been 7 weeks!!! How long were you and him together before you and him married? ↑ |
| Name: atomic snowflake | Date: Aug 13th, 2006 7:40 PM |
| You're facing two major life changes. Getting married and having a baby are big things and perhaps you're just getting cold feet. You're suddenly asking yourself if you've done the right thing by getting into all this? Try to keep calm and give it some time. ↑ |
| Name: f17rc010 | Date: Aug 14th, 2006 1:05 AM |
| ILBTM, I agree with atomic snowflake. As you know already, when your pregnant you emotions are all over the place. Try your best to hold on and give it some time. You owe that to both your kids. ↑ |
| Name: ILBTM | Date: Aug 14th, 2006 1:13 AM |
| We had been seriously dating for less than a year when we got married. He is a good father but cant handle me being sick. Maybe thats why I feel like I have fallen out of love. My hormone levels are so high I have been put on a chemotherapy med to carry my baby. I am almost worthless at this point. With the medicine I am able to eat though and can stay at home instead of the hospital. My husband left us this weekend. He told my daughter I was making him leave. She was devastated about this LIE! He doesnt understand why I cant keep the house clean, have diner cooked, and be ready for sex in between throwing up when he gets home so he doesnt want to stay. Its too hard on him I guess. I know the situation must be a reality check for him but I cant help whats happening to me. I have assured him it will end as soon as I have the baby. He is fed up. Im a fool. ↑ |
| Name: ILBTM | Date: Aug 14th, 2006 1:18 AM |
| Thanks for the advice but I dont think he is coming back, I dont know if I want him too after everything he has done. I also dont think he can wait through the pregnancy for me to get back to 100% again. My daughter spent most of the night crying for her daddy. She wont have to go through that again if I can help it. ↑ |
| Name: girly29 | Date: Aug 14th, 2006 2:53 AM |
ILBTM......I've never heard of being put on chemotherapy for high hormon levels, I never knew this could even happen to us women when we get pregnant.......wowww poor girl!
So he left this weekend!!! It sounds like he's not being very understanding!!!! This is the time when you need him the most. My ex wasn't supportive when I had our second child.....And this resulted in me resenting him. He wanted the pregnancy as much as I did but, as it all came together his feelings changed. I don't think you should take him back after the pregnancy. I can see if he left for a week to think things over and gather his thoughts ....But if he's leaving for nine months because he chooses not to be supportive, I would tell him to hit the road....Let him be there for the children (an active responsible parent)...He should clean the house, or cook rather then bitch at you! And maybe he could also please himself until you are feeling better, I'm sure sex is the last thing your thinking of when your running to the bathroom in between to vomit! Your husband bringing your little girl into this is the wrong way to handle the situation, you could tall her daddy has to go away for a little but will be back again to see her......Do you have family near by that could help support you emotionally? This will be hard at first but you will get through it...Sorry to hear that your soo ill with this pregnancy :(.....I hope he see's the light and comes back for the right reasons....because forever is a long time to spend alone without your family...Take care, hang in there.... ↑ |
| Name: pj754 | Date: Aug 16th, 2006 11:33 AM |
| I agree with the comments posted. You have to give your new relationship time. In the beginning married couples go through a lot of rocky times in their first year of marriage. It's up to you to try. Perhaps your husband will come around once the baby gets here. Sounds like he's going through a lot of emotions just like you. You both need to communicate together. Even though he doesn't seem to be meeting you in the middle, sometimes, you have to have more patience. Being patient with someone that isn't listening to you is very hard to do but that's all you can do for now. You need to take care of health. Remember, while your body is going through a lot of changes, he is going through some, too. Your hormones are running wild and will settle down after you have the baby. If and when he does come back, explain to him that you can't help what your going through but reassure him that you do love him. Tell him your sorry that you don't have the energy or strength to be physical wife he wants. Ask him to be a little more understanding of your needs. I can tell ya, when I was pregnant with my last child thing were alot harder on me. I felt miserable all the time. I didn't have the energy and I had a hard time bending over plus my back always hurt. Yet, after the birth, it took me a while to be able to fully recover my energy back. Not to mention the hormones still out of wack. Now, my daughter is 9 months and I'm feeling a lot stronger than I did when she was first born. You husband certainly misses the quality time with you and that's understandable. Try to include him in little things if you can. I don't know if my advice has helped. ↑ |
| Name: jesse | Date: Aug 22nd, 2006 12:56 AM |
| sorry to here that. i just had a baby myself. i hate to say this, but could it be the hormones. is there something that your husband is doing or not doing that is upsetting you. during my pregnancy my husband and i would fight alot because i got left home alone most of the time. i was depressed for a number of reasons. my doctor prescribed wellbutrin to help me cope with my hormones begin so out of whack. i wouldn't make any decisions just yet. there may be something lacking in your relationship with your husband other than not feeling "in love" with him. i hope this helped a little. ↑ |
| Name: Honibee | Date: Aug 25th, 2006 4:12 PM |
| ILBTM....I just got married myself and initially I was excited about it. But afterwards I felt miserable I couldn't put my finger on why. I decided to talk to my husband about it and together we realized that I was unhappy about the drastic changes I had to go through becoming someone's wife. I'm the one who has to change my name, move to an new address and suddenly be expected to do all kinds of 'wifely' duties. I found myself angry and resentful. After talking with him we discussed the things that I would keep as my own to still have a sense of myself, the person am -- Now I feel better and have let go of the anger and resentment and I'm enjoying being married to my guy. In your case I don't know all of the details but I could imagine the stress of getting married (planning a wedding seems to cause everyone around you to act crazy) and to be pregnant so soon, you're probably resentful and angry about the changes that you're going through and he's not or doesn't seem to be going through. I urge you to talk to him before giving up on your relationship. If your husband is actually doing something that causes your unhappiness you should speak with him -- this may not be easy but it's what you'll have to do if you want to stay and build a life with him and your children. If it's abuse of any kind you should seek professional help. Good luck! ↑ |
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