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I have been married for many years and my exhusband wants to have a relationship with me. My husband now isnt paying attention to me and hasnt for years. Im tired of putting my needs on the back burner. please dont be harsh in your response. I havent done anything and I may not. But Im having feelings for my x and need to talk about it. Please respond in a gentle manner. I need to advice. ↓
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| Name: Lory | Date: Feb 28th, 2007 3:48 PM |
Hi, honestly your x is an x for a reason. The grass isn't always greener...etc. I'm sorry...just b/c hubby isn't paying attention to you does not allow you a reason to "cheat!" If you are still married..that is what (IMHO) would call it! I truly do understand your need to feel loved & wanted from him...and the fact that your just not getting it! Be careful...it could lead to more issues for you!
There obviously must be "deeper" issues in your marriage for you to be feeling this way! Have you tried talking to hubby about how your feeling? How long have you been feeling like this? I would seriously think about all of the pros & cons in this decision. Which is apparent your are doing or else you wouldn't be here! I hope you do not take offense to my reply...it truly is meant to help. Good Luck ! ↑ |
| Name: Charliegirl | Date: Feb 28th, 2007 4:05 PM |
Your right there is more to it. what that is im not sure. some of it is health and IMO mental. we have gone to a mental health provider and medical doctor. this has been a issue for 20 years. I have stuck it out for all these years and to be honest I cant do it anymore. I have children and they have always come first. so I have ignored my needs. right or wrong Ive done it. Now I find myself resenting my husband and I dont know what to do. Nothing changes and I am out of ideas. we get one life and Ive blown it.
Im not mad at your responce it helps to get it out. ↑ |
| Name: Lory | Date: Feb 28th, 2007 4:25 PM |
Hello again, don't for one minute think you have blown it! You put your children & family 1st and your needs last! IMO...very admirable! I can now understand your needs! It's obvious you feel your life has been for nothing all these years! Not true!! I'm sorry you are going through this and for your situation. I'm honestly not being nosy...it just helps to know a tad more...to fully understand your situation.
I can understand your feelings of resentment towards hubby. Many years of sacrifice can make one resentful! Do you feel your children are able to understand at this point. It seems as though your ready to step out on your own. I wish I could offer more advice....I do understand though! Best Wishes! ↑ |
| Name: billy22 | Date: Feb 28th, 2007 4:27 PM |
| It's NEVER a good idea to cheat. No matter how hard things get, don't do it! If you're feeling like your through then get a divorce. Like lory said, your ex is an ex for a reason, but if you are feeling like you want another try with him, then by all means go for it! But get divorced and do the right thing first. good luck with all this, I know it must be hard:( ↑ |
| Name: Charliegirl | Date: Feb 28th, 2007 4:45 PM |
he has health issues so he cant be intimate. we have gone through counseling and he has been to a Doctor. This was 10 years ago. That helped for a while Now he is ignoring the issue. he always does. I have been a saint for years. trying to be understanding. But Im burned out. I hardly even want to speak to him. because of this. I'll go through this for a while then I'll sweap it under the rug and put it out of my head. But it creeps but up and I feel so bad. Im lonely. But Im a faithful person so Your right it would creat more issues if I stepped out.
My children are young still so that would crush them as well. I just keep thinking what about me. Then I feel quilty for thinking of myself.
as for my x we were very young I was 17 and he was 18. thats why it didnt work. he was my first love and I have never gotten over him nor has he. we are good friends and he is devorced from his 2nd wife and he and I have been talking. Im feeling melloncollie I guess. ↑ |
| Name: Lory | Date: Feb 28th, 2007 5:23 PM |
Charliegirl, you should not feel guilty for thinking of yourself! (Although I must admit I am the same way when I try to think of myself!) It's always good to have an "outside" person to talk to about things. Do you have any female friends to go out, or hang out with? Even for a little while to get out of the house? Even a family member for that matter. Really...take a day to "pamper" yourself!
Your situation is indeed a tough one. Especially now since your hubby is unwilling to recognize or deal with his issues! Try getting him back to the doc. Have you tried other ways to be intimate w/hubby. Does hubby understand how your feeling at all? I'm sorry...I would keep searching for answers for myself. I hope you get things worked out for yourself soon! ↑ |
| Name: Lizzi | Date: Feb 28th, 2007 10:11 PM |
| Before you go doing something you will regret and can't undo,I would suggest strongly trying to communicate with your current husband first about your feelings of wanting more from him and at least see if he is willing to give you what you want. But if he doesn't think there is anything missing from the marriage and doesn't cater to your needs then i say go for it with your ex,but at least give your husband a fair chance first and talk to him. Maybe he will surprise you! ↑ |
| Name: PosersNFakes | Date: Mar 2nd, 2007 7:27 PM |
| i like willys they r cool ↑ |
| Name: kteyale | Date: Mar 15th, 2007 7:47 AM |
| Talk to him see how he feels and go from there. ↑ |
| Name: T | Date: Mar 16th, 2007 8:04 PM |
If you're looking for someone to say that this is a good idea, I don't think you're going to find it. The truth is, you're looking for a way to get your needs met. If you don't care about your husband or your marriage, then you're not risking much by cheating. But if you do, you need to try to get your needs met in a way that won't end your marriage. You need to get your needs met by your husband, not your ex.
If I were you, I'd do something very difficult: I would tell my husband that I'm not getting my needs met and make him understand that THAT's when women cheat. I'd tell him that other men are giving you attention that you need from him and you like it. You need him to step up. He's leaving his butt hanging out by not meeting your love needs. ↑ |
| Name: Charliegirl | Date: Mar 30th, 2007 1:29 AM |
| It took so long to post.I have been busy with work and home. I just want to thank you all for your comments. I have been thinking long and hard about what to do. Its hard to ask a question like this even here on a forum. you all are very kind ladies and thanks again. ↑ |
| Name: Allissa25 | Date: Mar 30th, 2007 3:49 AM |
| All I can say is...THAT'S A HARD ONE. I just wanted to say that I am a product of divorce...and my parents got back together...broke back up...and so on. I could have done without it, but my parents had to figure that out on their own...together. I don't think it's the best idea, but I have yet to be divorced. Good luck. By the way...are people here mean? All I have seen in other groups is agressive and unfeeling responses. ↑ |
| Name: huy | Date: Nov 7th, 2007 7:37 PM |
| Name: an X | Date: Nov 8th, 2007 2:45 AM |
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