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Well if you read my "on the verge of a breakdown" you already know whats going on. I keep finding all types of things. I find notes to him about them getting a hotel room and having sex and than emails to him saying how she cant wait for them to be "room mates." And just all that little stuff that stresses you out beyond what you can really handle. I dont want to leave him and i know if i dont the heartache will just continue but i feel empty and lost without him. I feel like i just cant win anymore. Earlier this morning a packed his bags than i jus couldnt do it....i couldnt get rid of him. I dont know how else to out this...its like crack...when its good...its real good....but when its bad its jus down right nasty. I want us to work out but i feel like i keep hitting a brick wall. I wish i just had the money to pack us all up and just leave this area with hope that leaving where your past was made will allow it to be left behind for good. When i look into his eyes i just melt but i feel all the pain at the same time too. I feel like im never going to win...i will never have him love me like he use to, we'll never be in love like we once were. Its such a painful feeling inside. Honestly i feel like sometimes i wish he would just die...painlessly and peacefully of course...that way i wouldnt have to deal with the pain of him leaving me (or me leaving him) or the suffering of being with him. ↓
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