I notice in here and another website that i visit that there seems to be alot of step parents who either hate their life of their step children. I understand that you have frustration built up, but you all knew going into a marriage about these children. You knew that it wasn't going to be easy. If you didn't then you really just missed the boat on that one..You don't have to love these children, they aren't yours. But should you try to at least be a good influence in there lives YES...Most, not all, want to blame the ex for all these problems and thats just a cop out. Some of you want to leave your husbands because you simply can't deal with their children, when you knew they had children in the first place. I know one lady one another website asked her husband to give up his rights..WHat a crock..how selfish! these are children. And you are the adults...you should buck up and act like it...You took this responsibility on and now because you don't feel like you can't deal with it.
My ex has a new woman in his life who ostrizes my child...my son isn't allowed at her home...she always asks my ex to choose..They fight about my son..Its horrible...I don't know how he can be with smeone who didn't care for his child...My boyfriend accepts my son, because i told him...If your not willing to be a good person in his life and accept him, then you can leave..He chose us, and he is a wonderful father..He treats our son and my son equal. He would never ask of anything else, becasue he made his choice. Just like you all did...And now you just can't deal
Sorry if this is harsh, and i understand you have frustrations..no one said it would be easy. but you chose that path to take...and now some of you want to run out of a marriage that you proably should have started in the first place...if you didn't want to be a step mother.. ↓
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| Name: Serina S | Date: May 10th, 2007 2:14 AM |
2 bumps for ya See
you know he had kids... and Rights and responsibilites ↑ |
| Name: momo | Date: May 10th, 2007 4:41 AM |
I read most of the article..and like i said in my post, I understand you have frustrations...i am not tryng to take that away from you..nor do i discount your feelings. It is understandable to have this...cuz it isn't easy having a blended family, but on the same hand...When one woman said she wants her husband to give up rights...how horrible of that woman...when she said she cant understand why the birthmom is so bitter and immature, but goes on to say they don't pay child supprot cuz they can't afford it..That is what drives me crazy...
When you have a woman saying her child is this angel and the step one is a devil..and that er husband can't see it...Well of course that is his daughter..an when you make your child out to be perfect and the other is crazy...it just makes me wonder...You should know what it is like going into a marriage. I mean if you marry someone, shouldn't you know what their life is like...If you didn't know how hard it would be...if you didn't know the child has problems...If you didn't now your husband would feel for his child instead of you, shouldn't you have known that before..if you didn't..you didn't give your relationship enough time to develop that...I mean it doens't change suddenly because you signed a peice of paper...Mabe I am being a bit insensitive, but i saw some post here and other places that were just as insensitive. They were selfish and horrible. Not to say that all are...by all means vent frustration...but when you totally turn your posts into rants about how horrible this child was and how horrible their mother is...think what its like to be on the other side of the fence when that person who your ex married doesn't like your child..treats their children better..tries to take your ex away from his child...Distates the fact he has to pay child support for his child..that is all i am saying... ↑ |
| Name: Serina S | Date: May 10th, 2007 12:22 PM |
Momo as I said the child should always come first but as you said ever situation is diffrent Iwas lucky that no cross that out I worked hard at us all getting alonga nd talking to them fully about having respect for each other and all. It worked smothly for us but saying did n't you knw how it wouold be is most unfair.
Things are not what they seem to be fore you get married.
Living with kids and seeing them somtimes is quite diffrent . Like some one said it is like getting a new job .You really do not know all the ins and outs and details asuch of that job untill you are truley in it.
You have an idea of what it is like but walking the walk is diffrent.
I do feel that kids are kids and they should be loved and cared for with kindness, love and respect. It does go both way regrding the respect thing . I have seen teenages of divorce be so irate and disrespectful with out due casue ( excpt the obvious divorce and them wishing it never happened ) .
I do think that we as adults have a responsibilityto help the stepkids let them know what you expect form them and what they can expect from you athat you ar commited ti be ther for them no mattter what.
I had this talk with my step daughter when she was i thnk 8 or 9 and mystep son too.being all of 10 or 11.The still say to me that I love them no matter what. I lucked out they call and ask for me like when they are mad at ther Mom and I help them see her side , calm them down and all. I am sure that is not easy for her but she knows above all else that Ilove the kids and that I try my very best tohelp out.
I am always nice friendly respect fun. to her On the other hand she is rude and maniulative towards me. they were married for 1 yr and divorced for like 8 yrs before me.
She says things to me like you can come in IF you Have to or I say Hi to her at a school function she will say yea right. or trhe best I do notr think of you as his misstress.I well that is good casue I am not..but thank you..and do my very best to say things as nice and with no rude tones as I can muster. She critisizes everthing I do .Like the very conservitive cloths I get the and all . I am sorry I do not think a now13 yr old should have plunging necklines so low you can see her bra and padded bras so think they stand on there own. I do not say a word but make her change her top when it is too low. Glad we have back up.
I have never done anything to her at all. I am not sure why the she behaves this way. She has a a boyfirend ( married 2 kids) ..he was even at the event.
I will alway be polite to her speacally because of the kids ...even when she makes it hard to be.
We all have our stories I am sure but it is hard to judge unless you are in ther shoes.
Some kids hate the step parent before they even know them cause trouble at home on and on ..ya never know .
That is why I like rights and responsibility like I posted ,Good respectful guidline.
Oh last thing if a new couple says they can not get then kids \x child support due to the lack of money take them to court. The court will detremine if they do or not.
I can only say that my hubby give 30% of his pay including over time bonuses and all. Trust me we are very much strugeling to make ends meet. We have never missed a payment and if she need some help and we can... we do it.
WE all should be the best we can with our kids and our step kids there lifes and furture are in our hands. Do right by them talk with then LISTEN to what they have to say .I knopw how hard it can be my step son is bipolar and would have rages and plow in to you and cus and all. He is now 15 and is able to handel things better..he brushes his teeth every day now and makes his bed ..I even hinted to him that his Mom would love it if he did it at her house ..He jsut started. He was so proud of himself that he brushe his teeth 2 times a day and made his bed for a week He cleed to tell me. Just so ya all know it may be hard to start out ...New JOb and all but give it time be loving be the best of you ya can be be open most of all be a good wife and Step parent.
When all is said and done I do get whart you are saying .Some folks just do not know what to do and end up handleing thing wrong but NO I did not know all that I know now before we wed but I would do it again in a heart beat!
I do have a sugestion could you all x new lady and later the kids kids gater When the adults are along talk to them about how you want everyone to respect and get along and that you are all family now And the no one has to chosse sides or family members..if it goes well cal the kids in and ask then what they want from all of you and tell they what you all want and expcect.
I know that this will be hard we did it but it doies indeed help.
Just not fihgting or anything like that. Set up some groundrule before ya all get toghter . Topic is the kids only.
Well off to get a Mothersday gift for My Mom ,inlaw and the kids
Be well & much luck!!!
Serina ↑ |
| Name: Serina S | Date: May 10th, 2007 12:24 PM |
Wow sorry it is soo long I do not think I ever typed that much here.
Sorry for all the typos I have dislexia ↑ |
| Name: Lory | Date: May 10th, 2007 1:57 PM |
Hi momo,
Yes truly, all situatuons are different. I am a step-parent to 3 children oldest is 21, youngest is 16. I have been w/hubby for 13 yrs. Our situation was very difficult, and still is at times. We have always put our children 1st! My hubby has never, ever missed a support payment, which he is 69% responsible for care to this day for. Not to mention medical, dental, etc. as she and her husband remained unemployed all these years, kicking the kids out, living on their so called support! Of course they chose not to live with the bad guys! Still....the "x" manages to be manipulative, difficult, and just plain bitter. Right down to recently pouring anti-freeze on my car she saw in Wal Mart parking lot! These days I cannot be in the same room with the x! No...it does not have anything to do with the children....and yes, I chose this path. I have taken much pride in being a loving, caring parent and step-parent! And have always tried to "do the right thing" for everyone involved! I cannot possibly begin to tell you the damage she has caused the children over the years. For example...to tell them at younger ages... Daddy loves the other family more than you. Sometimes the x plays a HUGE part in destroying all relationships in these situations.
I guess I read your post and automatically became offensive. Of course there are 2 sides to every story... and I make us sound innocent. We are not by any means innocent..there were times when I wanted us to run away. In alot of cases the x uses the children as tools to manipulate everyone. Yes, how very sad for our children in those cases. I truly empathize with some of these posts, and totally understand what they are going through, or where they are coming from. And over the years I myself have become bitter, because of the "extremes" the x used on us and the children! Luckily, today....the children are old enough now, (with children of their own) to see right through their mom's antics! I'm not saying they do not love her...but, they "remember" when they were younger and now know, we were, and are not the pos bad guys the x made us out to be!
Obviously, it is never an easy situation when divorce, or blended families are involved, no matter what side of the spectrum you are on. And, as Serina said, we need to ALL be the best parent we can be! I hope no one takes offense to this post, just another side to these nasty situatuions. I wish all the children, parents, and step-parents in these situations....all the best! Hang in there! ↑ |
| Name: Lory | Date: May 10th, 2007 3:21 PM |
lol...sorry! Should have read *defensive*
Happy Mother's Day Serina, hope you and your family are well! ↑ |
| Name: Serina S | Date: May 10th, 2007 6:06 PM |
Hi Lory
Hope you are well I do hope you have a wonderful Mothers Day you so deserve it!!!
Oh I just e-mailed you a bookLOL
Have fun!
Serina
XO ↑ |
| Name: momo | Date: May 10th, 2007 7:46 PM |
WEll you ladies seem like the exception...you handle things with maturity...you don't ask your husbands to not pay child support and you have never asked to disinclude the children...for that i commend you... i guess my post is directed more towards the woman who don't want the responsibility of being the step parent, yet still want the husband as her family..i think it takes a good person to be a step parent and good one at that..and when i see women who ostrisizes his children on not their own..or when they say they wish the kids wuld just go away..i get mad...i haven't been in your shoes...so i don't know...
My exs new mate has said she doesn't want to bee a stepmom...she plans things everyweekend for them but never includes my child...she lives 5 hours away so my ex is always out of town to see her...I feel like she knows he has a child and he has responsilbilities but she will do things to try to make himm forgo those responsibilities...at times he has had to tell her no...it hurts him...but he is willing to be with her...while he sacrifices his relationship with his son...i feel a woman who does this is selfish...because what happens when she has a child with him...and the same thing happens if they don't make it..and i guess that is why i would questions these step mothers who i am speaking of...the ones who come on here and say all this stuff, if they knew how they sounded at times...and tthe it was turned around on them...how would they feel...but you two woman...haven't shown me this attitude...so i don't have anything say but commend you for steppin up ↑ |
| Name: Lory | Date: May 10th, 2007 8:47 PM |
Thanks Serina! xoxo
Momo,
I absolutely agree, it is very selfish to try and put the bio parents out of the children's lives! It is not right nor fair to the child. These children need all of the love and support that they can get! I'm sorry your x's new mate is like this, and sorry for you and your child! It angers me to no end when a step-parent is like that! And...I do understand your feelings, and frustrations! Thanks for your understanding also! Best Wishes! ↑ |
| Name: Lory | Date: May 10th, 2007 8:51 PM |
| p.s. the bio parent needs to be in a child's life....UNLESS this parent is not good for them. I felt I needed to add that. ↑ |
| Name: Serina S | Date: May 10th, 2007 9:27 PM |
Ok so let me be on the othe side of this the girl friend is not to blam for what she wants ( not fair or right true) it is the father s responsibility to want to be with his kid to say to her it is not exceptable he He alone is responsiable for who he put in his child life SHAME ON HIM!!! If he knew she was like this he should NOT have gone out with her or made it clear to her that what she want is not going to happen . I blame him fully.
I am not saying she has no blm or that she is right not alt all BUt He needs to be a parent in his childs life .
I would be more angry at him then her . He is letting this happen.
I wish you much luck for sure Hey and if you need to take him to court to make him do the right thing then so be it. ↑ |
| Name: momo | Date: May 10th, 2007 10:01 PM |
Oh don't get me wrong i am terribly angry with him...i wouldn't let anyone in my sons life who wasn't going to be a good influence on him..I feel at times for the sake of my child i get beat around, because i want us to have a good parenting relationship.If i dont bite my tounge he makes it miserable for me...
Funny thing is his new girlfriend was my friend and before they started dating...she loved my son...they have been friends since they were 15...so i dont unerstand how all of a sudden she changes her feelings...when they weren't togther she would visit and want my son to be there...now she visits and he doesn't tell me shes there so i will have my son..i liked her...but she has even went as far as saying that i shouldn't be friends with his mother, nor should he be friends with my family...cuz we are no longer family...ii am stuck on this situation...he says if she doesn't act right soon he will leave her...well its been a year...i don't know my frustrations ride high sometimes...cuz i look at my son and think how his father has changed since being with her..thanks girls for listening....and like i said i am sorry before for coming off the way i did...it wasn't ment for situations like yours... ↑ |
| Name: Lory | Date: May 10th, 2007 10:13 PM |
Wow Serina!
You just basically hit the nail on the head! That there is why I choose not to be the wicked step-parent! I'll say it again...these children need all the love and support they can get! I don't want any child to feel abandonded or unloved! My bio dad is....to put it kinda, sorta, nicely a ball less wonder?!! He let his wife decide our future all these years!! I'm 38 yrs. old and have seen him 2x in my entire life! I visited him once about 9 yrs. ago. And, was quite naive and stupid about it. I let him try to be a part of my daughter's (his granddaughter's life) One day I could not contact him...changed his #, and residence (didn't understand why) thought I did something wrong...and I did not want to spend the time, $, or effort to find his good for nothin a$$! Left my girl hanging! And yes, to this day feel hurt about it! I agree it is on the bio parent whether m/f to not let this happen!! My hubby would have never...although I did not try....not be a part of his children's lives! Great guy...love him to death! It is respectfully up to the bio parent! Have a good one y'all! ↑ |
| Name: Lory | Date: May 10th, 2007 10:32 PM |
Momo,
I just read your reply...I was actually writing mine at the same time. lol It's apparent why she has changed her feelings...and very sad! She needs to get it through her head that you will always be his mom....and family! I know easier said than done...the sooner the better! She may not...but, you sound like a great mom! All I can tell you is continue to do the best you can for your son. We've all in these situations been there with the frustrations....keep your chin up! I always try to keep the children's, and our best interests at heart, no matter what anyone has to say or deal out! Truly Best Wishes to You! Nice to half way chat with ya on this! LOL ↑ |
| Name: momo | Date: May 10th, 2007 11:18 PM |
| Thank you Serina...we can have dissagreements...but at the end of it all we are mothers..and that is what is most important...you have you children and as do i..and i can tell that regrdelss you love your.. ↑ |
| Name: Lory | Date: May 10th, 2007 11:34 PM |
Yes, thank you Serina. You truly are a gem! {{{HUGS}}}
Got your e-mail...will be writing ya back soon! xoxox ↑ |
| Name: Serina S | Date: May 11th, 2007 11:52 AM |
Momo
I do indee think you are right some parent \step parents do not handel the children right .SHam on them!
Yep I do so love the kids the are my light in this life of mine .
I hope the x wakes upo and kicks her to the curb .
just keep being the great Mom you are and thing some how have a way of working out. Got to go lighting her .
Chat soo
You are welcome Lory you are a gem too XX
Serina ↑ |
| Name: ed | Date: Jun 14th, 2007 3:37 PM |
| Is it wrong to want to help my wife guide and offer discipine with daughter who has not had this since her divorce due to her guilt ↑ |
| Name: ed | Date: Jun 14th, 2007 3:42 PM |
| Is it wrong to want to help my wife guide and offer discipine with her daughter who has not had this since her divorce due to her guilt ↑ |
| Name: mary | Date: Jun 20th, 2007 2:47 AM |
| I totally understand what you are saying, i am married to a man with two children, i have one of my own. I knew what i was getting into. But i did not know that we would have such differences of parenting styles, i did not know that the ex wife would be such a big influence in the marriage. I will admitt that i was a terrible step parent, but i will not take responsibility for the bx of the step children when the parents will not control them. ↑ |
| Name: JESSE | Date: Jun 28th, 2007 12:56 AM |
| a lot of the problems that people experience is not about the child, it's about the ex and how the parent deals with the ex when it comes to the child and how it effects the children they have together. instead of criticizing everyone, why don't you look at the problems they are having and be sympathetic. I guess i am not supposed to be upset that my step son went to summer camp before my son got a crib, wasn't able to keep health insurance and keep up on his shots. What about how the child spends more time with his father then my son does and the kid is only with us on the weekend. That he is jealous of my son. I love the kid, but yes it is frustrating. It's not about the kids it about how we have to deal with ex who uses those kids as pawns and the parent who does the guilt parenting. get it straight. ↑ |
| Name: Lory | Date: Jun 28th, 2007 5:21 AM |
JESSE,
I'm feeling you... My dd NEEDS braces. Miss thang x decided my step-son needs his now. (btw his dental care from her has been null and void...until now, he's 16) HMMM..that leaves us paying 69% of 5 grand now. My point...I completely understand how your feeling about your child doing without, or having to wait....while the x soaks the $ right out of your home! Just to be a bi***! ↑ |
| Name: sophie | Date: Jul 3rd, 2007 7:16 AM |
| my step mums a total bitch!!!!!!!!!i cant stand her at first she was all nice when b4 my dad married her and well now they are married she doesnt think my dad will break up with her and she slaps me..i think they should still be kind and i mean they did make the choicei mean if the kids are old enough they probably probably hate her/his fuking guts!!! ↑ |
| Name: JESSE | Date: Jul 17th, 2007 2:55 AM |
| Thanks Lory! Good luck with your situation. She found out over the weekend that I am pregnant again. We are having a girl this time and she is already starting her games. I wish there was a way to stop these crazy b*tches. Not all ex's are like this, but I don't like when somebody tells me I should have known better. Normal people don't try to suck every penny out of your home, normal people don't use children as pawns, and normal people don't give in to it because they don't want to look like a bad parent in the kid's eyes. I would do anything for my step son. What makes it difficult is that I never get a thank you for going out of my way for him or when I have to take time away from my infant for him, or when he gets his needs taken care of and my son doesn't, it is hard to be supermom to the kid. I can seperate my anger over the way both of his parents handle things, some people can't. How can you expect someone to be nice to a kid and want to do things for that kid when thier own gets pushed aside because of that child and the child's parents. I wish the custodial mothers would take a look at the step mom's side for once. Better yet, become a step parent and tell me then if you should have known better and to "deal" with it. ↑ |
| Name: JESSE | Date: Jul 17th, 2007 3:07 AM |
| Sophie, I am sorry to hear that she slaps you. Not all step parents are that way and maybe one day you will be a step mom yourself. I hope your situation with her changes. Have you been able to talk to your dad about it? ↑ |
| Name: kia boo | Date: Jul 18th, 2007 10:44 PM |
| i have a step dad and hes not so bad u will get used to your step perents and learn to love them. ↑ |
| Name: Poke | Date: Nov 23rd, 2009 7:28 PM |
I agree 100%. My wife just divorced me and said it was because of my son from ex. It hurt at first but then I started thinking, if she can't love my son as much as I loved hers then she's just not worth it then. good riddens.
I still have her son most of the time and take care of him. It's because I ment it when I said I loved him as much as my own.
I told her when she left that she is going to be in this same situation for the rest of her life no matter who she's with. She will always have step kids, or at the very least our kids are going to be step kids so good luck, until you grow up you will never be happy. ↑ |
| Name: peanutsmommiie | Date: Nov 26th, 2009 12:16 AM |
momo....
i agree with you 100%%%%%%!!!!
I'm a step mother myself, and I'm having my first child. I've read lots of horrible things in these blogs. Whether the children are angels, or are what you think the worst kids ever, you knew what you were getting yourself into, and why should the parent of that child be with you if you are horrible to their kids???
I think people need to start thinking of how they wold like their kids to be treated by a step-parent... this isn't a fairy tale where the step-parent always has to be the "evil" one you know. This is real life, if you don't want your kids to be treated badly than don't treat other peoples kids badly either. What comes around goes around... remember that...!! If you have drama with the ex than that's a whole different story, the kids have nothing to do with that. Now if the ex is putting things in the kids head to act differently around you or hate, than you need to make sure that kid learns that you are not what the parent says... you know... their are different situations for everything but as the grown up you need to think of a logical and the best way to handle the kids, respectfully.
ugh! sometimes i get annoyed... by what people say.... ↑ |
| Name: sleepyalittlenuts | Date: Jan 10th, 2010 2:05 PM |
| I agree the step parents are def in the wrong if they got into a relationship knowing that there were children and are backing down. But the parent is equally as wrong for welcoming these step parents in when they are clealy not ready. I feel horrible for every new girl my ex brings into my daughters life and then having to remind him that if these girls cant handle the fact that he has an ex wife and a kid then he needs to walk. People are to quick to jump into the next relationship and really need to think about #1 their children! ↑ |
| Name: poke | Date: Jan 12th, 2010 9:22 PM |
| My wife did just that. Left and balmed it on my son. She has a son and me and him love each other very much. He still comes and stays the night with me and tells me he loves me. I love him as much as I love my own. But her, no way, I just don't think she can get passed my ex and me. Oh well, I know how good of a guy I am, an what kind of person she is. I don't hope she gets someone that don't like the kids, but I would like her to know how it feels. ↑ |
| Name: jordan | Date: Mar 25th, 2011 2:33 PM |
| you know momo, it's really your responsability that you had kid(s). ↑ |
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