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I'm 30 weeks pregnant, and single. My "ex" says he will be a part of our lives, but he lives 1200 miles away - by choice - and I'm confused about using his last name. I'm having a boy, and I understand that every man wants to have his son carry on his last name, but he's only going to be coming around a few times a year. Our son will barely know him!!!! I really want to give him my last name now. Any advice????? ↓
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| Name: JONI | Date: Sep 23rd, 2006 2:25 PM |
| I WAS IN YOUR POSITION 2 YEARS AGO DURING MY PREGNANCY. I REALLY WANTED MY SON TO HAVE MY LAST NAME, EVEN THOUGH HIS FATHER KEPT PUSHING FOR HIS. I ENDED UP GIVING IN, AND I REALLY REGRET IT. THE TRUTH IS, IN SITUATIONS LIKE THESE, THE ONLY PERSON YOU CAN RELY ON 100% IS YOURSELF, SO YOU HAVE TO START LIVING YOUR LIFE WITH THAT IN MIND. DO WHAT YOU THINK IS RIGHT, AND WHAT YOU THINK WILL MAKE YOU AND YOUR SON HAPPIEST IN THE LONG RUN. IF YOUR SON'S FATHER IS ALREADY CHOOSING TO NOT BE THERE FOR YOU AND YOUR BABY, WHEN THINGS GET ROUGH, YOU MOST LIKELY WILL ALWAYS HOLD A GRUDGE AGAINST HIM, BECAUSE YOU WILL BE THINKING HOW NICE IT WOULD BE TO HAVE THE SUPPORT OF ANOTHER PARENT HELPING YOU. ↑ |
| Name: amyt | Date: Sep 23rd, 2006 2:40 PM |
| i would go for your own last name. ↑ |
| Name: ellen | Date: Sep 23rd, 2006 4:15 PM |
| Give your baby your last name. I am 32 weeks pregnant and I am troubled over the same issue because me and my boyfriend have been very on and off. But you will really regret it if you give your baby the last name of someone who will not be an everyday part of your babys life. My 6 year old doesn't have my last name and I regret it all the time. Your ex will either be a part of your baby's life or not, the last name will not change that. Think about when your baby is older and can talk and ask questions. You will be in his life everyday and you should give yourself the credit YOU will deserve by sharing a name with your son. Don't give that baby his name I can tell you by experience that you will regret it. If this is a huge issue between you and your ex than I would not worry about his reaction after the child is born...just name that baby after you and he will just have to get over it after it is already done. ↑ |
| Name: cheyenne_terrine | Date: Sep 24th, 2006 1:20 PM |
| myself and my ex had this arguement as well, he wanted the baby to have his last name but in my opinion he is going to be my son and his father doesn't want anything to do with me or him, thus he will have my last name and carry on my family, though genetics say otherwise, its still nice! ↑ |
| Name: brat | Date: Sep 30th, 2006 1:42 PM |
| well im not with my babies father n im confused bout whos last name to put i rather put my last name cuz he doesnt want the baby but in a way i dunno if later he's going to come around n say he dont wanna c the baby n it aint his cuz it dont got his name im confused ↑ |
| Name: Lizzi | Date: Oct 1st, 2006 3:32 AM |
| If you want him to have YOUR last name then by all means give him YOUR last name. If it meant that much to your ex for the baby to have his name then he would be in the picture FULL-TIME! Don't do HIM any favors! ↑ |
| Name: LuckyMom | Date: Oct 1st, 2006 5:56 AM |
| Name: Jasmine2182 | Date: Oct 1st, 2006 6:32 AM |
Thank you, everyone, for your responses. You have no idea how much this has helped. I talked to him and told him that our son will have MY last name. I told him it wasn't up for discussion, that it was a final decision. I explained why I made the decision, and to my COMPLETE surprise, he agreed with me!!!!!!!!! He said he won't fight with me about it. So thanks again to everyone who responded to my post.
In response to "brat" - If he doesn't want to be a part of the childs life just because of the last name, then it's probably best that way. He doesn't seem too responsible to me. But no matter what, he legally HAS to pay child support. If he denies the child because of the name, then you take him to get a paternity test. As long as a DNA test says the child is his, that's all that really matters in the long run. I've come to realize that any "man" who won't take responsibility for his actions and be a part of his own child's life is a complete coward and doesn't deserve our time and energy. ↑ |
| Name: Lynne n | Date: Oct 1st, 2006 5:13 PM |
YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO GIVE YOUR BABY YOUR NAME!
I HAVE TO SAY THAT IF I WAS IN YOUR SITUTION THEN I WOULD GIVE MY BABY MY NAME,IT WOULD SLOVE A LOT OF PROBLEMS LATER IN LIFE SUCH AS SCHOOLS AND SUCH THINGS.
I DONT KNOW IF YOU ARE FROM THE USA BUT IN THE UK IF YOU ARE NOT MARRIED WHEN YOU HAVE YOUR BABY REGARUDLESS OF WEATHER YOU ARE LIVING TOGEATHER OR NOT THE BABY AUTOMACTILLY GOES UNDER THE MOTHERS UNTILL YOU GET THR BABY REGESITERED. ↑ |
| Name: Lizzi | Date: Oct 1st, 2006 7:18 PM |
| GOOD FOR YOU JASMINE2182! ↑ |
| Name: motherdearest | Date: Oct 2nd, 2006 12:56 AM |
| You are Right and good for you jamine you have helped me make a decision. See I wanted my child to have his fathers last name and since he has pick who will be the baby's Godfather I told him that the only way that will happen is if my baby has his last name. when i said that his face changed as if he really didn't want that to happen. Our situation is complicated but i still wanted my baby to have his fathers last name ( he has a family which he lives with therefore he is scared that if my baby has hos last name that she would find out that he has another child with another women) He has not been around and i have been thinking about it and now thanks to u well my baby will be just find with my last name. ↑ |
| Name: Keira | Date: Oct 7th, 2006 6:49 PM |
| all my children have two last names like; Lily Turner-Reynolds ↑ |
| Name: jamcarant | Date: Oct 7th, 2006 8:53 PM |
| My first two kids have my last name because their father and I were not together when they were born. He said that he was going to change it to his when they got bigger and I told him that he couldn't unless he had my permission and I said no. He dropped it and hasn't brought it up since. Since you aren't with him, the baby shiuld have your last name. Anthony ( the new baby) is going to have my boyfriend's last name, but we live together and have for the last 4 years so I think we're safe. ↑ |
| Name: jplaw0821 | Date: Oct 9th, 2006 4:13 AM |
| My son had my last name for the same reasons. When me and his dad got married, I changed it on his birth certificate. I wasn't sure if you knew that was an option, but it is if you didn't. We just had to send in a form that stated he ack. that our son was biologically his. ↑ |
| Name: atomic snowflake | Date: Oct 9th, 2006 9:49 PM |
| Use your own name. I have a different name from my son and it's sh*t. People keep calling me Mrs X when I'm Mrs Y and I find it insulting and irritating. ↑ |
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