I obviously do not wish to give out my real name over this internet site, for safety and for other reasons, so forgive me if I do sound a little insincere and impersonal in my post. I was in a very serious relationship, it was quite "whirlwind" but I was very much in love with the woman I am speaking of. She is my whole everything and I idolise her. I do not wish to reveal her name either. She was younger than me, but age never was an issue for her, at first it was for me, but now, not at all, but just is for those around us. The age difference is not huge, it is just because of her age that people tutt and accuse me of paedophilia or her of being some sort of "whore" after my money. None of which are true. She is of a legal age, and I am attracted to her simply because she is such a beautiful person, both inside and outside. She needs protecting from the world, she has lived such a hard life and she is still young. She needs me, just as much as I need her.
We fell pregnant at the beginning of the year, but sadly we lost the baby, we were both heartbroken, her so more than me. I was ready to try again as soon as possible, however she blamed herself for it. We planned to start trying again in March/April time however obviously it was meant that we should fall pregnant sooner as we did and we have a child due at the end of the year.
Everything was going so well, recently we have had our relationship tested and rocked, but we have lasted and I still love her like crazy. However just recently, things have changed, we had a major row and I acted way out of order, and I know that and completely understand why she left me. Now I feel foolish and stupid. I lost the one woman I cared about, my stepchildren and my unborn child. My heart is broken. I dont really know what to do. I dont know how to approach or resolve this situation. We no longer live together, following my mothers and several of the lady's friends advice, I am giving her space. Will she not think that I am ignoring her? What can I do to persuade her that what happened will never happen again and that I trust her wholly and absolutely? I feel so anxious, she’s still a young girl in my opinion, she’s already got a lot on her plate, and she had quite a few medical problems that we are trying to resolve. I do not want her to stress anymore than she is already. I do not like her living away from me, I just want to protect her from al the badness in this world as she is such a beautiful and good person. Please, anyone, just give me some advice. How can I ensure that I do not lose the woman I have loved for over 3 years and my stepchildren who I consider to be my own children? And of course my first biological child, my baby who hasn’t even been born yet. Please help me. ↓
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| Name: question | Date: Jul 1st, 2007 8:29 PM |
| What did you do that was out of line?that makes a huge difference on how she feels. ↑ |
| Name: Father to be 2007 | Date: Jul 2nd, 2007 2:38 PM |
| I didnt really want to say. I completley understand why she reacted the way she did. I had been drinking and I accused her of cheating on me, which I know she would never do. I then, I was so wrong, it was so wrong of me, but I threw things at her and yelled at her. I cannot portray how sorry I am and how much I regret it. I know how wrong I was and therefore I understand Why she reacted the way she did. So please, if any body has an idea how I can show her? Just, any advice is good advice. And to the first reply, she is beautiful in my opinion, very beautiful. ↑ |
| Name: briseis | Date: Jul 3rd, 2007 11:40 AM |
| Tell her. Don't just sit here, and ask us for advice. Tell her. The longer you leave it, the less chance you have of being together again. ↑ |
| Name: question | Date: Jul 3rd, 2007 6:29 PM |
| Well,I gotta say if you are serious get into counselling even if you feel you dont need it.Stop drinking all together and do anything she asks you to to fix your relationship and APOLOGIZE sincerely.I was in a relationship like this recently and he refused to do anything to fix it.He got drunk hit me,threw me around,has threatened to kill me,threatened to rape me,etc.I gave him a second chance and he refused to do anything.So put your all into it prove that your serious.Oh,shes pregnant with your kid?Give her money,help her all you can! ↑ |
| Name: father to be 2007 | Date: Jul 4th, 2007 10:49 AM |
| She wont let me speak to her! Do you not think I have tried? I have been through all of her family and friends. She has just been travelling around with the kids, trying to avoid me. We have spoke on the phone, she listened to my apology but she said she was unsure and needed more time. I don't know. What can I do? I love this woman and I love our baby. I love my step children. I really honestly am so full of regret, and have told her this, and her friends and family. I love her and I miss her so much. ↑ |
| Name: Nicolaaa | Date: Jul 4th, 2007 5:26 PM |
| Give her all the time she needs. I've been in this situation myself recently. Just leave her be. You've spoke to her so she must know how you feel so just give her time to think. ↑ |
| Name: question | Date: Jul 4th, 2007 11:58 PM |
| I agree with Nicolaa,I have been through this very recently.The thing that pissed me off the very most was him calling me 22 times a day.Or when he keeps trying to make up to me but refuses to get into counselling.,It might take her a couple months to make up her mind,she might come back or she might decide it is time to move on.I know for myself there was a point where I decided just to move on and am much happier now.Are you sure shes pregnant with your kid?that might be part of why she isn't coming back.just a thought.Good luck! ↑ |
| Name: Father to be 2007 | Date: Jul 5th, 2007 3:11 PM |
| Nicola, I was hoping you would reply to this. I cannot believe that you did. Fate is at work. Nikki, just listen. Everything that happened was a one off. You know deep down it was. You must understand that? I know I was out of order, be reasonable though. You know my beliefs on drinking, you know I never do. And the only reason alcohol was in the house was because of YOU. You drink. You know how I hated you drinking, and I know you used to say I was like a father nagging at you. But this is an example of what alcohol does to you. It warps your sense of right and wrong. Surely the only thing that matters is that I am truly sorry and can ensure nothing of the sort will happen again. I never harmed you did I? Remember that. But also think of the baby, You are unwell Nikki, not only the epilepsy but the other things, seriously do you think you can cope with 3 under 3's alone? Can you manage with no family? Do you honestly think that sleeping around at friends and familys homes is the ideal home to bring a baby into, let alone your daughters? Just look at yourself. Look at what you have? Sure you have a few grand saved up, and trust funds, and you have a car that you can't even learn how to drive but no home. You cannot support yourself properly, let alone children. You need me. Remember that. Think of all the stuff I have done for you in the past Nikki. Think, I quit my job for you so that I could be with you. I took the job I am in at the moment for you, so that we could earn more money, and look what it has done to us. I'm not in the country when you need me most. That is because of YOU, not me. If it was up to me, I wouldn't even be in this profession I find it so tedious. I would much rather go back to teaching, but because of you I can't. Just remember all of these things, remember that you are lucky to have our girls. Remember that was just a stroke of Luck. You owe them a better life now, and do you honestly think a life living with a teenage, single girl who last time she was in this situation drank for her entire pregnancy? Do you think they deserve the financial instability you can offer? What about your health? You have already proven by losing our first child that you shouldn't be left alone in an ideal world. What with 2 toddlers and a newborn, what could happen, I dread to think. Nikki, remember this most of all, I am crazy about you. I love you wholly and truly. And I will forever. You and our daughters are the people I have cared about most for my entire life to date. While I was living away from you, you were all I thought about and not a day past where I did not wonder how you were, where you were living, and even if you had had boys or girls. That was hard for me, and I couldn't bear the thought of ever losing you because of one night of stupidity. Don't be angry that I have posted on here, but I know you will read it. And seeing as you are being selfish with your answers to my questions and your listening, I will resort to whatever means I deem necessary to get you to hear me out. I love you, and I mean everything I have ever said. I respect you need your space, but I need you. I'm sorry Nikki, but why, why can't you see that it was all just a one-off? ↑ |
| Name: mizzescalante | Date: Jul 5th, 2007 8:32 PM |
| wow, i was going to say what nicola said without reading the whole topic but i decided to read it first and i am out of words. nicola i am so sorry he had to come on here and do this to you and it was also bad on his part. i understand what he is trying to do but it went kinda overboard. please take care of yourself and i am always here for you. father to be 2007 leave nicola alone for the moment and find a better place to talk to her instead on here. not everyone knows of nicolas situation yet alone her not wanting anyone to know. i could not believe all the things you said. nicola is a sweet beautiful woman and can take care of herself. no woman NEEDS a man nicola is a strong person with a good head on her sholders and can take care of her children. if you keep trying to contact her its going to make things worse and its going to make her not want to talk to you at all. i have been there where my ex keep hounding me and it put me on the edge and i do not talk to him anymore due to this. he could have had a chance if he would have just gave me my place to think for myself to find out what was right for me and NOT HIM. i stayed in that relationship for toooo long because of him begging and crying and never had a chance to feel for myself because i always felt bad for him. i was tired of always thinking i couldnt do better because he led me to believe that, i felt i would never be loved like he loved me and was led to believe i was ugly. i have a wonderfull life no WITHOUT THAT MAN and can now enjoy my life with someone i love alot.....you will not get anywhere doing this i promise and you will ruin any chance later on if you continue. let her make her own decisions let her feel what she feels first she is her own person and needs to be happy for herself and not be unhappy to make someone else happy. again sorry this had to happen to you nicola i wish you the best and hope everything works out for the best even if its not with this man. you have my email anytime you want to talk. hang in there be strong and make the right decisions. ↑ |
| Name: Paul | Date: Jul 7th, 2007 10:13 AM |
Seeing as you now know who I am, I see no need to have a different name. You do not have any idea of what sort of a man I am. I gave up my career for her, I risked prison for her. I am most definatley in love with her. I do not respect your opinions and attempts at influencing my fiancee's decision like this. Surely it is better to live with a man who can provide her a financially stable future than to live alone, sleeping on other people's floors.
Nikki, you sounded so angry throughout your reply. The swearing, you know how I say, calm down before speaking if you are worked up, else you sound like some sort of whore. That post was rather unpleasant to read, the language was foul. And to think you are a mother and carrying my baby. Just, watch your mouth, it's episodes like that, that make me realise you are still young. You say you do not need people, that you were a student, a mother and worked 2 jobs, ask yourself why you worked those 2 jobs. Was it because of various decisions you made throughout your life? Now, I understand why you are angry with me. And I realise that maybe I was foolish to post on here, but I am a desperate man, I feel like I have lost you and I would do anything to get you back. Imagine that you are in my shoes, I missed an ultrasound, and now you feel you know the sex and I'm not a part of that. Imagine reading about how your own fiancee and baby are doing, like I am no relation whatsoever. That hurts Nikki. I shall email you the rest. I understand why you do not want me to post on here. So I shall not. ↑ |
| Name: Nicolaaa | Date: Jul 7th, 2007 3:35 PM |
don't patronise me about my age. You know i only swear when angry or irritated and quite frankly I was both of those when i wrote that post. Dont tell me to calm before I act...you didnt did you? If you had we wouldnt be in this mess and as for your email. deleted. unopened.
DONT TALK TO ME UNTIL YOU GET HOME ↑ |
| Name: Nicolaaa | Date: Jul 8th, 2007 1:06 PM |
| Just re-reading...and MAN you are SUCH AN ASSHOLE. ↑ |
| Name: lynne_28 | Date: Jul 8th, 2007 7:24 PM |
The fact is paul,she will be with you cause she wants to not cause she needs to be with you!
You man are all the same! ↑ |
| Name: mizzescalante | Date: Jul 9th, 2007 1:40 PM |
PAUL YOU SAYING WHAT YOU SAID MEANS YOU HAVE NO RESPECT FOR NICOLAS FEELINGS.
Name: Paul • Date: 07/07/2007 06:13:04
Seeing as you now know who I am, I see no need to have a different name. You do not have any idea of what sort of a man I am. I gave up my career for her, I risked prison for her. I am most definatley in love with her. I do not respect your opinions and attempts at influencing my fiancee's decision like this. Surely it is better to live with a man who can provide her a financially stable future than to live alone, sleeping on other people's floors.
AND THIS
else you sound like some sort of whore
YOU HAVE NO RESPECT FOR NICOLA AND I FEEL AS NICOLA DOES NOT NEED YOU AT ALL. YOU ARE SMOTHERING HER AND THIS IS NOT WHAT SHE WANTS. IF YOU FEEL LIKE NICOLA HAS NO WHERE TO GO SHE CAN COME AND LIVE WITH ME. NICOLA IS YOUNG AND PRECIOUS AND DOES NOT NEED SOMEONE IN HER LIFE PUSHING HER TO TO FEEL A CERTIAN WAY. THERE ARE SO MANY PEOPLE ON HERE THAT CARE FOR HER AND LOOK AFTER HER WELL BEING. I HAVE NO PROBLEM HAVING HER COME AND STAY WITH ME AND LIVE A WONDERFUL LIFE. ME AND MY FIANCEE HAVE 2 CHILDREN AND A SPARE LIVING SPACE IN THE BACK OF OUR HOUSE. NO BATHROOM OR KITCHEN BUT THAT WILL NOT BE HARD AT ALL TO DO. ME AND MY FIANCEE MAKE WELL OVER $90,000.00 A YEAR AND COULD TAKE NICOLA IN WITH NO PROB. I WOULD GET HER A JOB HERE AND SHE WOULD BE WELL TAKEN CARE OF.
NICOLA HAS A GOOD HEAD AND WILL MAKE THE RIGHT DECISION BUT YOU ARE NOT HELPING THE SITUATION OUT AT ALL. GIVE HER A BREAK IF SHE FEELS SHE LOVES YOU ENOUGH TO STAY THEN SHE WILL IF SHE FEELS SHE IS BETTER OFF WITH YOU AND FEELS THAT SHE DOSENT HAVE TO DEPEND ON A MAN THAN SHE IS A STRONG WOMAN.
NICOLA WE LOVE AND SUPPORT YOU TAKE YOUR TIME TO MAKE THIS DECISION AND DONT LET ANYONE RUSH YOUR DECISION. ↑ |
| Name: mizzescalante | Date: Jul 9th, 2007 1:41 PM |
| ANYWAY YOU CAME ON HER FOR OUR ADVICE. - A WOMANS ADVICE ON WHAT TO DO - AND YOU STILL HAVE NOT TAKEN OUR ADVICE....... ↑ |
| Name: Nicolaaa | Date: Jul 10th, 2007 2:41 PM |
A friend of mine emailed me THIS paul...read it.
First and foremost take responsibility for your own actions. If there was booze in the house...you CHOSE to drink it. PERIOD! It's not like Nicola put a funnel in your mouth and forced you to drink.
STOP treating her like a child. Her biological age may be 17 but unfortunately Nicola is way beyond that in reality because of her life experiences. If you want her to be your partner then treat her as an equal. I'm hoping you didn't intend to, but just about everything in your post made it look like you thought she was a stupid child. You said she sounded like a WHORE when she cursed in the post?!?!?!?! Are you her father or her man??? You came off like you were correcting her for being a naughty child. If she is woman enough to have your baby, she is woman enough to deserve your respect.
And lastly Paul...Nicola doesn't NEED you, she wants you. BIG DIFFERENCE and you better remember that. If I were you I would drop to my frigging knees and pray to God...no...BEG God that she will still want you. I saw a lot of you need me because you can't handle 3 children, you have illnesses, what will you do without me to take care of you, you can't support yourself etc. What I did not see was any RESPECT! Laying a guilt trip on her and undermining her self esteem IS NOT THE WAY TO TREAT THE WOMAN YOU LOVE...EVER!!!! Yes, you did apologize but then went on to blame her for YOU getting pissed as a pancake and acting like an abusive ass!! If Nicola is your world then you better wake up and start treating her like the individual ADULT that she is. She has three babies to protect now. And that is exactly what she is doing. If Nicola had another man besides yourself act like you did, what would you say to her? What would be your reaction to ANY man that got drunk and abusive towards her?? Would you claim it was her fault??? You better wake the hell up before you lose forever the best damn woman God put on this Earth. There is a man out there somewhere that will cherish Nicola and treat her the way she deserves to be treated. You better figure out a way to make sure that man is you.
P.S. Yes I cursed and NO I am not a whore...never have been...never will be. I am extremely upset for her and I detest all the CONSTANT crap she has to deal with. You are the LAST person that should be adding to that pile of crap. I happen to care a great deal for Nicola...probably more than I should but there is nothing I can do to change that and I wouldn't even if I could. I still have hope that you two can be a family. Please don't disappoint me.
and Mizz...thanks that is really kind. xxx ↑ |
| Name: Paul | Date: Jul 11th, 2007 5:31 PM |
| I am not going to respond to other people's posts, but I will say this, all of them have made me think and I respect your rights to say whatever you feel and I am sure that your words have helped my fiancee. I know you did not want me to post here Nikki, but I have been very worried. I have been trying to ring you all day, I have a flight to Cardiff tomorrow evening; I'm coming home early. Where are you? There is no clue on your journal that you are going anywhere else and you have changed all the passwords on your email accounts. Where are you? We agreed to speak when I got home, you can't cut me out completley now without giving me the oppurtunity to say my piece. ↑ |
| Name: lonely | Date: Jul 13th, 2007 5:30 AM |
| Ok well I would say that whatever happened for her to leave you after 3 years must have been something pretty bad. I agree that giving her space is a good thing. If you love something and let it go if it comes back it was meant to be. I know it sounds stupid but is true ↑ |
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