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I'm 23 years old and I have been married for 5 years. I have a son with my husband he is 5 years old. About two years ago i split up with my husband cause he was on drugs. Well I got with this guy I'm pregnant by two years ago. I'm just wondering if I am a bad person for this what should i do. I went and tried to get a divorce but the judge through it out cause I didn't have a proof of servise. My husband has not called or wrote scence he has been gone. no child support nothing! I dont know what to do. Please help with advise. ↓
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| Name: Jean | Date: Mar 11th, 2006 9:24 PM |
| You're not a bad person at all. Screw that judge, your husband is no where to be found. If the judge won't let you get a divorce then you should just go on living your life as if you were divorced (don't remarry though until you are divorced that could spell big trouble). If your husband is a drug user you don't need to be around him and your son certainly doesn't either. I think if your intentions are to never reunite with your husband there is nothing wrong with your having another man in your life (providing he is kind and caring toward your son). Keep trying for your divorce it's bound to happen sooner or later. ↑ |
| Name: Sam | Date: Mar 12th, 2006 1:48 PM |
Hi Sarah
You relationship with your husband is over. He chose drugs over you and your child. He hasn't been around in two years.
If you are in a good relationship then be happy. Keep trying for the divorce. ↑ |
| Name: Sarah | Date: Mar 12th, 2006 10:01 PM |
| Hey guys thanks for you advise It's hard. I really want this divorce though. It sucks bad. ↑ |
| Name: me | Date: Mar 13th, 2006 12:28 AM |
| Proof of service? What is that? I don't understand why a judge would throw it out in the first place. You are trying to move on with your life and left a man that was on drugs to better the life of you and your children. I would pursue the divorce so you can go on with your life unmarried or remarried in the future. Try again and maybe you will get another judge. Being a single mom find the legal aid department where you are and get a good lawyer then it will not be thrown out. You will be granted a divorce......... ↑ |
| Name: Moon | Date: Mar 15th, 2006 9:59 AM |
No you are not a bad person, I've been there. I have learned from most of my mistakes and I think it has made me stronger. It will you too. You had to go on with your life. Being around drugs is not good for anyone.
Has your husband ever been brought up on drug charges?
I don't understand the judge's statement - "Proof of service". If your husband doesn't live with you and you do not know where he is, you should be able to file for a divorce by abandonment.
Some states have free legal advice and pro bono attorneys for low income. Safe houses and pregnancy crisis centers are another avenue to help with restraining orders that may help. (Some court orders deal with abandonment). These volunteers act as an advocate on your behalf in court.
Have you gone to your local public aid/child support office?
They can help you establish paternity and locate the missing father. No actual addresses are given to either party but you can use the papers filed with child support to prove that he is not in the home.
Since you are still married to this man he will be responsible for the second child as well unless a voluntary acknowlegement of paternity was signed at the hospital by the other man and a decline of paternity was signed by your husband. Both papers are needed in a child support case. You can file child support on just the 5yr old and not the other.
I do agree with Jean, don't remarry (and you shouldn't live together) with this other man until papers are filed and the process has started. Once your husband is found and is served with child support or divorce papers, it can be used against you for adultery.
Remember to think of your children first. They will need you throught their lives. ↑ |
| Name: Sarah | Date: Mar 16th, 2006 6:19 PM |
| Well "Proof of service" is when I filed for the divorse they had me send a packet to Tennessee to someone I know so they would go and give my sons father the papers for the divorse. Well that didn't quite happen cause the person I sent the packet to gave hubby everything. the person I sent the packet to was suppose to take the proof of service out sign it and get it noterized and send it back to me so I could take it to court and file it so they know he was served with divorce papers. I could have got the county police to do it but it would have costed money and I didnt have any at the time. I went back and replied for the divorce but they said scence i live with my mom that we had to much household income. I do live with my mother I don't live with this babys dad. We are together though. I love him and I really do want to be with him. ↑ |
| Name: lee | Date: Mar 19th, 2006 8:18 PM |
| go to the state for help. As for if you are a bad person, no! is the father of the new expected baby sticking by you? Judges are old men usually with no concept of what a woman goes thru in her life.. lets put his life under a microscope and see his good qualities... hahahahha take care of yourself and son. keep up the homefront and stay safe. ↑ |
| Name: Issues | Date: Apr 3rd, 2006 4:11 PM |
| Ok Neil...you have issues. That wasn't nice at all. It's ok to leave someone if they make bad choices. For better or worse applies, but the other person has to make an effort to make their life better, especially when there is a child involved. She would have been a bad person if she would have stayed. Then that child would have had some serious issues. ↑ |
| Name: Jean | Date: Apr 3rd, 2006 9:22 PM |
| Neil's post was so offensive to me that I used the poor taste button, my one hope is that Sarah didn't have a chance to read it first. ↑ |
| Name: Sarah | Date: Apr 21st, 2006 9:59 PM |
| Jean Thanks for the bad taste. I would like to have read what he wrote. I dont care if people look at me as a good person, I look at it this way if they are downing me then they are giving someone else a break! No the babys dad hates me and we dont talk. he dosent want anything to do with the baby. I found a new place to live and things are really looking up for me, So thank to all the prayers and lots of love to you all !!!!!!!!! ↑ |
| Name: Lisa | Date: Apr 22nd, 2006 5:19 PM |
| Refile for divorce and tell the judge your husband has been gone and you doubt he's returning and all you want is to be set free to get on with your life. ↑ |
| Name: vanilla | Date: Sep 27th, 2006 7:08 AM |
NO YOUR NOT DONT JUDGE YOURSELF GOD LOVES YOU NOMATTER WHAT EVEN IF PPL MAKE YOU FILL LIKE YOUR A BAD PERSON WE ALL GO THREW THING IN LIFE THAT AT TIMES MAY SEEM A LITTLE CRAZY BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?
WE ARE WHAT MAKES LIFE WHAT IT IS AND WITHOUT ARE CHOISES WE HAVE NOTHING TO LOOK BACK ON ARE NOTHING TO TALK ABOUT TO SOMEONE THAT REALLY NEED HELP LIKE YOURSELF SEE GOD LETS US GO THREW THESE THINS SO THAT WE CAN BE STRONGER AS PPL AND SO THAT WE CAN HELP EACHOTHER LIKE WERE HELPING YOU WITH THE WAY YOUR FILLING SO YOUR NOT A BAD PERSON AND JUST REMEMBER THE STONG WILL LAST LONG =) GOD BLESS YOU SWEETIE ↑ |
| Name: mohamed147 | Date: Jun 30th, 2007 8:05 PM |
| Name: Brittany | Date: Sep 19th, 2007 9:44 AM |
you are not a bad person. I
ve been seperated from my husband for 5 months. One night of a man telling me I was beautiful did it. I think I have his child and I don't feel bad at alll Love yourself too. ↑ |
| Name: Glen | Date: May 6th, 2009 3:28 PM |
Good luck Jean.
I had a one-nighter with a married woman two years ago, and she got pregnant. We now have a daughter, and are working on a second. We are also getting married this fall!
Things can work out. If no pregnancy happened from that night, I doubt I'd have a lovely fiance and baby. ↑ |
| Name: Bounty2009 | Date: May 6th, 2009 3:49 PM |
| Good luck with it all hun! Have you picked any baby names yet? check out http://www.bounty.com/babynames/ where you can search names by meaning and origin. My little boy is called Marlow and he is just perfect (although a very hungry and greedy little scamp - hence me being pretty tired). Its all worth it though xx ↑ |
| Name: Natasha | Date: Jun 11th, 2009 9:03 PM |
| I am in a situation like that! I am 6 months pregnant but the baby is not from my husband it is from an affair I had, and I am 100% sure it's not my husbands baby, because we didnt have sex no more we had a really hard time and I slept with the other guy because I was lonely and just didnt feel loved from my husband no more! ↑ |
| Name: melissa | Date: Nov 3rd, 2010 1:53 PM |
| I'am pregnant and i don't know if my husband is the father or the man i had a affair with but my husband and i have two other children can he take them away from me? ↑ |
| Name: geniviv | Date: Feb 27th, 2011 7:51 AM |
| Name: Bob | Date: Sep 20th, 2011 1:29 PM |
| Hello Sarah. No you're not a bad person at all Sarah. I hope you don't think you are. You did what you did Sarah & it can't be undone. Just stop judging yourself over it & know that it's in the past ok. ↑ |
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