|
This may be an odd question coming from the maternal gramma. My daughter and her ex boyfriend have a 4 year old son. I know they both love him and that isn't the problem. I'm not jealous, but just concerned about my grandson. The childs dad started dating his new girlfriend about 7 months ago, they moved in together about 4 months ago and say they are getting married this summer. When our grandson goes for visitation, he stays with his dad at the girlfriends house, she has 2 little girls about the same age as our grandson. The other day when the dad brought his son back to his mother's home, the son told his mom that his dad told him it is ok to call his new girlfriend "mommy". My daughter is heartsick over this and so are we. We feel that this is emotional/mental abuse to our little grandson. My daughter told him that daddy was wrong and he should call her by her name, not mommy as mommy was a special name for her. She doesn't want to dwell on it with him as she doesn't want to cause more problems for her son. We think that this will cause our grandson to feel like he is betraying his mother if he calls the girlfriend mommy, but if he doesn't we are afraid his father will continue to tell him to call her mommy so he will feel he is betraying his dad if he doesn't. We also feel that if he doesn't call her mommy she will ignore him until he does. We feel this is emotional/mental abuse to our grandson. How do we handle this? Our daughter talked to the dad about this and he told her she was the one causing the son emotional abuse by her talking to him about it. (he turns everything back on to her) She asked him how he would feel if she had their son calling her boyfriend daddy and he got mad and yelled at her and told her that will never happen. And it won't, not because he said so, but because my daughter would not do that to her son, as it would be him who would feel pain and be uncomfortable over that. Our daughter also talked to the other grandma and she thinks this is perfectly fine for him to call her mommy. We feel this is wrong and not fair to our grandson and our daughter. They aren't even married and they are doing this to our grandson. If they were married and she has been in his life for years, it would even be different. Please give us some idea and advice on how to handle this. Thank you very much ↓
|
|
| Name: atomicsnowflake | Date: Apr 7th, 2007 3:54 PM |
Yeah, it IS abuse! You and your daughter must sit down with your grandson and explain to him that he only has ONE mommy and that his father is wrong to be doing this.
You should also get a letter from the lawyer stating that this IS unnacceptable behaviour. It might not prevent it from happening, but it is so very wrong.
The father must be some kind of stupid f*cker. My son has lived with my husband as a stepfather for many years now and he calls him by his name. There is NO way I would expect my son to call my husband "daddy". It's just plain wrong. ↑ |
| Name: austintroup | Date: Apr 9th, 2007 9:53 PM |
TELL THE DAD IT IS NOT RIGHT TO CALL SOMEONE THAT WHEN THEY ARE NOT YOUR FATHER UNLESS YOU WERE BROUGHT UP BY THEM OR SHARE THAT TYPE OF BOND IT IS ALSO UNFAIR TO THAT THE GIRLFRIEND'S KIDS AS IT IS THEIR "MOMMY" AND NOBODY ELSE'S..... UNLESS MAYBE.. IF THEY HAD GROWN UP TOGETHER OR SOMETHING!!! HE IS FULL OF BULL AND NEEDS TO GROW UP I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU CAN TALK HIM OUT OF ITBUT I WISH YOU GUYS ALL OF MY LUCK AND I KNOW WHAT IT IS LIKE TO HAVE AN ADULT TAKE OVER YOUR LIFE AND TRY TO FILL THE PLACE OF SOMEONE VERY IMPORTANT IN YOUR LIFE AND AT THAT AGE HE COULD GET VERY MUCH CONFUSED....MY MOTHER HAS BEEN DATING A 22 YEAR OLD FOR LIKE 6 MONTHS AND IT SEEMS SO MUCH THAT HE IS TAKING OVER MY LIFE AND TRYING TO BE MY DAD......I KNOW HE WOULD NEVER MAKE ME CALL HIM DAD BUT HE HASN'T EVEN BEEN AN ADULT FOR THAT LONG AND HE IS TRYING TO BE SOMETHING I KNOW IN MY HEART THAT HE'S NOT...IF THAT KID GROWS UP LIKE THAT PROBLEMS AND CONFUSATION WILL DEFANATLY OCCUR...PLEASE RESPOND AND TELL ME HOW IT IS GOING I REALLY WANT TO KNOW HOW IT TURNS OUT FOR YOUR GRANDSON SO I CAN POSSIBLY HAVE HELP WITH MY "TO BE STEP DAD"
*AIMEE* ↑ |
| Name: js | Date: Apr 16th, 2007 6:42 PM |
| Hello Aimee, sorry to hear of your struggle also. I feel sorry for all kids growing up in split homes. It can't be easy for them. I'm afraid that this is just the tip of the iceberg for my daughter and grandson. I wish you well, and your mother. Take care Aimee. ↑ |
| Name: maries mommy | Date: May 10th, 2007 10:18 PM |
| ok i know about this me and my daughters father arent together eaither but let me tell u this ur grandsons father has no right telling him that it is ok for him to call his girl friend mommy because ur daughter had him went through 9 months careing him and has been there for the past 4 yrs ok tell ur daughter dont take this lightly i went through with my daughter ur grandson has only one mommy and everyone should respect that and respect her feelings toward this ur daughter needs to talk to the father about this and tell him how she feels about it ↑ |
| Name: ltl | Date: May 19th, 2007 3:00 AM |
| HI js. This is always a big issues when two parents are not together. I understand that you and your daughter are afraid of all this "mommy" title may confuse your grandson, but in truth, I don't think it will. A child has a natural bond to their biological parents, especially to their biological mother, by him calling other woman "mommy" does not confuse with your daughter as being the real mom. Afterall, your grandson is living with his mother so knows. I do agree that it is wrong for the father to hastily demanding his son to call his girlfriend "mommy" as we've seen it so many times before, people split up in the end when they thought the person they met were the right one. I also noticed that the father is double standard when he was mad at the prospect that his son will call someone else "daddy"...that's rediculous. I know I sounded like a broken record, but hopefully your daughter can sit down with the father and expressed that she is uncomfortable with someone else, aside from the natural mother, to be called "mommy" as he is uncomfortable with someone else to be called "daddy". If in the end, the father still insist that his son call his girlfriend "mommy", then really just let it be. With all the bickering back and forth between two parents over the title "mommy" will frustrates the son, and in the end, it's him who gets the blunt of it all. I really don't think the son feels like he's betraying anyone, but will feel that if that "betrayal" feeling is instilled in him subliminally. Tell your daughter that the son loves his mom and he really does know the difference between real mom and not the real "mom". Honestly, when the son is over at his father's house, no one can do anything about it, so try to make it less of a tension on the child...because deep down it all, it's all about our pride. We just don't want anyone else to take our title "mommy". I truely understand and I know I will have to face that tough time one day as the father of my child will remarry. I just have to tell myself that there are things I just can not control so try to make it as easy on my child as possible. Take care js. ↑ |
|
|
