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I'm 39, and pregnant. I have 2 teenagers 14 & 16... they are happy about the new baby. But the father isn't. I wasn't looking for marriage, and this pregnancy wasn't planned... I almost aborted but I'm glad I didn't. But now feeling so lonely thinking that I'm bringing another child into the world without a father. My teenagers are well adjusted, but I can see the pain from not having an active father in their lives... I just wanted some words of encouragement. I wish I could make this man want this baby -- I find at our age, that we are beyond playing head games, yet is anger towards me for not getting an abortion is sad, yet I don't hate him... I still want him to be there for me and this child... my friends think I'm crazy... but no matter what - he is the father. ↓
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| Name: mommy karen | Date: Sep 10th, 2006 3:59 AM |
| Karing. I cant give you any advice for I've never been in your shoes. The only thing I can say is that If you really want that baby welcome it with love and opened arms. I think my dad didnt want his last child and now that child is 12 and he is crazy over her. Thats his baby girl. Give him some time. He'll come back and he will give you the support youre looking for. Stay strong for your family. Good Luck Hun. ↑ |
| Name: mommy karen | Date: Sep 10th, 2006 4:02 AM |
| Karing, I forgot to tell you that, your baby will have his or her mommy. Plus I'm sure your daughers will also be there to give that baby all the love he or she needs. Think about it. Be safe. ↑ |
| Name: sally24 | Date: Sep 11th, 2006 1:41 PM |
| There is really nothing you can do , yes this baby was made by the two of you , but you are two individual people and as much as you have the right to decide to keep your baby he has the right to not be a father ,I think its rude to ask otherwise, your baby will be fine without a father. ↑ |
| Name: Lizzi | Date: Sep 11th, 2006 2:54 PM |
| I say let him go and you and your teens raise the baby together. You'll all probably be happier anyway without the guy around. Not wanting the baby is his loss,don't let that spoil yours and your kids' lives,embrace each other and carry on together! You can be the 4 musketeers!!!!! Be Happy!!! :) ↑ |
| Name: Sheila | Date: Sep 11th, 2006 5:46 PM |
| Were the two of you having major problems in your relationship before you got pregnant?? Do you think that you would have lost him if you had an abortion so that's why you decided to have this baby?? Were you thinking that keeping this child would have possibly kept you two together?? These are questions you need to ask yourself. And I on the other hand feel that you shouldn't hate him because he is angry at you for not getting an abortion.... it's sad for any father to not have the final say and just be "made" to raise and love any child. I think you may bave been a little selfish in your decision. ↑ |
| Name: Karing | Date: Sep 11th, 2006 6:10 PM |
| Hi to everyone who responded. I asked for encouragement and am being made to feel selfish. The father wants me to have an abortion... I personaly don't beleive in abortion... had I done so, I would have blamed him for the rest of my life, because I would have aborted for SELFISH reasons (who wants to change their lives and have another baby at my age? my career is just taking off, my kids are praticly out of high school, I was on my way to having another type of selfish life). The father and I had a good relationship before I got pregnant. I knew the moment I decided not to abort that I was making the decision to raise this child by myself, and since I'm already a single parent, this is something I know that I can do. I have, like I said before, 2 teenagers who don't know their father, it is a sad thing to see -- and at the end of the day, a baby is not conceived by one person, and after reading so many posts on here of men taking no responsibility at all, I posted this in hopes to hear some good stories, of men who do actually step-up -- and I find myself being accused of being selfish -- this man should be around for his child -- this is not selfish -- this is what every child should have. ↑ |
| Name: motherdearest | Date: Sep 11th, 2006 11:41 PM |
| Hi Karing, i can't give advice but maybe this will make you feel better. I'm 27 yrs old and having my first baby from a man i feel slept with my sister. they both say i'm crazy but in my heart i feel its true. Me feeling this way im still keeping my baby. i no longer have a relationship with my sister and try to have one with him but whenever he does not answer the phone or comes over when he says he is i can't help but to think that he was or is with her. I'm seven months pregnant now and realized that you cant make a man want something he doesn't. will he come around i hope so. best of luck, love motherdearest ↑ |
| Name: Sheila | Date: Sep 12th, 2006 7:11 PM |
| Karing, I'm just telling you my opinion and thought that you should possibly think "outside the box" and put yourself in his shoes for once. Your right that any man should most definitly step up to the plate when he/she decides to have a baby. The problem is he had no choice. ↑ |
| Name: Karing | Date: Sep 13th, 2006 12:40 AM |
| I can't believe that I'm responding to this again... but he should put himself in my shoes -- but he's not!! And there was a day when abortions were illegal. He knew the risks when we were intimate, he played as much a part of this pregnancy as I did... abortion is not a choice, abortion is killing... when 2 people are intimate they risk the chance of pregnancy, any man or woman who has intercourse who doesn't believe this need to re-examine themselves -- all contraceptive methods have been known to fail -- just because a man doesn't carry a child, doesn't make him less responsible -- being a woman, I knew that not agreeing with him I was running the risk of losing him, and the only other real option is adoption, and since I'm very capable of doing this on my own, I would never be able to give up this child. Have you ever really spoken with women who've aborted and have given up their babies for adoption... they never forget, they always regret and wonder what if... it's allot easier for men to say "abort" cause they have no idea what it's like to carry a child, and simply because they CAN walk away -- a woman can't and those who do, make a life changing decision either way -- and believe me raising a child alone is way better than living with the regret of killing one or giving one up... I would give this child up for adoption if I thought I couldn't take care of him/her -- and I'm not a teenager who's incapable -- NO MAN should have a choice... but they all do -- we had a good relationship, he should be a support, not a jerk -- I'm disappointed in the man that I thought he was -- but for this child, I will always forgive him if he wants to be a part of his child's life. The unfair part of life is that MEN CAN WAlK AWAY -- now that's sad and pitiful -- yeah, he can feel the victim all he wants, you and everyone else can take his side - but he knew the risks, he should live up to his responsibility -- just like I am, I didn't want another child, my life was going pretty good, and I knew the risks of having a sexual relationship with this man, I knew it could happen, just has he did -- we talked about it, about not wanting a child anyway, but it still happened anyway -- believe me I'm not running after this man, he can stay away forever - doesn't mean I can't pray and hope that he'll change his mind - for that WOULD BE THE RIGHT THING! ↑ |
| Name: Sheila | Date: Sep 13th, 2006 11:50 AM |
| I understand and feel your pain. Unfortunatly we have opposite views on abortion. I believe in pro-choice. I believe in abortion. I believe them because I had one while the "life" was just a mere molecule. And I don't regret my decision to send that gift back to god because I am a single mother already. And I can't financially or physically take on more responsiblity than I already do because it would have killed me. And for that, in my case, I made the right decision. You sound like a very strong,compassionate and loving person. I'm not taking "his" side on this. We women need not to judge, and look out for each other. It's a tough world and I am not be judgemental. ↑ |
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