Hi i just want to know what you think!
A group of us girls from my toddler group were planning a day out with the kids,there are two of us that don't drive,i am one of them and the other one will be at work anyway.
Well one of the girls offerered to give me a lift as she is going also and has a spare car seat.
Now she has sent me a text to say that if i still want a lift that is fine but i will have to give her petrol money!
I cant believe it she offered me a lift not the other way around and she is going anyway weather or not i go.
I texted her back and said that i would not be going and that i will take my son to the park to play instead.
This is not the first time this has happened,she has offered to do things for people before and then backed out.
Who do you think is in the wrong?
I would have offered her some petrol money anyway but i didnt expect to be asked! ↓
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| Name: nicole jones | Date: Jun 28th, 2006 8:17 PM |
| that is pretty cheesy. if i was in her shoes and really needed that gas money i would have at least asked you BEFORE you got in my car. Duh! i would say she sounds kinda rude (not to mention the other girls you've mentioned from said playgroup). I would say ditch the playgroup and start a new one. Put up a flyer at the library or something that just says "kids age 3-6, meet at park at noon for playgroup" or something and see who shows up, or find another one that's already organized. the whole point of playgroup is for it to be fun for kids AND moms... sounds like you're missing out on that part. ↑ |
| Name: Lynne n | Date: Jun 28th, 2006 9:45 PM |
| She did ask me before i got in the car i am more upset about the princal of it! ↑ |
| Name: Layne | Date: Jun 28th, 2006 11:50 PM |
| sounds like a mooch to me.& this is the same sobby group that owns there homes. & looks down there noses at renters maybe there short on cash for that house payment. Haaa get a lauph out of it you just got your answer on the sobby play group things arent so great after all are they Lynn. ↑ |
| Name: Layne | Date: Jun 28th, 2006 11:51 PM |
| snobby not sobby darn i wish they have spell check ↑ |
| Name: charla | Date: Jun 29th, 2006 2:30 AM |
| ya know i cant drive either becouse of my eyedisease i already feel guilty enough if i have to ask for a ride and i like you would have given gas money but since she was going to the same place well thats just rude !!! ↑ |
| Name: Julia | Date: Jun 29th, 2006 5:05 AM |
| Yes, you should be in a bad mood, I would be!!! Find a new group! How tacky is that. :( ↑ |
| Name: Lynne n | Date: Jun 29th, 2006 1:38 PM |
Thanks girls i thought i was right.
I am looking into a play group which is by my mum.
It is a bit further away but walkable! ↑ |
| Name: maxieellis | Date: Jun 29th, 2006 6:46 PM |
Wait girls............I have to tell you something. If this woman has a habbit of saying one thing and then backing away from her offers......that MAY BE who she is. I wouldnt of even bothered to ask her is I KNEW FOR CERTAIN in advance that she was that way. How could you count on her.
But the thing about the paying for fuel......look ,I know from experience that there are so many moms who just are downright thoughtless. They dont drive....so you want to help them out for the sake of the kids. But when you pull into a coffee drive through and they dont even bother to offer to buy you a cup.....and then dont offer to pay for the fuel either...after a while you get fed up. This mom MAY BE getting sick of people like that and figures yeah I will help you out....but before I get slammed again, I better say something. Could be?
Some moms dont pay for an extra car...insurance...repair bills...fuel and then to top it all off they USE everyone around them on the other persons dime. That is not correct.
At the time she asked for the money...you may have countered with a comment like....."oh, yes of course I am sorry I didnt offer right from the start...I should have and I dont blame you for asking. That seems very fair to me. Have others not paid you in the past? Or just not offered? Bought you a cup of coffe at least? I am so sorry to hear that...how rude of them. Listen...no fear hear....I am so greatful you agreeded and I understand.?"
Ya see, that way you may get a better idea of where she is coming form. And find out some first hand infromation. NOW AGAIN while talking to her ask what she feels is fair. You can sort of figure out what the cost would be. Taking into consideration fuel is not the only thing getting you there. She paid for the car. She pays the insurance. The repairs...and 5.00 is not a fair price to pay for that lift if its any length of travel. Not to mention by driving someone else and there children around she is taking the risk of being sued should an accident occure. By the passenger she is carrying. Trouble enough just with your own in the vehicle...........not to mention others.
So ladies I think we need to stop and concider these things also. When you dont drive for whatever the reason.....you need to expect that people should be paid. Your children are small....you can get by at the moment just going to the park....but what about later?
I am a mom who is getting sick of folks who dont even offer a cup of coffee. I am through with the dump and run mothers. Ya know those who just leave the little ones at someones...anyones house and buzz off to enjoy the day. I am not a babysitter. Not to mention never do they have your kid at their house.....you can actually be told every conciviable story you can imagine as to why they cant manage that. B.S.! After a few year of that crap....ya figure out who those folks are and I just avoid them and I am busy. No one likes to be used. And I am just such a person. I am ever so happy to offer. I myself would not ask someone to pay.........or at least ..put it very nicely...."wonderful that gives me a break on the blinkin fuel cost also." Though I have yet to be so bold....its comming because there are so very many mothers who do just as I have explained and ya dont know until you are there enough and experienced enough, know them enough.....and by then they have gotton all they can from you and move on to someone else. Faulsely befriending.....but not forthcomming.
I dont think anyone is in the wrong here......I dont know this lady and what she may be getting sick of........but maybe next time....try the old detective route and see what you can find out from them. One on one.......its the best. Sometimes we have a better prespective then....and understand better. If she is just a jerk............you would know.......then the park sounds great.
You all may disagree.......but ya gotta be on the recieving end of some of these idiot mother who think that everyone ought to do everything out of the goodness of their hearts and on their dime. Those that offer nothing.....ever.
Being clear, I am not saying you are one of those or any of these ladies........I am fairly certain of that. But there are many out there and maybe this mom is starting to be a little braver and backs out of some of her OFFERS because.....they never did either.
Just food for thought. ↑ |
| Name: maxieellis | Date: Jun 29th, 2006 8:02 PM |
| Ps i ment to enclose in the post that the only reason she is going to the same place....is actually because you are going...and you want or need to go also. That is from your perspective. Otherwise she is just ....going.. somewhere............she needs or wants to?! ↑ |
| Name: Lynne n | Date: Jun 29th, 2006 8:32 PM |
That is all very well but i did not ask her for a lift i would have made my own way there!
She offered me the lift to save me money,she still went any way whilst i stayed at home.
If it was the other way around and i drove,if i was going to that place anyway weather or not she was i would take her and not ask for petrol money.If you cant do a favor for a friend then what can you do? ↑ |
| Name: Layne | Date: Jun 29th, 2006 9:52 PM |
| I still dont think paying was in order. If you offer a ride thats a out of consideration. Now if you ask for a ride it would be nice to give gas money but in this case you didnt. ↑ |
| Name: maxieellis | Date: Jun 29th, 2006 10:44 PM |
You are correct Lynne, not only do I spell poorly...I did not read carefully enough. I was likely thinking of my own issue and not taking time .... to read....which I usually do....I did not this time and I am sorry....very.
I either have missed another thread...or missed in the post where she wanted to save you money. If she said that to begin with somewhere along the line......it would be rather surprising indeed and you should be offended! Though I still maintain...a person should offer under normal circumstances. It would be a return consideration, simply to me proper manners.
Also...although friends....one needs to do a good turn in return. ANNNNNNND.. You may well DO, other things for her you have not mentioned. Friends do for each other. Not just one friend does for the other...(just gotta say that though I am certain you are in tune with that way of thinking.) I do hope, that she is/was a friend not really just an aquaintence....form a toddler group. Friends usually have a good foundation and some history. Just because they are going......is no reason not to at least have enough consideration to offer....regardless....UNLESS again, they state they are trying to save you money (knowing you couldnt possibly pay cash....ever) and really want you to come along. AAAANNNNNDDDD, IF you, are fair tradeing...not cash but help her with her kids...watch them for her in return....whatever......YOU are doing your part and are being considerate. If that isnt good enough....well...yup move on. And if you can make you way somewhere on your own....all the power to you and you should. You can take care of yourself.
See now the ladies that I deal with......are just that aquaintences. Women who I have met through school due to my childs attendance. I have only lived in this, part.... of BC, for four years and this is my daughters first year at school. Though it started in preschool and the odd mom I would meet at toddler time with my son. So no foundation and no history....though it was made. I blame only myself......but I now have some experience.....and know not to get to involved with any of that......!
Layne is correct also. Those of us who show equal consideration (offering to pay before being asked)... IF WE ask, are smiply showing that.. though we dont drive (whathaveyou) we do have manners and take.. their, thoughfulness into consideration....and do what is right.
Sorry again.....got my mind wrapped around yesterdays events ......something like what I was on about in the begining....opps! ↑ |
| Name: Julia | Date: Jun 29th, 2006 11:40 PM |
| After reading the last few posts, I will have to agree with Lynne and Maxie! In Lynne's case, if she did not ask for the ride then that lady should have mentioned it right off the bat that she will want gas money. Like say- "Hey Lynne, I can give you lift to the play group, but do you think you can help me out with the gas money, I am a little tight right now" or something along those lines. I think Lynne would have taken it a little better instead of having it sprung on her like that in an email? Plus Lynne mentioned she was going to offer her money anyway, so it shows that the whole communication factor was handled badly. But then I also agree with Maxie when she made the point that it works both ways. It all depends on the circumstance and how the conversation is handled. Not everyone are moochers or are loking for a free ride. Since it is a simple drive to a play group or whatever it may be, and the ride was offered, it can easliy slip your mind to offer coffee or something in return. I would only react to the way Maxie described, is unless the people constantly ask for rides, get them, and they do not offer anything in return! In Lynne's case, to me it was tacky. ↑ |
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