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Name: Deanna

[ Original Post ]

A man was being tailgated by a stressed out woman on a busy boulevard. Suddenly, the light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.

The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup.

As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. He took her to the police station where she was searched, finger printed, photographed, and placed in a holding cell.

After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.

He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him.

I noticed the ... 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, ... the 'Choose Life' License plate ... holder, ... the 'Follow Me to Sunday-School' bumper Sticker,... And the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk.

Naturally...I assumed you had stolen the car." ↓

Name: mspeachpit | Date: Nov 10th, 2006 2:05 PM

i have a thanksgiving joke but its full of swear words (thats what makes it so funny though). ↑

Name: Deanna | Date: Nov 10th, 2006 2:35 PM

Put it on... It can't be worse than what is written on the adoption forum... ↑

Name: Stacy | Date: Nov 10th, 2006 2:50 PM

The bumper sticker one. That's so true.....LOL
The Thanksgiving one FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ↑

Name: Deanna | Date: Nov 10th, 2006 2:54 PM

I like that! ↑

Name: mspeachpit | Date: Nov 10th, 2006 2:55 PM

could u imagine if that was ur little kid?! ↑

Name: Deanna | Date: Nov 11th, 2006 2:26 AM

A guy with a 25-inch wiener went to a doctor and
] ]said, "I can't
] ]live with this anymore! It's too long."
] ]The doctor replied, "I can't do anything for you,
] ]but if you see
] ]the Witch doctor in the bayou, she can help you." So,
] ]he went to the
] ]bayou and saw the witch doctor..
] ]The witch doctor said, "Go into the swamp and find
] ]a female
] ]frog. Ask her to marry you. She'll say 'No', and
] ]you'll lose 5 inches
] ]off your member!"
] ]So, he went to the swamp and found the frog and
] ]asked her, "Will
] ]you marry me?"
] ]"No!", she said - He lost 5 inches off his member!
] ]The guy liked the results, and thought, "20 inches
] ]is still just
] ]too much." So, he asked the frog again, "will you
] ]marry me? "
] ]The frog said, "No!" And the guy lost another 5
] ]inches. He
] ]thought,
] ] "15 inches is great! But 10 inches would just be
] ]perfect."
] ]So he asked, "Will you marry me?"
] ]And the frog said, "How many times do I have to
] ]tell you...NO!
] ]NO! NO! ↑

Name: tweetybird4 | Date: Nov 11th, 2006 3:48 AM

Ok, I have two jokes to share, I hope you like them.

Little boy is standing in the bathroom and pulls back the shower curtain and he sees his mommy naked. He looks up and goes, “Mommy, what are those?” Mommy replies, “Those are my headlights.” Then, little boy looks down and asks, “What’s that?” Mommy replies, “That’s my garden!” Awhile later, his daddy was in the shower. Little boy asks his daddy, “What’s that?” Daddy says, “That’s my snake!” Little boy scratches his head with puzzled look on his face. Father asks, “What’s the matter?” Little boy asks, “Well, whose God?” Daddy’s says, “Well, that’s who you pray too. Why do you ask?” Little boy said, “Well, yesterday, while you were at work, mommy was praying with Uncle Dave and his snake was in mommy’s garden while playing with her headlights.”

There was a man, who was nicely tanned came to the beach to tan his dick. So, he decided to bury himself in the sand except for his dick. Along comes two old ladies, who stumble upon this dick sticking out of the sand. The one woman snickers, “Ooohhhh!” while starring at it. The other woman asked, “What are you snickering about that is gross and you shouldn’t be looking at it!” The other woman replied, “Why, when I was 20, I was curious about it, when I was 30, I enjoyed it, when I was 40, I couldn’t get enough of it, when I was 50, I paid for it and look, now that I’m 60, their growing it!”

Oh, by the mspeachpit---Excellent joke!! ↑

Name: candy4117 | Date: Nov 11th, 2006 3:17 PM

This bartender is in a bar, when this really hot chick walks up and says in a sexy seductive voice, "May I please speak to your manager?" He says, "Not right now, is there anything I can help you with?" She replies, "I don't know if your the man to talk to...its kind of personal..." Thinking he might get lucky, he goes, "I'm pretty sure I can handle your problem, miss." She then looks at him with a smile, and puts two of her fingers in his mouth...and he begins sucking them, thinking "I'm in!!!" She goes, "Can you give the manager something for me?" The bartender nods...yes. "Tell him there's no toilet paper in the ladies restroom."

A man was chosen for jury duty who really wanted to be dismissed from serving. He tried every excuse he could think of but none of them worked. On the day of the trial, he decided to give it one more shot. As the trial was about to begin, he asked if he could approach the bench.

"Your Honor," he said, "I must be excused from this trial because I am prejudiced against the defendant. I took one look at the man in the blue suit with those beady eyes and that dishonest face and I said 'He's a crook! He's guilty!' So, your Honor, I cannot possibly stay on this jury!"

With a tired annoyance the judge replied, "Get back in the jury box, you fool. That man is the defendant's lawyer."

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A
man walks into a hamburger shop and orders a regular meal. Later, the waitress brings his meal to him. He takes a bite out of it, and notices there's a small hair in the hamburger. He begins yelling frantically at the waitress, "Waitress, there's a hair in my hamburger! I demand to see what is going on!"

So, the waitress takes him back where the cook is and to his demise, he sees the cook take the meat patty and flatten it under his arm pit. He says, "That's disgusting!"

Then the waitress says, "You think that's disgusting you should see him make donuts."

During their silver anniversary, a wife reminded her husband: Do you remember when you proposed to me, I was so overwhelmed that I didn't talk for an hour?" The hubby replied: "Yes, honey, that was the happiest hour of my life." ↑