as you all know, I have epilepsy. I have my seizures when I go into sleep or come out of sleep. As you know at the beginning of the year, I fitted and lost a baby. I was only 4 weeks along, but it devastated me.
Now...when Paul goes away, I usually go and stay with my mum in case I fit again. But Mum and me have rowed again...its pretty serious and all though we are still talking but we are not 100%. I can never forgive her fully for the things that have happened in the past couple of weeks.
Now...Im a stubborn bitch and want to be independant. I dont want to go running back to her as i need adult supervision. Last time Paul went away I had some friends over...but they have all gone to Bournemouth...all bloody 8 of my close friends have gone for a piss up at the beach. I dont know what to do. All my family live in Wycombe or Scotland, apart from my mum.
Im scared that i'll fit again. I dont know what to do. Do i go to my mums or what? I only act human around her...you know...I see her when i have to. I dont want her help. and I know she doesnt really want to help me. We just sorta exist if you get me.
Now what the hell do i do? Should i get used to being alone? I mean...Im going to have to arent i? plenty of women with worse epilepsy then me live alone dont they? Im probably being silly? am i being silly? I'll be okay if i stay here by myself...im not really sure what im trying to ask. Its just...well... I dont know. ↓
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| Name: Nicolaaa | Date: Jun 1st, 2007 7:43 PM |
| I guess what im saying is...am i being selfish by not getting help from my mum? Things would be awkward i know they will. What are the chances of me fitting again? im on a massive doseage for my size (with the pregnancy in consideration) and my baby is 12 weeks...tehrefore i think whoever it is, is gonna be pretty strong.. and safer in there than a 4 week baby?? i just dont know...am i being selfish?? ↑ |
| Name: Dina, | Date: Jun 1st, 2007 7:45 PM |
| might be good to have someone close by in case you need the help better safe then sorry ↑ |
| Name: lynnie | Date: Jun 1st, 2007 7:45 PM |
| what about staying with pauls family? ↑ |
| Name: Nicolaaa | Date: Jun 1st, 2007 7:49 PM |
Theyr ion cornwall...they have a caravan down there. They dont really like me. They dont seem to think that Im worth talking to you know? they think im just some dumb 17 year old tart after their money...so they arent really bothered with me. We used to get on well!!
I've gotta start being independant though aint i? What are the odds of me fitting? women have worse epilepsy then me...at least mine are in bed, whihc i have made as safe as possible. Hell iv already had one seizure in this pregnancy and we managed. I feel so isolated sometimes ya know. ↑ |
| Name: lynnie | Date: Jun 1st, 2007 7:53 PM |
i know what you mean and i know how you feel about your inlaws,i cant go into too much on here nicola but i dont get on with mine either,i will explian it through email when i get a chance!
Still nothing by the way! ↑ |
| Name: Nicolaaa | Date: Jun 1st, 2007 7:55 PM |
| aah crap...il s send it aain then...THIS IS WHY I WISH I HAD A SENT BOXX!!!! ↑ |
| Name: lynnie | Date: Jun 1st, 2007 7:55 PM |
| i think you are having the same problem i was! ↑ |
| Name: Nicolaaa | Date: Jun 1st, 2007 8:02 PM |
| They sorta treat me like a surrogate mum you know? as if all im gonna be good for. They seem to think I have no career ambition and that Paul buys everything. EVERYTHING THAT IS MINE...I PAID FOR...lol i work my ass off..slaving in mcdonalds etc for peanuts ya know...and i have been saving so much. Not many 17 year olds save up...let alone those with two toddlers. I dont care ya know...im proud of myself and what iv dealt with. And thats why it hurts when people like my aunt and mum and stuck up old farts like pauls mum and dad are oblivious to that. ↑ |
| Name: Nicolaaa | Date: Jun 1st, 2007 8:03 PM |
| i sent it...please tell me it sent. if i had sense i woulda copied it. ↑ |
| Name: homemommichele | Date: Jun 1st, 2007 8:12 PM |
| Wow that is rough. My Mom brings out the worst in me and I can certainly understand. My dh has seizures as well, and that is why I started working at home, as I don't feel comfortable leaving him alone esp with the kids for a long 8-12 hour shift, not counting transportation. Do you have anyone, a female friend or something that can come stay with you? ↑ |
| Name: Nicolaaa | Date: Jun 1st, 2007 8:14 PM |
no. its so frustrating. Thats the trouble with having friends that are MY age...they all bugger off together to have sex in tents on beaches and get drunk. hehe
My family, other than mum, brother and isster, live from 1.5 hrs away to 10 hours away ion a car. I'm actually pretty scared. I think once this night is over i'll be fine. ↑ |
| Name: Nicolaaa | Date: Jun 1st, 2007 8:14 PM |
| ACTUALLY!!! my r.s teacher!!! i'll ring her!!!! ↑ |
| Name: homemommichele | Date: Jun 1st, 2007 8:15 PM |
| If it's just one night you are probably okay. Do you take meds. Just make sure you take them on schedule. When my dh is late or forgets is when he runs into trouble, another reason he needs me home. ↑ |
| Name: momo | Date: Jun 1st, 2007 8:16 PM |
| Nicola...its okay to ask for help even if you aren't on the best f terms with somone...Sometimes we must swallow our pride if it means doing whats best for us...I didn't learn this valuable lesson till i was almost 25...mothers almost always have the best of intentions, they just go about things the wrong way..Its hard to change someone, so sometimes its best to just change a bit of yourself to fit better with that person....I have learned in order for my my mother and me to get along that sometimes i just have to listen to what she has to say and let her vent...if i just let it be...then we are happier..and best of friends...i knw that she alsways has my best interest at heart and she never does anyting to intentionally make me mad ↑ |
| Name: Nicolaaa | Date: Jun 1st, 2007 8:20 PM |
im on tegretol retard. and yeh im pretty good with pills.
its until next friday..so a week.
Patty says she will come HERE with whisky lol. SHe doesnt know im preggie yet...i shall have to tell her. SHe's coming about 9.30 so 10 mins...she cant stay here the whole week though...i dont actually like the woman...to crazy and mad...
haha! last time she was here she wanted to see our kitchen...she climbed up onto the worktop and kissed the cupboard as she said it was the best one she'd seen. and she's so confident...she just sorta swans around the house like she owns it...gets the kids outta bed or runs a bath for them....lets down their hair...she even swapped round the pictures on the wall!! does my head in ↑ |
| Name: momo | Date: Jun 1st, 2007 8:35 PM |
| Its gotta be had nicola...you'll do whats best..your a smart woman ↑ |
| Name: Nicolaaa | Date: Jun 2nd, 2007 11:20 AM |
| yes momo...Its hard as she is my only parent. And I have just lost the only other person who is like a parent to me because of her. In fact...i loved this woman like a mother you know. And it broke my heart. I will be civil...i odnt like grudges etc. But I dont love her and will never forgive her. ↑ |
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