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Recently, my husband and I decided together that I should stay at home and look after our two year old, while he continued working. I am very happy with this decision and I thought my husband was too. But lately he has been implying that I don't do enough to contribute. He tells me that I don't clean enough, I don't cook enough, and I spend too much money on household items. I tell him how much work I actually do on a daily basis, but he thinks I am exaggerating. He keeps saying that I am lucky that he will support me while I sit at home and do nothing. I've tried to be rational with him and to tell him how his comments make me feel. But that's just not working. I feel so awful about this I am thinking about moving in with my parents for a little while. Any suggestions on how to deal with a husband who can't see things my way? ↓
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| Name: Vindicator | Date: Jun 13th, 2005 7:45 PM |
| Just like a man! Was he by any chance spoiled by his mother as a child? lol! Seriously, try giving him a taste of his own medicine. Plan a trip away for the weekend or better yet a whole week with some girlfriends so that he has to take care of the kids and the house all by himself. I have a sneaky feeling he'll probably see things your way in the end. p.s. If you do move in with your parents, don't take the kids. Sounds horrible, but he'll never understand how much you actually do unless you make him do your job. ↑ |
| Name: Juliet | Date: Jun 23rd, 2005 9:17 PM |
| Maybe you could remind him of how much you are SAVING by not working. For example: you no longer pay for childcare (way expensive!!), work clothes/maintenance (pantyhose that need constant replacing. getting nails done, etc depending on what job you used to do), GAS for work (also expensive these days!), frequent car maintenence for all those miles you rack up on getting to daycare and to work, eating out more frequently when you are exsauted from work or had to stay late and the list goes on!! My husband and I actually figured it out for ourselves, and if I went back to my old job, it would actually cost us money!! Anyways, good luck. Just talk it out and see what his REAL issue is. If he wants the hosue spoltless, remind him that you are not staying home as teh maid, but as a MOTHER. How would he feel if the child were in daycare and hew picked her up only to find the sitter ignoring the child and cleaning instead? Would he fire her b/c she wasn't doing her job? I used this analagy myself once :) Good luck! ↑ |
| Name: sweettee | Date: Jul 13th, 2005 8:00 AM |
| maybe you could sit around the house all day just playing with your child , buy take away for dinner and do this for one day or even 2 i am sure your husband will see for himself just how much you do around the house ↑ |
| Name: Wendy | Date: Jul 13th, 2005 5:12 PM |
| Get out of the house for a day Cecily, leave early in the morning. Tell him he needs to try to get some laundry or other cleaning done while taking care of the 2 y/o. Be sure to leave him a list of the 2 y/o's schedule so he doesn't forget to feed or bath him/her. Don't come him til later in the day, sometime around the time he gets home. This should give him a whole new propective to what you do. If it doesn't then he isn't sensitive enough to understand how hard it is to stay home with the kids. I too am a stay at home mom, I have a 2 y/o and a 8 month old and after I did this to my husband he never complained at me again, in fact now he praises me for getting the daily chores done and cooking supper every night. Some times men just need to walk in your shoes for a day to understand how it really is. Good luck! ↑ |
| Name: key mom | Date: Jul 26th, 2005 12:39 AM |
| on his next day off make sure the house is a mess and, write a list of what has to be done and walk out the door, you might have a fight when you get home but he might think twice about it too,or do the trading spouse thing and get a women who is a complete oppocite of you. ↑ |
| Name: Janeice Wallers | Date: Jul 27th, 2005 12:45 AM |
| Well I havent expeienced this MYSELF but ill tell you my sister has so this what he did to deal with it... She told her husband that not only does she have to go to stores so often but it because she needs food and stuff to entertain the kids with. She also said "I am trying my best to have 1 big happy family! But you seem to take it as if I am not doing a single thing for this family! If only you understood how hard it is to have a husband who tells his whife she is no good at this, maybe i should be FIRED from my job since your boss. Is there anything you would like to say?" It helped her but i tolded her not to do it i thaught it would give her a divorce, but it WORKED, we al were happy and back to normal. But try whatever works for you ↑ |
| Name: Nicole | Date: Aug 2nd, 2005 6:49 PM |
| My husband does exactly the same thing to me and we've been doing this for 4 years. It does no good at all to complain to him because men don't understand how much work it is to be a stay at home mom. You work way more than 40 hours a week and then have to take care of him too when he gets home. The best thing you can do is jsut get used to it because we are really lucky to be able to stay at home with our children and that is what its all about. Raising happy and healthy kids. It doesnt matter in the long run what your husband thinks. Every time you get upset just remind yourself that their are thousands of women who would love to be able to stay home and raise their children. ↑ |
| Name: Tanya | Date: Aug 4th, 2005 11:16 PM |
| I think if he thinks you don't do enough you should let him try it a day or so.My husband use to tell me the same until,I put him in my place.I would tell your husband that he's the lucky one.He just has to go to a job all day boo hoo..He also gets to be with adults all day,He gets to eat his lunch with out having to feed the baby first.Thats only if your not changing or cleaning.It's not easy being a stay at home mom and you have the most important job,Your raising a good human being.That's what you do and it takes alittle more time then cooking and cleaning . ↑ |
| Name: Pam | Date: Aug 8th, 2005 11:01 PM |
| My husband hasn't really done that to me cause he knows i will go on strike, but he also realizes now how much work i do. I stopped cleaning for a week. I did not do the dishes or wash clothes, nothing, and he realized how messy the house gets and how it is an all day event. Be lazy don't do nothing and he will see. ↑ |
| Name: kkoz | Date: Aug 19th, 2005 11:53 PM |
| why is it the man (like Tanya said) has only one job and the woman(weather you work outside the home or not) has a million. My husband does the laundrey and reminds EVERYONE that he does like he deserves a pat on the back. He will clean when we have a party or I bug him for weeks. My 2 year old is an absolute tornado and I can't keep up with him!! Like other suggestions, don't do anything and then he'll see how much you do!! They think the magic cleaning fairy comes to the house...they have no idea!! ↑ |
| Name: sarah | Date: Aug 21st, 2005 3:55 AM |
Remind him that it was a mutual disision and remember to do household
duties so he sees you do your share.Maybe also do something,
special for him every once in a while.Sometimes with kids your marriage can get put on the back burnner.Atleast then you will know first hand that you gave it yor all and he needs to have some time to him self to see how much you actually did do around the home! ↑ |
| Name: Monica | Date: Aug 26th, 2005 1:34 AM |
| Wow, I am a working mom and I also do alot around the house. My husband recently got laid off from work and has become a slacker. The house is never up to par, the kids get baths only when I beg him to do it, he has become extremely unorganized, running to the grocery store 4-5 times a week, and getting him to do laundry on a regular basis is a ^%$^ miracle! I think anyone that stays home should do the bulk of the work around the house. I am friends with alot of woman that are stay at home moms. What you all have to complain about is beyond me. I would have loved to have been a stay at home mom, but we could never work it out financially. Having a load of laundry to do a day and making meals is hardly a high stress job. Please do yourselves a favor and stop complaining about every day chores. I think spouse thatr stays at home should do most of it. ↑ |
| Name: Chris | Date: Aug 26th, 2005 2:45 AM |
| Hi Monica! Swallow your bitter pill and go to the Working Mom Chat Room! Staying home is not just laundry and cooking. PS I feel sorry for your husband. Have you thought maybe he's depressed since he was laid off. I'm sorry you couldn't stay home but for those of us who have to juggle a budget on one income don't have it stress free. WAY TO GO STAY HOME MOMS HANG IN THERE! ↑ |
| Name: christa | Date: Sep 19th, 2005 5:13 PM |
| I think there is more stress involved as a stay at home mum, when i was working there was only one thing at a time to think about now oh my god, not only do i have a million other things a day to contend with i have a little mess machine following me around messing up all the hard work iv had to do!! my husband agrees he knows that staying home is sometimes harder than working, he even jokes that hes going to work to get some peace and quiet lol i know know its no joke! ↑ |
| Name: Debra | Date: Sep 19th, 2005 10:24 PM |
| Wow! What's up with this Monica chick!?! Where'd she come from? My husband would love her- can you imagine being her Nanny?? She's got no clue!! It'll be a rude awakening if she is ever laid off and has to be home. Bet her kids don't even know who she is. Thats sad. You have my pity Monica. Have fun filing and making copies and sleeping your way to the top! ↑ |
| Name: Toshia | Date: Sep 20th, 2005 7:03 AM |
| Wow Debra I thought your comment was a bit rude until I went back and read Monicas. I am a stay at home mom not a house wife. My job is to look after my son that was the agreement that is my job. I am not a maid nor do I feel my husband is a king that I should have to pick up after. House work should be split 50/50 after all you both live their. ↑ |
| Name: Lana | Date: Sep 29th, 2005 10:48 AM |
| Iam a stay at home mum with a 2and a half yr old and a 1 yr old and Iam due for baby no 3 in December and my husband is lazy as. I dont mind doing alot casue Iam the stay at home mum but he could help a little more. He used to crack up about the money I spent so I Itimised it for him and it was all stuff we needed for our kids and bills. Now he doesnt say anything cause he spends more on cars. I get so mad sometimes though I just want help once in a while and he doesnt even help with the kids.Our daughter is 1 and he has NEVER bathed her.. Iam so worried I have to go to my sisters wedding 7hrs away and leaving the kids at home with him for the weekend casue our babysitter fell through and I dont know if he can do it.. Feel free to write to me.. [email protected] or add me to your MSN. ↑ |
| Name: 2good2Btrue | Date: Sep 29th, 2005 2:48 PM |
| Lana my heart goes out to you- I was a single parent until I met the man of my dreams. If I had married the man that got me pregnant I would have been in your shoes. Somehow I got the strength to say goodbye- It's pretty sad when its easier to be a single parent then to be married to someone so selfish. You owe it to your child to take a stand and say either help me or I'll leave. I know it seems as if it would be so worse to be alone. But I can't tell you enough how great it was to not have to pick up after him, listen to his criticism or wonder if he was cheating on me. I had such peace when I had my own place. It was small and shabby but you know what...it was mine. My child was the best thing that ever happened to me- I would have married him and wouldn't have found out what a jerk he was until it was too late. I was alone for 3 years- and met this man who was completely not anyone in a million years I would have dated. He became my friend was a made it clear we would never be together. We just hung out and my child asked me to marry him. It's funny- I never let anyone around my son that I dated but this man didn't have a chance in the world and was such a nice guy and a great friend that I knew he would never break my child's heart- even if our friendship ended. We were out one night scoping the clubs- I pick out girls for him and vise versa- this incredible loser attempted to talk to me- and of course my friend instantly became my boyfriend-. The loser didn't believe me so he said- if thats your boyfriend then let me see you kiss...and just like in the movies he kissed me and I literally couldn't even move. It was the greatest kiss in the world. We have been married for 10 years now- he changed diapers, gave them baths- he was the type of dad that- you know when your watching your kids at the park and you can anticipate them being hurt so you jump to save them- he would jump before me...!! He had that instinct that I thought only mothers had! Now that I have him I don't know how I did it as a single mom. Having a person there to support you, help you and even just be there to listen to you bitch is the most incredible thing. You deserve that- and your man deserves to have some superficial golddigger use him for his cars!!! ↑ |
| Name: Lizzbeth | Date: Mar 8th, 2006 7:20 PM |
| No don't move with your parent's, you need to show him, how much work it is, and the way you will do that is by let him take a little bit of the load, like you cook and he can actually take care of the baby at night when he gets home that way you finish what ever you didn't finish, let see how well he will like it. I'm doing the same, that way my husband can see how hard it is. ↑ |
| Name: toni | Date: Mar 8th, 2006 8:52 PM |
| Leave him home on weekend with child and a to do list....better.... stay over at mums home and let him care for child for 2 days or more. He'll appreciate you soon enough!! ↑ |
| Name: tony | Date: Mar 11th, 2006 8:55 PM |
| Name: Lisa | Date: Mar 25th, 2006 7:38 PM |
| Id without a word to your husband get a sitter and go back to work.And when he says what are you doing? Say I think working is where I belong and No I wont quit again.And if he presses the issue say well make up your mind because you dont seem to be satisfied no matter if Im working or not so what the hell do you want ,which way do you want it????But no matter what he says,keep working ,youll be glad you did.No woman should have to rely on a man for financial support anyway. ↑ |
| Name: heather | Date: Mar 25th, 2006 10:03 PM |
amen to what toni said! i have a hard time cleaning because my little one is always awake and likes to be held. hes only 6 weeks so he cant hold his head yet. (that makes it much harder to get things done)
anyways, i have recently made my bf take care of the baby for an hour or two and see what he got done...happy to report the baby cried and wanted every second that he had! now he knows. ↑ |
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