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| Name: Lizzi | Date: Aug 20th, 2007 11:51 AM |
| I would HOPE that his dad is more responsible than that ,but you never know,some people do things without thinking of consequences because they plan to be (right back). I mean really,what if he was hit by a car while he was out runnning and killed or knocked unconscience? No one would know that he had a little boy who was home ALONE waiting on his fathers return. Your husband ,(or ex) needs to understand this. ↑ |
| Name: jillw | Date: Aug 21st, 2007 1:25 PM |
| momo kids usually don't lie about that sort of stuff. When they are that young their lies have way more fantastic stories or the lie about stuff that would get them in trouble. Like no I didn't color on the wall. even they were the only kid in the house. He prob told someone about the dogs watching him because he was made to believe that it was perfectly normal and therefor why not talk about it. I would esp believe it if he jsut brought it up and random conversation like it was nothing. If you were prompting him for stories about what daddy has done then maybe he would make something up if he felt pressured to provide you with a story, but other then that I would tend to believe him. The other thing that leads me to think it is true is that he has said it twice. Kids do not remember fantacy stories for very long so if he said it s while ago and then said it again I would think that it is stored in his long term memory where real events are stored. Adults have a hard time storing the details of their lies and that is why they slip up. Since it is not real they can dig visions of that "memory". Adults even try to deep their lies stored so that they can come back to them. If an adult has a hard time with this and he is making and effort to retain the info then think how hard it is for a kid to keep the lie stored since when they tell it they are not thinking "hay I better remember this because I might get asked about it later" I think that sending him to see someone is the best thing you can do. First he needs to know that sharing his feelings is ok and that he won;t get punished for it. Second he needs to know that the was he was treated is not the way you treat your children or anyone for that matter. Lots of people who do these things as adults do it because someone did it to them. It is important to break the cycle before it starts. I wiah you and your son the best of luck and I hope that he is able to get past this with out any long term issues. You are being a great mom by taking the steps that you have so far and it will benefit him so much in the long run. ↑ |
| Name: momo | Date: Aug 21st, 2007 3:26 PM |
| yeah i dont think jill it was a lie..because he brought it up when i said we were leaving..and he said well i can just stay home..my dad leaves me..he said this before to me..and i asked him when his dad left him..it was the same story..his dad was running and left the dogs to watch him..So i dont think its a lie.. Couseling was great..though it was just an assesment..so they will refer now that they see he does need counseling..though he was a perfect angel when we went there lol..they are smart enough to know though when a child needs help.. thanks for the kind words and advice..i appreciate it from everyone..so only time will tell now ↑ |
| Name: jillw | Date: Aug 21st, 2007 8:41 PM |
| Sometimes the kids who are behaved and and don;t act like anything is wrong are the ones who need the help the most, because they just think what hs happened to them is normal and is how everyone is treated. Even though they may have been scared or had their feelings hurt and sometimes act out because of it they are unable to see that the real world does not act that way or do those things. At least seeing an inpartial 3rd party will show him that what happened to him was wrong and that he should never be made to feel that way or ever make someone feel that way. Sometimes if it is just coming from a loved one like the other parent the child will get defensive and think that you are just being "mean" to daddy. Glad to hear that they saw the need and are starting the process of helping both him and you and hopefully one day his dad heal and move forward. Stay strong and good luck :) ↑ |
| Name: momo | Date: Aug 21st, 2007 9:10 PM |
| thank jill..you have been a huge help and also a source of encouragement..i appreciate taking the time with your thoughts ↑ |
| Name: Judge.Judy | Date: Aug 22nd, 2007 12:44 AM |
| Momo, maybe you can talk to the counselor about your illegal marijuana usage. ↑ |
| Name: Judge.Judy | Date: Aug 22nd, 2007 12:45 AM |
| Afterall, I am sure that marijuana usage is probably not a good influence on children. ↑ |
| Name: momo | Date: Aug 22nd, 2007 2:11 AM |
| my marijauna usage that is mabe 4 times a year.and not around my child um hardly a cause for concern..since it has already been discussed with couselors before..Please stay out of my post if you have nothing nice to say..if all you looking for is a debate..this is not a debate post..if all your looking to do is put me down..then go somewhere else and do it..because this post is not for that Thank you ↑ |
| Name: winnmom | Date: Aug 22nd, 2007 2:24 AM |
| Momo, I have wanted to say something in this post, but did not know how to word it........Jillw, has done a great job though........ Good luck Momo! ↑ |
| Name: momo | Date: Aug 22nd, 2007 2:36 AM |
| thank you winn..yes jill is a great woman.. ↑ |
| Name: Judge.Judy | Date: Aug 22nd, 2007 12:19 PM |
| OK momo, here is what I think you are helping to create. It is a condition called Parental Alienation Syndrome. You might want to google it. Also, if you think taking your child to a counselor of your choice will later help you in a future custody battle you are mistaken. It will further contribute to the father's defense of parental alienation syndrome. The court will require a completely different evaluation by a court appointed, unbiased, neutral counselor of their chosing, not yours. Really, google PARENTAL ALIENATION SYNDROME. ↑ |
| Name: momo | Date: Aug 22nd, 2007 2:40 PM |
| well at least you tried to provide advice this time, but its kinda of funny that you have a hard time being supportive towards me..like jill is..there is a way to say things in a nicer way.. i do have to say though your analogy goes out the window, because we have already settled on what we are doing. Rylin is staying with me. so there is no need to go to court at all. his dad agrees he needs to work on things, because i think he knows what he is doing is wrong...And I do not keep rylin from his dad..so i can not be alienating him..Rylin has been asked on several occasions if he would like to visit...I leave the choice up to him..it is if he feels comfotable..He felt like it on Sunday, but his dad went out of town..then yesterday he said no..I will try again today..The only thing that I ask is he not stay the night..As long as he has him home in time for a bath, book, and bed then i am fine with that..and as long as someone is there also..so that i know rylin feels safer..yesterday rylin told his dad he didnt like him and didnt want to go over there..i said that is fine if you dont want to go over there, but its not nice to say you dont like your dad..he loves you and is working on his problems to become a better person.. I am taking him to counseling, because his dad calling him horrible names, puchung holes in his bed and ripping his shirt off of him has affected Rylins ability to deal with his emotions..he cant concentrate at school and is becoming violent himself..So that is why i take him to counseling..I have not alienated my son, nor talked bad about his father to him..i am trying to repari their relationship so that they have a future relationship and can build trust and rylin can feel comforatble with his dad It would be nice to hear encouraging words from you Judge Judy..Its funny that you have to try to find fault in me..that you can not offer any words of encouragement through this rough spot in my life..You try to pick apart o a small aspect of a conversation or try your hardest to find something wrong with me..I am not perfect..but i am trying my hardest to do what is right..i love my son dearly..and because you have one problem with me..marijuana use that is 4 times a year you feel it is nessecary to pick me apart..There are other moms here who have admitted to its use and its advocacy for legalization, but i see you picking on me..it sound awfully familair to a person that we once new..Let me ask you about your children..if you dont answer..i know who you are? Would you allow your child to stay with his abuser? Would you allow him to e subjective to physical and verbal abuse? so you even have children? and if you knew your child was abused, would you not try to get them help? I would be a bad mother if i continued..and further more..i could also get in trouble myself if i allowed this to happen..there are cases in the news where a women allowed her child to be abused and she got in trouble..So please tell me what you think i should do? i would like to hear your advice on what i should do that would help my child? Should i let him stay with his dad? should i be okay with the abuse? should i let my sons not go to counseling and deal with this on his own? Really what do you think i should do since you have such a high opinion about everything i am doing wrong ↑ |
| Name: bebe9281 | Date: Aug 22nd, 2007 2:44 PM |
| J.J. really... get over yourself. Aren't all counselors supposed to be unbiased? Seems to me that a court appointed counselor would be swayed by the fact that they are court appointed and more apt to "side" with the judge. Regardless, momo you are doing the right thing. ↑ |
| Name: cinner29 | Date: Aug 22nd, 2007 2:46 PM |
| I'm sorry momo, I know this post was supposed to be about you sharing your thoughts and feelings about taking your son to a counselor......I know you are concerned about your child and how this might affect him......I know that you are thinking about your son and how to best look our for him.......it is a real shame that Judge has used this post to judge you and try and make you feel bad. It is a shame that it (yes I am talking about you Judge) needs to take a post like this and twist it around until it suits their agenda. I really wish it would just start a post when it has something to say and leave these kind of posts alone. This is a post about a concerned mother.....and should be kept that way. ps.....I can't help but add how silly it looks the way it capitalized "PARENTAL ALIENATION SYDNROME" at the end......ohhhh my now I get it..........ohhh someone spoke to me in capitals, I had better pay attention!!!....hehehe LOL.... ↑ |
| Name: cinner29 | Date: Aug 22nd, 2007 2:53 PM |
| momo.....well said and all true....the point is being missed by Judge. There is abuse happening here and that should be the real issue........why is Judge ignoring that? ↑ |
| Name: maxieellis | Date: Aug 22nd, 2007 4:32 PM |
| A good judge.........take in ALL the information. Provides a fair and reasonable resolve to ANY situation. JJ is NOT a judge. Its just a name. Clearly.....uneducated, dismissive, clouded, and bias.........her/hisself.....on this issuse in particular. Thank goodness you (JJ) are NOT on a payroll. Most of mission would be in the clink.........if you were in charge of that. lolol!!!!! ↑ |
| Name: winnmom | Date: Aug 22nd, 2007 4:38 PM |
| Actually Maxie, I think most of British Columbia would be........ ↑ |
| Name: maxieellis | Date: Aug 22nd, 2007 4:41 PM |
| hhhhhhhhhhahahhaha yeah........think you might be correct there Winn......after i posted it.....i started to think of downtown Vancouver.......alone!!!!!!!!!!! Shut down the city!!!!!!! JJ is comin to town!!!!!!!!!!!!! ↑ |
| Name: winnmom | Date: Aug 22nd, 2007 4:42 PM |
| LMAO! ↑ |
| Name: momo | Date: Aug 22nd, 2007 6:21 PM |
| signs of PAS i address in captial letters.. 1. Giving children choices when they have no choice about visits. Allowing the child to decide for themselves to visit when the court order says there is no choice sets up the child for conflict. The child will usually blame the non-residential parent for not being able to decide to choose whether or not to visit. The parent is now victimized regardless of what happens; not being able to see his children or if he sees them, the children are angry. YES I DO ALLOW RYLIN TO MAKE THE CHOICE, BUT HE DOES HAVE THE CHOICE..THERE IS NO COURT ORDER AS OF YET BECAUSE WE ARE STILL MARRIED 2. Telling the child "everything" about the marital relationship or reasons for the divorce is alienating. The parent usually argues that they are "just wanting to be honest" with their children. This practice is destructive and painful for the child. The alienating parent's motive is for the child to think less of the other parent. RYLIN DOES NOT KNOW THE REASONS WHY WE ARE NOT TOGETHER, BECAUSE IT IS NONE OF HIS BUSNIESS..ALL HE HAS BEEN TOLD BE EITHER OF US IS THAT WE LOVE HIM VERY MUCH BUT WE CANT BE TOGETHER 3. Refusing to acknowledge that children have property and may want to transport their possessions between residences. RYLINS CLOTHES, TOYS GO BACK AND FORTH AS HE PLEASES.. 4. Resisting or refusing to cooperate by not allowing the other parent access to school or medical records and schedules of extracurricular activities. SCOTT HAS FULL RIGHTS TO ACCESS ANY RECORDS AND I HAVE NOT STOPPED HIM FROM BEING ALLOWED TO BE PICKED UP FROM SCHOOL BY SCOTT EVEN THOUGH THE TEACHER ASKED..IN FACT IT WOULD BE NICE IF SCOTT COULD PICK HIM UP 5. A parent blaming the other parent for financial problems, breaking up the family, changes in lifestyle, or having a girlfriend/boyfriend, etc. NOPE NO BLAME EVER PUT ON ANYONE WHEN IT COMES TO THIS STUFF..PROBLEMS WHICH ARE FEW BETWEEN ME AND SCOTT ARE JUST THAT BETWEEN ME AND HIM 6. Refusing to be flexible with the visitation schedule in order to respond to the child's needs. The alienating parent may also schedule the children in so many activities that the other parent is never given the time to visit. Of course, when the targeted parent protests, they are described as not caring and selfish. ACTUALLY SCOTT WAS SUPPOSE TO PICK HIM UP SUNDAY FOR A VISIT AND TOOK OFF TO CALIFORNIA WITH OUT TELLING US..I WAITED FOR HIS CALL AND DECIDED TO CALL HIM ONLY TO FIND OUT HE LEFT..ONLY THING I ASK IS THAT SOMEONE BE AROUND BECAUSE OF SCOTTS TEMPER OR HE BE IN A PUBLIC PLACE IF HE IS NOT AROUND SOMEONE 7. Assuming that if a parent had been physically abusive with the other parent, it follows that the parent will assault the child. This assumption is not always true. SCOTT WAS NEVER ABUSIVE TO ME..YEAH HE HAD ANGER ISSUES BUT NEVER LIKE THIS BEFORE..I ALWAYS THOUGHT OF HIM AS EVEN KEELED..THATS WHY THIS SURPIRSES ME 8. Asking the child to choose one parent over another parent causes the child considerable distress. Typically, they do not want to reject a parent, but instead want to avoid the issue. The child, not the parent, should initiate any suggestion for change of residence. RYLIN CAME TO ME AND TOLD ME HE NEVER WANTED TO GO BACK THERE..I TOLD HIM HE WILL HAVE TO BUT I WILL HELP TO FIX THE PROBLEM..I WANT RYLIN TO FEEL COMFORTABLE 9. Children will become angry with a parent. This is normal, particularly if the parent disciplines or has to say "no". If for any reason the anger is not allowed to heal, you can suspect parental alienation. Trust your own experience as a parent. Children will forgive and want to be forgiven if given a chance. Be very suspicious when the child calmly says they cannot remember any happy times with you or say anything they like about you. UNCLEAR OF THIS STATEMENT, BUT ALL CHILDREN EXPRESS ANGER..RYLIN DOES ON BOTH ENDS..BOTH ME AND SCOTT ARE NOT IMMUNE TO RYLINS ANGER..HE IS 5..HE GETS MAD AT ANYONE MAKING RULES..THE DIFFERENCE IS THAT HE GETS OVER HIS ANGER WITH ME AND WITH HIS DAD IT SEEMS TO LINGER LONGER..BUT HE STILL LOVES HIM 10. Be suspicious when a parent or stepparent raises the question about changing the child's name or suggests an adoption. MY BF KNOWS VERY WELL HE HAS A FATHER..HE IS MERELY A MALE ROLE MODEL IN MY SONS LIFE..IN FACT HE ASKS SCOTT IF IT IS OKAY TO TEACH HIM THINGS LIKE RIDING BIKE BECAUSE HE WANTS TO GIVE SCOTT THE OPPORTUNITY TO DO SO 11. When children cannot give reasons for being angry towards a parent or their reasons are very vague without any details. RYLIN GIVES PLENTY OF REASONS..AND I ALLOW HI TO TALK ABOUT IT IF HE WANTS AND IF NOT THATS FINE..I READ HIS CLUES 12. A parent having secrets, special signals, a private rendezvous, or words with special meanings are very destructive and reinforce an on-going alienation. UM OKAY..AGAIN NOT APPLIED TO ME 13. When a parent uses a child to spy or covertly gather information for the parent's own use, the child receives a damaging message that demeans the victimized parent. NO I DONT PRESS FOR INFO..RYLIN GIVES IT WHEN HE GIVES IT..THAT IS WHY I USUALLY HEAR ABOUT IT AWHILE LATER..NOW SCOTTS MOM WILL GIVE ME INFO SHE LIVES THERE..SHE TELLS ME WHEN SHE IS WORRIED ABOUT SOMETHING 14. Parents setting up temptations that interfere with the child's visitation. I HAVENT CHANGED ANYTHING THAT HAS NEVER BEEN PART OF OUR FAMILY WAY..WE HAVE THE SAME ROUTINE..I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN MORE OF THE PARENT THAT DOES ACTIVITES LIKE PARK TIME..NOTHING HAS BEEN CHANGED OR MORE IN EXCESS 15. A parent suggesting or reacting with hurt or sadness to their child having a good time with the other parent will cause the child to withdraw and not communicate. They will frequently feel guilty or conflicted not knowing that it's "okay" to have fun with their other parent. I WOULD BE HAPPY IF RYLIN COULD HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS FATHER..THAT IS MY ULTIATE GOAL IN ALL OF THIS..sCOTT NEEDS HELP TO CONTROL HIS ANGER..I HAVE EVEN OFFERED TO FIND HELP FOR HIM..TO ME THIS IS HOPEFULLY A TEMPRARY THING.. 16. The parent asking the child about his/her other parent's personal life causes the child considerable tension and conflict. Children who are not alienated want to be loyal to both parents. THE ONLY THING I ASK ABOUT THERE TIME..IS IF HE HAD A GOOD TIME AND WHAT KIND OF EXCITING THINGS DID THEY DO..MOST PEOPLE WOULD ASK HOW THINGS WENT EVEN TOWARDS ADULTS..IF SOMEONE YOU LOVE LEAVES YOUR NATURALLY GONNA ASK HOW TI WENT 17. When parents physically or psychologically rescue the children when there is no threat to their safety. This practice reinforces in the child's mind the illusion of threat or danger, thereby reinforcing alienation. THERE IS A THREAT TO SAFTEY..HE RIPPED HIS SHIRT OFF HIM..PUCHED A HOLE IN HIS BED..TOLD HIM TO PISS HIS PANTS..AND CALLED HIM NAMES LIKE RETARD, LIL F**CKER, WHINY BABY..DEMOLISHED A TABLE INTO PIECES IN FRONT OF HIM..AND LETS NOT FORGET RIPPED THE HEAD OFF OF HIS FAVORITE LUVY DOLL..OH AND THE NUMEROUS HOLES IN THE WALLS..ABUSE IS WRITTEN ALL OVER IT..AND SCOTTS OWN MOM TOLD ME TO GET RYLI OUT OF THERE 18. Making demands on the other parent that is contrary to court orders. AGAIN NO COURT ORDERS..UNTIL OUR DIVORCE IS FINAL..AND HOPEFULLY THIS WILL ALL BE OVER BY THAT TIME..SO WE CAN AVOID ANY COURT..ALSO MAY I REMIND YOU WE HAVE NOT HIRED ANY LAWYERS OR ANYTHING BECAUSE WE ARE ABLE TO COMMUNICAT AND COMPRIMISE WITH EACH OTHER VERY EFFECTIVLY 19. Listening in on the children's phone conversation they are having with the other parent. I DONT LISTEN PERSAY..ITS EITHER I AM IN THE SAME ROOM OR NOT..YESTERDAY I HAPPEND TO BE..THE OTHER DAY I WAS NOT..MOST OF THE TIME I AM BECAUSE RYLIN HAS A HABIT OF JUST PUTTING THE PHONE DOWN SOMEWHERE AND LEAVE SOMEONE HANGING 20. One way to cause your own alienation is making a habit of breaking promises to your children. In time, your ex-spouse will get tired of having to make excuses for you. WELL THIS SEEMS BACKWARDS..I AM SICK OF HAVING TO MAKE EXCUSES FOR SCOTT..BUT I DO ALL THE TIME..I CAN ONLY HOPE THAT IF IT DOESNT GET BETTER THAN AS RYLIN GETS OLDER HE WILL LEARN FOR HIMSELF..BUT I ALWAYS HOPE THAT THIS WILL ALL WORK OUT.. SO JJ I DID MY PART FOR YOU..I LOOKED IT UP..I RESPONDED HONESTLY..TAKE IT HOW YOU WANT BECAUSE I M SURE YOU WILL PICK IT APART AND TAEONLY BITS AND PIECES..WHILE I SHOULDNT HAVE TO DEFEND MYSELF..I AM HARDLY GONNA SIT BACK AND TAKE YOU AND YOUR VERY BIASED OPINION OF ME ↑ |
| Name: maxieellis | Date: Aug 22nd, 2007 7:30 PM |
| well done momo.......! ↑ |
| Name: winnmom | Date: Aug 22nd, 2007 7:56 PM |
| and you hear, a thunder and applause!!!!!! everyone stands up ....a standing ovation! ↑ |
| Name: winnmom | Date: Aug 22nd, 2007 7:56 PM |
| *a thunder of applause* ↑ |
| Name: irish Amy | Date: Aug 22nd, 2007 7:58 PM |
| you just keep doing what you feel is right for your son Momo, after all no one knows him like you do, and it sure sounds like you are doing the best thing for him ↑ |
| Name: Dawn C. | Date: Aug 22nd, 2007 8:32 PM |
| Amen irish Amy! Well said : )) P.S. IMO...J.J. NEEDS to smoke a little pot now and then. She is way too judgemental and entirely too serious on matters that don't really concern her. I think a good buzz would do her a world of good LOL! ↑ |
| Name: maxieellis | Date: Aug 22nd, 2007 8:34 PM |
| All (wait, how many of us in here, but one) doin the sway lighters wavin............................rock on MOMO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ↑ |
| Name: maxieellis | Date: Aug 22nd, 2007 8:35 PM |
| smidgie bit of research couldnt hurt either me thinks Dawn.......good gosh. :| ↑ |
| Name: maxieellis | Date: Aug 22nd, 2007 8:50 PM |
| OH and just for the record...........no......i dont care for the stuff myself..........that hour in my life came and went YEARS ago. BUT.........at the same time.......to me you can take anything to excess in life.......and have it affect your children....or family. Workaholics......have their family suffer. Big Drinkers......have their family suffer. Lay Abouts (not willing to work)......have their family suffer. Slobs....... have their family Accademicly inclinded to excess .......have their family suffer. These things may not be illeagle..........but the effect is the same. I could well have listed more......but you see where i am going. and ....................NO COURT.....is gonna take a baby from the mama..........NOT when they RESEARCH.......and see WHAT she Provides. RESEARCH ......the well being.....and peace of mind of that child. RESEARCH the condition of the home. RESEARCH......the store of food in the home. MORE to it than meets the eye. LIKE they want a army of kids out of the parents arms..........cuz they smoke some pot these days..........ummm nope. Doesnt work that way. I dislike when someone.......anyone......suggests that a parent is poor due to this or that........BASED on a drop in the ocean, of information. Please. Even at its AMERICAN illeagel BEST.................no.........they will not. If so......you would need a whole new country of land......just to house the children of pot smokers..........caught. My fee JJ........$100.00 per hour........should you require additional........education. If ya wont do it yourself. :) ↑ |
| Name: Judge.Judy | Date: Aug 22nd, 2007 8:53 PM |
| Well I see the lot of you will blindly pat a stranger on the back for their parenting abilities of which you have never witnessed. You are more apt to attack me for being synical. I would never take the side of any stranger on the internet. I am just trying to look at all possibilities. It is fact that some children are victim to Parental Alienation Syndrome when parents are separating. It is fact that most often the mother is the one alienating the child from the father, not the other way around. In severe cases of Parental Alienation Syndrome the child is fanatic about their hatred of the target parent. The child may refuse to visit, personally make false allegations of abuse, and threaten to run away, commit suicide or homicide if forced to see the father. Mother and child have a pathological bond, often based on shared paranoid fantasies about the father. In severe cases, if the child is allowed to stay with the mother the relationship with the father is doomed and the child develops long-standing psychopathology and even paranoia. ↑ |
| Name: maxieellis | Date: Aug 22nd, 2007 9:01 PM |
| and you...............................would condem them.......??! A stranger........on the internet. Wow. Least we know what we got in JJ. PLUS...........you are straying from your origional alligations...............no foot hold anymore? Counter if you wish.........but.....ive made my point. Time is money (valueable) I havent anymore for yourself on this one topic. Maybe another time..........we might even agree. But for now.....its clear to see....its time to put my part in this to rest. All the best JJ......... ↑ |
| Name: cinner29 | Date: Aug 22nd, 2007 9:09 PM |
| JJ....could you please explain to me why you are not addressing momo who took the time to research PAS. You told her that she is helping to create this.....she has responded (and quite well)......or better yet could you explain to me your motives for even being in this post......what exactly are you trying to accomplish........it seems to me that momo is actually trying to engage you in a discussion about this..........and you have dismissed her efforts completely. Plus about your comment about how we are willing to pat a stranger on the back re: their parenting abilities..........since you too are a stranger and you seem to feel that we 'attacked' you it seems like you too were looking for some type of affirmation that your opinion is this matter is relelvant......are you looking for approval and support about your opinions? ↑ |
