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My story's a little different from the norm but I'd stll like your input on the situation anyway. I want to go to Wisconsin this summer with my family,we have a cabin on a lake there and it's something we look forward to all year.I couldn't go last year and it doesn't look good for this year either as even though I don't work,I am stuck running my husband to and from work as he has 2 DUI's under his belt and can't drive.His last one was 12 yrs. ago and he has no desire to attempt a new license because he still drinks and doesn't want a 3rd DUI and knows thats what will happen in the event he did get a new license. We can't afford for him to take a taxi while I'm gone but I don't think it's fair for me to miss out on another vacation with my mom,aunt,grandma,neice and cousins just because I'm taxi driver to my husband. He can't get time off because this job just started. I want to go but feel I have to stay. I want to go because it is so much fun up there and we never know how much time we have with one another here on this earth and I already have missed out so many times because of this situation. What can I do? ↓
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| Name: Lizzi | Date: May 31st, 2006 10:43 PM |
| ..............I feel I'm being punished for his screw ups,but I don't want him to lose his job due to no rides either,afterall I do benefit somewhat from his paychecks. So am I just up a s*** creek without a paddle or what? ↑ |
| Name: homemommichele | Date: May 31st, 2006 11:39 PM |
| Maybe hire someone to drive him every day? It would be still cheaper than a taxi. That's rough. Please consider trying to get him into AA because if he needs alcohol that much he seems to have a problem. ↑ |
| Name: Lizzi | Date: Jun 1st, 2006 1:17 AM |
| To homemommichele,he has been to rehab 1,2,3x's and obviously hasn't worked because he doesn't want to stop drinking. ↑ |
| Name: homemommichele | Date: Jun 1st, 2006 3:18 AM |
| I am so sorry. Alcoholics (and other addictive types) cannot be helped unless they are open to it and admit they need the help. I am sorry for you and hope you can get through it. God Bless. ↑ |
| Name: atomic snowflake | Date: Jun 1st, 2006 10:50 AM |
| Get a new husband! Life is too short! You should be able to enjoy your life! ↑ |
| Name: Stacy | Date: Jun 1st, 2006 2:17 PM |
Hi Lizzi,
Does your area have a bus transit system?
How far does your husband travel, maybe he could bike?
Is there anyone your husband works with that could give him a ride? He could always give them some gas money, especially if they go out of their way to pick him up.
Are there any ride share programs in your area?
Hopefuly you won't have to give up your vacation, good luck. ↑ |
| Name: Sara Jo | Date: Jun 1st, 2006 8:29 PM |
| Ok why Cant he just ask one of his friends at work to give him a ride for like $5-10 that week? My soon to be hubby dont like to drive eather and thats what we have t do :- ) good luck girl and let me know how it works ↑ |
| Name: 3 time nursing mom | Date: Jun 2nd, 2006 7:00 AM |
Lizzi,
what a bummer!
You sound like you more then deserve this vacation, you really NEED this vacation.
I hope your spouse chooses to find another form of transportation to work to let you have a break, especially since you lost out last time, but honestly it would surprise me if he did.
I hope you can locate a coworker of his that lives close enough by that he can carpool with.
Some areas have carpool agencies, they help you match up with people who get special rates on carpool vans, check the website of the city he works in. I know the city I live in helps match up people who live 2 hours away and communte daily even.
Good luck! ↑ |
| Name: Lizzi | Date: Jun 2nd, 2006 6:33 PM |
| Hi everyone! My husband would rather make me feel guilty by saying things like,"Well,I guess you want me to lose my job then!" We don't have buses that run in our area,so that's out. Taxi's are too expensive for us.As far as "friends" go,they're more the type that want you to do for them but "can't" whenever you're in need of some help,(it's either that or some are working themselves and really can't help.)And as far as riding with anyone from work,he isn't on a set schedule and neither are they so the odds of him and anyone else ever being on the same hours are slim to none. It looks like I'm just screwed again!The best shot I'll ever have of vacationing again is when my husband has worked long enough to get a vacation himself which won't be til next summer.So,I guess I just have to wait. But if he quits this job for another,I will be screwed all over again for next year too! Why do I have to pay for his screw ups? It sure does seem to be costing me alot! It's just not fair! ↑ |
| Name: homemommichele | Date: Jun 2nd, 2006 8:34 PM |
| I'm with atomic snowflake!! If he says "You want me to lose my Job" I'd probably say something like "no, you want to lose your job so you won't lay off the sauce". I am so sorry Lizzi and I hope it works out for you sometime. ↑ |
| Name: p.c. | Date: Jun 3rd, 2006 2:44 AM |
Lizzi,
Unfortunately it sounds like the only vacation you will be able to get at this time is maybe attending once a week meetings with people in the same boat as you, at AlAnon.
Work at trying not to take it personally. You are in a relationship with an alcoholic, and this as you probably know is pretty typical behavior. It helps when you seperate the person from their behavior. He is sick, and until he makes the decision to face that and get help, your stuck with his sorry behavior.
Definately locate some AlAnon groups in your area and try a few to find one that fits. If the first one doesn't feel like a good fit for you, try another one until you find the one that speaks your name.
He should treat you better, but you know he ain't gonna until he accepts responsibility for his addiction. ↑ |
| Name: Stacy | Date: Jun 6th, 2006 10:20 PM |
P.C.
You said it prefect. ↑ |
| Name: haroldo22 | Date: Jun 20th, 2006 11:31 PM |
| This what my wife finally had to do. she learned this by going to alonon meetings. Please don't take this the wrong way. It works. You must stop enabling him and waiting on him hand and foot. he must make a decision to stop or control his drinking time. Don,t worry about him he will come around if he wants it bad enough. I did. You must stand your ground on these issues. look for some help form counseling or alonon meetings or aa meetings. these people can help iron out a lot of issues. Just listen to them. By the way you to go on that vacation. Right now would be a good time to get away. ↑ |
| Name: maxieellis | Date: Jun 21st, 2006 1:18 AM |
Hi Lizzi...goodness hon...stop!!!!!!!!!!!!! Gently and I mean gently Lizzi...explain to your husband that these are plans you need to make for the kids and yourself. They need a break (so do you but dont mention that). Assure him that there has to be a way for him to travel back and forth....(and if its not that far he could walk?) start getting the notion in his head that the kids need the break and see if he could catch a ride with a coworker ya know car pool!!! Thats cheeper than taxi and faster than walking and good for the other guy. What about a bike or transit? Point is honey ...get him thinkin that way. Scan your memory banks for guys he works with for suggestions.
Lizzi I say this with caution, well kind of...if he gets upset at any suggestion.......WHY? A question dear you need to ask yourself. That is not correct...I am pretty sure you know that. I am driving at the point of someone who is looking to keep a hold over another...as a result of there own shortcomings. Very wrong. By picking up his loose ends..enabeling him...why would anyone change? But thats another subject.
Try honey...if you think its an avenue (suggestion) you could make. See how it goes. You know your hubby...dont do anything that could end you up on the receiving end of something nasty...not that I am saying he is dear..I have no idea...but in the event it may be true...dont. Food for thought honey thats all... ↑ |
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