I've reached out to a few areas with no help. My wife and I got in an argument with my father in-law because he doesn't think that mothers should stay home to raise their kids. He said there is no statistical data that shows kids are better off emotionally or educationally if the mother stays home or not.
Can anyone help with data? This is serious and I've been trying to find something for a few months.
Thanks for any help. ↓
|
|
| Name: winnmom | Date: Oct 15th, 2008 11:12 PM |
welcome reckless!
In all honesty, this is YOUR family, you , your wife and children, and you do not need to provide PROOF to anyone, for decissions regarding YOURfamily........you need to do what you and your wife feel is best for you...noone else........
I will try to find some, but honestly , you do not need to PROVE your choices for what ever reason to anyone! ↑ |
| Name: winnmom | Date: Oct 15th, 2008 11:16 PM |
| I know you are not looking for OPINIONS, but actual facts......but I will state MY opinion anyways........I feel families work better when there is someone home taking care of the family.......not every family is able to do this, and not every person can be a stay at home mom because they themselves would not be able to stand it........for their own personal reasons.....but if you have some one able to stay home, then by all means DO IT! ↑ |
| Name: winnmom | Date: Oct 15th, 2008 11:22 PM |
| o.k I can not find statistics YET...but I will look more later..... ↑ |
| Name: lindalu | Date: Oct 16th, 2008 12:35 AM |
| I don't believe there are any real statistics that can prove or disprove your question. As Winnmom said its your family. whats good for some one else may not be good for you and vice vers. ↑ |
| Name: bmes | Date: Oct 16th, 2008 3:08 PM |
i think it's up to the individual family. what they are comfortable and happy doing. some people can't afford to have a parent stay at home....and others honsetly just can't handle it. some NEED to work...some go stir crazy....if you're one of those then i don't think that would be a benefit at all to your child. kids can grow up the same or differently regardless of whether they had a mom/dad stay at home with them. lots of parents have to work full time and their kids turn out just fine. my dad for example, has always been very busy with his business...not because he's one of those workaholics, but because he NEEDS to work so he can pay his bills and feed his son. now my brother is 15 years old, and he's a GREAT kid. he gets a's and b's in highschool....and the bond between him and dad are very very strong. they are best buddies. dad was not and never was a stay at home dad.
my point is that....your fil may be right in saying there's no statistical data...but there's no harm in doing it either way. i don't think one way is better or more benefitial than the other. it's just what works for YOUR family. personally i think your fil should butt out, and let you guys make your own decision, and screw the fkin' "data" ↑ |
| Name: Lola-May | Date: Oct 16th, 2008 8:33 PM |
Every child is different so there's really no way to prove or disprove the theory of it being beneficial.
What business is it of his anyways? Does it effect him at all if she stays home?
He had his chance to raise his kids the way he saw fit and he should back off and let you and your wife do the same.
It is absolutely not up to him to decide.
No one knows your children better than the woman who carried them, birthed them, and took care of them for their entire lives so far.
Everyone is always really quit to spit out their opinions of how you should raise your own kids.
Tell him to go get a hobby. ↑ |
| Name: Joeys_Mam | Date: Oct 17th, 2008 11:02 AM |
I think providing both parents love and care for their children, the kids will be just as happy emotionally and intellectually whether the mother stays home or not.
Bear in mind also that some mothers have no choice but to go to work. Not every mother is lucky to have a partner with an income big enough to sustain his wife and children. That doesn't mean the children are going to suffer. They'll simply go to playschool and have loads of mam and dad time in the evenings and weekend. My son's relationship is just as strong with his father who works long hours as it is with me who stays at home with him.
It's a personal decision. I've been at home with my 13-month-old son since he was born, but I'm lucky that my fiancé can provide for us all so I had that choice. I don't think I'll be letting my son down in any when WHEN I go back to work.
As for your FIL, tell him to back off. It's your children, your life, your choice. I cannot abide interfering grandparents. ↑ |
| Name: winnmom | Date: Oct 17th, 2008 2:52 PM |
well I have not yet found statistics.......
I know when I was growing up I HATED that my Mom worked, I relied more of friends then family.......but for my Brother, he did not care either way.......
I know when i went back to work for a bit......My daughters grades went down, and my family did NOT function at 100 percent........It is better for MY family that I stay home........thankfully My husband is willing to work hard ( 6 days a week and long days) to provide a comfortable life , and me being able to stay home.......
I also know .....with others I have talked too......that their daughters seem to mind more and it seems to upset and daughters go wild as teens, more so then effect on boys......both parents workin, or a single Mom family......this is NOT a stat, just what I have seen and heard along the road........ ↑ |
| Name: reckless2k2 | Date: Oct 20th, 2008 5:25 PM |
I sincerely appreciate everyone's responses and winnmom's efforts to find any statistical data.
A little background.....My mother in-law was a stay-at-home mother supported by my father in-law. I married one of his two daughters. Fortunately, my wife followed her mother's example to stay at home with our children but neither of my in-laws are of that mindset anymore. They think both parents have to work now. I believe this largely to do with my sister in-law choosing a dual parent working household because her husband just doesn't make enough to afford the lifestyle they have become accustomed to. Ironically, they benefit with my wife staying home with our children by having their kid in my wife's care at a significantly less amount than they'd have to pay for traditional daycare. They've got to cut costs to afford all the flat panel TVs in every room of their house for what little time they are all home as a family. I'm not joking. If you sense hostility in my tone, it's because I'm hostile. We are constantly ridiculed for our lifestyle choice even though it mimics her parents. We don't live in nearly as big of a house or have all the fun toys that her sister has and I am usually looked down upon for it despite making significantly more money than her husband. While they mock us, they are willing to use my wife for severely discounted daycare at the same time criticizing her choices. We regularly enjoy rude comments by her in-laws about us being "cheap" rather than saying we budget to stay within our means very much like they had to do raising their children. Before you say disown them, it's not an option as it is a very close family. So it is all very distressing and I was hoping to be armed with some facts to show that the betterment of children and family was supported by the mother staying at home. I've even reached out to my wife's favorite counsel Dr. Laura with not luck.
Again, I sincerely appreciate all of your responses in this matter. ↑ |
| Name: cinner29 | Date: Oct 20th, 2008 5:50 PM |
If your wife staying home works better for your family then that is all the 'data' you need to approach your family with, It is more a matter of your family respecting that you have made a decision based on your family and what works best for you. The issue shouldn't be about who are the better parents but more about the fact that each family is unique and the decision for your wife to work or not should be respected and supported by your family.
It is unfortunate that you are made to feel bad about providing well for your family living on a budget. In today's economic climate you are certain wise to try and do so. But I am not a big fan of trying to prove that one style of parenting is 'better' then another......I think it is much to personal of an issue for some people to see eye to eye on, but I do believe that a parent's decision made in the best interest of their family should be respected. ↑ |
| Name: winnmom | Date: Oct 20th, 2008 8:02 PM |
I am sorry but I still can not find any data......you mention Dr.Laura, who I think offers wonderful advice!!!!! have you tried searching her site??? I know she strongly believes in stay at home moms, staying with in means to provide that, and no TOY is worth not having kids have a stay at home Mother.......I have one of her books....lol.....she is great!
o.k so if she provides daycare for her sisters children, then she IS bringing in an income, and one that enables her to be home with your children, and also giving the inlaws, daycare with family instead of strangers.........maybe that is a way for them to see it?????she IS working??? if she needs to make more she need to charge them more???? lol........
no I do not agree with disowning them.......but maybe it is time, to set the boundries........because really it is NOT their business........good luck and please keep us uodated ↑ |
| Name: winnmom | Date: Oct 20th, 2008 8:02 PM |
| oops no I have 2 of her books......lol.... ↑ |
| Name: lindalu | Date: Oct 20th, 2008 8:46 PM |
I found this site it does not include much about the affects on a child with a stay at home parent. It does however cover the affects of children who has two working parents, thus having to spend much of their time in a day care environment. It is composed from several studies as well as pediatrics and other studies. Remember this is only a small portion of one side.
http://www.nytimes.com/
2005/11/01/national/01child.html
↑ |
| Name: bebe9281 | Date: Oct 20th, 2008 8:50 PM |
| Blah Blah Blah... Are your kids happy? Do you have a roof over your head? Do you have enough to eat and shoes on your feet?? WELLLLLL then piss on the in laws and tell them that they have raised their kids, just let us raise ours... A free babysitter would be nice from time to time and OH Friday night why don't YOU bring over dinner so you can see your grand kids... Otherwise BUZZ OFF!!! I do nothing right by my Mother in law and have quit trying.. Now we have an understanding and it took me telling her to leave me alone! GOOD LUCK!!!! ↑ |
|
|
