Hi,
I'm Jannine and I'm an Alcohic . . . . I've been in AA for 4 and a half years now (sobriety date 10-21-01). I was wondering if there were any other Moms in here who were also part of 12 step programs and how you dealt with issues of: Do you let your children know that you are a "revovering ____"?, do your employer's know? your friends? spouse? While my drinking wasn't the cause for the end of my first marriage, my second husband has never known me to drink and so he doesn't think that I have a problem. Therefore, he's not very supportive when I want to go to meetings, etc. His idea is "you don't have a problem". My idea is I have an illness - that right now by the grace of God is in a sort of remission. But I have tremendous guilt about going to meetings my husband has MS and is a Stay at Home Dad to my Son from my previous marriage (I work to support our family) who has an autistic spectrum disorder. Any way sorry for rambling - just wondering if there were any others out there like me who wanted to connect.
Thanks,
Jannine ↓
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| Name: Jannine | Date: Jun 17th, 2006 2:37 PM |
| Sorry - I'm Jannine and I'm an Alcoholic who also can't spell when she types quicly ;) ↑ |
| Name: nicole jones | Date: Jun 17th, 2006 8:06 PM |
| I'm in AA. I am just returning after an 8th month relapse and have 2 weeks sober now. I was sober for 3 years before the relapse. i've been married for 2 years to another alocholic (he also had 3 years, and now has 2 weeks) and i am raising my 5 year old stepson with aspergers. I work for an attorney part time (i'm a paralegal) and he is also in the program with 1 year sober. Pretty much everybody that i know knows that i'm an alcholic, and they all are very much supportive of my going to meetings. Especially those who have seen the progression of my drinking in the last few months. I understand what you mean about the doubt others might have about your disease. Before my husband saw me drink he didn't really think i had a problem either. sorry if all those numbers are confusing, lol, i tried to simplify my story but i might have made it more confusing. ↑ |
| Name: Lynne n | Date: Jun 18th, 2006 8:03 AM |
| Well done for being sober for so long! ↑ |
| Name: Terri | Date: Jun 19th, 2006 12:20 AM |
| What started you drinking in the first place? My mum was a drunk, so i have always avoided alcohol. Lately though, i have been having marriage problems and drinking a glass of wine or two to make me relax. I get scared because I dont want to ever turn out like her. ↑ |
| Name: Jannine | Date: Jun 19th, 2006 9:48 AM |
Terri,
I started having a glass of wine every night to relax, stress etc, with occasional binge drinking or a hard drink - you know the weekend stuff that sometimes people do. Stopped drinking shortly after I found out I was pregnant (actually right after the test - but really should have stopped when I suspected) then started having that glass of wine a few weeks after the baby was born. That glass of wine got to two and then it became more and I guess I just reached a point where I felt it was too much for me. Many people have told me that wine at night isn't a problem, and in fact most of my friends and family say I wasn't a drunk but some know how I felt, and also when I feel that when I wake at 5 am looking forward to that first drink when I can have it then it's a problem. So I joined a program. I won't say my life is great now; in fact in some ways it's worse, much worse. But at least I'm not hiding from it.
Also, my Dad is an Alcoholic (over 10 years sober now) same deal - not drunk at work, etc - just fell asleep. So I think that that contributed to my decision as well.
I don't know if this helps or answers your question.
Jannine ↑ |
| Name: nicole jones | Date: Jun 19th, 2006 5:10 PM |
My story is a little bit more extreme. I started drinking at a very very young and also started doing drugs. At the time it was because it was cool, but by the time i was in junior high and everyone else was just starting to catch up to me and start experimenting i was already in rehab (recovering from a drug withdrawl induced psychotic episode) and then served an 11 months senetence in maximum security juvenile detention (instead of 2 years at a regular one) for possesion and vending. after that i sobered up and got really active in AA. I did all kinds of service work and stayed sober for all but one day of that 3 year period. After i got married i started to fight with family members and got stressed out again and decided to just throw everything i knew about god, recovery, and the way i drink out the window and get drunk. In 8 months i was right back where i was (including going to jail for a week for assulting my husband), drinking at work, and at the end was up to 3/4 of a half gallon of hard alcohol a day. Besides the health issue there, and the fact that i drank from morning till night (passing out several times a day) it was extremely expensive. During the first month alone i spent at least $3,000 on alcohol before i switched to the cheap stuff. i never went to work and was literally living to drink. i did nothing else. all that might sound pretty shameless to admit - but alcholism is a disease. nobody would choose for those things to happen for them, and obviously it wasn't fun because i wasn't drinking with friends and i'm not old enough to go to a bar. So i guess what i'm trying to say is that the very first drink is a choice, but every one after that is something that i just had to do. it wasn't like i woke up every morning and said "hmm... i'd really like to get wasted and fall asleep in a bathtub." (of course i dont remember doing things like that because i'd black out after a few drinks) nothing like that matters when you're addicted to something like alcohol (i never started doing drugs again).
if you're predisposed to alcoholism then i whole heartedly suggest that you keep an eye on how much you're drinking and what you're doing while drinking. But not everyone who carries the gene is an alcholic. i know many people that drinking quite normally and it has never caused them any trouble. i dont think that drinking is bad or evil or wrong as long as it is done responsibly, and it sounds like you're fine as of right now. ↑ |
| Name: nicole jones | Date: Jun 19th, 2006 5:10 PM |
| holy crap, that was a lot longer than I thought. lol, sorry guys. ↑ |
| Name: Terri | Date: Jun 20th, 2006 12:02 AM |
| Thank you so much Jannine. Yes it does help, because now i know what signs to look out for. Take care of yourself and stay strong, you seem a very level headed, honest person and i wish you all the very best for now and in the future xoxo ↑ |
| Name: Terri | Date: Jun 20th, 2006 12:05 AM |
| Sorry Nicole totally ignored your post which was really rude. Well done to you all so, its great that you and Jannine have each other for support. ↑ |
| Name: Jannine | Date: Jun 20th, 2006 1:23 AM |
Nicole,
Glad to see you're back in the proverbial saddle - it took me something like 5 tries and I pray to God that this one sticks. If there's anything that I can to do help or if you ever just need to vent let me know - (or I'll vent back - it's either vent or drink and I don't want to drink . . . or kick the wall . . . lol)
Anyway, have a Wonderful 24,
Jannine ↑ |
| Name: Julia | Date: Jun 20th, 2006 5:57 AM |
| Oh wow, I didn't know this Nicole! I wish you all well on your road to a permanent recovery! ↑ |
| Name: nicole jones | Date: Jun 21st, 2006 5:19 PM |
| It may have been an "over share" for this type of setting, but i'm pretty honest about stuff like that. I try not to make it sound better than it was because i might start believing it myself. lol. Anyways, hope nobody thinks less of me. I am very much sober now (i quit for good after starting to really try and have kids). ↑ |
| Name: Jannine | Date: Jun 22nd, 2006 2:29 AM |
| I'd rather be honest and share my story (or drunkalog as some call them) and give someone a chance to maybe see a bit of themselves and get the help that they need (if they need it) then to be one of those people who pretend to be "just fine" and look down their noses at others. I really feel bad for those types of people and honestly at the same time feel angry - it's the whole "people who live in glass houses" - they look at us women going into church basements (where many AA meetings are held) sometimes - yeah with kids in tow but it's like "hey - she brought her child to this AA meeting (as one of my home group members does) - he's around 11 years old, sits in another area - she's got years of sobriety, helps others get and stay sober, and is staying sober herself" . Maybe this is just exhaustion, maybe it's sobriety, maybe I'm just too poor, tired or old to afford pride but I don't want to be ashamed of who I am anymore. Does that make sense? ↑ |
| Name: nicole jones | Date: Jun 23rd, 2006 9:24 AM |
i used to care what everyone at the meeting (or especially outside the meeting) thought about what was going on in my life then, but i've gotten over it. i think there comes a point where you're just like "you know what? i will apoligize for being a drunk... but i wont apoligize for being an alcoholic." to me there is a difference between the two (i.e. alcoholics actually go to meetings). i also went through a period in early recovery where i wouldn't share my whole story because i was afraid of looking like a liar, theif, cheat and a whore... which is exactly what i was, but i was more concerned with 13th stepping more than the first 12. (my husband started out as a 13th step, lol) now that i dont have that reason to put on a show for everyone i'm a lot more open and honest and i care very little what people think of me.
as for bringing your kids, everyone here does. we call them "AA babies" and here they are like community property, lol. everytime a home-group member has one everyone gets all stirred up and buys presents and passes it around ( i was an AA baby ). there is so much love and fellowship there that i think i, and all the rest of them get 100x the love and attention because the same love that an alcoholic automatically feels for a fellow sufferer gets extended to that persons entire family if they are involved. it's a wonderful thing. don't expect anybody who hasn't been in an AA meeting and felt that kind of welcomness and belonging (welcomness - is that a real word?) to understand that though, they probably just wonder why you'd let your kid near "those drunks". ↑ |
| Name: angel of mine 2006 | Date: Jun 29th, 2006 4:18 PM |
| I am a recovering meth addict...does this count? I have been sober for 14 months ... ↑ |
| Name: nicole jones | Date: Jun 29th, 2006 9:49 PM |
| lol.. yup, that counts Angel of Mine. that is the one drug i never really got into - but i think that as far as the problems they cause all drugs are the same - and recovery is about dealing with the problems, not the drugs. (not to say the addiction is the same.. because i'm sure that's a bit different.) ↑ |
| Name: Layne | Date: Jul 1st, 2006 5:36 PM |
| I have a friend in treatment now and would someone list the 12 steps out for me. Thankyou ↑ |
| Name: nicole jones | Date: Jul 2nd, 2006 2:06 AM |
1. Admitted that we were powerless over alcohol, that our lives had become unmanagable.
2. Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a desicion to turn our will and our lives over to the care of a higher power.
4. Took a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have god remove these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take a personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our concious contact with God, praying only for knowledge of his will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps we tried to carrry the message to alcoholics and practice these principles in all of our affairs.
** you may also hear about something called the "13th step", which is actually a joke referrring to having sex with another AA member, which is frowned upon unless you've both been sober for over 1 year **
I did all those from memory, so someone else feel free to correct me if i paraphrased a word or two. ↑ |
| Name: nicole jones | Date: Jul 2nd, 2006 2:14 AM |
oops. just caught a mess up on #3... it should say "... as we understood him" at the end. that's an important part of it! Everybody's God can be different (ie. Buddah, Allah, Jehovah.. etc. you just have to have one.)
p.s. to Layne. if you'd like a better description of what each of those actually means (and how they are completed), i'd be happy to oblige - they can be a little confusing to someone who isn't in the program and is unfamiliar with the language we use. ie. "spiritual awakening" = "A personality change that is suffient enough to bring about recovery from alcholism (and caused by a new relationship with a higher power)" ↑ |
| Name: Layne | Date: Jul 2nd, 2006 3:55 AM |
Nicole Im pretty sure i get it. I stopped drinking myself on my own. Didnt touch it for 2-3 years. That was 15 years ago now Im able to have a drink without getting caught up in again. I guess Im content in my life. It was while I went through a devorse about 19 years ago.
spirtual awaking is what us catholics call it when we find god again or in someone elses case higher power. like fundlementalist call born again christains. anyway thankyou so much for listing the steps I always wanted to know them and now I have a friend in treatment. he said something about being on the 4th step and i was just wondering. thanks again ↑ |
| Name: nicole jones | Date: Jul 2nd, 2006 4:03 AM |
| No problem - sorry if i went a little too into detail ↑ |
| Name: nicole jones | Date: Jul 2nd, 2006 4:09 AM |
| oh, and good luck to your friend (p.s. i used to be a very active catholic, but now practice more of a quazi-catholic religion and attend non-denominational services, since i married out of the religion) ↑ |
| Name: Layne | Date: Jul 2nd, 2006 4:06 PM |
quazi catholic- what does that mean.
I am not going to mass latley. Im kinda not sure where I fit in. It is so hard to leave the catholic faith but then I cant take the holy sacriments-spelling. I would like to find a church home but dont like the fundelmentalist-spelling again. not the structure i need and am used to. on the other hand the catholics need to get with the now age. birth control,devorce,maybe im making escuses.and no you didnt get carried away. Im interested ↑ |
| Name: nicole jones | Date: Jul 3rd, 2006 12:33 AM |
I guess by quazi-catholic i mean that i still pray the rosary, etc. but i just dont attend mass or confession. The church that we've been going to has a few of the same traditions (they do communion, but dont use real wine like the catholic church does), but they are a lot more open to applying the bible to the year 2006. I think that the catholic church's biggest drawback is that they openly refuse to acknowledge that issues the parish must deal with now are different then they were in biblical times. I was reluctant to switch, but i actually enjoy it now.
It's kind of against what most people believe, but i think anyone who follows just about any religion with one single loving god is going to heaven. If you're seeking him, you've found him, no matter which channel you do it through. they're all okay. ↑ |
| Name: Layne | Date: Jul 3rd, 2006 3:12 AM |
wow good for you-praying the rosary. i knoe plenty of catholics that dont do that. When i was real faithful and going to mass I had a lady call that was on the rosery legue. she wanted me to join i told her I just didnt want to make he commitment because I wasnt very faithful in praying the rosery daily. She goes thats ok you dont have to. I thought well i wont do that if i join i'll pray.
I didnt think that was a way to get people to pray the rosery.Isnt that the goal?
we just need to go somewhere and get involved. But i do think I'll pick up that rosery thanks nicole ↑ |
| Name: nicole jones | Date: Jul 3rd, 2006 7:10 AM |
| Yup. The rosary is good meditation time. I find that it's about the only time of day i'm not thinking about all the little things i have to get done or about money or anything else for 30 minutes, which is amazing for me. ↑ |
| Name: Layne | Date: Jul 3rd, 2006 1:34 PM |
| Well im impressed. It really does make things more clear in life when you make the effort. I remember years ago when I prayed the rosery Iife seemed so much better. ↑ |
| Name: Jannine | Date: Jul 15th, 2006 12:40 PM |
Hi,
Sorry I've been away. Trying to do well on the job so staying real late and dealing with the prima donna (I mean my darling husband)'s whims. Ladies I don't mean to be a pest but I'm kind of stuck. I work 53 miles from home - aka I leave at about 6:30 am and get in at around 7:30 pm Monday-Friday and hubby is home with my son from a previous marriage all week (he'd disabled but has been denied disability and no we can't afford to move closer to my job) - my problem is he used to be coy about not wanting me to go to meetings so I'd get to maybe one or two a month - last night he flat out told me not to go - I don't know what to do - my son has an Autistic Spectrum Disorder and my exhusband never has a visit where I can get to an 8pm meeting (it's always a 12-6 or a I have to drop him off two hours away) - I have no family left - any ideas on how to handle this? Are there any GOOD online meetings outthere? Thanks in advance.
Jannine ↑ |
| Name: nicole jones | Date: Jul 15th, 2006 9:41 PM |
There is a site called Sober24 that holds actual online meetings where someone controls crosstalk and only one person is allowed to share at a time. It is supposed to be pretty focused. I've never been on it myself, but my mother used to go on it every day. I think it cost $12 a year to sign up though or something.
I just started really going back to meetings recently. Since getting pregnant I've been to tired to walk down there, and sometimes to sick to sit in the meeting for fear of puking. I'm hoping that I will feel better soon and be able to make it more. I got my 30 day coin on the 7th. ↑ |
| Name: Jannine | Date: Jul 15th, 2006 11:15 PM |
| Congratulations on the Baby! Care to share your due date? ↑ |
| Name: nicole jones | Date: Jul 16th, 2006 12:00 AM |
| March 13-15. I'm 6 weeks. ↑ |
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