| Let it go and when you are around him be kind. He will see through it in the end. If he doesnt then move on. I know it is difficult to let it go when a family member is treating you like crap. It is the worse thing. No one likes to be talked bad about. some people thrive on negativity. find possitive people to hang around outside of your family only deal with them when you have to and there again stay off subject of the nephew. let it pass they'll get tired of it if you let it die. and i bet your nephew will be back. He owes you money and that it the reason he left I bet. let the sister pick up the expence I bet she'll get real sick of it real fast. Hang in there. ↑ |
| Sometimes we are just taken advantage of. Look at it like you are rid of a bad problem and that he did you a favor by leaving your home. As far as your gossiping relative goes,she now has the problem on her hands and if she doesn't realize it yet,she will soon enough. So in a way,you are getting the last laugh so enjoy it! You probably won't get any money back that's due to you but I think you kind of figured that anyway. Just chalk the whole thing up to a lesson learned and whatever you do,do not let him back into your house again unless it's just for a brief stop by afternoon visit because if you let him in to stay,you will only be setting yourself up for more hardships and expenses. He's old enough to take care of himself now anyway so let him. Perhaps one day he will become responsible and thank you for the times you helped him and took care of him .......but don't hold your breath or expect miracles.Sometimes people only always think of themselves and no one else and this just may sadly be one of those situations but I think for now it's a blessing in disguise even though you feel hurt. I gaurantee after awhile,your gossiping relative will be ready to boot him out herself or at least be calling you to ask if you want him back but if she does it will only be because she is tired of his freeloading ways and or attitude towards her. Enjoy that he's out of your house,believe me,it's for the best that it stays that way! ↑ |
Thanks for the advice but where he went to live they all gossip. But in your face there all nice but behind you they talk about you
i know i shouldn't pay attention but it's so hard these people don't care there just out to get you. Today i told my husband that i don't know if i want to stay with him because he's in the middle
and his mom complaines telling my husband that he's taking my side and i feel bad that his mom can be like that and then my husnabd gets upset and i hate to see him like that. I'm just so tired i don't no what to do. ↑ |
I have found from bitter experience that certain family members will take advantage if they can. Try and look at the situation from a non-biological point of view. If a friend treated you like this would you put up with it? You can let your nephew know you will always be there for him. This does not mean you have to put him up or shell out money. I have some very good friends who I would do anything for. We don't see each other very often but we always call if we have situation even if it's just for a good cry! You have looked after your nephew since a child and naturally you are bonded. Now he is an adult and will find his own way in life. He will no doubt still be influencial as I would not consider him to be a 'man' yet. I agree with some of the other comments. He will make his own judgments. When it all goes pear shaped the hangers on won't be seen for dust. He will know then who his true friends are. Don't worry so much about gossip. What you need to remember is that is exactly all it is. It is hurtful to be on the receiving end but you could drive yourself mad thinking everyone was whispering. It is true that people who have malicious tongues are usually covering something up about there own lives. There will also be an amount of jealously - who nurtured your nephew for all those years? It probably makes her feel inadequate after all - she is family too. I believe that all this may have knocked your self confidence which is probably why at the moment you are so terrified of the gossips. You may doubt yourself or your ability. You need to remember that you have done a lot of positive things for your nephew and you are a good person. Be good to yourself, maybe take a break away for the weekend. It needn't cost the earth. You could go with your husband and really chat together and re-establish your bond. Men do sometimes have a sensitive side! maybe he doesn't know what to do which is why he's a bit shirty.
Now you have the house to yourself, maybe you could even stay in and have a wonderful evening together, cook your favourite foods together and a bottle of wine. You sound like you need a good laugh! ↑ |
| You're allowed to be upset don't worry I've heard worse. I am sure that deep down your nephew is grateful he just doesn't realise yet. I do feel that men take a little longer to mature and I reckon when he hits his late 20's he'll start to realise. I had a close family relative who was ungrateful and sometimes was down right horrible. He is a different person today and it was time that made the difference - no input from anybody else. Everybody has a turning point and it may not be a person that triggers that for him - maybe an event or a long period away from home. He may be a bit mixed up right now. His parents live away and now he is staying with someone else. He is fond of you but due to all the conflict, he is confused. I expect he feels abandoned by his parents. That is not a slur on you you could be mother theresa but it won;t stop him feeling like that. He was a kid when they left and he will have been hurt by it. As a child he was bound to think that he had done something wrong and despite your efforts he may have questioned your love. If his own parents were not there and seemingly did not care why would you? I do think that at the moment he is still just a boy and he has a lot to contend with. When he is settled in his own mind he will thank you. Looking at the flip side of this - he did not thank you? maybe thats because you did such a great job he feels comfortable ennough to not have to thank you. Would you feel edgy if he thanked you for everything? It;s that same sort of feeling when a familiar guest keeps asking you to use the loo - you wish they would just get on with it! I am not sure he is being wholly ignorant to your feelings he just has a teenager personailty - doea he grunt instead of giving a straight answer?:-) ↑ |
