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I am new Mom - my son is 3 months old. I am about to go back to work and am an emotional wreck about it. But that's not what is eating at me and why I am on this chat. Yesterday, Mother's Day, my husband (who is normally wonderful) didn't do anything special for me. It was like any other Sunday. He fixed the kitchen sink and I did laundry. It broke my heart. I am so hurt by his lack of acknowledgement for me as a mother - after all I have been through - all I have sacrificed in becoming a mother! I am so hurt I cannot speak to him and we slept in separate beds last night. He apologized and said to me that he knew I deserved better, but then offered no explanation for why he just did nothing on such an important day. My pregnancy was very rough and I have had a hard time with what's happened to my body since giving birth - I thought for sure he'd do something for me to show me he cares about all I have been through. I am no longer the beautiful woman he married - I am 100% mother. And for him to do nothing on the day designated for mothers, makes me feel worthless. He and I have always been able to forgive each other quickly and move on from rough times, but this - I cannot find it in me to forgive. It feels unforgiveable. Any advice? ↓
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| Name: Lisa | Date: May 16th, 2006 3:06 AM |
| He's got a birthday,fathers day,and x-mas comming,show him as much respect back! ↑ |
| Name: Fiona | Date: May 16th, 2006 11:58 AM |
My husband never does anything special for either my birthday or mothers day. I usually get a bunch of flowers, but he never takes me out or makes a fuss. It does get to me. Other than that he's a great husband and dad.
You'll have to talk seriously to your husband about how you feel and how it's affecting you. He might not think it's any big deal, but you can tell him from me IT IS and he should make some kind of effort in the future. Let him read your posting and the answers that you recieve - perhaps he'll get the message! ↑ |
| Name: . | Date: May 16th, 2006 10:41 PM |
| Do you think he will try to make it up even though he forgot? Maybe do something today/tomorrow? I don't agree with showing him a dose of own medicine, I am a firm believer in killing with kindness. Show him how much you appreciate him being a father for Father's Day and hopefully that will since in that you should have been acknowledged just as much or more...guilt trips! ↑ |
| Name: . | Date: May 16th, 2006 10:44 PM |
| Sorry, I meant to type "sink" in, rather than since. And also, I would be really disappointed and hurt too...I can see my husband doing the same thing at some point...he is just that way...if the thought doesn't flow through his head that day...he won't remember.. but deep down you know he appreciates everything you do. ↑ |
| Name: TK | Date: May 17th, 2006 4:07 AM |
| This may sound horribly weird, but read Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. Men often do very strange and often hurtful things to us for reasons that make sense to their species, but not us. He is probably feeling overwhelmed by everything but is afraid to tell you. When you find something feeling "unforgiveable" in your marriage ask yourself if it's worth getting a divorce over ( I consider infidelity or abuse the only things) than if not you'll have to reconcile it. Perhaps he was afraid of doing "anything". If he couldn't come up with something spectacular he might have been afraid of letting you down with the ideas he did have. I know woman to woman that something is better than nothing, but men don't look at it that way most times. Let him know you're feelings, but don't hang onto the grudge too long. ↑ |
| Name: . | Date: May 18th, 2006 9:06 AM |
| Look up the 'Maddona-Whore' complex in Google...it just may off you some insight. ↑ |
| Name: Serina to Beth | Date: May 18th, 2006 12:52 PM |
Can you talk to him and tell him how you feel and what hoildays are important to you.Let him know that you know he loves you but would really appreciate it if he participated in the holidays with you .Tell him that you wanted to do somthing for him on fahters day and now do not feel you sould. You can also tell him that yes I do deserve more ao what can we do aboyt it and why did this happen.I would end saying look I do not what to beat this to the ground or make you b=ffel bad but This whole thing made me feel bad and I thought you should know...
I hope I helped some! ↑ |
| Name: Another Beth | Date: May 18th, 2006 2:51 PM |
| If he is normally wonderful feel blessed. I agree with some of the above responses that Men are sometimes in a different world. Cut him a little slack - I bet next Mother's Day will be wonderful. But why wait, send yourself some flowers so he can see them!!! This is certainly not unforgiveable -please move on for the sake of your family and give him a great Father's day. ↑ |
| Name: S | Date: May 19th, 2006 12:13 AM |
http://divorcesupport.about.com
/od/sexualproblems/a/madonna.ht
m
'Maddona-Whore Complex"
FYI ↑ |
| Name: Stephanie | Date: May 23rd, 2006 7:08 PM |
| My hubby offered to do something but I turned him down...finances ya know? But we went to walmart to get groceries on mothers day and everyone was buying flowers and cards and he goes...it must be like prom or something everyones buying flowers...I said NO IT MOTHERS DAY! Duh!lol ↑ |
| Name: New Mom Too | Date: May 24th, 2006 12:54 AM |
| As a new mom, not too long ago, I remember thinking... gosh, my husband is being a jerk. He didn't forget mothers day but there were other moments that I thought were "unforgivable"... however, as the months passed by and we adjusted to being parents, our lives became more in sync. We are still "working on it" in my book but I feel like we are more like a team these days (well to be honest... some days... haha). Hang in there! As you said, you have always been able to forgive each other amd move on from rough times. You will move on from this too! ↑ |
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