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I am torn. I am a 30 year career woman, married with no kids. I have been married for 3 years. This is my first marriage and my husband's 3rd marriage. We have a 16 year age gap which doesn't matter to me at all. My husband has 3 kids from 2 past marriages. I have never been married, no kids. My husband feels that he's too old to have kids. I am absolutely torn right now, I love him but I can't imagine myself not having a child. I I just can't, I feel absolutely depress when the thought crosses my mind. I don't know how to open up this issue again with him. I feel like there's something missing in my life right now and I feel extremy jealous of women with babies and I am not sure if my husband know how important having a child would mean to me. Please advice...I appreciate any advice I can get. ↓
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| Name: briseis | Date: May 23rd, 2007 7:33 PM |
| I think your husband is being very selfish to even suggest that you should choose between him and having a baby, especially as he has 3 children of his own. And that is exactly what he is doing by pushing the idea of a baby aside, even though you, like most women want it so badly. If you feel in your heart and soul that you want a baby, then you must tell him and do it now. Otherwise you WILL regret it for the rest of your life, and worse, end up resenting him for denying you the right to have your own baby, and that sort of pressure could seriously damage your relationship, even destroy it. You have made a huge sacrifice to be with a man with so much baggage. Now it's his turn to something just as wonderful for you. I think you need to approach him, and do it now. It's not a subject which will wait ... ↑ |
| Name: briseis | Date: May 23rd, 2007 7:41 PM |
| BTW If approaching him is something you decide to do, then I wouldn't apprach him with the mindset that you're trying to convince him to have a baby with you. State very clearly and confidently that you will not go through the rest of your life without having at least one baby of your own, that this is non negotiable. Now that you are 30, it is the time to have a baby, and you would obviously love him to father your baby. But TELL him that if he wants to have a future with you, then it will involve a baby. And this is not something his excuses are going to brush under the carpet. This is what I would do ... It's up to you. ↑ |
| Name: Caribbean Contessa | Date: May 24th, 2007 4:28 AM |
| I had a somewhat similar situation. My husband is 16 years older than me. He has two grown kids. I ,like you ,did not want to pass up the opportunity to have a child of my own. I told my, now husband, on our second date that if he wasn't interested in having any more children that we probably shouldn't date. He teases me about how forward I was to this day!!!!!!!!!!!! But, hey! That was on my mind!!!!!!!!!!! : ) Anyway, he wasn't absolutely thrilled about starting another family, but he knew it meant the world to me. We now have a 3 year old daughter, and I can tell you that he absolutely worships the ground she walks on! I see it as a plus to be married to someone older because he is already established in his legal career and he has the time now that he didn't have when he was raising his first two children, and without the stress of setting up a business, he can actually enjoy all of his time with us. In my opinion, you MUST talk to your husband about this issue. He needs to know how strongly you feel. Remind him of all of the celebrity dads in their fifties and sixties starting over again with babies!!!!!!!!!!!! Feel free to email me if you want to talk! [email protected]. ↑ |
| Name: cinner29 | Date: May 24th, 2007 12:53 PM |
| I suppose a lot of this comes down to what you both wanted before you married. Did you talk about having kids then? If he said he wanted them and now has changed his mind then I think you have every reason to be upset........but if he told you then that he didn't want anymore kids.....well then he was honest with you......I don't know your situation and i want to offer some constructive advice but it is hard not knowing more details! ↑ |
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