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somedays i have this stong feeling to do everything in my power to help and protect my son and i have been, but somedays i resent him, I know he cant help acting the way he does, but i still feel that way. does that make me bad mom? I love him so much and i want him to feel better and enjoy life. So why do I feel that way? it makes me sad ↓
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| Name: jennie | Date: Nov 3rd, 2005 6:44 PM |
| my 6 year old has adhd and i am going through a really bad time at the moment (school issues) at the moment i am so stressed i cant stand to be around her. i feel the guilt you feel. i am not a bad mum and i am sure your not either i cant express to you how much i understand all i can say is keep strong and keep loving him to reach for the stars ↑ |
| Name: Chris | Date: Nov 6th, 2005 5:28 AM |
| Boy do I feel your pain. I think I spend everyday feeling guilty. It's funny because when my son is at school I look forward to him coming home and from the moment he gets off the bus it's arguing and complaining and I'm thinking when does he go back to school. It's hard because I think I should be then one providing love and nurture to this child and I'm yelling and punshing and it feels like it's a never ending cycle. Sometimes I think wouldn't it be nice to have a normal child. But then I had another child who so far doesn't seem to have ADHD but when my son is around her he not only acts up he gets her in on the act and I feel even more frustrated because I have two kids acting up. But my daughter generally knows when to stop where as her brother does not so this gets me more upset because I think he's messing up his sisters behaiver as well. Then the feelings of resentment come for the problems he causes in my marriage at home with his sister. Then I fell guilty I felt that way since I love this kid so much. Sometimes I wish I could just take a break from this roller coaster ride but even if I get a babysitter and go out with my husband I'm constanntly worried about the trouble he's causing the sitter or when we get home what complaints will I have to hear. ↑ |
| Name: vbarr | Date: Nov 17th, 2005 2:22 PM |
| I feel your pain also. As terrible as this sounds right now, I am sure you have felt this and understand. My six year old daughter has a severe case of ADHD-30mg of Ritalin LA daily- Anyhow, I am soo happy to see the bus arrive every morning and dread to see it drop her off. Don't get me wrong I love her dearly but, I don't like her. I think too many of us moms think it is wrong to feel this way about our children and everyday I sit and cry when she does get on the bus for feeling glad it was here to pick her up. I let her sleep as long as possible on the weekends and look forward to bed time after having spent hours fighting and arguing with her. My therapist tells me about 80% of her female patients on depression meds have ADHD kids and they end up depressed from trying to deal with the feelings of feeling like a "bad mom" or a "failure" as a parent. ↑ |
| Name: Amanda | Date: Nov 18th, 2005 3:37 AM |
| You are not a bad mom. You are human and those feeling are completely normal.Just love your son and do your best thats all you can do. It is not easy raising children especially Adhd children.Dont be discouraged. It is a hard job God Bless you ↑ |
| Name: lesley | Date: Nov 25th, 2005 5:29 PM |
| no ur not a bad mother u just got to keep calm and let him do what he wants but if things get out of hand let him choose somthing that he would like to do e.g painting or a nice day out etc ↑ |
| Name: CJ | Date: Nov 30th, 2005 7:00 AM |
| i am so glad to have found this website. as i read everything under ADHD, i realize that i am not alone nor abnormal. all these feelings that i am reading about~i feel them to. why is there so much ADHD now? is it the food? i love, resent, like, hate, laugh with and cry about my son. he to has ADHD and wow, what a job it is to parent this boy. he has a huge heart and a huge mouth!! he is often arguing with me and disrespectful to me then he will change and be nice for a while then back to bad ol brad! he seems to be a little better lately with the increase in his medication, more focused and doing his homework without me riding his butt all night!! i hope we are on a road to success!! what a hard job it is to raise a child with ADHD. i pray weekly that my 6 month old daughter will NOT have this (for her and for myself)!! take care everyone...i will be around here a lot now...glad to have come across this site. ↑ |
| Name: Michelle | Date: Dec 5th, 2005 1:28 PM |
"u just got to keep calm and let him do what he wants " *lesley*
i hope i didn't read that right... Adhd or not or any other disorder out there, you can not let a child just do what he/she wants. I understand its hard especially on a single parent, and its just so much easier to let the child have thier way, but if you spoil your child then they will grow up not having any respect whatsoever for you or others. I have seen this firsthand with my brother, and my 5 yr old son can be very hateful, demanding, physical, etc... especially when he doesn't get his way. They need to be taught that there are limitations with everything in life no matter what age. It doesn't start when they are teens and asking for the best of everything, it starts from birth. Its easier said than done, but, when they are young - they are able to be molded into a wonderful human being.
It won't happen over night- but you have to let your child know who is boss. They are not the boss. My son was a holy terror until just recently. I can now snap my fingers when he starts to get somewhat aggressive, and he'll stop and listen. He doesn't throw horrible tantrums anymore. I can't stop his hyperactivity and impulsiveness, but i am able to stop him from being physical, and i believe that's a major accomplishment on my part. He no longer gets what he wants, when he wants. He is NOT in control of me anymore.
Hope this helps some. ↑ |
| Name: anonymos | Date: Jan 9th, 2006 5:30 AM |
| I looked for something on the internet to give me advice what to do and this is the only thing i can find...a chat about mothers feeling bad...So im gona post and if anyone will help me...I am not a parent. Im 15 year old boy in high school. well anyway my parents got divorced I think when i was in 2nd grade...which i remmber she was crying for like ever. She had sold my grandmas house and owes them money and sold our house to move into a very expensive neighborhood just for me and my brother which is 2 years older, a better education...anyway thoughout the years me and my brother has stressed her out alot...fighting getting in trouble in school and lately i have been getting in alot of trouble...which i had cut skool and smoked pot in a abandoned house and got caught...well when she figured out all she did was cry and the past 2 days ive been literally crying which i am absolutly not at all the type that crys if u know me... when i think about what my dad had did to her and what she has to do just for me and my brother...i really want her to have fun in life instead of coming home to a pig house...literally it looks like a house that u see on tv...it has mail all over and junk...i to try to help out and my brother but we just dont...i really need advice on what to do i really want her to have fun with friends and when she doesnt have fun i dont...im starting to become depressed...please if anyone can help emial me at [email protected] ↑ |
| Name: ashleigh | Date: Jan 19th, 2006 2:41 AM |
| i only live with my dad. my mum doesn't wont to even talk to me. even if you feel resent he still knows you love him and that whats you should know. because if hes still alive you sound like a mum that i wish i hade. ↑ |
| Name: Mike | Date: Jan 19th, 2006 5:49 PM |
| They don't call them daddy's boys....take him and cherrish him. My mother is bi-polar manic depressive so you can just imagine what I have been through. I pray you can bond with him and love him as much as he needs. ↑ |
| Name: kerry | Date: Jan 28th, 2006 12:59 AM |
| hun, it doesn't make you a bad mother!! I have the same fellings sometimes, and i'm dealling with some of the same issues and more with myself!! If you are ever interested in wanting to talk mail me at [email protected] I would really like for us to talk about it you're the first mom i know with those same feelings...... ↑ |
| Name: KELLI | Date: Jan 31st, 2006 8:46 PM |
| I HAVE 4 CHILDREN 3 GIRLS AND ONE BOY, 3 OF MY CHILDREN HAVE ADHD, MY DAUGHTER IS NOW 22 WAS MEDICATED FROM 5-16 WHEN SHE DECIDED SHE NO LONGER NEEDED MEDS, I ALLOWED THIS, THERE COMES A TIME IN A CHILDS LIFE EVEN WITH ADHD WHEN THEY NEED TO MAKE CHOICES FOR THEMSELFS I MADE HER RESPONSIBLE FOR HER ACTIONS AND DECISIONS IT WAS VERY HARD TO DO, BECASUE WE TEND TO COTTLE THEM FROM PEOPLE FOR OUR SANITY AND THERES, THEY ARE ON DISPLAY AND WATCHED CONSTANTLY BECAUSE OF THERE DIFFENCES AND BEHAVIORS, THEY ARE SINGLED OUT FROM THE TIME THEY HAVE THERE FIRST TEACHER AND ARE LABLED ADHD I HAVE EXPERIENCED THE HURT FOR MY CHILDREN. MY MIDDLE DAUGHTER IS NOW 18 AND SHOWED SIGNS OF ADHD AT A VERY YOUG AGE, SHE HAS BEEN THE MOST CHALANGING, SHE IS EXTREMLY INDEPENDENT PERSON, PUT LITTERLY USED TO TRY TO CLIMB WALLS WHEN SHE WAS YOUNG VERY HYPERACTIVE I USED TO CRY, AND THINK ARE MY CHILDREN EVER GOING TO BEABLE TO FUNCTION NORMALY IN THE WORLD, IT IS VERY HARD AND IT STILL IS, BUT THROUGH IT ALL I THANK GOD THAT GOD BLESSED ME WITH THESE WONDERFUL HUMAN BEINGS, THEY ARE TRULY A BLESSING TO ME, AND ARE DOING VERY WELL. I ALSO HAVE A LITTLE BOY WHO IS ADD/WITH LEARNING DISIBILTYS BUT HE LOVES LIFE AND IS VERY LOVING AND KIND. SO I THINK GOD NEW I WOULD BE A GOOD PARENT FOR THESE SPECIAL PEOPLE. JUST HANG IN THERE THEY WILL BE FINE, AND YOU ARE A GOOD PARENT, DONT LET PEOPLE MAKE YOU FEEL THAT YOUR CHILD IS BAD, WE JUST HAVE TO LOVE AND DEAL WITH THINGS IN OUR LIVES A LITTLE DIFFRENTLY, YOUR CHILD NEEDS YOU TO FIGHT FOR THERE RIGHTS, AND THAT THEY ARE NORMAL AND WHAT IS NORMAL ANYWAY, THIS KIDS ARE VERY INTELIGENT AND THERE MINDS ARE CONSTANTLY MOVING SO WE HAS PARENTS NEED TO BE A FEW STEPS A HEAD OF THEM, BUT ALL IN ALL THEY ARE GOOD PEOPLE.. KEEP IT REAL AND THEY WILL TO YOU CANT HIDE MOST EMOTIONS FROM THEM THEY ARE LIKE RADAR DETECTORS, THEY HAVE A VERY GOOD SENSE OF THINGS, JUST LOVE THEM AND MOSTLY ACCEPT THEM IN TO YOUR WORLD BECAUSE THERES IS CRUEL AND HURTFUL SOMETIMES.. GOD BLESS YOU ALL KELLI ↑ |
| Name: Carey | Date: Feb 15th, 2006 6:51 PM |
Hi Tracy
You are only human! We all feel like that, honey. I have a 3year old daughter who is going on 13, and my son is ADHD and Bi-polar, he's only 5. There are days where I just want to walk out the front door and never look back and then they do something good that reminds me why I love them so much. It's hard, and I should probley take my own advise but try to remember the good things that they do. I promise that your not a bad mom for feeling that way, we all do. :)
I hope I helped you feel better ↑ |
| Name: Desperate Mom | Date: Feb 27th, 2006 7:18 PM |
Hi,
I am sorry you feel that way, but I understand. It is hard not to resent the cause of the unrest in your family. My daughter is 11 and has caused some serious issues. She loses control of her anger and sometimes this results in injury. We have had to carry her back in the house, as she tries to run away during these episodes. The last incident resulted in the school calling child services. She told the principle my husband dragged her and caused a bruise. (Completely exaggerated). Now, we are faced with an investigation. Do I resent her? Yep. But, I love her and live for her and understand that she cannot help herself. What are we do do?
It is easy for me to say to you, "don't feel bad. You have right to your own feelings." But in reality, I know how you feel and it is hard to not think that we are wrong to feel this way.
Regards,
DM ↑ |
| Name: Kim | Date: Feb 28th, 2006 1:37 AM |
| I know exactly how you feel! Some days are harder than others I dread the weekends and school vacations. I wish I didn't have to feel this way but I do and it makes me mad. Just hang in there you are not alone we are all here for you. Take care ↑ |
| Name: Di | Date: Mar 6th, 2006 1:12 AM |
| Taking Vitamins B complex have helped me to remain calm. I know your feeling. We are human and those feelings are natural. ↑ |
| Name: Di | Date: Mar 8th, 2006 2:23 AM |
What can I say Tracy it is a nature part of a life sometimes to feel angry, annoyed embassed or resentful. These feelings do not mean you do not love and adore your children.
My daughter upsets me sometimes and makes me sad regarding the way she treats people. I still love her I do not like how she treats people.
Her behavour frustrates me at times because regardless what techniques you do use it does not change her behaviour. I have learnt to love her the way she is.
I dont like some of her behaviour but I still love her. I am very proud and admire all of her good qualities. Sometimes you can focus on that. ↑ |
| Name: Dee | Date: Mar 28th, 2006 5:18 PM |
| I feel the smae way sometimes about my daughter, You have to know that you are doing a great job as a mom, and that your son is not doing this to make you mad. If you ever need to talk e-mail me at [email protected]. Rememebr you are doing a great job and that your a good mom even on thoses really hard days. ↑ |
| Name: tonya | Date: Apr 14th, 2006 4:52 AM |
| i have a child who is four. some days i feel like i'm going to pull my hair out, now matter what i do i can't seem to get my child to behaive. he hits his brother, beats on me. i feel there is something wrong with him, for him to be acting like this.i love my son, but some days i need time without him.i just want to cry, and i do end up doing that. i've taken him to doctors to see if someone can help me ↑ |
| Name: wanda | Date: Apr 22nd, 2006 1:30 AM |
| your not a bad mom for the way you feel... my son has alote of problems and you cant help for the way you feel... ↑ |
| Name: san | Date: Apr 26th, 2006 10:46 PM |
| I feel the same way tracy. i often lose my temper with my daughter i ask her what is wrong with her and why is she doing the things she does. I wonder if this is from adhd or something else she will go into things that don't belong to her she will go into my mother china cabinet and get things out i have to threaten her to make her take care of her hygiene she when i ask her does she care about her appearance she wont answer she will just look at me like i'm crazy she will puts food under her bed empty food container i once found an emoty box of cake mix she wont give me a reason is to why she does these things she is 11 and i sometimes just wan t her to go live with her dad her teacher think i don't care they send notes home but she will just throw them away and they think i'm not responding to them i sit down and cry sometimes because i just dont know how to get through to her i try hard to be patient but its hard ↑ |
| Name: cheryl | Date: May 31st, 2006 1:27 AM |
| I try to give my child oppurtunities to redeem her self by not sticking to time out times. I end up getting hurt in the end because she ends up yelling at me worse when she doesn't get her way. I know that she can't help it and sometimes I just want to let her know that I understand being that I myself has bipolar disorder but at the same time I must teach my daughter discipline and self control. These are characteristic that she needs in life in order to function healthy. try to remember that a good mom is the one to teach life lesson while in the care of the one who loves them the most. A mother ↑ |
| Name: KC | Date: Jun 19th, 2006 1:38 PM |
| I FEEL THE SAME!!! VERY OFTEN TOO!! Something just happened recently to enforce just those same feelings....I feel like I'm just barely hanging in there. ↑ |
| Name: Sharon | Date: Jun 19th, 2006 7:51 PM |
| I don't think anyone with an ADHD child is a bad Mom! - only a tired and frustrated Mom!!!! I have a 9 year old with ADHD and have felt exactly the same.Sometimes we just get mentally, physically and emotionally worn down. I suppose i'm lucky that when i'm desperate i can send him away to relatives for a couple of days,but that's all it takes to gather my strength,thoughts and plan of action together.The only thing i can say to you is "consistency". Decide two main issues which cause the biggest problems and concentrate on resolving them . I found this easiest using a reward system appropriate to my sons age.It is really hard work and very tiring-especially when you have other children,but you have to keep to the rules and boundaries and persevere. Hope this has given you some comfort to know that your not alone. Good luck. ↑ |
| Name: harm | Date: Jul 7th, 2006 8:39 PM |
| Your not a bad mum but i know where your coming from, my daughter is five and for the last 4 years i've been in this world where i just wanted to be on my own most of the time and then suddenly after crying out for help in every direction i'm told she has adhd and cd, i have an older daughter of 6 and a 11 month old baby boy and i just got to the end of my tether but now i feel really cross because i've spent the last 4 years telling her she's naughty when all along it wasn't her fault. What i find the hardest is the effect on my other daughter, she is the main target for aggression and violence and is starting to withdraw and i feel i can't do anything to help her aswell so i feel doubly guilty. Stay strong Tracy i know it's hard but you're not alone. ↑ |
| Name: sonnydayz | Date: Jul 13th, 2006 3:16 AM |
my almost 2 year old son screams all the time and my 6 month old cries all the time. and my bf doesn't help me sometimes i just want to leave him with the kids so he know what i feel like.
And i hate to feel this way because i love my kids with all my heart but some time i just feel like ending my life. ↑ |
| Name: toirichmom | Date: Jul 14th, 2006 2:31 AM |
| your feelings, i definitely can relate too. It's like you love them, but sometimes you don't like them. I have felt that way about my 9 yr old son w/ ADHD also. He was doing so bad in school with his behavior, I resented him because of it. I felt embarassed that he was doing things that was so shocking and I automatically look at his behavior as a reflection of my parenting, and it really upset me. I make my son accountable for his actions regardless if he meant to do it or not. He has to learn to think before he acts. You are not a bad mother at all. Those feelings are normal. ↑ |
| Name: iamlisa | Date: Aug 1st, 2006 3:31 AM |
| nope we all feel that way ↑ |
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