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Name: kelly1
[ Original Post ]
Can anyone give me any ideas, my son (Tommy) is almost most 3 yrs old and has autisum. We don't seem to be able to go out any where with out him screaming and throwing major strops. He has a younger sister (bethany) age 19 months who sits next to him in a double buggy, so when tommy is kicking, hitting out you can guess who gets the brunt of it. This then starts her crying which in turn makes tommy worse. There doesn't seem to be anyway of calming him down so it now meens we don't get out which is making me ill. Any help / ideas would be great, thanks
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Name: lynda | Date: Jun 26th, 2007 9:18 AM
hi kelly ,i know how you feel my daughter is 10 now and i have a 6 year old son and its very hard .has im a single mum but how i did it was to make a game of it i gave mine kids a basket to hold and let her put the stuff in her basket which she wanted to carry and even now we still make a game of every outing we go out on it has to be fun coz if they feel you geting stressed it makes them worse people in my town must think im mad coz when my girl starts kicking of i do it with her then we both start laughing coz she thinks im funny , i no its hard and the outside world dont help with stareing but my daughter has a right to be here and live like everyone 

Name: kelly1 | Date: Jun 26th, 2007 11:58 AM
Thanks Lynda it's worth a try, not sure he will play along though! I can see the basket being wrapped around my daughters head. lol 

Name: yvonnakm | Date: Jun 27th, 2007 4:29 AM
Hi I also know what you are going through. I have Twins and I yhink one is alittle off. I asked his school to look into him being looked at for autism. of corse they said there isn't anything wrong with him. at least that is what they said 6 months ago. I recieved a call the other day asking for my son to be in the mental health services, due to his obstanace and being defiant. 

Name: kelly1 | Date: Jun 27th, 2007 7:57 AM
yvonnakm you stick to your guns, if you feel there is a problem then you are probably right, the parents know best! My health visiter told me for ages there was nothing wrong with Tommy even though i new there was, she has to eat her words now as it is clear he is autistic. As i said we know best! 

Name: aldam2 | Date: Jun 27th, 2007 10:24 PM
Hi, maybe you could try a differnt pram, maybe a tandam one, one behind the other? but makesure tommy is infront then he cant do as much damage. I now it is hard for you to go out with people staring at you, but you need to make the effort for your own sanity. Try making some cards like business cards, which explain your son has autism and cant help his behaviour and if you find yourself in a difficult situation just hand one of these cards to the person concerned and walk away. They will feel more embarrassed than you trust me. My daughter who has autism hated crowds and bright lights in shopping centres etc but was ok in smaller situations, so you could try that. Good luck and keep your chin up!!! 

Name: kelly1 | Date: Jun 28th, 2007 10:21 AM
aldam2 thank you, The push chair idea is great and worth a try!
I like the idea of cards too, i just feel myself getting so worked up when people look down there nose at me and my son! I know they are the people with the problem really but it still hurts!
Thanks again for the advice. x 


Name: smcfee | Date: Jul 3rd, 2007 12:18 AM
My son is 7 1/2 and my advise to you is pick a time of the day that the store is not busy. If you must take his younger sister with you make sure and take another adult to assist you. It has taken me years to not feel guilty for included Wyatt in every shopping trip I go on but that is just the card we were delt. He is not having meltdown to be bad it is just to over whelming. It is equal to making you ride a rollercoaster that you are teriffied of. I take my son out to the grocery store, but only when we are there for a couple of thing not to stock up for two weeks. In the end you have to do what you feel works for you and your family, but I am begging you do it guilt free. 

Name: Philomena | Date: Jul 5th, 2007 9:04 PM
Hi Kelly, I have a 13 year old asperger son who STILL needs to be reminded at times. You could try a front and back stroller and place him in the back, with flaps on each side made out of towels to keep him more"sheltered" from all the stimulation. Try to construct something like a little hut for him, and give him a cd player with soothing music to listen to like baby lullibys or mozart, something slow and gentle. Explain to him ahead of time what is going to happen and explain to him that he will have his own quiet space with his own music. Try it out at home first to see if it will work. They need as little stimulation as possible when they are out of routine. I also recommend a heavy metal test done by a homeopathic physician. 

Name: DonnaVanecek | Date: Sep 21st, 2007 3:00 PM
My Autistic & ADHD son @ 3yrs old learned to talk but could not communicate. He would just answer with grunts and shoulder shrugs meaning "I don't know". In 2004 his 7th grade, I was tired (physically and mentally) of being force to medicate him. I did my research and removed him from the medicine and started him on my own finding of things that we needed to do different in our home. IT WAS THE BEST THING I EVER DID. HE STARTED TALKING AND COMMUNICATING. He is now 16 yrs old and is learning to drive the car. I now leave him in charge of the two younger siblings. He is in band, drama class and interacts with others at school. If you would like to know more of what we did different you can reach me by email [email protected] or 512-365-5717. 

Name: BETH | Date: Oct 8th, 2007 9:52 AM
MY SON HAS FITS IN PUBLIC TOO AND HE IS 10. I JUST LET HIM GO. HE IS WHO HE IS AND I DONT CARE ABOUT THE STARES OR WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK. MAYBE YOU COULD GIVE HIM HIS OWN SHOPPING LIST. SINCE HE CAN'T READ YOU CAN HELP HIM WITH IT. IT SEEMS TO WORK PRETTY GOOD SO FAR FOR ME. MINE LIKES TO YELL HOW I BEAT HIM AND DONT FEED HIM AND HATE HIM. I JUST IGNORE HIM AND LET HIM FIT. IM NOT GOING TO BE A PRISONER IN MY OWN HOME. MY SON HAS ASPERGERS.I KEEP WAITING FOR SOMEONE TO CALL THE POLICE ON ME. 

Name: kissablyme | Date: Oct 12th, 2007 4:17 AM
My son has aspergers, he is 4 yrs old. i cant take him anywhere. when i do take him out he flips out everytime. i cant get him even intrested in picking out something for himself. when we walk he will try to jolt out in front of cars. people always swear at me and call me a bad mother but i dont pay to much attention to them because they are not living through what i must everyday. i just want to be able to go out once and not have a fight or him run away. ideas 

Name: tom_edw | Date: Oct 22nd, 2007 7:43 PM
kissablyme, we have the same problem with our son Jared. We are still in therapy for the next 16 months so we are trying to add therapy outside the home where the therapists go shopping with us to try and modify his behavior outside the home. 

Name: asdmom | Date: Sep 22nd, 2008 2:10 AM
oh gosh, this osunds like de ja vous, my son louis who is now 11 y and has severe asd was a nightmare shoppping.

all i did was if he didnt like a place i took him lots of times, he had major temper tantrums but i stuck with it, i didnt have a supportive family and my husband worked away so i had very little choice. I took him to the shops about 10 times a day, yes i had a small baby aswell, newborn, so it was tough.
But i would do lots of different scenarios. We would walk in the shop and back out again, we would walk through the shop. We would go in and go to his favorite isle to get what he wanted then do the shopping. I would let him eat the food and keep the packet until the end to pay the cashier. Eventually he started getting a little better, and then finally he started enjoying it. I applied this theory to everything he hated and eventually it helped to desensitise him.
And when those people in the store make horrible comments you tell them that he is autistic, he has brain damage that affects a certain part of his brain that deals with communication, speech and understanding. And would they make such nast comments to someone in a wheel chair. No. So dont make them to me.
Tell people that if they get mad with you.
You will gradually develop thicker skin to deal with people like that 

Name: luciap | Date: Dec 4th, 2008 6:22 AM
hey kelly
I have a 6 years old autistic son, so I know what you are going through. What I found really helpful is that before entering the store I warned my son "no candy and no toys" with a picture that I always have in my purse. I also carry pictures for no crying, too loud, no hitting, etc. They work very well with him. We also carry a small back pack with a few toys like cars. The back pack is always in my car and stays there. Instead of making one long big trip to the store we make several small ones during the week, makes it less stresfull for everybody. All these help a lot...but sometimes he still throws a fit and once he starts. believe me there's nothing that clams him down either!
good luck 

Name: There IS Hope | Date: Jul 14th, 2009 4:09 AM
Hi. I work in a school district, as a special-education paraprofessional. I have been blessed to care for and help many different children of various ages, with a variety of challenges. I recently listened to / watched a woman share her incredible story of raising a son with autism. It touched me deeply. Her son was healed, a few years back, and continues to improve in his schooling. I ordered her book and found so much hope in her experience. Hope that applies to everyone, including families with autism but not limited to only autism. My heart goes out to all. If anyone is interested in the details of the book and the radio / t.v. program, please e-mail me at [email protected] (Since it is my understanding that some things cannot be posted.) With excitement, encouragement, and heart-felt appreciation and compassion to every family touched by especially autism...There IS Hope. 

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