We are not sure what to do. It says in the contract that my husband and his ex have to pay 50/50 percent for their daughters schooling. That was when she was about 2 years old. She was to young to go to public school at that time so the only option was privet. The mom put her at “Montessori”. There was not real problem till the girl got to (about) the age of 5 . When she got to the age of 5, my husband told his ex that he could no longer afford privet (he does pay child support plus medical insurance every month). Besides, there is a great award winning public right behind her house but she does not want to enroll her there for some reason. She told my husband that she will pay for the whole privet but nothing was put in writing. So my husband just stopped paying. The ex keeps sending him the bill every month threw emails, and even now that the girl is allegeable to go to public, she still have not made any attempt to enroll her. My husband is keep sending her emails back trying to communicate about it. He writes her nice letters, never nusty. but she would not respond back. We are recognizing the fact that we might have to pay the ex for all the month we have not pay but only up until the girl turned to the age when she is allegeable for public. When we went to the lawyer, she told us that the ex could not make us pay for privet if we cannot afford it. The ex went to her layer and asked for more child support. Our respond back was – we want more child visitation, and we also proved her that we cannot afford privet at this time. Mean while the child is growing. Both husband and I took a course of how to manage to work with ex for the best interest of the child.
We might have to take mediation to settle all that.
Our fear is all this time the ex is keeping silent. She is not communicating about the school for months. Maybe she is up to something that will force us to pay for the privet anyway. Maybe it is something that her layer suggested her to do.
It is a very delicate situation because of the little girl. We know how the ex is mad at my husband and trying to get him back. Now it is even more crucial because we have just found out that I am pregnant. Can anyone give us his or her input on this- we will appreciate it!
Thanks! ↓
|
|
| Name: Lizzi | Date: Sep 27th, 2006 5:29 PM |
| I'd say if there is no reason to keep her in a high priced private school then she should be sent to public school. I think this is just a way for his ex to hurt you financially. She knows you don't want to continue paying and cannot really afford to so she is insisting on it even more. Let a judge decide where she should attend school. If you can prove your income to him I really doubt he will insist she remain at the private school,she is just 5 so she can start in regular kindergarten just like all the other kids at the public school. If the ex doesn't like it then hopefully the judge will tell her if she's so insistent upon it then she can pay the whole bill herself! My guess is she will be attending public school! ↑ |
| Name: VeggieMom2B | Date: Sep 27th, 2006 6:05 PM |
Thank you Lizzi, I really hope that things would work out. It is hard to know what the ex is attempting to do here with out communication. She knows we cannot afford privet (we are dipping into our savings right now). Besides, My husband and ex are sheering 50/50% custody so why should it be her decision only. That is sick! I can see where she is being manipulative, and we both know it is coming from jealousy. Meanwhile, The little girl and us developed very strong relationship that the ex cannot break. I love the little girl like my own and looking forward to tell her she is going to be a big sister!
We are afraid once the ex will find out it will make things worse. I doubt it there is anything she can say or do to manipulate the girls mind at this time. Even though the little girl is staying with her mom most of the time and we only get her every second weekend plus once a week for couple of hour. The girl is very smart and will figure it out if her mom will try to take her dads and step moms love away from her.
It makes sense that the judge will decide on public, but you never know.
I just wonder if the ex can do anything to hurt us anyway. I just wish we could all be friends but my husband do not trust her anymore. He is afraid that she will use things against us, and there for we can not even invite her to our house. How sad for the little girl! ↑ |
| Name: Lizzi | Date: Sep 27th, 2006 6:28 PM |
| Wow veggieMom2B!,That is very adult of you to say that you wish you could all just be friends! Most women would never want that,wow! I'm glad you have such a close relationship with your stepdaughter and love her like your own,i think that's great and I'm sure she has feelings for you too and if she does,no one can take those feelings from her because in her heart if she feels love for you then it's already cemented. If you think the ex is jealous now then that will probably only intensify once she hears of the new baby comming so get ready! She may try and not let you have the stepdaughter as often,which actually,if you have 50/50 custody then I would think you should be able to see her even more than what you already do? Your set up now seems standard with only one parent having custody,you should check into that. I hope she doesn't try to poison her daughters mind,that would just be so sad for her to confuse that little girl like that. I think if you and your husband show her how much you love her and want her around when she comes then it should be extremely hard for her mother to waiver her. I wish you and your husband lots of luck and like I said,if you have 50/50 custody then shouldn't you be able to see her even more? I'd check that out. Good luck! ↑ |
| Name: VeggieMom2B | Date: Sep 27th, 2006 8:22 PM |
Thanks again Lizzi,
The reason we cannot have the little girl more now, is because it is complicated distance wise. We used to live closer (about 20 min apart) but the ex moved closer to her workplace, and we moved closer to my husband’s workplace. We both live in San Diego but traffic is getting real bad. The girl has to go to school everyday, and it will be very hard for my husband to drop her off, and then go to work in a very bad traffic. I am afraid to take the risk of driving because I have not been driving long enough. I am terrified of getting into an accident. We are considering moving closer to his ex but that might mean my husband will have a long commute everyday. This is something that we are thinking for a long time. It also means that we will have to give up living in an area where the weather is perfect to an area that is extremely hot during summertime. I also suggested that maybe we can switch during summertime to have the girl with us, and the ex will have her every second weekend plus few times a week. My husband think his ex will never agree to it, and without going to court it will never happen. Errrrrrrrr…
Yesterday when the ex came to meet us in the playground to pick up the girl from our once a week visitation. Even though it was extremely awkward. I hugged and kissed the girl goodbye, and told her “take care of mommy”. I always remain respectful in front of the girl, and I also trying to show the mom that I only love her girl, and not here to fight.
I just hope that the mom will grow out of her jealousy, move on and do what is best for the little girl. Then we can all enjoy raising a beautiful healthy minded girl.
Again, thanks for responding, I love to hear other people's oppinions, and I hope for more :-) ↑ |
| Name: Lizzi | Date: Sep 27th, 2006 9:36 PM |
| It's hard to say if her mother will ever grow out of her jealous, bitter behavior,some people do and others live life out that way. But you and your husband don't have to let it bother you. You can just get your stepdaughter when you can and have a great time with her and let the rest work itself out. I kinda understand your not wanting to drive in heavy traffic thing although my stories a little bit different. I was driving on a permit with my grandma when I was 16,(I'm 35 now),and anyway we were on the interstate and were sideswiped. I lost all control of the vehicle and hit another one that turned over on it's side. The driver of that vehicle was thrown part way out the back passenger window and died instantly. He had a baby with him who was shaken up but physically o.k. as he was in a carseat. The driver was not wearing a seatbelt. To this day I will not drive on the interstate,it scares me to death. Actually I'm nervous driving anywhere but I refuse to get on the interstate. The accident was not my fault but part of me still feels responsible and it's a day I will never forget. I was pretty much learning to drive myself at the time it happened,some people blamed me for not being an experienced driver. I had to do some depositions and go to court over it. I was just 16 it was awful! ↑ |
| Name: pj754 | Date: Sep 28th, 2006 4:13 PM |
| I agree with Lizzi. Perhaps the ex is up to something. Keeping that in the back of your mind is something you will never get over. Keep communication with your attorney. Your kindness towards the ex and child is the best thing you are doing. Congradulations on your pregnancy!!! I wish you a happy, healthy pregnancy. It just sounds like the only avenue you can do is battle this out in court. Unfortunately, it's very time consuming and appears to be needless. However, this is probably the only the ex will get the message about trying to take you all to the cleaners. Stick to your guns, don't give in and make sure your legal counsel is not steering you down the wrong path. Ask as many questions as you can to prepare yourselves. That's all you can do. Keep good records of your finances because it makes things easier down the road. I certainly hope things will get better. I don't think my advice was much help because Lizzi already touched base on what I was thinking. Try to relax--I know, easier said than done. As long as you guys are following the rules of the divorce papers, there really isn't much the ex can do. Hang in there. ↑ |
|
|
