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So here is my story in short terms...I am a divorced mother of two boys(12 and 9) both of which are special needs. I and my now husband have been raising my boys for the past 4 1/2 years together very happily. Their father has been out of prison for 2 years for havign an affair with a 13 year old girl(hence the divorce). I have sole custody, but have been letting the the ex see the kids when he is allowed by the parole board. This pat year he had met a girl(8 years younger..23 to be exact) whom has had no life experience outside of home. She has been causing a TREMENDOUS amount of strain on our family. She and my now 12 yr old do not get along because she has gotten in his face and has physically grabbed him and has called him names and yells obscenities at him. She has done this in front of my ex, but he doesn't stick up for our son. His excuse is,"I figured she had it under control." WHAT?! Anyhow, the boys really love and miss their dad and want to see him even if it means putting up with cruelty from the soon to be step. There is a lot more to this story, but what I really need to know is this...is it okay for my children to learn for themselves what kind of pesron their dad and his wife are? I am told that the law says I HAVE to let them go with him, but if I really wanted to I could fight in court for them and he would lose. But that's not what my kids want. ↓
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| Name: billy22 | Date: Nov 8th, 2006 2:54 AM |
| Name: Lory | Date: Nov 8th, 2006 4:07 AM |
| think about the kids!!!!!!!!!! ↑ |
| Name: billy22 | Date: Nov 8th, 2006 5:08 PM |
| I believe that is what I am doing. I have done nothign but bend over backwards for their Dad so that he can see the kids, but when my child is coming home and saying he doesn't want to go if he has to be alone with the step because she scares him, what am I supposed to do? he really wants to see his Dad but says his Dad doesn't stick up fo him! ↑ |
| Name: tweetybird4 | Date: Nov 8th, 2006 8:19 PM |
| Hi Billy22----Honestly, you do have to think about your children!!! Since, you have sole custody, perhaps you can set up visitation at your home or a netural place to where the girlfriend can not be present. This way, the kids can still see their dad but without the psycho girlfriend. What if this psycho becomes more out of control and seriously hurts one of your kids? I wouldn want to take every pre-caution as I can. Plus, I'm sure you really don't know too much about her background and she doesn't sound like a very BRIGHT individual. If your ex is allowed to see your boys, perhaps you can request supervised visits. Yes, it is ok for your children to learn what kind of people their dad and wife are but you have to be there every step in guiding them. This girlfriend shouldn't be touching your children let alone screaming at them. For the safety of your boys, I would control the whole situation as much as I can. I would definitely explain to my boys that if this woman slaps or hits them to have them call for help. ↑ |
| Name: billy22 | Date: Nov 8th, 2006 8:23 PM |
| Thanks tweetybird4! Finally some helpful supportive advice:) I agree with you 100%. My oldest boy knows that if he were to get into a situation like that, he could call home...I know his Dad loves him and his brother and I know that the girlfriend wants to be involved, she is just young and inexperienced with kids and I hope that changes some day:) Thanks for the imput....MUCHLY appreciated! ↑ |
| Name: Lizzi | Date: Nov 8th, 2006 8:27 PM |
| There's your answer! If you must let him see the kids and it's what they want to then go along with it and say nothing. They are old enough that in time they will have their dad and stepmother figured out all by themselves without you having to say anything and then it will still be their choice to continue seeing them or not. ↑ |
| Name: billy22 | Date: Nov 8th, 2006 8:37 PM |
| *HUGE SIGH* THANK YOU LIZZY!!! You have no idea how good that makes me feel to hear that. I struggle every day wondering if I am making the rigth choices for my kids without hindering their relationship in anyway with their father. It is very important to him and the kids, I know that. But as you know, I think a lot of us mothers can be insecure with decision making for our kids:) I wish I could be different and not let it bother me so much...but I can't. I am glad I found this site....sometimes I feel alone in this, and it really helps to know that there are others who are going through the same stuff:) THANKS AGAIN FOR THE IMPUT! ↑ |
| Name: tweetybird4 | Date: Nov 8th, 2006 8:57 PM |
| We'll never have all the answers when it comes to our children but at least we can hope we are setting them on the right track. Hey, we aren't perfect and no one else is. So, as long as you know in your heart what you are doing is right, then by all means GO FOR IT! ↑ |
| Name: billy22 | Date: Nov 8th, 2006 9:00 PM |
| Name: tweetybird4 | Date: Nov 8th, 2006 9:19 PM |
| Hey, no problem. I, too, am going through the same kind of crap. ↑ |
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