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Name: RiRi5261
[ Original Post ]
Ok... this is THE TOUGHEST thing that I have gone through to date. I need some advice or words of experience please.

My son is 7, I had him when I was 19. His biological father was abusive in everyway. Being young I had no clue. When my son was 2 weeks old I decided that he had put his hands on me for the last time. I broke our lease and moved out. I got custody of our son and he was awarded 2hrs a week supervised visits. The father has not supported my son in any way shape or form... which honestly we have done just fine and having him out of our lives is worth more than any child support in my eyes. For the past 4 yrs he has not seen my son or had any kind of contact what so ever because he was incarcerated. Now... after 4 yrs he wants to see my son and be a father. I have heard this song and dance atleast 100 times. Currently my son has a "dad" who has been there for him for 3yrs and loves him like his own. My son know's no other "dad". My struggle now is what to do about the biological father. I know that he has his 2hr supervised weekly visits, that is his "right" being the sperm donor. I just don't know how to approach this with my son. He is a very sensative and happy child. I don't want to damper his loving spirit with this whole situation. I don't know how to go about letting them talk on the phone or seeing each other (most likely at the police station because thats the only place I would feel safe) my main concern is my son. I understand there is a chance later down the line that he may resent me for keeping him away, but being the mother I have to do what I feel is right. Has anyone ever dealt with this? Can anyone give me any advice? I am stressing so bad I am sure of a heart attack in my near future. Thank you!
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Name: Jennifer Rosalie | Date: Jul 11th, 2010 11:33 AM
Have you let your son speak with a counseller? A good child psychologist should be able to assess if he actually wants to see his father, and whether he should see his father. He or she will help you with deal with whatever the out come. I understand your fear of making a wrong choice, and it is too important a choice to make on your own. Good luck. 

Name: Nick Breton | Date: Aug 4th, 2010 3:41 PM
My-ex wife has not let me speak to or see my son for the past year and eight months. My mother and father as well as my sister have also tried to contact my ex-wife about seeing my son. She has basically cut off my whole family by simply not returning mediation requests, registered mail letters requesting some time with the boy. We have even talked to her parents to try to talk to her. I understand she has another man in her life, as she absolutly has a right to and I encouraged her to open a good dialogue between all of us for the sake of my son. I can understand she was hurt by my leaving her because I suspected another man (which turns out to have been the case). As I was very much involved in my sons life since birth to the age of five, I feel he has a deep bond with me. At one point her boyfriend had gotten on the other end of the line while I was talking to her asking for a two hour delay for getting my son as his grandmother would be not be ready for his birthday party yet. See, we had arranged for a party on that sunday for his 5th b-day. He proceeded to tell me that I would never see my son again!! I lost it on the phone!! I told him that he was fu*king my wife, sitting on my couch, driving my car, and that now he wants my kid? I realize at the time I could have acted much, much better. But my buttons were pushed way to far as I suspect they were meant to be. I basically threatened his very life, told him l would come right over at that very instant and kill him. I am including all this because I hear often many one sided arguments and feel that I should be responsible for my actions. Which in this case were quite frightening. This all comes down to the fact that since then I have not seen my son. Nor has my family. I have a court order but she refuses to acknowledge it. I have a lawyer in the list of this and he says my case is strong for PAS syndrome. She might lose her sole custody if the court feels she is an unfit mother. I feel I am responsible for those remarks but feel my son is paying a way to big of a price for emotional states of the parents. My son is hostage,and has a right to be nurtured by his dad and his grandparents. To be deprived of these rights is by law CHILD ABUSE!!!. Thank you for reading this, and by the way, I did not kill the guy. I just think he might be a little scared to face me. I get a bitter smile thinking of this. The 12 years I was with her taught me important lessons in life when it comes to relationships. Take your time to get to know someone. Be independant, Always put your kids first, and let your EGO aside at all times. 

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