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Name: Bummed Out Dad
[ Original Post ]
My ex wife wants me back. First of all, we were married 13 years when she
started having an affair with a co-worker. She then left me on February
14th, Taking our 9 yr. old daughter. Our 12 yr. old son wanted nothing to
do with her for the next year. We had divorced in June of that year and
she remarried in August. 6 months later, she promised our son the world,
so after Xmas, he moved in with her. I've never forced my children to do
anything in this whole situation. I have requested that they "make a phone
call once in a while" and to share time with me also. Well, since all this
happened, my relationship with my children has been extremely strained.
The only time I hear from them is directly before holidays and birthdays.
I try to call them and they blow me off. My daughter has called my bad
names and is being influenced by her grandmother, which has a vendetta
against me because I no longer trust nor respect her daughter. Therefore,
I think my children are being turned against me. 5 months ago, my children
started to finally talk and be with me and it was great. Until I found out
that my ex-wife left her husband and wanted me back. I told her that it
would never happen because I could never trust her. Since that point, my
children are back to avoiding me. Incidently, she want back to her
husband. Anyways, That was 3 1/2 years ago and my ex wife still wants me
back. Why? She says that she made a terrible mistake. I feel I can no
longer trust her at all. Is this the only way I'm going to get to see my
children? I fear that I may have to take her back in order to finish
raising and being with my children. For the past year, I've lived with my fiance. I didn't start dating until a
year after the divorce. The woman I live with is wonderful and I do love
her. Here's this chapter's delimina, I still also love my children's
mother, but now, I break a heart either way I turn. I can't trust my ex
now, and if I could and went back, my fiance would be devestated. On the
other hand, if I stay with my fiance, which I truly think is the best
thing to do, I won't see my children which will eventually break my heart. What should I do?
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Name: Serina to Brad | Date: Apr 27th, 2006 9:15 PM
Can you all sit down and talk things out . Could you tell the kids how you feel about them . Also tell them how it makes you feel when they do not spend time with you and in turn ask them how they feel.After all talk Iwould speek to theex about how it hurst the kids when their parents talk about each other in not a very nice way. Tell her that you want the kids happy.
I am soory I have to go but will think more on this and let you know later
Good luck 

Name: Christy | Date: Apr 28th, 2006 2:56 PM
She didn't care about breaking your heart at one point in time. I would move on, marry your fiance- and let your ex deal with her mistakes on her own. 

Name: skramer | Date: Apr 30th, 2006 10:19 PM
she doesn't want you back she wants your money 

Name: Jenny | Date: May 5th, 2006 6:51 PM
Boy your damned if you do and your damned if you don't. I see it both ways, if you still love your ex-wife and want to be with your children then go for it. Trust is an issue I understand, with time you will learn to trust her again. Sit down and talk to her about why she started to cheat and work on the problem together. If your fiance has to be a big person and understand that when it comes to your children they come FIRST, and if being with them and their mother makes you and them happy than that should be all that matters. On the other hand, if you do continue on with your fiance your children will eventually get over it and come around or they will decide that it was their loss to let these situations come between your relationship. They will realize that the things that are being pumped into their heads are not true. Plus your children are at the age of pulling away from both parents. They are beginning to have a life of their own, and their friends mean everything to them, you may be reading more into the distance relationship more than what their really is. I would be interested to know which route you choose let me know. If you want to talk more you may email me at [email protected] Best of luck to you. 

Name: MEE MAW | Date: Jan 24th, 2008 7:16 AM
MY BOYFRIEND WENT BACK TO HIS EX AFTER WE WERE TOGETHER FOR 2 1/2 YEARS. IT DEVASTATED ME. BECAUSE OF THE WAY HE DID IT. ANY WAYS HE WAS ONLY GONE FOR 2 MONTHS. HE SAID HE WAS MYSERABLE WITHOUT ME AND HE MADE A MISTAKE. I TOOK HIM BACK BUT I TOLD HIM IF HE EVER LEFT ME AGAIN HE BETTER MAKE SURE IT WAS WHAT HE REALLY WANTED. BEACUSE I WILL NEVER GO THRU THIS AGAIN, NO MATTER HOW I FEEL FOR HIM. I ONLY TOOK HIM BACK BECAUSE I KNEW HE DONE IT BECAUSE OF THE WAY SHE MADE HIM FEEL GUILTY AND WOULD USE THE KIDS, WHICH BY THE WAY ARE GROWN, HE LOVES HIS CHILDREN VERY MUCH,AND SHE KNEW SHE COULD GET TO HIM. ANYWAYS WE HAVE BEEN BACK TOGETHER FOR 4 YEARS NOW. I TOLD HIM WHEN HE CAME BACK THAT HE COULD NO LONGER TALK TO HER ON THE PHONE, HIS KIDS ARE GROWN AND IF THEY NEED ANYTHING THEY CAN CALL. SHE STILL CALLS EVERY MONTH FOR HER ALLIMONY MONEY EVEN THOUGH HE IS NEVER LATE. SHE ONLY DOES THAT BECAUSE SHE HOPES HE WILL ANWSER. BUT HE DONT . AND SHE STILL WANTS HIM BACK, BUT IT REALLY IS BECAUSE OF THE MONEY. 

Name: John | Date: Jan 24th, 2008 2:01 PM
That sounds like someone I know very well. Good luck. 


Name: Celestine | Date: Jan 24th, 2008 2:15 PM
BOD, if I were U I would be very careful with these women. I support U for loving your children because not too many men think that way. However, this woman is after U for what U may have and not love. Trust is hard to come by and when one betrayed that it is even harder to return. What goes around comes around so don't trust that... BTW, I wonder is she from...? Do mind telling me where is she from? 

Name: HP | Date: Jan 25th, 2008 4:34 PM
"If your fiance has to be a big person and understand that when it comes to your children they come FIRST," thats fine not the ex wife. He has moved on and is in love again and Happy, if you wan't to go down a roller coaster for your kids and be misrable (which the kids are old enough to talk to you) w/ your ex it will only last a few years for which your kids will be 18 then what? Do what your hear says don't get back with your ex for pitty or wanting to be with the kids, becasue they are getting to the teen years and even with you living with them you still would'nt see them that much. 

Name: John | Date: Jan 25th, 2008 7:56 PM
HP, all I can say complete BS. 

Name: HP | Date: Jan 28th, 2008 7:01 PM
BS? About which part? 

Name: gar | Date: Feb 10th, 2008 5:14 AM
stay with you,r new sweety ,you,r ex did it once she will do it again, don,t play games , you,r kids will come to you in time,,just let them know you,r there for them at anytime, bin there don that to ,the ex will screw you up again, do not let that happin, she cheeeted on you , and will again, do not let her screw you up!!! you,r better then that!!! 

Name: Julian | Date: Feb 10th, 2008 7:53 PM
Gar you are screwed up in your head man. I've look at your other posts and you too are a basket case so what advice can you give when you are seeking yourself? I will send you a ticket so you can come meet me later and I will show you a good time and only then your head make be right. 

Name: Amanda | Date: Feb 12th, 2008 5:18 PM
My boyfriend at one time went back to his ex wifw after we had only been dating for 6 months. I didnt hear from him for 2 weeks then he was begging me to take him back saying he forgot how meserable she made him. He says he went back to try to make it work because they have a son together but realized it's not fair for their son to have to hear them fight all the time. So they didnt get back together and i gave him another chancec. We then found out a few months later that she had gotten preg while they were split up and knew she was preg with this other guys baby the whole time she was trying to get back together with him. I guess the boyfriend didnt want to take care of a baby but she thought if she could get her ex back he would take care of him. So now she has 2 kids with 2 different men and she lives with her grandma and has not worked for over 6 months...... 

Name: Cel | Date: Feb 13th, 2008 8:19 PM
So what Amanda – this is an average thing in society today (who’s my baby daddy). I would recommend that you contact a J&B and they will make you well. 

Name: Cel | Date: Feb 13th, 2008 8:21 PM
Amanda please look in the USVI for the dad it may Julian Henley. 

Name: Chris Okolie | Date: Oct 31st, 2009 6:31 PM
Definitely you are divorced from your Ex and you should not hope to have her back. Just find a way to communicate with your Children and let them know the reason why their mother left you .Your current age and financial status will determine if you are going to enter this second marriage. Most women do not truly trust and love a divorced man. They are always beset with this fear of the Ex-coming back. If you do not re-marry, definitely,your children are coming back to you someday. Just be open and good to them. The woman that loves you now will also definitely break your heart soonest if she discovers you are relating with your children and your Ex.. I will suggest you do not re-marry and do not accept her back. You can have a true friend if you care.If you must re-marry,then do that and forget the old Marriage and everything that came out of it. Start a new life and a new family. 

Name: Pete | Date: Jan 26th, 2011 9:33 AM
The answer is easy. What ever is best for your children. Forget about loving this person or that person. Which environment will benefit the kids? When you put the kids first and you & all the other adults second, you'll find the answer. Sounds to me like there is a lot of hurt floating around. You all need professional counseling. 

Name: sue | Date: Mar 21st, 2011 2:44 PM
The kids are priority not your ex wives mind games. She is not doing what is best for the kids. If you think you can go back to a woman who has no respect for you, good luck. If you want respect from her, you have a long way to go. It sounds like her life with you was one big disneyland vacation. She must be super super special for you to take her bologne. Look in your past and try to figure out why you prefer a woman who treats you like a piece of crap. Your ex is not a little girl and should take responsability for some of her actions such as the affair, turning kids against you. Grandmother is not helping this woman grow up. She is blaming you because you have lost respect for and don't trust her. So, in other words, a man's job is to let his wife have an affair and take her beck when she's done being married to the other guy. This woman has no sense of respect for you or the kids. Get your kids back because they are the innocent ones here, not her. Are you truely capable of loving a woman who blatantaly has no respect for you and shows no remorse other than "oops, I made a mistake?" So, you don't take her back and what happens? She hurts you again even more by USING the kids as pawns. That is incredibly immature and cruel hearted to treat you that way especially since you've been so patient and understanding towards her shennanigans. It has nothing to do with your "love for her." The issue is the kids. You would give up your "wonderful" girlfriend to go back to this abuse? Maybe you should figure out why you want to be subject to this grief. Your ex does not know how to respect you. She is not focusing on her children like she should. Your son is resentful and powerless over her selfishness. She is setting a poor example to your son. How is he going to be able to trust women when his own mother treats you, the loving father this way. You need to think of your kids first. If she refuses to try to be a responsible parent, you will have to take that on yourself by taking them in your home. If they were away from her unstable environment, they'll have a chance to grow up properly and not be in the middle of her silly affairs. Maybe you need parenting classes too because you seem focused a little on the love of this woman instead of the kids. Get your kids back before she ruins their lives and before it is too late. 

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