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Name: Uncletree

[ Original Post ]

I am totally lost about what to do. I loved my wife for 4 years, but she never says it that way. She will be the first to say that I did not fulfill her needs and that we were incompatible from the beginning. Anyways, she asked for a separation/divorce in July. I soon realized after some searching that she had been getting to know “unofficially” a co-worker friend (who incidentally I introduced to her) for the past 6 months. He became her emotional support. Since the time I physically moved out, they have been more intimate together. I am granting her the divorce. And we just filed the papers and it will still be a few months before it is finalized. I have two wonderful little boys ages 1 and 3. It has only been 3months of us separated and they are still getting used to the idea of sleeping in two different places. They are having tough nights when they can’t see the other.
Now this guy has told my wife that he intends to marry her and wants to be a part of my kids lives. He even already wants to have his parents take my kids to Disneyland! He thinks I am an idiot for not being able to keep my ”wonderful” wife. I have devoted my last four years to trying to take care of her and to take care of my kids. I have done more for my kids than she has. When we lived together, I made all the meals, took them to the daycare, gave them baths every night and put them to bed. And now she is asking me that she wants to have him around the kids more. We had previously agreed that we were not going to introduce new relationships to them. But she is selfish because she is in “love” and needs to see how he is with the kids.
I don’t know what to do in this situation. Already I am just getting over the idea that I am not married anymore, then the idea that my wife is seeing someone else, and now I have to deal with another man wanting to be a significant part in my children’s lives.
I don’t want him anywhere near my kids. I do not want to have to compete for my kids. He comes from a wealthier family. I do not want them to “buy” my kids off! My boys are so young, they won’t understand as much.
I don’t want another man touching my kids. I don’t care anymore if my wife is sleeping with him….. but what am I do about the kids. I can’t control what she does, so what am I to say or do? 3 freaking months we have been separated! Isn’t it too soon for me to have deal with this? My head is still reeling….. ↓

Name: tweetybird4 | Date: Oct 30th, 2006 3:56 AM

I'm afraid there isn't too much you can do. Just continue to be involved in your boy's life as much as possible. Unfortunately, your wife has moved on and as much as it hurts you, you have to move on too. You have to be the best father you can to your boys. If there is something they need and you can provide it, do it. Not necessarily the luxuries but the necessities. If I understand correctly, the children live with their mom and you get visitation? Everytime you get them, make your time enjoyable. Be sure to keep up the good parenting skills that you provided when you were with your wife. Perhaps your wife may not be on the same page as you but as long as you are teaching them the things you know, they will certainly remember them. The only advice I can give is love them dearly and constantly tell them so. You wife will have to see her faults on her own and it's sad that the boys have to be involved in her ways. Also, try not to create any tension with your wife and the boyfriend in front of the boys because that will put knots in their stomach. If they see you can cooperate and get along, they will respect you for it. Vent to a close friend and whatever you do, don't talk bad about their mom or boyfriend in front of them. Usually, anything you say will be asked by your wife or they will just blurt out what you say. Keep any negativity to a minimal. I hope this info helps and I'm sorry your going through this. I wish you and your boys much happiness. ↑

Name: Uncletree | Date: Oct 30th, 2006 5:40 PM

Thanks for the words tweetybird4. We split the kids 50 50 as far as time goes. So they come to my apartment half the time, but it is so hard because my 3 yeardold cries alot during some of the hand offs.

I am still annoyed because she makes me feel like a stranger to my own home. even though I won half of it and still pay for it (until we sell it)

She says that she will never replace me as the kids' father but her actions sure don't reassure me.

My life just seem surreal and like a soap opera! ↑