Home » Pick Your Crowd » Divorced Family » The Second wife....when to sleep over

Hello, guest
|

Name: fiorela

[ Original Post ]

I'm newly engaged to my soon to be husband. We've been together under 5 months, but have know one another for the better half of our lives. He is less than one month away from finalizing his divorce. My question is when do I get to sleep in the same house, not bed, as my soon to be husband when the kids are over??? So far, the ex hasn't approved of us doing it and we've been very patient and respected her wishes...she says its too soon, up until the other day. She revealed to him that SHE isn't quite ready for this to happen. This isn't fair!!! Right??? She is the one that cheated and tore their family apart. I have absolutely fallen in love with the kids and feel I should have some 'at-home' time with them before the wedding. What do you think??? Should I just be more patient??? He thinks we should hold out until the divorce is final...not to create any waves. Without sounding to harsh or dramatic...I don't want her to think that she can dictate how our lives are going to be lived.

Thats it...just curious to see what other people think. Even the ex-wives out there. I'd like to know how you feel as well...to give me a better perspective of the other side. I'm not a mean person and would love for things to run a bit better than what they have been.

Thanks for any input... ↓

Name: Dawn C. | Date: May 30th, 2007 9:38 AM

I would wait and play by her rules for now. Sleeping over when the kids are there will only cause confusion for them and resentment in the soon to be ex. If you do not want her to drag the divorce out forever...and believe me she can...keep everything on the down low for now. You only have one more month to go. Good luck. ↑

Name: cinner29 | Date: May 30th, 2007 2:32 PM

Yup totally agree with Dawn.....wait until the divorce is final......truly what is one month compared to the rest of your lives......maybe you could spend time at the house but not overnight there......it may be hard but instead of thinking of it as "her rules because she is not OK with it" think of it as a way to show the kids, and your fiance that you understand that coming into a family takes time and patience and that you are willing to do that. ↑

Name: briseis | Date: May 31st, 2007 11:02 AM

If there were no kids involved, I'd saw screw what she thinks, and do as you please! But for the sake of the kids, and because he's only a month away from finalising his divorce, there's not harm surely in waiting just one more month. x ↑

Name: Serina S | Date: Jun 1st, 2007 1:54 PM

We waited untill we were married. It give kids a better understanding of how things should work and all. We did have sleep overs at my place BUt John sleep in the same room at night with the kids ( my step kids) NO funny business at all . Alos curb the too tuchy feely stuff in front of the kids.
Alos you should have a sit down if you can for the kids and how you what things to be and what your roll will be in all this. What the x is expecting . You need to sit down with the kids too and let them know youare not replacing MOm and you want to be ther friend ..that kind of thing. Try to know what you and your fiance expect from eachother too. So very important .

Try and think if you were married and you soon to be x husnabd was already planning on getting maried ...even before the divorce ..not to great hey! Be as considerate and kind to her always ...even if you want to sock her! Never EVER speek badly of her to the kids or even if they are around ..they have better hearing then you think!
Please do wait fo the kids..they are already confused and oh so hurt.
Also how soon are you getting married?
Best of luck! ↑