Is this the right "forum for me? I really want to talk to someone who's familiar with being in a dead marriage! That's where I am right now. I don't really want to let it die all together, but it feels so hopeless. 22 years. one child, age 12. fights, bickering constantly. He doesn't respect me anymore. He belittles me, and i just want to talk. counseling, yes. blah blah blah. so much history. just had a big fight today. so it's been a bad day. some days I dream about leaving. anyone out there understand? or am I in the wrong spot here?
Jen ↓
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| Name: emilymccoy | Date: Oct 30th, 2006 12:42 AM |
| I would imagine that there are other ppl on this forum who can relate to you. I myself am only 23 years old, and I just got married for the second time in July, so maybe I might not be the one to give you advice, but I would be willing to listen if you want to talk. My only thing is that 22 years is such an incredibly long time. Congrats to you on that, because now days you hear less and less of relationships lasting that long. How long have you been having this feeling that you want to get out? ↑ |
| Name: tweetybird4 | Date: Oct 30th, 2006 2:05 AM |
| Hi jen2006---Yes, I went through a divorce after 14 years of marriage with 3 children. My ex did the same thing to me. After two years of battling in court, I was awared primary custody of the children and he's suppose to pay child support. Which he doesn't do like he suppose to. I guess, his children are really not that important to him. We fought constantly and it got to the point that I didn't like the person I was anymore. The longer I was with him, the more I was dying inside. After so much, emotional, mental and then physical abuse, I decided that I had enough. I walked away from everything. I knew I could replace the material items that I had aquired over the years but it was the emotional well being of the children I was more concerned about. I will tell you, if you are planning to divorce, I recommend to slowly pack things up that are very, very important to you and store them somewhere safe. Things like jewerly, photos, gifts other people have given you over the years, perhasp things of value that were sole gifts to you. This way, if your husband decides to become vendictive during divorce proceedings, he will not have the opportunity to hide or destroy your items(even though the courts will order him not to destroy). Then, I would make sure you have some cash stashed so that you are able to live or make ends meet for you and your son. I'm not saying start cleaning out the bank account entirely but if you are able to put some money aside for emergency purposes. Also, you will need to decide if your keeping the house or will you have to look for new residency. Then, you will need to find an aggressive attorney that goes for the juggular. Reason being so that you will have barginning tools. I'm not saying you should take him to the cleaners but one, who will fight for everything the law says your entitled to. If your husband is being cruel to you now, be prepared for him to be cruel to you in the divorce. There are alot of emotional feelings that you both will go through and you can't assume that he's going to be super nice to you and give you everything you are entitled to. Yes, 22 years of being together has alot of memories. Goodtimes and bad. During your proceedings, you will probably feel sorry, hurt, upset, and angry among other things. You need to be prepared. It won't be easy. Also, take inventory of everything inside the house if you plan to split everything down the middle. Run a camcorder through the house, garage, etc.....so that you have proof to show of all the things that you both have. Anything that was pre-martial is your solely. Everything else usually gets split 50/50. I didn't take everything. In fact, I would ask repeatedly for somethings out of the house and he would never give them to me. Finally, I broke into the house and took kitchen items, children's clothes and a few things that I needed. While going through my divorce I was awarded a few things that I had asked for but they miraculously disappeared knowing perfectly well, he removed them from the house on purpose. Needless to say, I will never get those items back and the court didn't really want to fight over such things. So, have everything mapped out and detailed as much as you can. It will only protect you and your child in the long run. I'm sorry to hear you are going through this. It's very difficult to deal with. Yet, feel free to vent hear anytime, alot of us are always willing to listen and will help to keep your spirits up. I wish you well, so keep us posted. ↑ |
| Name: 1momto3 | Date: Oct 31st, 2006 12:57 AM |
| I did it for five years. I finally let go, I have 3 children ages 4,2,1. I found the courage to think of my own life. You should do the same. Ask yourself this. What do have to gain and what do I have to lose. Sometimes we have to step out of our comfort zone. Believe comfort does feel good but is it always whats best. Remember you are no good to your children if you are no good to yourself. God bless you ↑ |
| Name: iknowyourpain | Date: Oct 31st, 2006 8:59 AM |
| I have been married for 20 years with 3 children. I'm at the point now where I really don't argue with my husband anymore -- a lot of things have happen and parts of me really don't give a you know what. I'm really not in a position to give advice but I do feel you should do what makes you happy. Yes, I'm still in this marriage but it's for my children -- I just don't want to make any changes to them right down because I see the happiest on their faces when we are not blickering. They are so peaceful and they smile and play as they should with no worries. I can say they are more happy these days because their is no arguing but I'm missing somethings that are major in my life , like communication and companion. I have this empty feeling inside of me that I cannot explain, I'm not sad or I don't feel hurt anymore but I have been trying to keep myself busy to help me deal with those feelings. Every weekend for the last 2 months I go out of town some where to football games, visit my daughter, my mother (who lives 8 hours away from me) cousins, etc, but overall I just enjoy those moments -- I spend time thinking about how or what I'm going to do. Tonight my daughter and I was talking and for awhile I was putting off going back to school for my master's and after talking with her tonight, I believe that I'm going to do so and try branching out so that I can possibly relocate -- I need a plan and that's is why I believe I'm still here -- I just need to plan everything out. I too have a lot of material things that can be replaced but for me it's truly hard to give up when I purchased mostly everything or built mostly everything we own/have. My situation is a little different from lots of women because I'm able to make it on my own with my children, but it's them I feel that I will be letting down. I'm just going on from one thing to another, it's mornings/nights like this where I find myself up and cannot get back to sleep. Take care of yourself and just do you! ↑ |
| Name: Tena | Date: Nov 8th, 2006 3:49 AM |
| I am in a similar situation. I have 2 kids, 4 and 5 mos. old. I've been married for 4 years, together 7 years. I have been someone unhappy. He is a good guy, great father. He just isn't for me. I feel like I'm just living a fairy tale -a facade. I had a beautiful wedding, honeymoon, bought 2 big homes, drive nice cars, had children, etc. etc. The works, but yet I'm unhappy. I don't feel a connection with him. I feel like the old me is gone. He doesn't like to do things I like to do and I don't like to do things he likes to do. I'm finding more and more that I prefer to be single raising my boys. I feel like I'm stuck. I've been thinking about this a lot lately. My feelings need to come first. Not his, not anyone else's, but mine. Even my kids. They need a happy mom. I feel like I've been pretending all of these years. It's sad. I've been reading this book "Lies at the Alter" that are making things so clear for me. I recommend it so far. I feel for you. Hope this helps. ↑ |
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