Hey everyone...
I thought i would update you on whats been happening over the last couple of weeks and see what advice i could get to help me through this really confusing time!
Ok well since we talked last i was on a 2 week break from my bf...well things didn't really get much better...we went out last weekend to one of my very good friends 21st..we booked a hotel in the city for the night so we could just relax and enjoy the night and i was lucky that mum and dad had Olivia for me so we could have the night to ourselves..anyways...we got back to the hotel to get changed after the party to head back out again and well..my "boy" got totally wasted and decided he was having a boys night and just left me..never came back...i was so deverstated..i cried myself to sleep stayed in the hotel by myself and got up really early the next morning and went home to my gorgeous girl..i didnt tell my parents what happened jsut said i had had a lovely evening..
The next night he got me to come over and said he was sorry and was just really drunk and i tried to break up with him..not really wanting to but knowing that he had really hurt me and thought well maybe it was for the best..he said he didnt want that but told me he is afraid of commitment and wants to just chill out hang out and go back to the way things were..so now we are apparently together but not dating..but we are exclusive to each other..WTF..i know it sounds like im a sucker..but i really care about him and admittedly we have had heaps of fun over the last week...been moter bike riding and hanging out heaps laughing and doing stuff we used too. But then tonight he is out with his mates at a bucks night..and i have not heard from him all day..it just bothers me i feel like im being used..or maybe i am just expecting to much?...however there is one otehr problem that being that i got sent the most amazing incrediable email from Olivias dad on Tuesday. He is currently deployed in Afganistan for 6 months but he emailed me about how sorry he was for everything he put me through over the last 18 months and how he loves me more then anything and olivia too and wants to make this right and wants us to give it another go but make it forever this time. he wants to marry me and spend the rest of his life making up for the wrongs he did to me...He has really changed..grown up and became even more amazing then i thought he ever could be. He is such a good father to Olivia. Pays Child Support but spends nearly all his wages on Olivia anyways...with Toys, formula, Nappies, doctors or whatever else she needs not to mention he is paying me back all the money he borrowed off me too and said asked me to start looking for a car that would suit Olivia and i because he wants to buy us a new car when he gets home. (he doesnt need to though there is nothing wrong with my car at all) Point is he is trying so hard to fix the wrongs...and well he is always going to be Olivia's dad...and if i have any feelings for him..which i do in some ways but don't in others...do i owe it to him and Olivia to try and see if we can make this right?
Its funny how after all this time of wanting him to come back to me..the day he does i don't want that anymore...
Then i wonder am i using my new boy as an excuse to not get back with him...or so i wont be by myself while Craig is away?...Or do i really care for ash and its def over with Craig..but is there a future with ash....oh wow i am so confused..i am balling my eyes out right now with frustration and confusion...I am trying so hard to do the right thing by Olivia and Craig and Ash and i seem to be the one thats getting hurt...i am at the point where i feel i would be better to just walk away from it all........
Sorry this is so long..i am just so confused..and i am hurting so bad i almost feel like it would be easier being a single mum for the rest of my life....i know both these guys care about me...but i just dont know what i should do..or who i should care about? Craig hurt me so bad i dunno if i can work past it..but ash is not really ready for anything like i am...and he wants to be part of my and Olivias life but i feel like its only sometimes...ARGH...i am soooo mad at myself for letting myself get so caught up....
HELP ↓
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| Name: lil_dancer77 | Date: Apr 5th, 2008 12:51 PM |
| Name: ..RoSey.. | Date: Apr 5th, 2008 10:06 PM |
Right..... 1st off from what i have read it sounds like your boyfriend is taking you on a joy ride !! And you are letting him..... He knows your a doormat and will continue to use u as 1 if u don't stand up !!! To be together with him it doesn't just include having FUN over the last few weeks...he needs to be loyal to you.. and by the sounds of it he doesn't want to commit !!! life is too short to stick around with a guy that wants to take you on a roller coaster... You have Olivia to think about. You need someone that will commit to you AND Olivia.. what happens if he just walks out again when olivia thinks of him as DAD? babies dont understand this... ALSO please correct me if i am wrong in my words about this.. but from what i have read this is what it seems like to me....
I would STEER clear of your ex until he comes back and you spend time with him to see if hes really true in his word... Its easy to write a whole bunch of crap down in an email and make it sound true.. but he needs to SHOW you hes changed. ↑ |
| Name: ..RoSey.. | Date: Apr 5th, 2008 10:07 PM |
| P.s don't ever EVER take less than what you deserve. There is someone special out there for you that would never EVER upset you or make you cry. Drunk or sober.. its not acceptable. ↑ |
| Name: KarenM | Date: Apr 6th, 2008 2:59 AM |
Well first off, I am sorry you are feeling so confused and hurting so badly. My advice probably isn't what you are going to want to hear, but it's pretty much the same as Rosey's.
Your current boyfriend doesn't sound very mature or caring. Both you and Olivia deserve to have someone in your life who treats you both well, is a good friend/daddy and loves you during both the good and bad times. He's admitted to commitment issues (which while those can be overcome - it doesn't sound like that's where he's headed..."together but not dating") and to me, it sounds like he's using you.
As for Olivia's daddy, I don't think you "owe it to him" to try and make things work at all, but it couldn't hurt to try out what Rosey says and take the time when he's back to see if he really has changed...either way, I wish you luck and I hope you are feeling less confused soon. ↑ |
| Name: Double_K | Date: Apr 6th, 2008 3:21 AM |
Sounds like the current boyfriend wants his cake and eat it too....find someone that wants you 100% of the time, completely.
And as for liv's dad....I'm all for 2nd chances, people can change. I married my daughters father when my daughter was 6...he disappeared when before she was born and I didn't hear from him pretty much til she was 2. Of corse I hated him a while but started dating him again when she was 5 and realized how much he had grown UP! Not saying to run off an marry him... :) But since you do have a child together you could see if he really has changed....... ↑ |
| Name: 04nidak | Date: Apr 6th, 2008 3:46 AM |
I'm with the others on this one, your current boyfriend doesn't seem to be treating you right, it sounds like he's taking advantage of you and that's not good for you and it's not good for Olivia to see you treated that way.
I have to say that I truly hope Olivia's father has really changed, maybe he has come to his senses, that would be wonderful. Once he gets back let him "show you" that he's changed because actions speak much louder than words. The only thing you owe Olivia is love and happiness, if her father is going to step up and take care of his child and be a consistent part of her life than great, but you don't owe it to her to be with him just as you don't owe it to him. Let him be a part of her life, start over as friends with him and if something more develops over time than so be it, but don't put too much pressure on yourself to make things work when he hurt you so badly. You have to take care of yourself and make yourself happy and show Olivia that it's not okay to let people take advantage and use you. ↑ |
| Name: smashlee | Date: Apr 7th, 2008 1:07 AM |
| rosey i coudnt hav put it beteer... i do feel though that craig woud be the beter of the two.. as rosey sed.. do wait until he comes bak because actions speak louder than words adn you need him to show you hes for real first..aand ash.... wel yea a rolercoaster ride is wat it is! he cant have you but not have you and do wat he wants he can not have the best of both worlds.. its either you and olivia or not at all.. think abotu it hun.. i hoep you make the best decision for you :) ↑ |
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