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Name: kelly tonna
[ Original Post ]
Hi i have been fighting with anorexia on and off for years it was initailly brought on after i was bruitally gang raped and even though i was not fat at the time it was one thing that became embeded into my head and now fourteen years later after coninually trying to push the rape away whichi i had never spoken about i started therapy after trying to kill myself which is completely stupid and rediculus becasue i have the most amazing husband and three healthy beautiful children yet i always seem to take ten steps forward then another ten back, anyway i am starting to have flash backs and nightmares again and my therapy sessions are about to start again she wanted to go through the whole thing again, everyone believes i neeed to talk about it to prcess it and move on because it was never dealt with or accepted, how can i ever accept what happened to me? i have suffered a minar heart attack from taking too many laxatives and i have been eating three small meals everyday without no laxatives for two weeks but i know everyone thinks i need to continue therapy which i can see it has heled but it also destroys me and triggers anorexia all over again, i don;t want to go there again i don;t want to die i want to live but without the nightmares and without anorexia continually haunting me, has anyone else gone through similar and have any advice, i am on this chat line becasue i find it hard to open up or talk to anyone, i hate getting close to people and ihate when they call me special because seriously who am i anyway? just a screw up, who would notice me gone? I want to be the person i once was but don;t know how to get there, my therapist tells me my whole thinking and vision of myself is wrong! how do i know that is true when she only sees me once a week? how do i put my trust in her and in others when i have trusted or not spoken to people about anything to do with me for fourteen years? Sorry for dribbling on, i am feeling ok after the Christmas break and the closer my counselling session gets the more worried i get, i just don;t know if it is the right choice to keep going but i know how dissapointed everyone will be if i don;t and i have already been a big enough dissapointment

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Name: lucie | Date: Jan 12th, 2007 1:42 PM
hi,

just read your story, and im sorry you had to go through that.
Do you honestly want counselling sessions? could you confide in your counsellor about anorexia?

Just keep strong and don't let this tragedy ruin your life. One day you will beat this and you will be a stronger person cus of it just hang in there Kel.

Lucie 

Name: deja vu18 | Date: Jan 12th, 2007 4:15 PM
Your story touched me in so many ways. I have never been raped, but I do know what it is like being anorexic. It is a very scary thing. For me it's a little complicated. I'm basically anorexic during the summer and fall(3-5) months and then I become bulimic during the winter and spring. The way I see it though is, we all have two individuals inside of us controlling us. Like an angel and devil. The devil tells us to do bad things and makes our lives a living hell and the angel helps us get our life on track. I think for us here in the ED forum and for people with ED in general, the devil takes over and makes our life a living hell. My advice to you is to stay strong and keep in touch with people on this forum, we will give you strength. We are all going through the same thing, except that some of us are in worse situations then others. In the end though, we are all in this together. Stay strong and good luck :) 

Name: ally murphy | Date: Jan 12th, 2007 4:28 PM
I know how you feel.
I was not gang raped but i was reaped by mum dad when i was 16 he took my viginity and thats why he did it.
Thats what started my ED and i have never told anyone about what happened until about 3 months ago i plucked up the couriage to tell my bf and then told my story on here.
It is so hard knowing what he has done and that he doesn't care.
He knows my bf knows coz the way he looks at him.
I dont live with my father im 19 nearly 20 and i still find it hard sometimes.

I am seeing someone at the mo but i dont know if thats helping.
You are so strong for coming on here and telling your story well done.
We are all here for you. 

Name: ALLY | Date: Jan 15th, 2007 9:23 AM
STUPID LESBIAN 

Name: ally murphy | Date: Jan 15th, 2007 9:35 AM
Whos a STUPID LESBIAN ALLY? 

Name: ally murphy | Date: Jan 15th, 2007 9:40 AM
Whats up ALLY cat got your tounge you pussy. 


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