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Name: Pianophillic

[ Original Post ]

SO Ive been bulimic for 6 years now and anorexic 5 years before that...... currently, i hate the way bulimic makes me feel- i purge 6 times aday and I feel so tired and going to work is so hard- I just finally told my boyfriend since we've known each other 4 years nad have been dating for a little bit= hw was so good to me and i felt so bad purging all his food- so he said that he is going to help me to stop... but the problem is I dont want to stop.... Im so scared to gain weight and I feel like I would rather die early then eat and not purge... can any one relate? ↓

Name: Noelle | Date: Jun 29th, 2006 4:04 PM

I can totally relate!!!! You're not alone at all. The only reason why I haven't thrown up is b/c I'm pregnant and don't want to hurt my son,but I can't look at myself and my husband is wonderful. He knows what a struggle it's been for me. But even now, when i see my therapist, I talk about how badly I just want to be small again. I remember not wanting to stop throwing up cause I was/am totally obsessed with my body being small, even if that means that I'm tired or that I had to have tissue lazored out of my esophagus or colonoscopys. Please let this guy you are seeing understand, that if it were as simple as "just stopping" then everyone would do it. Get help, see a therapist that specializes in eating disorders. My husband (boyfriend at the time) tried his best to help me to stop and it didn't work. Help him to understand that it is something that controls you......but there is a light at the end of the tunnel....that I promise you. Just know that you have it in you to get through this, cause even though you may think you don't want to stop, you really want to cuz you know deep down you are doing damage to your body. God Bless~ ↑

Name: Pianophillic | Date: Jun 30th, 2006 4:43 AM

Thanks Noelle-
OI really needed to hear that...
I know my bf is trying to help but he says the most assinine things and Im trying so hard not to get mad. Physicallty Im having the worst time- especially with feeling so drained.,..
Im so proud of you for being able to stop for your baby- see- you are able to see that even though you may hate your body- that there are so many more important things in life then your body- aka.. your child!
I dont know what I would do in your situation, I hope I would be able to stop.
I just wish- it was all over... Im floating through my life and I feel like a waste of space= and I feel like im making my boyfriend miserable ↑