hey my name is ashlea iam known on this site as starving_4_perfection, i have been ana for 8 years now and my lowest weight was 79...
i was taken from my biological mom at age 3 at midnight on jan 26th for no reason and put into a foster home where i was technically there slave we could not have dinner until we were done our chores and we were slapped and emotionally and mentally abused.....teased in skool and grounded at home for no reason and made to look like the bad person..i have met my real mother again and actually i live with her she is a miracle cause i walked around thinkin it was me that was worhtless and she did not want me and why she abused me and all that, as it turns out she never did but i was told growing up that she and other guys abused us, and that is why we were taken it is so hard to deal with living a lie and noing that ppl lied to me that i thought loved me, but i have tried to get through it and i love my mom for finding me and telling me the truth...
i started gaineing weight in grade 7 and got upto 132 pounds well as i packed on the weight that i thought maybe i look ok in because i always struggled and was the skinny one and my mom was worried, well it turns out i was not good enough for that i was "fat" and had my foster sisters and foster mother slapping me telling me i needed to loose weight.. it got to the point where my foster mom would put lil amounts on my plate and would not let me have anymore cause i was too "fat" so i thought that i would take it into my own hands and that is when the anorexia started.....i started to purge everything i had and just stopped eating what i could, well i guess it got to much for my foster mom of 15 yrs that she told me that i had to leave at the age 17 and she called my ccas worker and told her to come and get me.. i felt worthless and shitty and started feeling like i deserved nothing so i completly starved got up to 99 pounds and down to 79 pounds. frm there on i was passed on to group home to group home and raped a couple times, not noing the real me i wanted to die and attempted it so many times not noing there was someone there to save me each time i was not lucky or should i say i had an angel on my shoulder to keep me from exiting this world...i am writing this to let you all no that there is hope in this world and that we can all make it out of these feelings it may not feel like it and i still struggle but i am here today and i want to help anyone that i can....i am now entering a hospital program after finally admitting to myself that i have had a serious problem... and i am scared to gain but ok with the fact that maybe someday i can be normal again and the happy go lucky me again.. please dont give up have hope and no you can make it you are all great ppl and strong and you deserve a normal happy life....
email me at [email protected]
or message me on here ↓
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