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I have a situation that maybe you can help me on. I had a baby about four months ago and I thought I was going to have another vaginal delivery. We almost lost him, because the cord was coming first and we had to do an emergency c-section. I was in the worst pain of my life for six weeks straight. While in the hospital, my sister came into town because one of her friends had died. She knew I was in the hospital, but said she had to take some friends home and she would be up next week. My other sister said she had to work and couldn't get off. She said she would see me when I got home. To make a long story short only four people came to see me and my husband and I were offered no support from our family. My husband had to watch our two year old and no one offered to watch him. So there I was at the hospital while my mother comes in once in a while to tell me how fat I am. I feel angry to this day and I am trying to get over it. I've prayed about it but these feelings keep coming back of the pain and isolation that I felt. I think this is one reason why I'm not sure I want anymore kids. Has this ever happened to any of you. If so, how did you deal with it. Or am I just being a big baby. ↓
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| Name: Faith | Date: Jul 5th, 2006 4:25 AM |
NO!,
Denise you are not being a big baby, in my opinon. Some familys are just stupid. I'm so sorry that you had to go through that with out much support. It is just wrong. It is hard with a two year old. I'm so sorry I have one, and when my husband isn't around to help I feel like I'm going to scream, I'm due in 5 weeks so. I'm just really glad your husband was there to support you. As for your mom in my opion, that is just not right, it's not nice, expetually coming from your own mom.
I think you were right to pray about it, and it is going to take time for you to be okay that this tramatic thing happened to you and that your family acted the way they did.
But if you feel up to it at some point, I would try and sit down with your sister and express to them your feelings, and that it hurt you and you really needed the extra support.
The same thing with your mom. i'm not sure how your family reacts to things like that, but I think once you have hit a point that you have forgiven them, it would make things a little easier and closer for you.
I'm sorry to say the only thing I have going on is a Jerk Father in law who keeps asking my husband if I'm as BIG AS A BARN.
My mom lives out of the country and she can't come for the birth of our new baby. So I'm so sorry that it happened to you.
Good luck I hope this helps
Faith ↑ |
| Name: Denise | Date: Jul 5th, 2006 5:13 AM |
| Faith thanks for the support. I did express to my family how disappointed I was in them but that doesn't bring back the special day that it should have been. All I can say is that if you are due in five weeks, have back up baby sitters because you never know what will happen. I should have done this and maybe my husband could of spent more time with me and the baby. I hope you have a beautiful birthing experience and have all the support you need. ↑ |
| Name: Faith | Date: Jul 5th, 2006 5:19 AM |
Denise,
Thanks we are hoping for a good birht if my doc will allow it, we have really big kids so he's unsure if he's going to let me, it may be a c-cection again. but thanks for the support. luckly and hopefully we will( cross my fingers ) Alot of people have daid they would take our daughter, but things may come up for them, so we are crossing out fingers. I just really wish my mom could be here.
But thanks
Faith
P.S. i think your doing the best that you can and just try and put it behind you as best as you can. You've done your part, on expressing how you feel, they just missed out on a real family opportunity ↑ |
| Name: Denise | Date: Jul 5th, 2006 5:24 AM |
| Faith, I can't believe I am up at 1:22 am when everyone is fast a sleep, I know I will be hurting in the morning. By the way, I love your name. Do you know if you are having a girl or boy? Faith would be a great middle name too. ↑ |
| Name: Denise | Date: Jul 5th, 2006 5:29 AM |
| Faith, can't stay up another minute, feeling really tired. Talk to you later. ↑ |
| Name: Lynne n | Date: Jul 5th, 2006 7:36 AM |
I think that you should tell your family how you and your husband both feel,i am starting to learn that in this world you have to look out for yourself your kids and your husband only,the rest of them can sort themselfs out!
Your family should not have treated you like this it is well out of line! ↑ |
| Name: Serina S | Date: Jul 5th, 2006 12:47 PM |
I am sorry you feel the behavior of your family effected they joy of you childs birth.
I am going to try and see it from the other side.You sister that had to work..She might have gotten fired if she left. She has to support her self & maybe her family.
The other sister may have thought that dealing with a death of a friend (her being in morning) she may not have been up to giving aid. She had made an obligation prio to take friends home( maybe she thought they need her more?)
Most folks think well she has her husband to help her she really does not need me... I how can I go when my job is in jeoperdy or when I am in so much grief... I will make the joyful day sad?
As for you Mother Tell her how much it hurts you feelings when she says how fat you are.I think mothers sometimes are envious for their daughters being smart, beautiuful,happy even married & they are not. I am not saying that they wish less for you but wish it for themsefl too.They say thing that hurt you and do not even realize they are doing it.
Maybe they just did not know how much you needed them and how important it was to you.
Pleasse do not misunderstand I do not think they were right but they mayhave had resons that made sence to them at the time.
When you told them how you felt whatdo they say ...too bad.. well you had you husband OR Sorry.
By the Answer given you can tell if they really understood you need or not. Just keep in mind people just do what they think is right for them or what they think is best at the time.Ithey make errors too.
I wish for you only that you remember happy moments of your childs birth and forget it was tanted by disapiontment!!
May gods love fill you with forgiveness & love ↑ |
| Name: Layne | Date: Jul 5th, 2006 1:07 PM |
You know what Denise. I have a wonderful mother she has worked hard all her life and she always is thinking of us.
Heres the thing......she hasnt really support us after having my last two kids. It is completely up tp my husband and my self. they are 9 and 11 now. I bet 3 times she has had them over and night. This was completely differant with my eldest son that is 24. He still lives at her house. she makes the excuse that she is old and tired( I never say a word about my feelings she volenteers saying i am just to old to do it)making me know she feels guilty. But this doesn't stop her from working fulltime at wells fargo. she is 69. truth be told she just doesnt have her heart in it. I have felt very bad about this in the past. I dont do it anymore4. It is her loss, my advice to you is enjoy your precious baby you and your husband dont have espectations. If they come around great if they dont owe well. move on. If you find you cant and you still feel depression you might tell your doctor it could be post pardom. i know i get more emotional support from this forum then I do my family. ↑ |
| Name: Faith | Date: Jul 5th, 2006 3:20 PM |
Deinse,
Thanks, I ejoy the name, I am having a boy. My husband is so excited! So am I so we get one of each for now. ↑ |
| Name: Denise | Date: Jul 5th, 2006 3:50 PM |
| Faith, what are you going to name your son? My oldest is Brandon Drew and my youngest is Preston Alexander. Drew is after my husband Andrew and I've liked Alexander since High School. I am so into names since I had my kids. ↑ |
| Name: Faith | Date: Jul 5th, 2006 3:52 PM |
Were thinking Garett Alan after my greandpa? Unsure though,
My daughter we had 2 diffrent names we took to the hospital and we didnt' use them becasue she didn't look like them. She looked like an ashley. So we never know. ↑ |
| Name: Denise | Date: Jul 5th, 2006 4:08 PM |
| Garett is nice, I also like Gavin. ↑ |
| Name: Faith | Date: Jul 5th, 2006 4:13 PM |
| Name: maxieellis | Date: Jul 5th, 2006 7:53 PM |
Denise...me too....that is unbelievable...though yes I can believe it. It happen to us also. My husband has five other brothers and sisters and his mom and dad are nearby also. When my son was born...we didnt even bother to ask anyone to watch( at the time our 2 and a half year old.)...........they never offered...not one. So we had to Pay... yup.. a lady I knew to come and stay with our little girl.
Some families or at least some family members are so wrapped up in themselves they are just out to lunch when it comes to others. I forgave......it was hard and took tons of time...but as soon as I was willing...the weight just disapeared.
Oh yeah...my family by the way is 1000 miles away and thier are only three of them...mom, dad (he has cancer) and my sister with a little one herself and she works. Point is honey...in life at some point in time...for whatever our reason we just begin to accept. What else can you do. You talked ...you expressed...you tried again....and still nothing changes. Lynne is right we learn that the only people we can count on is ourselves for starters and our own families. Your husband your kids.....your heart is open to the rest....but you no longer anticipate any help and rely on yourselves. And ya know what it turns out its the best thing.
Listen to all these lovely ladies and their support......OUTSTANDING! I read some of the posts and as each one I did state you are no big baby. Just a good hearted woman and mother....who has trouble wrapping your brain as many of us do around those who seem all personally consumed.
Chin up babe.....you will be just fine. Time will heal all and make you stronger than you could ever imagine.
Best wishes
Maxie ↑ |
| Name: Denise | Date: Jul 5th, 2006 9:14 PM |
| Thanks Maxie, it's just pretty sad that my mother always got free help with babysitting from both my grandmothers (which are now died). I used to live at their houses. Now my mom is full of herself. She wants to stop off once a month when the guilt gets the best of her and drop off some diapers. It is pretty bad when people think you must have so much support because everyone lives around you. I would be better off living in another state. But, you wait till Christmas time and Thanksgiving and everyone will want me to have a big bash at my house (NOT ANYMORE). Can't you tell I'm still mad. Ha.Ha. ↑ |
| Name: Denise | Date: Jul 7th, 2006 5:51 PM |
| I just want everyone to know that I am trying to forgive my family. I went to take the kids to three of their houses yesturday. I appreciate the advise that you all have given me and I have decided just to let this go. It isn't good to store anger inside, because you don't hurt anyone but yourself. I'm also sorry for bashing my mother the way I did. All please forgive my temporary insanity. ↑ |
| Name: maxieellis | Date: Jul 7th, 2006 6:57 PM |
Hey Denise....wonderfull...you are a better woman than me dear. I did forgive but I am poor at forgetting and sadly it wouldnt help much even if I could. See it just wont quit. When ever we are at anyone house (family) there is just someone in the group who just cant help themselves and naturally ends up saying something nasty. Which one during any visit....take your pick so to speek. Ya never know. And if that isnt bad enough....they treat my daughter so poorly....and my son like he was the only boy in the world. Makes me sick. My husband too....but he doesnt help the situation much.....hes torn ya know. He knows what they are doing is wrong....but its dear old mom...sister and brother so and so.....makes it all the more difficult.
Anyway hon....I have traveled this road for a very long time now and I know the drill.....I just stay away as much as possible and let it be where I can. Though if they hurt my children......oh my gosh I just come unglued .....on my husband. Its all wrong...me too....I just pray for better times ahead...and do what I can....deal with it and move on. The visits that we make a less and less. Even my husband has begun to make excuses as to why we cant make it. Part because of me.......yikes he would have to listen to it LOL!!!! But I want to believe moreover......its because he see for himself how they treat our daughter.
So another day love.....one more step....more laundry to do...and I'll just leave it with God.....for now LOL!!!!!
Take care hon....have a great day. ↑ |
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