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Name: Denise
[ Original Post ]
My husband went to get information about a vasectomy and the doctor told him that we should be having sex 3-4 times a week. Now he honestly believes that he doesn't get enough. I tried to tell him that we have been together for 16 years and have two kids under the age of three. I feel he should be happy with once a week. Plus, no one ever volunteers to watch the kids. Not to mention I can't get my three year old to sleep in his own bed and hubby says there is not enough room for the three of us so he sleeps in another room.
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Name: nicole jones | Date: Jul 10th, 2006 2:41 AM
My husband has a thing about that also. He constantly thinks he doesn't have enough sex (we had sex EVERY SINGLE DAY for the last month when trying to get pregnant!) and he is convinced that we should be having sex every other day at least. I finally just asked him "have you EVER been with a woman who wanted to have sex that much - for more than a month? - No, because they don't exist!" I was doing it for his sake when we first got married, just to feel like a good wife, even if I really wasn't in the mood, but it left me feeling almost violated. Now I absolutly wont unless I actually want to as well. They are grown men and can take care of themselves, when they were single they went far longer than a week without sex I'm sure. My husband actually counts how many days it is inbetween - on any given day he can tell me exactly how long it's been. To me that just seems obsessive.
Now that I have to be very careful physically because of my tumor (plus the morning sickness from being pregnant) I've already told my husband if he bitches about it then he'll be sleeping in the other room. 

Name: EthansMom0213 | Date: Jul 10th, 2006 3:15 AM
LOL...Does any man really think that they have enough sex. My husband thinks having sex every day is the right amount. I'm sorry but I can't have sex every day. Two day in a row is my max. When I was trying to concieve I was so sore me and my husband had sex every day for a week because I was going to guarentee that I wasn't going to leave any gap for a chance the conception would not happen. My max is 3 times a week. 

Name: Julia | Date: Jul 10th, 2006 5:27 AM
LOL!!! My hubby desires it 2x a day! He thinks in the morning to start his day and before bed to sleep well through the night. Of course we have not kept this fantasy schedule of his!! I think 2 to 3 times a week is plenty! 

Name: lindalu | Date: Jul 10th, 2006 10:04 PM
Hello ladies, I think most of us after having children lose site of our husbands needs. I am not here to critisize any of you, but just to say if it wernt for our husbands we would not have our precious children to dote over. Before the children our husbands wher the apple of our eyes, we always found time for them. Even if it ment take time from work or push off a dinner ingagement. Now because we have kids he is put on the back burner, and if by chance we have some time at the end of the day we will spend it with him. If not ohhh well the sorry the kids wouldnt allow it. I think we need to make more time for our husbands im not just refering to sex. You can love your children and love your husband as equaly. Please dont miss under stand, I am not insinuating you dont love your husband. All I am saying is their needs are as important as yours and your childrens they are just diffrent. 

Name: Julia | Date: Jul 10th, 2006 10:09 PM
Oh my hubby's needs are met just fine! ;) 3 times a week makes him smile, trust me! hahahaha. I think we all take the time out for our hubby's, just as he should take the time out for us. You know, keep the romance thing going, pick up some flowers for no special reason, surprise us with a nice dinner out away from the kids, etc. It works both ways in my opinion. 

Name: lindalu | Date: Jul 10th, 2006 11:05 PM
As I mentioned I did not state my oppinion to offend any one. I allso agree with what you say it most definatly should go both ways. But I do still believe that the majority of wives will use their children to avoid having to spend intimate time with their husbands. Face it most wimen are not as sexual as men. We dont crave sex as offen as they do. So when your husband aproaches the issue every day or every other day the we will tell him something like I honey am tired the kids had me running all day. Not to say it isnt true, I know how tiring children can be. I am mearly stating that I think the men are offen placed aside. Again not just sexual but emotionaly. 

Name: firewife | Date: Jul 11th, 2006 12:34 AM
Wow, I need to show my hubby this topic so he will feel more appreciative, we are "once a dayers" but even that is not enough for him sometimes. I remember before we had our children, it was often twice and a day and now that its only once he feels neglected. I guess that goes to show you no matter how often you do it, the man still wants more. I once heard (on Oprah I think) that the average couple only has sex once a week. 

Name: Denise | Date: Jul 11th, 2006 1:00 AM
Just to let you all know, my husband found out that I had been talking to you girls and he advised me to put this topic on here. I said it was too personal but we both laughed about it and I posted it anyway. I can't believe the responses I've gotten. You never know if a man is reading this stuff. 

Name: Julia | Date: Jul 11th, 2006 1:15 AM
Who said you offended anyone? I wasn't offended at all actually. I know many women who take the time out for their hubby's to keep the "spark" alive, so you cannot really say that in my opinion. And we all have them! ;) 

Name: mommyagain | Date: Jul 11th, 2006 1:56 AM
Wow what a thread. This is me and Jays number one fight right now, except I think he might actually leave me over it. When we started out we were at least once a dayers, now that I am pregnant and working full time its about once a week. It is not that I dont want it its just that im sooo friggin tired. The sparks are definitly there its just that he doesnt get home till like 2 am so when he comes home expecting me to jump on like the energizer bunny...i think not! Why cant they just understand that sometimes we need a break... not that we want a break but we need a break. 

Name: EthansMom0213 | Date: Jul 11th, 2006 2:31 AM
My husband didn't bother me at all during the first 12 weeks of pregnancy. I think me throwing up all the time wasn't very attractive. Or he didn't want to have sex and then have me throw up, which even thou it has nothing to do with him it can be taken the wrong way. Now that I am 13 weeks and not throwing up ever single minute he is starting in again. He told me the minute that we found out that we were pregnant with our second that he couldn't wait until the second trimester.

I do try my best to make sure not to forget my husband. But I agree they need to remember us as well. I don't even know the last time I was given flowers for no reason, having a romatic dinner with out my son. I would be happy if he would just give me 5 minutes a week for just myself.

Okay this is going to get really personal. But 3 times is enough for me. Because of my estrogen level I actually don't produce enough lubrication so intercourse can be very painful at times. Even using a personal lubricate doesn't always work. Although at times my husband can be pretty insensetive about sex, most of the time he is really understanding and won't bother me several days in a row. 

Name: Julia | Date: Jul 11th, 2006 3:00 AM
This may be a little off the subject but, has any of your husbands been afraid to have sex while pregnant? My girlfriend just had a baby and she told me that her hubby was afraid of having sex during her entire pregnancy, because his (big one I guess if he's that worried) weiner would give the baby brain damage! Funny stuff. I had never heard of a husband being worried like that before. 

Name: mommyagain | Date: Jul 11th, 2006 3:42 AM
Hey Ethans mom... I have that same problom... and who wants to mess with lubricant all the time.

Jay is just not understanding at all right now. He honestly thinks that I feel no different emotionally/physically than I did 6 months ago.
Just an FYI... I didnt work when me and Jay met... My dad had just died and I was living off inheritance so I had all the time in the world for fun and sex and long nights.
I would love to see him live one day in my shoes... I would even give my right are for it!! 

Name: lindalu | Date: Jul 11th, 2006 4:02 AM
Yes Julia! you are write it is not my opinion, I am absoultly corect in what I have spoke about. I too know a lot of women who take the time to keep the spark alive. As I know many men who are asses! and take their wives for granted. But I do allso know plenty of women who have wonderfull husbands and they do just as I mentioned. 

Name: Julia | Date: Jul 11th, 2006 7:06 AM
If you know people who ALSO take the time out for their husbands then why only address the negative in your arguement? It's just opinion as far as I'm concerened. Are you an expert? 

Name: Julia | Date: Jul 11th, 2006 7:08 AM
And I do not mean to sound rude or mean if that's how my typing comes off, I am purely just curious on your way of thinking on this topic... 

Name: nicole jones | Date: Jul 11th, 2006 7:28 AM
Not to stir up argument - but I disagree with you whole heartedly Lindalu. Sex is not a need. If sex is a "need" for anyone, they "need" a therapist. Sex can be fun, it has a purpose (making babies) - but it is no where close to a need, and shouldn't be treated as such. Men have to go 6 weeks after a woman has a child to have sex - do you see them dropping off like flies? I think not. 

Name: Sharla | Date: Jul 11th, 2006 1:05 PM
I agree, sex isnt really a need! When they were single im sure they went a lot longer without sex and thats what their right hand is for, lol, not meaning to sound crude btw.

Julia, What you said about your friends husband not wanting t give the baby brain damage, the kids dad was the same. It wasnt about brain damage, he was just worried hed hurt the babies (twins) and I dont think it was about him having an engrossed perception of his manhood it was just he was terrified hed hurt them. We were very energetic in the bedroom if you get my drift so he was just worried. I thought it was really strange, but ispoke to my mum and apparantly my dad was the same. As soon as I gave birth though, he wouldnt leave me alone, which I have to say was quite annoying coz he didnt understand that after a c-section I wouldnt be able to right away and was bugging me at least twice a day. Ah men, you gotta love 'em! 

Name: lindalu | Date: Jul 11th, 2006 2:27 PM
Why must there always be beople who want to argue? I am not just looking at the negitive side I am looking at the whole picture. There are many sides with a relationship, sorry if you only want to hear about the better side. You say you was not affended, but now you tell me im arguing. All I mean to do is throw out ther the other side of many relationships. If most women where honest they would agree with what I have said. I never pointed at a single person in this forum as to being what I have mentioned, so ther should be no arguments over it. I almost knew when I wrote it I would be attacked by some one. I know you wil say you are not attacking me! But you will continue to reply to every coment that I have. You know what I write is true there are plenty of women like that. As for Nicole Jones When I say men (need sex) more than women I only say it as a matter of speaking. Should I have said (want sex)? or maybee (crave sex) what should I have said? 

Name: EthansMom0213 | Date: Jul 11th, 2006 3:28 PM
I don't want to argue because I understood what Lindalu was saying. I'm just a little confused, did I read something completely different them everyone else. I read "we need to remember our husbands needs, to make more time for then (not refering to just sex). It is true alot of woman do forget about their husband when they have children. I know a woman who will only have sex with her husband once a month unless she wants to get pregnant and then it's twice a month. I think people are getting upset with the choice of words that were used. It is true that sex is not a need. And I have a feeling people would have read the post differently if she had said "wants" or "craving."

At the same time we as their wives need to be remember as well. I think alot of the time my husband forgets that I am more then the mother of his children. My needs and wants are just as important as his needs and wants.

I agree who wants to deal with lubrication all the time. My husband is pretty good about the situation. We have been together for 13 years (14 next April) married for 3 so for most of that time this has been something that we have dealt with. I think it was harder on him when we were younger (you know how teenage boys can be...LOL) but now he's more understanding. 

Name: lindalu | Date: Jul 11th, 2006 3:50 PM
As for my thinking, I have been verry clear on that. I dont know how to be any clearer. You seem to be taking what I am saying personal. I do think that if the women of this forum read my thaughts on this matter **carefully** they would agree with alot of what I have said. No! maybee not every thing, but then again who does agree on everything. I am not pretending to be perfect nor do I have the perfect fairy tail marriage. I can say I am 38 years old have been married for 22 years, yes I was 16 when I married. I am no diffrent than any married woman I have made a lot of mistakes, even some that I have mentioned. I have one daughter who is now almost 21. She has just finished her associates in graphic art & desighn.She will be continuing for another two years to obtain her batchelors degree. So see I am much the same as most women who do all they can to jugle a marrige and keep a happy husband. I do not claim that it is easy and that you should cater to all your husbands wants and needs. They too need to realize all we do and aknowlage it! May be most reading this forum would have been happier if I spoke of all my husbands faults, after all this is a forum for women. What women wants to hear that it is possible they may not be making all the rite decissions in the romance department. I know it is all our husbands that are beeing pushy and non understanding. We do evary thing rite! 

Name: lindalu | Date: Jul 11th, 2006 3:53 PM
It is about time some one gets what I have been saying! Hands out to you Ethansmom. I agree they do need to open their eyes and give the gals more nerturing. 

Name: lindalu | Date: Jul 11th, 2006 4:46 PM
I have re read what I have wrote. To clear the record I never said men need sex. I did say (*mens needs are as important as ours*) I was not just refering to sex. I also said men (crave) sex more often than women. It word need was never said refering to sex. 

Name: Lynne n | Date: Jul 11th, 2006 5:18 PM
Most of time i think that it is a lot of pushing and shoving for very little! lol lol.
But about 3 times a week is plenty. 

Name: Julia | Date: Jul 11th, 2006 6:22 PM
Lindalu- Why are you getting so upset over a simple discussion like this? Who's attacking you, me? I was shocked after reading your posts!! This is why I specifically typed that last note regarding I do not mean to sound rude, did you not read that? It's very hard to understand a persons feelings through words so I am sorry if you feel I am attacking you, because that is not the case, nor am I even upset! And no, I am not offended, if I were I would have stopped typing on this topic a long time ago! I love this forum and have had a great time, so please try to understand that this is debating, not argueing! And if I may say, when I said "your arguement" that does not mean actual argueing! Nicole should know this being a paralegal. The terminology was meant in a different form. For example- using it in the way I used it meant, like you are trying to stress something to someone that you believe in, not that you were actually argueing. I think we are getting a little too heated over this discussion and some of us are not comfortable with a little bit of debate. :) I am sorry this topic upset you so much, but if you address your opinion on such a controversial topic, then you must expect someone to disagree with you? Don't you concur? I will go ahead and conceive and abondon this topic to avoid upsetting anyone. Sorry... 

Name: lindalu | Date: Jul 11th, 2006 6:43 PM
I am not at all upset about this topic. I have no reason to be upset. Now that we have gotten way of the point and decited to focus on who is upset and who is not. I will finish this debate as you call it with......This is not an oppinion it is true, for what ever the reason many women do neglect their husbands after having children. Also if you can have four children by the time you are 38 that would be wonderfull! Children are precious things. 

Name: EthansMom0213 | Date: Jul 11th, 2006 6:48 PM
I have a feeling that the actually issue here is not what is being said but what is not being read. When a topic gets long alot of people just skim and then miss what was being said entirely. Anothing thing that might be happen is that people are reading between the lines. As unfortunate as it is it happens all the time.

At the same time we do all have different opinion, some people come across strong then other. But this is what makes the world what it is. Could you imagine a world where we all agree on the same things. Being individuals is what make us all special in out own little way.

So on that note:
*Yes most guys (no matter what if they are teenagers or adults) they do crave sex alot more, and if you asked them chances are they would say it was a need. There are however, women who crave sex and some men who are happy having sex 2 ro 3 time a week.

* Yes the average person has sex only 1 day a week. Which makes some of us not so average. Yeah for us, we're not a satistic.

* Yes, it is important not to forget about our husband (not to say that any of has). I know how it is to just want to go to bed at night because your kids were sick, the baby was having a rough day, the housework kept you busy all day or you worked 10 hours then had to come home do the housework, take care of the kids and make supper. But as mother who are SAHM or working mothers know that sometime we do forget. Sometime we forget about our husbands and most of the time we forget about ourselve.

* Yes, Sex is not a need.

The issue here really isn't about sex, needs, craving or wants. The real issue here is about opinions. Debates start because because you have one strong person state his or her opinion to another person who also has a strong opinion. And this is okay. Eventually however there will always be something that you will agree on, whether it was something that was said or you just agree to disagree. 

Name: EthansMom0213 | Date: Jul 11th, 2006 6:48 PM
Sorry that it was so long..I'm one of those strong opinion people...LOL 

Name: Denise | Date: Jul 11th, 2006 7:37 PM

Name: Julia | Date: Jul 11th, 2006 7:43 PM
Are we done now???
So Denise, what does your hubby think of this discussion now? hahahaha. 

Name: EthansMom0213 | Date: Jul 11th, 2006 8:07 PM
I had to laugh at you comment Julie. But yeah, how does you husband feel about the discussion...LOL 

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