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Name: Denise
[ Original Post ]
I thought I had talked my husband into another baby. At first he said as long as it happened in the next two years. Now he informs me, as of today, that he really doesn't want another kid. He says we are too old 34&33 with a 3 yr. old and a 4 mth. old. He says we don't have much family support and he feels like if we have one more, we will age 5 years. He says he is tired of talking about it and it has consumed our entire marraige. He gets mad even when I start to bring it up. Should I keep nagging him. Let it go and if it happens it happens or if it doesn't it doesn't. Or just come to conclusion that it just wasn't meant to be and be happy with the kids I have. I am not in a hurry right now, because I just had a baby, but there is a reason I just couldn't get my tubes tied last march. I honestly thought I would have one more, but I don't want to have one with someone that didn't really want another one. He knows that I have refused to go on the pill and currently we are just using the withdrawel method until he decides to get a vasectomy (which he continues to put off and now says it will be Christmas).
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Name: firewife | Date: Jul 15th, 2006 5:09 PM
Im sorry I don't really have any advice except I wouldn' t try to "talk him into " another baby, but try to be content with your other children, but as far as the withdrawl method goes, does he know how ineffective that is?Precum contains sperm so you just may get your last baby. 

Name: maxieellis | Date: Jul 15th, 2006 5:18 PM
Denise I know its hard when you long for one more child. But I think that firewife is right. If he is that against it......and it it causing trouble marriage wise.....think about the long term if one more does come around. Odds.......have no idea what they may be if one did. I mean would he be embracing....or would it forever weigh to heavy in a way that would upset your whole family.....even if he never uttered a negitave word.

And firewife is right....about the preejaculate....oh yes...babies happen just that way.

Take care Denise..... 

Name: Julia | Date: Jul 15th, 2006 10:27 PM
Maybe give him some more time. Your baby is still pretty young, so maybe as time passes and the stress elleviate's, he will have a change of heart. I know the first year is very challenging with a baby, so once the "smoke clears" he may think differently? For the time being I would not push the subject anymore. And in my opinion, both parents should want the baby!! Good luck. 

Name: Julia | Date: Jul 15th, 2006 10:29 PM
P.S. My daughter was not planned (although a wonderful surprise) and I got prego from the "pull out method"! ;) 

Name: debbie_dettner | Date: Jul 16th, 2006 3:03 AM
Hi Denise. Unless your husband is in poor physical shape and/or has medical concerns in his family history that might make him nervous (ie. heart disease, cancer, etc.), I'm doubting very much that his issue is age related (most men's egos are far too big to ever think of themselves as "old"). I'm wondering if there may not be other reasons. Here's some questions to think about: 1) Is he the sole breadwinner and, if so, how is his job going? Perhaps he is feeling financially stressed? 2) How are you handling two? Does he feel overwhelmed the minute he comes home? Do you? 3) How are you recovering physically from your last birth? Are you losing the weight? Perhaps he is concerned with your health.
None of these questions are meant to be rude or to side with your husband. I simply think the issue is beyond your age. I also know how much harder two vs. one is (I am sometimes secretly petrified about adding a third myself and I'm 22 weeks along...!) and guys don't always handle infants well. My husband is an angel and it took him about 6 months to feel comfortable watching both of our alone.
Please keep this simple fact in mind--you are young! You have at least 4 more years to conceive without much worry (provided you are in good health now). By the time your little guy is nine months and so completely charming, interactive and lovable your husband might also be ready to consider adding a little girl to the mix.... 

Name: Denise | Date: Jul 16th, 2006 3:43 AM
I think he gets scared for me and the baby every time I get pregnant. I started bleeding with my first son and we thought we were going to loose him. My husband got so worried he started having panic attacks and had to be placed on medication for a few months. With my second son, I had Gestational Diabetes and I had to watch everything I ate for months. Both times he was the only one working. I guess he just has a lot on his plate with our new house and everything. 

Name: Lizzi | Date: Jul 16th, 2006 5:42 PM
If you are just using the(withdraw) method then apparently he can't possibly be too concerned if you end up pregnant or not because if he did he would have on a condom each and every time or refuse sex at all until one of you were fixed! So I'd say if it happens it happens and from the sounds of it,it should only be a matter of time! 

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